BeHereNow

Totally agree with you here ZK, and your post had me cracking up. There's really no reason to spend all that money to spend some of the prime years of your life messed up on adderall, obsessing over grade points and perfection. And the shivering in the library while being undernourished and staying up all night...... Yeah. Glad those days are over. What was the point? And what can people learn in that kind of environment? Nothing! I have a huge problem with the standards these drugs are setting, both for kids and for adults. They are inhuman standards that result from a drug that can cause psychosis, lack of empathy, lack of emotional engagement, antisociality, and that cause people to behave in compulsive, robot-like ways. So it's not just that the standards are higher.... (Though they are higher, at least in terms of GPA and so forth.) The standards set by a society on adderall are also qualitatively different. Not to mention boring. And when people who aren't on stims interact with people who are on them, the bar for harsh criticism goes down. Because who or what can be good enough in the eyes of a tweaked-out adderallic? Apparently a lot of teachers take that stuff, too. So if you have both kids and teachers on stims, what kind of environment does that create? Not a very friendly one, and not one that's conducive to actual, genuine learning and growth. A lot of the pressure on these kids comes from their parents. Look up the concept of "helicopter parenting" if you're interested in this. I deal with it a lot at work. It's almost always expressed in the form of students being obsessed with their GPA's and getting in huge trouble with their parents for getting an A- let alone a B+. I also see a lot of cheating and plagiarism, and I have to wonder if those forms of cheating are proliferating too because of this high pressure environment. Parents now more than ever put enormous amounts of pressure on kids to get good grades, seeing it as a return on an investment, which kind of makes sense...but they aren't seeing the whole picture. People are so anxious and concerned about the economy and whether their kids will have jobs on the other side, they think grades are the key to success. But maybe they don't know that such a high pressure environment is creating a culture of tweaked out speed freaks.

Basically, this article talks about the high pressure environment students today face, the astronomical rates of stimulant use and abuse, and the fact that study aids don't help most people actually learn: they only keep people awake, alert, and focused for awhile. And as it mentions, even kids with 'legitimate' ADHD/ dopamine deficiencies experience the same nasty side effects everyone else does. Lastly, the article has me wondering: Is adderall a form of cheating? http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2015/02/teaching-kids-to-learn-without-study-drugs/

Just put on your shoes. Don't even think about it. Just put on your shoes and go walk for one minute outside. See what happens!

Thanks for all of your responses. This is an interesting topic! The term "Gateway Drug" is, I think, an unfortunate one. It has too many associations with falsely blaming marijuana for peoples' heroin addictions. It's also associated with scapegoating the drug when it was really the person taking the drug that was the true gateway. By "Gateway Drug" I should have been more clear. I don't mean blaming or scapegoating one drug for subsequent other drug use. I just mean: Does taking adderall, particularly in youth, increase the likelihood that a person will get involved with other drugs? Children being handed this stuff get used to taking pills. Pills that change how they feel and act. Pills that are specifically designed to "fix" what's "wrong" with them (which must do wonders for one's self esteem!) I'm sure they experience euphoric feelings at first, too. If people get used to taking this stuff at an early age, does that make them more likely to take other pharmaceuticals? Does it make them more likely to drink or use other drugs? (This includes any type of drug. Even an antidepressant. As far as I'm concerned adderall is just as hard as cocaine or meth, just cleaner, so to say that it's a gateway drug could mean a gateway anywhere.) I don't know of any scientific studies, and I think there needs to be a study done on this. But because we are the lab rats, our experiences matter and I am curious to hear about others' experiences and thoughts on this.

Hi all, Did adderall lead you to start other drugs? Pharmaceuticals or otherwise? Personally, I went from being a granola crunchy "I"ll never take pharmaceuticals" girl to where I am today: on two antidepressants and two anxiety meds, all of which I now have to taper from. Adderall used to make me REALLY crave alcohol and cigarettes. And I never took xanax or other benzos or antidepressants or anything...... until adderall came into my life. Here's an article about adderall as a gateway drug, but I suspect there's much stronger evidence than this. I've been on this site for way too long not to. http://www.vibe.com/article/adderall-americas-new-gateway-drug

On second thought... When did I REALLY start to feel better? Last summer, when I broke up with my ex! In all seriousness! And when I think about it, this is also a life question. When we think about feeling better it almost always has to do with life stuff. For people who are so used to pills controlling our mental states, it's easy to continue thinking that it's the pills or lack thereof. That's only part of the story. Joining the 12 mile a week running club was a significant change, about 6 months in. I also went from drinking and partying almost daily to being almost 100% sober. I now consider myself to be a sober person who has one (literally one, sometimes two at most) glass of wine, socially and very rarely. That made me feel significantly better too. Both of these are lifestyle changes that made a huge difference. And breaking up with someone toxic has turned my life around. I thought I was doing better before I broke up with him, but that was NOTHING compared to how I feel now.

I feel ya. I sometimes have those moments. But I had them way more often at 1 year. This statement scares me though. Be careful not to put adderall on a pedestal it doesn't deserve. Anyway. I'm at about 25 months and I feel a lot better. But after one year I don't think there was any major changing point. Just ups and downs and a nice, gradual uphill towards feeling better and better. And two years is significantly better than one. I won't pretend I'm 100% but I'm on my way LilTex the idea of a new goal to distract you is incredible advice!!! Total game changer. Thank you for sharing

Hey SearchingSoul, I'm so, so proud of you for one year! Congrats and thank you for posting this! We used to message each other on here in the early days, and I can honestly say that I have YOU in particular on my short list of people to thank for the fact that I am clean from adderall today. It's really amazing what we can do with a little support from people who understand. All those cravings and the horrible withdrawals we went through were SO worth it. If anyone out there is reading this, life on the other side is unimaginably much brighter, fuller, more beautiful. If you're going through your acute withdrawal phase, KEEP GOING. You are healing and turning back means going through it all AGAIN. Anyway congrats again on one year!!! You are an inspiration to so many people, probably more than you can even imagine.

Greg thank you for so much inspiration-- both as my fellow quitter and in the 12 miles a week running club I'm so proud to know you!

(Note: This is not an attempt to write poetry. It's just a few random little mantras and images I've been tossing around in my head recently.)

Your mind is stronger than that. Your mind can cut right through it. Your mind is energetic, complex, infinitely powerful. Your mind can be honed to a razor-sharp edge if you choose it.

Hey Hope4future, I'm really sorry we didn't give you a better response when you first posted. I bet there are tons of people like you who have a similar experience. I think that in my case, only one person responded. The fact that she wrote something so positive and supportive made all the difference in the world. (Are you out there, MFA?) So many people come onto this site, with stories that would be impossible to make up, desperately seeking support and advice. I wish I could read every single story and offer full, thoughtful response to everyone who posts. But I don't have the time, and I don't know that anyone here does. And I'll be honest, it's pretty heartbreaking when you spend the time to write something meaningful and the person never returns to even see it. So how can we as a community support the new people better? Would it make sense to take turns actively greeting the new people? Should that be a role? Or should we agree to make a stronger effort?

Thank you for this and all your thoughts, quit-once. This gives me a lot to think about and is very encouraging. It's interesting that you've accepted that you feel a need for speed. Probably normal, and makes sense. I don't know that I always feel a need for speed-- I'll have to get back to you-- but I think I always feel a need for something. As long as it doesn't end up in too much overstimulation/anxiety. And as long as it works. I wonder if I can ever get over that. Ultimately, it would be amazing to just wake up in the morning, eat some food, and do amazing energetic things, stimulant-free.

Glad to hear you quit. More than anything I'm sorry to hear about your acne scars. I have some of them, too. I have faith in the body's amazing ability to heal itself. Your scars might never be gone entirely, but I imagine that (maybe with some scar cream and taking some supplements) your skin will keep healing. Scars continue healing for a long, long time. My very good friend has a lot of acne scars that have bothered her her whole life. She plans to have them removed once she's more established in life, has more money, and has no more acne. To her, it's worth it. Maybe in the future, something like that would be a good way to celebrate your quit. Just an idea. Edit: BUT only if you want to. I'm sure you are beautiful with or without acne scars. It just sounds like you're unhappy with them.

New strategy for work: Faking it. I'm swamped with work and kind of been missing adderall (but not REALLY, just as an old memory of something that used to work.) So lately I'm chugging coffee by the pot and pretending to be on adderall. At least, I'm giving it a try. Has anyone tried this? Pretending to be on adderall? I'm thinking that on adderall, there are two parts: the internal state of mind, and the external surroundings. We all know that setting up the external surroundings is crucial to having a productive adderall day/night. So now I'm focusing on the external parts. When I used to pop a pill, I had to be careful about what I started doing. If I started cleaning or playing with Magnetic Poetry or making smoothies, I'd end up spending hours on that instead of doing my school work. I thought of it as a waste of pills, so I made sure I used them up to my advantage. Instead of a waste of pills, now it's a waste of time! I always have to be careful what I start doing because I might get carried away with it, and it's not always time to get carried away with a particular task. I kind of feel like I'm parenting myself: I sit myself in front of my work, open the book/computer, put my phone on airplane mode, and surround my brain with ONLY work related items to focus on. Because my mind is naturally active (whose isn't?!), I start focusing on the work. It takes extra effort but I remember how I never wanted to waste the time I was on adderall... it was too valuable. Now that ALL my time is equally valuable, I never want to waste ANY of it.

I remember someone (Greg?) comparing this site to an online NA/AA type of support group. "It works if you work it." So I worked it. A LOT. For the first 6 months I posted almost every day and spent hours reading through articles, writing back and forth with fellow quitters, etc. The more time I spent on here, focusing on healing, the less I wanted to poison myself with adderall. And when I almost relapsed 3 or so times, I came running to the site first. I didn't relapse. I would strongly STRONGLY recommend visiting the site at least once a day if you're serious about quitting. As for the people who post once and then never post again..... it happens all the time. My guess is that they relapsed pretty quickly. Maybe they'll be back. I try to offer support to new people anyway. When I first joined, having someone welcome me by replying to my story meant the world to me. We never know who we might be reaching....

Hi LaurenAshley! Good call on telling your sister! In my experience, telling a select few people was one of the most powerful steps to help me quit. I highly recommend it! First, because you will need support from loved ones during early recovery. (If you have a partner or best friend(s) you can trust, you might want to let them in on it, too.) Second, for some reason, adderall and secrecy seem to go together. I kept it secret from everyone. But when I quit, I told a select 2-3 people. That immediately helped me realize that what I was doing was horrible and needed to stop. And then gradually, as addiction lost its grip on me, I got over the secrecy gradually and told more of my loved ones... which helped the addiction to loosen its grasp even further. But how to convey what it's like? That's a GREAT question. ZK, good call on the cycle idea. Along those lines I was thinking you might want to explain about how the brain stops functioning normally without adderall. Your brain becomes dependent on adderall to produce dopamine, and how your dopamine receptors eventually become desensitized. (These are the physiological aspects of quitting adderall. Your brain literally has to relearn how to produce dopamine, and how to process it.) I found that explaining it by analogy helped too. I told some close people that learning how to function without adderall is like a stroke victim re-learning how to play piano. That was very effective. If you haven't seen it yet, look up "shit adderall kids say" on Youtube. The guy says something like "Oh, coffee? What is this, the 3rd grade?" It's funny, but kind of a good analogy too. Adderall is 1000x stronger than caffeine, but both are addictive stimulants. So maybe explaining how adderall is kind of like coffee, but a thousand times stronger and harder to quit, could help. It helped me explain to some people who had no adderall experience. I'm hesitant to go with the food/water analogy, though. I totally get what you're feeling-- anyone here can-- but your sister might not quite get it. Since those are things we all NEED in order to function biologically, those are impossible to quit entirely. That's why eating disorders are so tough to recover from. I'm a little worried based on your post, that YOU might be thinking of it as similar to food and water though... If so, you'll need to ditch that mentality if you really want to quit for good. Your sister has a good point about just stopping taking it, because that IS an option. She just doesn't understand what stopping would mean for YOU in terms of recovery and functioning... but the fact that it's not a biological need is probably where she's coming from. (People who don't understand addiction have trouble understanding how hard it is to stop.) On a side note... Food and water are some of your best friends right now! They are ALL that your brain truly needs in order to rebuild your dopamine and return to normal functioning. You DO need dopamine! But adderall isn't the real source of this. Food, sleep, and time are. In addiction, we deplete our dopamine until there's none left, and we start thinking of pills as something we "need." Physiologically, the brain gets used to this. It's tough. Last, there are a lot of great articles on this site that can help with explaining adderall to others. I believe there is one specifically designed for friends and family. Browse around and send links, maybe show your sister the site! Reading through the forums is one of the best ways to learn since there's not much info out there about quitting adderall. Ultimately, people who have never taken adderall (and people who have never been addicted to anything) won't understand. They'll have no clue what you're going through. Actually, anybody who has never quit adderall won't quite understand, which is why this site is so amazing. We get it, and and you can post here 24/7!!! So post away and feel free to lean on us, too This support group is so helpful when you're feeling isolated and having trouble conveying what you're going through.

Hi Rach, The supplements you're mentioning are useful. You'll probably want to add L-Tyrosine; it helps the brain replenish dopamine, which is what your brain is missing when you quit adderall. I know it's really useful for a lot of quitters, especially early on. Many people have found that antidepressants especially Wellbutrin help a lot. Personally, I've been taking it for the past year and a half and it helps me immensely. But that's another huge commitment and something to consider only if you need it, with your doctor. Also, try to focus on eating healthy, high-protein foods. Get plenty of sleep as this helps your brain heal. Exercise if you can. Give yourself TIME to heal. Ultimately there is no replacement for adderall. And nothing will ever even remotely resemble it. If you want to quit successfully, you'll eventually need to let go of that desire and that mentality. But you don't want an adderall substitute, anyway, right?

Hi Lauren.Ashley!! Welcome to the board! I hope you stick around.... You CAN do this!!! And you are WAY TOO GOOD for adderall!!! Quitting is painful at first and I've never taken as much as you do but I was on high doses for a long time, to the point where it stopped working, and I quit cold turkey. Moderating never worked so it had to be a clean break. It hurt at first but now the idea of even taking 1 mg of adderall terrifies and sickens me. If you are going back and forth about quitting, I've found that no matter what the substance is, thats almost always a good sign that deep down, the REAL YOU wants OUT. The addicted part of you is the part that wants to stay, and that part of your mind is influencing your real inner voice. So maybe it would help to take a little inventory for yourself. What benefits does adderall have on your life now? If any? And what benefits would you experience if you quit? Stick around the site, post as much as you want, read peoples' stories. You might find that you have a lot in common with others on here! And that there are benefits to quitting you can't even imagine right now

As of today I am two years adderall-free. For anyone who doesn't know my story, two years ago I was unexpectedly cut off from adderall and forced to quit. And I embraced it, but I also feared the usual: that I would lose my job, ruin my career, get fat, etc. And yes, in the first 4 months I did have to live with messing up at work a few times, and being okay with it. And I didn't get in shape right away. But in the end, not one of the things I feared most have happened. The long-term result has been the exact opposite. And thanks to the wisdom of the longer-term quitters on this site, I learned a whole host of techniques for focusing, fighting cravings, building self-confidence. And I learned that what I was going through was normal. Compared to two years ago, I feel a thousand times more intelligent, awake, self-disciplined, mindful, organized, astute, focused, and inspired. I used to think that adderall would bring me all of these things, but it didn't. At first it did, but in the long run it made them all worse. In the past few months, people at work have even complimented how much I've grown. The things that I now do with confidence, and with high ratings, are the same things that used to terrify me. I didn't know it, but I needed to quit adderall in order to be successful. I think Adderall is meant to be a short-term tool, a "leg up" to help people develop some of these skills, then continue working them on their own. But like so many people, I didn't catch the "leg up" part when I had the chance, and instead I stayed on the adderall roller coaster. I got sucked into its downward spiral. Today I still can't read a million pages an hour with a 1% retention rate the way I did on adderall. And I still deal with depression and anxiety and insomnia and other common quitting-related stuff, too. Things are not perfect. They are far from it. But I can say that with more quitting time under my belt, things have smoothed out dramatically. And I have always believed that focusing on the positive is key (without being unrealistic of course!) so that's what I'm doing here. As the next stage of my personal growth I am working on self-mastery on all fronts, and recognizing that it all has to come from within. This is something I lost almost entirely while I was on adderall, because I didn't think I was capable of it, and I gave my own self-control--my mind, and my life-- over to the pills. Adderall became my master. But that didn't work. I have to master my own self, and no pill can get me there. For example I am building my toolkit for coping with anxiety and panic attacks. And overall, I've found that my anxiety levels are much, MUCH better than they were two years ago. I've also come a long way in terms of my self confidence, and, like Cassie talked about, my skin is just a little bit thicker, too. What's also key is that I didn't just quit adderall, I also quit being a workaholic. I didn't know it, but by taking adderall and working 12-14 hours a day I was just spinning my wheels! With something resembling an actual work-life balance, I'm a lot more productive, and happier, and kinder to myself. In the past two years I have rediscovered running, and dancing, and I'm currently learning yoga. I've lost 35 pounds in 2 years and I am in possibly the best shape of my life. This was impossible on adderall. Now I actually eat, and I eat mostly healthy foods. I take care of my body and myself. My skin and face look noticeably better, too. I used to look older than my age, and people told me so. Now I'm told that I look younger than my age. In the past 6 months I've recognized that I need to get a better handle on my alcohol consumption, and now I'm on day 30 alcohol-free. (It's day 30 for like the 6th time, but still day 30!) I feel so much better sober, and I'm looking forward to continuing with this path. In the past 6 months I have cut all ties with any and all negative, unhealthy, abusive, codependent, or substance-centered previous relationships. I am now in love for real and in a happy, healthy relationship that is for the long haul. This was impossible on adderall. I have learned that I need to surround myself only with positive people who will help me move forward with my growth and evolution, and vice-versa. And I am getting better at recognizing who those people are....as well as the toxic people I need to avoid. I've always been socially anxious and adderall made it worse. It's getting better and better now, and I'm excited to see what year 3 has to bring. I find that now my heart is more open to the new people I meet as well as the people I already know. I'm better at connecting with other humans, and I genuinely want to now, whereas on adderall I just avoided everyone. I won't claim my life is anywhere close to easy, or that long term quitting is all sunshine and rainbows. But quitting adderall has forced me to learn all kinds of skills, including coping skills, that I needed desperately to learn in order to live my life. In the past two years I've faced two of the biggest losses of my life, the biggest financial crises I've faced so far, as well as two breakups. Most recently I helped my mom go through cancer treatment, to which she recently succumbed at the age of 60. My psyche probably would have broken entirely under the weight of all these things--especially my mom's passing-- if I were still on adderall. I had zero coping skills back then. I used to just numb myself. Now, I have to actually deal with stuff as it comes up, and as it turns out, dealing with stuff is a lot better than not. Through quitting, I've gradually rediscovered a newfound appreciation for the beauty of this short, precious life. With a clear, sober mind, I am still somehow able to smile and laugh and, where I need to, cry, every day of my life. I am ME, and quitting adderall is by far the most crucial step I've taken to get to where I am today. Thank you for helping me get here, and for helping each other. Together we can get sober, stay sober, and grow into the people we are meant to become. To anyone who is new: Life is better without adderall. And quitting IS possible. It's worth it!! If I can do it, then so can you!

Cassie, congrats on 3 years!!! As always, your post is so insightful and gives me hope for continuing recovery. Thank you so much for all that you do here and all that you have to offer others in this journey that is quitting adderall!!! You have helped so many people and I think you're amazing!!

LilTex, I think the flat tire analogy is so right on. Relapses happen but the key is not to let it take you back into that darkness. Just fix the flat and keep moving!!! I am incorporating that one into my anti-alcohol toolbox right now! I'm sorry to hear you're having hard times right now but you and I both know that alcohol and adderall make these things worse... MUCH worse......as good of an idea as it seems at the time. I've told you this again and again and I feel it even stronger than ever: YOU LILTEX are one of my biggest heroes, even in this little relapse. I can hear in your voice how strong you are, and how dedicated to this path of sobriety!! YOU ARE AMAZING!!! Seeing how you're coping with this, I admire you more than ever!!!!!!

One thing I've been working on lately is a mindfulness technique called Urge Surfing. You can recognize your urges, thoughts, feelings, and cravings for what they are, watch them, experience them, while choosing not to act on them. Cravings have a relatively short lifetime; they peak and pass like waves, and are followed by others. So we can learn to "surf" the right waves, in the right away. Urge Surfing is different from fighting AGAINST your urges, which can be counter-productive because fighting your desire only feeds it. Instead you "surf" your urges, letting them play out, and letting them go. This way they get weaker and smaller over time. The key is to recognize that you are NOT your cravings and urges. They come and go. You are in control. http://www.theemotionmachine.com/urge-surfing-how-to-overcome-addictive-behaviors http://urgesurf.com/what-is-urge-surfing/ I'm just learning this technique, and it's helping me immensely with staying alcohol-free. I think it could help for junk food, cigarettes, any kind of addiction. It could also work for anger management, or any other kind of self-control. I wish I had known about this earlier in my quit, but I'm so happy to know it now. Just wanted to share that with you all

Sweet Caroline!!! You already know you've come way too far to relapse. And you're way too good for adderall. You have a lot of reasons for quitting, and you've been really positive about the progress you've made all year! I can tell by how you write, and also by knowning you on here, that you don't REALLY want to relapse. Not your true, authentic self. Just the addict part of your brain. Parts of the brain that have simply become chemically dependent on a substance that your brain hasn't completely forgotten about yet. So your brain is starting to think about it. You didn't ask for those thoughts, but they show up anyway. What do you do when they show up? I'm starting a post about a technique I've been using called Urge Surfing. So I'll post more info and links there. I think it might really REALLY help you! I'm thinking maybe different ways of handling your cravings could make them diminish or grow? Also, it sounds like you've hit a dangerous point in your quit where you're far enough recovered that you're starting to forget the bad, and starting to maybe romanticize adderall a little bit? If that starts to happen, maybe go back through and find the threads about bad health effects and stuff caused by adderall. Remember one bad thing for every good thing you reminisce about. I hope you're doing okay. Please give us an update!

Congrats on 4 years LilTex!!! You are one of my heroes and a huge inspiration to me-- and to so many people here!!! And thank you for those wise words on addiction. Well said and so true. I needed to hear that today.