BeHereNow

The anxiety is very, very common....Most people who come through these boards experience it I think. For a lot of people including myself it doesn't even start to really come out until AFTER you quit adderall.... Weird, I wish I could explain it, but I think I always had a lot of anxiety and adderall just brought it to the surface-- and when I quit, the anxiety was what was left if that makes sense. It's still there but definitely better. A lot of people also realize they hate their jobs. Or hate how they were going about their jobs. I realized I hated being a workaholic and spinning my wheels. I'm happy to say that a year and a half--almost 2 years quit-- I LOVE my job now!!! I love how I go about it, I love that I've figured out some techniques that work for me to be more productive (still working on that part though.) Feeling a lot more confident too! I really think it DOES get better. If you browse the site, there's an article called "13 milestones of quitting." A lot of major life changes happen-- for the better!!! So although this is depressing and anxiety provoking and challenging right now, just know that you are in the process of shifting to a better path Just be patient with yourself, don't be too hard on yourself, and know that you have accomplished a lot more than you're probably giving yourself credit for.

Hello everyone, Like the title says, this forum is a space for addiction & recovery support specific to adderall and related stimulants. People come on here seeking advice and to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Spam is pretty much irrelevant here. It's not just annoying, it's also invasive. And, it's completely inefficient from your end. I'm no entrepreneur or anything, but even just from a strictly practical perspective, it seems that people who need to advertise a business or service should just use an outlet directed at people who are looking for those businesses or services or apps or dating websites or whatever it is that you're trying to advertise! But quitting adderall forums? Really? And in all seriousness, filling the forums with spam drives away people who come here in need of support and advice, many of whom who would not be willing to turn anywhere else. People who are struggling with a deadly and extremely addictive drug. If it wasn't for these forums I would not be clean today. And that's a fact for a number of users here. For everyone's sake here, please don't spam the boards.

Right on! Quitting adderall saved my life too. And not just literally. I mean I also got my LIFE back.

As a former smoker I can attest to how amazing it feels to quit. And I definitely remember how "well" adderall and cigarettes felt together... its a common experience I think...and the way it becomes a "dirty secret" lol. Among so many things, I love that now my lungs feel cleaner and more effective. I'm a runner now too, which I couldn't do as a smoker. Congratulations on 30 days clean

Time. Really there are no shortcuts around this one. Just give it time.

PS. And that's not even mentioning how shitty my own writing was on adderall. I was recently given some very positive feedback about how much I've improved! And I really feel that I have. My previous (adderallic) writing bores me to death now-- even where there are insights I can take home, the writing and reasoning itself was shitty. Disorganized, unclear, all over the place. Yet another reason I AM SO HAPPY I QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep. As a teacher, in a world (a college campus) where stupid adderall is SO prevalent, I can pretty easily tell when someone wrote an essay high on adderall. Yeah, they sometimes do kinda well. But its not genuine. Quality-wise, not as well as people who actually, soberly, try. Adderallic writing is boring as hell!!!!!

Awwww, LilTex!!! Sorry to hear that! Sounds super rough!! Next one will be better. Things like that happen to the best of us (the best of us being YOU!) I got 13.5 running miles for the week. 6 walking miles too thanks to commuting around town! And planks!!

Hey yay_donuts, I can hear in your voice that you are an intelligent, reflective, introspective person with a lot to offer! I definitely agree with Cassie and MBM. Take your time. You might not be ready yet. The right person might not be there yet. The emotional aftermath of adderall is a bitch! I'm still working on rebuilding my social connections, and I'm still not even there. Actually, I almost wish I took the approach you did. When I quit adderall, I also quit a toxic relationship. Well, shortly thereafter I began a new one. At the time I thought I was starting a fresh, positive, exciting, healthy new relationship. Boy was I wrong! In my early quitting stages I was so in need of that kind of support and love, and this person was there for me.....pedestalizing me when my self esteem was gone.....which turns out to be one of the main tactics used by manipulative psychopaths!! It was an emotionally abusive relationship and it took me over a year to figure it out and get out. I was less capable of recognizing the abuse and gaslighting for what it was precisely because I was in a weakened, post-adderall state. I almost came to depend on him for some kind of validation. I am now in a truly healthy, truly positive relationship with someone amazing and it's like night and day. When I look back, I cannot believe I lived with that. So, kudos to you for not going for those duds!!!! Which brings me to my next point.... codependency and addiction seem to go hand in hand. It's a tough one to talk about because no one likes to think of themselves as codependent. But both of them involve trying to fill some kind of internal void with external validation and pleasure, and becoming dependent on that, because we feel we can't provide it for ourselves. I've come to realize I probably am to an extent, and it's really helpful for me to recognize that and deal with it. I mean I don't advertise it or talk about it, I just see it as a tendency and work with it. I'm just suggesting this as a possibility for you because it sounds like being in a relationship is a huge priority for you. In any case, maybe some hardcore alone time would be really good for you! What if you just take all that love you want to give to a partner, and instead give it to YOU????

Such a great question Ashley! Lately I've been thinking a lot about addiction and recovery as a whole. Recovery from addictions of all kinds: substances, food, people, exercise, work, etc. I think recovery is a whole process. It's not just about quitting one substance. It's about becoming whole again, and learning not to depend on external sources for what we can generate on our own. So I think I might have summed up what I've learned in a text I recently sent to my codependent, substance-abusing ex: "I believe that true peace and happiness and lucidity and energy have to come from within. Not from other persons or places or jobs or money or substances. It all has to come from YOU."

10 miles! Sweet! Way to go Greg!!!

Hi everyone! Great job people!!! OK yesterday I ran 5.5 miles to start off my week. Last week I got around 10 miles in I think. Close enough for me lol. Oh yeah and I did a yoga class! It was really fun!

Yes. I was obsessed at 4 months. Now I pretty much don't think about it at all, unless I'm talking about how badly someone I know is getting messed up from taking it too much. And even when I do think about it, I focus on how far I've come and all the different strategies I have now that I didn't have then The idea of taking it sickens me so much, I can't even be around people who are on it, let alone think about it. So be patient, the thoughts will be less and less! At 4 months I also found it helpful to force myself to stay busy so I couldn't obsess too much over it.

I was obsessed at 4 months. Now I pretty much don't think about it at all, unless I'm talking about how badly someone I know is getting messed up from taking it too much. And even when I do think about it, I focus on how far I've come and all the different strategies I have now that I didn't have then The idea of taking it sickens me so much, I can't even be around people who are on it, let alone think about it. So be patient, the thoughts will be less and less! At 4 months I also found it helpful to force myself to stay busy so I couldn't obsess too much over it.

Hi friends! Sorry for being MIA lately. I've been at a point where I can't even THINK about adderall..... Or maybe I just don't need to? Not sure, I've mainly just been really focused on work and life and stuff! Moved to a new place, been working a lot, and been seeing someone new I'm still running though! I LOVE IT. I've been running a lot with my friend and I think that helps a lot accountability-wise. We text each other with mileage and pace and stuff, and we run together when we can. So, last week I got 16.5 miles total, some of which included hiking.... last night I did 6 miles plus 1 mile of walking. Anyway I just didn't want anyone to think I relapsed! I'm still here still cheering for you all.... xoxoxo

I would definitely tell him. I imagine he will mostly be concerned about you and your well-being! Relapse happens! Just press on and keep moving forwards. Don't let this set you back!!! I don't even believe you have to go back to zero-count at this point. It was a pretty small relapse. I don't really believe small relapses mean one has to go back to square one, like the A.A./N.A. model. To me, that undermines one's sense of progress in quitting. Plus you may have learned something from this small relapse-- like the fact that adderall makes you feel horrible!! You have still made a LOT of progress!!!! The key is not to let this lead you back into a full-fledged relapse (i.e. where you go back on it!) Now get back into that quitting flow and keep going!!!!!!

Nope, never able to "turn it off." I mean I would take xanax and/or drink to calm it down, but it was still there. I was still weird and tweaking even when it was time to be social or relaxed. I'd try to clean, or run, or something to burn it all off, but that only went so far. I would even wake up the next day still feeling it in my system sometimes. UGH, just the memory of it.........

I think I might have learned a few things that stayed with me. I actually retained some of the skills I learned. When I first started taking it in college, I discovered my major and got really into it. That might not have happened for me if I didn't have the adderall-induced confidence and focus. Or, most likely, it would have just taken longer. Adderall was a shortcut to me figuring out and starting to develop my natural talents. Now that I'm quit I get to take it from there

Thanks Ashley!! I pride myself on being a beast! lol. Great job doing some cardio! Doesn't matter how many miles really, as long as you do it. Well a lot of these are procrastination miles and I need to get back to my school work!! Stat!! P.S. I officially got my friend into our club this past week!!!

Check in Sunday!!!! How was everyone's week?! I've been super active! Ran 13 miles! (6 were on the trail today!) Swimming - Almost every day Hardcore cleaning and landscaping work around the house: probably 10 hours total this week Dancing & hooping: 1 hour Planks and push ups: Almost every day

Hi confused, I'm so, so sorry you're going through this!! It sounds like absolute hell! I just want to give you a huge hug and tell you that YOU ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS and IT'S GOING TO GET BETTER. I can hear it in your voice-- I can tell that you're going to be OKAY. You are a strong, amazing, beautiful person and an amazing mom. What you're going through is absolutely horrific and I'm so sorry you're going through this. But you will. And you're going to start a wonderful new life with your girls. Good for you for quitting!!! I love your reasoning and you are so right!!! I know you love your husband. You've been together for so long. I won't even pretend to know what it's like to go through what you're going through. My heart goes out to you!! But know that you do NOT deserve this!!!! Because nothing you or anyone could possibly do would justify that kind of behavior from anyone, let alone your own husband. None of this is your fault and none of his behavior is in ANY way justified or justifiable. The way he's treating you is not normal. It is ABUSIVE!!! What he's doing to you is by definition emotionally abusive!! (You might already be aware of this, but I just wanted to say it because sometimes in my own experiences of being emotionally abused, it takes awhile to become aware of all the subtle methods and cycles of abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, etc.) Anyway, I've spent a lot of time reading about emotional and verbal abuse, and codependency. I don't know if they go hand in hand or not, but for me they do. Here's another forum you might like-- lots of useful information and support: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/ A thread on "what abuse is:" http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/288988-what-abuse.html It sounds to me like he is definitely trying to hurt you, intentionally. The way he told you to "expect papers" after being nice to you with your daughters was DOWNRIGHT CRUEL. And the lying to your parents, the instagram shots (kinda pathetic and obvious btw), saying all that shit behind your back. (Also, anxiety and depression are NOTHING to be ashamed of! They are legitimate 'disorders' (or whatever), so even if you DID suffer these afflictions, that's a REALLY messed up piece of information to be sharing-- not only is it highly personal information, it also stigmatizes legitimate afflictions millions of people suffer. It's not an insult, and hopefully the people he's saying this to are smart enough to know that. I'm sure they are, if they're your family! I'm actually a little concerned about your safety and well-being, and your girls', in this situation. It doesn't sound like you can ever be safe around this person. Can you? I don't know him or what he's capable of, but based on what you described I would not even want him to be around my children without another adult around at all times. I'd push for it to be legally mandated. Who knows what he could be taking while they're around?!?! What if something happened to one of them while he was taking a bunch of pills or something?!?! I know this is really harsh to say but I'm coming from experience, and a place of genuine concern. <3 To answer your original question: Yes, it does sound to me like adderall is messing with his personality! It CAN do that. Adderall is especially bad for personality changes. There's just something about it! It changed my personality, and I've seen it totally change other people. However, alcohol, xanax, ecstasy, and drug abuse in general-- the whole path your husband seems to be on!-- can cause a personality 180. It sounds like a mix. But mainly adderall. It's its own beast, like you said. But is there another layer? It also sounds like he already was predisposed to be this way. Amphetamines and cocaine can bring about schizophrenia in people who are predisposed, I learned once, so I'd imagine they can also bring out things like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, etc. It's because it messes with your dopamine so extensively. I've had-- and still have-- several people in my life with these kinds of issues. I could go on. Sorry if any of this is harsh and/or rambly, your soon-to-be-ex just made me really mad and I'm concerned for you and your girls!! Again, though, I know you'll be OK! I'll leave you with this to watch-- I cannot recommend this video enough! HUGS!! Anyway good luck! My heart goes out to you and you can feel free me if you want to chat some more

Now is a pretty good brand but I haven't tried those in particular. What's in them?

I can read again! And I'm not as slow as I was when I first quit. And I retain 10000x more than I did on adderall. Writing Public speaking Social skills Willpower!!! Decision-making skills. Making better choices ....Which includes better choices about what foods I eat Physical strength/fitness So much more connected to my body and health-- a better sense of what my body wants/needs at any given moment

Addictions and co-dependency seem to be related somehow. Wasn't the concept of codependency invented by AA? It seems like addictions share common structures, and it also seems like a lot of people who are prone to addictions are also prone to codependency. So they might be coming from a common place. You probably need to sort it out before you can have a fully healthy relationship with another person, though. Good luck to you-- these are VERY common and a lot of people are completely unwilling or unable to recognize their own codependency. There are lots of books and articles out there. I'm only just starting to look into this myself. Hope you quit soon and figure it all out. Good luck!

Thank you friends!! Good job on those 4.5 miles Ashley!!! I have random fun dance parties with friends and have tried various dance forms but mainly I like hoop dancing. It's so fun, and a great workout! I def recommend it! (On a side note, I remember I used to take adderall before my hooping classes..... I thought it would help me learn tricks and stuff. Of course it just made me dehydrated and irritable.... Haha so ridiculous!)