BeHereNow

Great job Ashley Greg Rich and Cat!!!!! Just went for an amazing evening run! I was a little angry which fueled it further. It was one of those amazing runs where it just flowed and felt almost easy and I was moving fast too. Anyway, here's my week so far: Saturday: 4 mile hike Monday: 4.5 mile hike Tuesday: 4 mile run Push ups total so far: 30 The plan: Run 8 more miles by Friday Do 70 more push ups by Friday How's everyone else doing?!

Congrats on 3 months zerokewl!!! What a great post. I think you are amazing!!

HI! Just wanted to chime in on the carrying it around thing. I do it too. But I don't feel like it's the same as when I carried adderall around. Adderall was for an entirely different 'purpose,' and I thought about it differently. I mean I would carry adderall around and abuse it throughout the day, popping secret pills etc. And I didn't take it to deal with panic attacks, which are a hell of a lot worse than not getting your work done. Usually I just carry my klonopin around because it helps my anxiety to know I have it if I need it. I've had a few occasions where rather than taking one, I just carried one in my wallet, and ended up not needing it. Running out, or having a dr try to wean me off, is one of the scariest, most anxiety-provoking things ever because it means not having it when I really need it. Maybe this is why it's comforting just to carry around. To a lot of people I'm sure this sounds like addict behavior. But there's a huge difference between dependency and addiction.

Hi MFA!!!!!! Glad you're still around!!!

Good job people!!!! I got my 12 in: Sunday: about 6 miles Tuesday: about 6 miles Wed: 2 mile walk Friday: 4 mile run And 100 push ups.

Hope you try again someday lunax. Adderall is not the only way.

You're doing great Ashley!!!! I can't imagine, that must be a tough transition because it IS different on the treadmill, but you're already super strong and amazing!!!

Great job friends!!!!! I've been sticking it out with no gym too. I run in the late evening around neighborhoods near my house, or in the rain. I'm also learning to run in the morning, but it's so hard. Half the time when I do a morning run I'll be tired and recovering all day. Does anyone have tips for dealing with this? Does it get better as I train more? I have like 11.5 for the week--I'm early too. Did almost 6 miles yesterday morning on the trail. Well I hiked probably a mile or so of that because there was a steep hill to go up and down. I definitely had to push it to keep running. Also 30 push-ups. Has anyone noticed increased appetite? All this running is making me extremely hungry ALL THE TIME!!! I mean I love to eat and all, and I know one of the benefits of being a runner is that you can eat more (haha), but it's getting kind of annoying! I've lost 5 lbs since joining the club too. I once knew someone who had to quit marathon running because he couldn't afford the grocery bill....lol.

When I first quit, I kept a bottle of Stacker 2's by my bed. They have around 200 mg of caffeine each. I would take 1 or sometimes 2 in the morning before getting out of bed as an adderall substitute. They still didn't do much except maybe get me moving a little. Coffee did NOTHING for me at first. But I slowly weaned off the caffeine pills as I started getting my natural energy back, and now I''m really scared of them. Now I am finally at the point where coffee works for me again. It does hurt my stomach too, but not as bad as adderall. (Caffeine pills don't hurt my stomach btw, which is part of their appeal.) I don't drink coffee every day, but just here and there. I'm curious to hear how quitting coffee is going for you Jon. I can't imagine quitting caffeine only a couple months after quitting adderall!

Thanks Ashley!! Ehhh, I think I'm just being overly ambitious. I'm pretty sure I won't get to all this today. Please don't feel like a bum!!! That's not the point and anyways you are no bum!!

Okay I'm doing this again because it helps. It's really boring, especially this particular list--its SO BORING !!! haha. Well I don't expect anyone to actually read this but even just posting it helps. Shit to get done today: Run 4 miles and do at least 30 push-ups Pay 2 bills Scan some articles Post them online Finish setting up my course websites, including: the next 2 weeks' worth of assignments, gradebooks, rubrics Plan lessons for tomorrow Registration LAUNDRY!!!! Buy some groceries Clean the litter box Make a dr. appointment Send 2 emails Read, and work on a proposal (more of an ongoing thing) Call a friend

Jon getting a haircut is a pretty big accomplishment!!! It takes a LOT of motivation and you have to really want it. Haha. Well done both days! I know what you mean about the pill mindset.... I think mine is still with it somehow too.

Thanks Greg!! I got 'em done! Woohoo! Hope you're having a good first day back

Chiming in too! Did a 6 mile trail run. I had to really push it to get going, but after a couple miles I decided to go the long way. Running is harder for me in the morning because I'm not a huge morning person, but I made myself go--and keep going. Also, did 50 push ups.

OK! Last night I FINALLY finished everything on that checklist and I am so happy to finally have that shit DONE because it's been driving me crazy!!! And for today: -Call my insurance company: -Go to the pharmacy: -Run a few miles, then go swimming: -Pack -Drive 5 hours -Finish writing my other syllabus -Edit the other syllabus if necessary NOT NECESSARY! -Post them both online -Plan my lectures for tomorrow -Check my email YET AGAIN and deal with EVERYTHING in it (I hate email, it gives me horrible anxiety!!!) -Get myself pumped up for a great semester. I need to get into a positive and courageous mindset -Say goodbye and good riddance to this crappy summer -Go to bed early EDIT: I'm crossing these out as I get 'em done! I can honestly say that if I hadn't posted this, I wouldn't have spent an extra hour and a half dealing with this shit tonight. It works!

I was wondering the same thing! Since I started Wellbutrin I haven't been taking Tyrosine. But 100 mg is a pretty low dose. The average person takes 300 mg/day so maybe ask your dr?

It's so hard to be around people who are tweaking. It must be extra rough when their lives seem great. But seeming is not being, and these people have their share of problems. They are missing out on so much of life. Ashley I can almost guarantee.......your friend won't be a size 1/2 forever. Not unless that's her natural body type. If it's adderall weight loss, it will come back eventually. And remember: she's probably kinda emaciated and she probably has no muscle mass. YOU are the one who can eat whatever you want because you are a strong healthy runner! She's on adderall, she can't eat whatever she wants because she'd have to choke it down. It's good to be honest with yourself about it though. I know it's so hard when the reminder is staring you in the face. I have found myself coming thisclose to getting adderall from previous sources on several occasions, just because my brain went there. It's a good reminder that we are recovering addicts and we are never too far from relapse. Even 5 or 6 years out, this was true for me. I relapsed after being clean for years, and now I'm quitting from that relapse. Someone offered me a 5, and that was all it took. I don't know if we'll be recovering for life, but we probably should always be vigilant and aware.

How are you doing lunax? I hate to tell you this but.....there's a good chance it might happen again. It seems that emotional meltdowns are just a part of the quitting roller coaster. I've had so many of them, 8 months in, that I can't even count them anymore. Just keep moving forward-- it gets better.

I also noticed I cant see "liked" posts anymore. I can see when someone "likes" something I said but I then i can't see who liked what anymore. I wonder why?

......And on the running club part: Go team!!!!! The previous week I did around 9 miles. This past week I did around 24 total-- 5 or 6 of those were hiking, the rest running. Also 8 miles of riding bikes and 80 push ups. This is all helping so much and a huge confidence boost and building mental strength like you said Greg. Been cleansing too. I think I had a total of like 6 drinks in the month of August so far, which is really good for me. Apart from the fact that summer is over, I feel pretty good overall. Maybe my progress in part is thanks to Wellbutrin. THANKS, WELLBUTRIN! Haha. Our club has really helped me get through some shit and get so much fitter and feel so much better than I did a month ago. Definitely planning to stay in the club no matter how busy things get.

I have to agree-- I wouldn't wish this upon anyone but its so helpful to relate to someone about this level of anxiety. I honestly don't know anyone in my life who has it as bad. Your childhood story really hits home, and sounds so painful. I just imagine you as a little kid thinking you're dying and going through that. Its totally heartbreaking. Though it was nothing as bad as your story, I had some pretty bad anxiety in childhood too. One highlight I remember is thinking I was dying of hypothermia after playing in the snow all day. I obsessed about it for hours, but was too anxious to even tell my mom! Just like how when it's a really bad attack, I'm too anxious to tell anyone, even my closest people. The anxiety monster likes secrecy maybe. In my 20s it got worse. On top of the heart thing, I also (on another occasion) went to a dr thinking I had an aneurysm. He said it was just a gland. Haha. I wonder why it takes the form of hypochondria and thinking we're dying sometimes? I read somewhere that people with anxiety disorders go to the dr statistically much more often. Why is it so physicalized? Tingling hands, trouble breathing, chest pain, weird vision, feeling like I'm about to go crazy, have a seizure, and/or die. I know it's also adrenal responses and all that too, but.... Are we taking our anxiety out on our bodies?-- something more concrete to dwell on? I really like what your psychiatrist said about self-awareness. Have you read anything by Pema Chodron? She writes a lot about mindfulness and I think that's probably a good thing for us to work on. I really loved her book When Things Fall Apart but I haven't read it in awhile. I like what you said about disrupting negative thoughts. My brain finds things to dwell on too. Then it becomes like a spiral where the more you dwell, the more you're motivated to dwell....I guess that's why OCD is related to anxiety disorders. And some of the things we dwell on are not even what the anxiety is 'about.' (and YES it's also about everything AND nothing all at once!) I'll let you know if I find any techniques to disrupt the dwelling part. All I know is, going for a walk is the best panic remedy I know. It gets the blood flowing and the mind moving. But sometimes it gets so bad I can't leave the house. What's the worst is when the anxiety is so paralyzing it prevents me from doing what I want or need to do. And then I feel incapable of doing that thing, and get really down on myself about it. I guess thats one way anxiety can lead to depression. It's so complicated!!! We should probably start another thread about this, but (especially with how many threads there are about anxiety), how funny is it that our anxiety conversation emerged through our running club!

I have to agree, I tried to read it in high school, and I think again in early college. Which sounds like it would be the perfect age to read something like that and be really positively affected by it right? It was so boring, I couldn't get past the first couple chapters. I tried so hard to like it but couldn't. I wonder what it would have been like if he had written it clean. Probably better. Jean-Paul Sartre wrote on some kind of speed too. I read some of his writings when I was tweaked out. Even then, I didn't find Being and Nothingness to be very well written, or very good. I don't know if it would engage me now that I'm clean. His writing sometimes just isn't......human. It's like his heart is missing or something. He has a pretty agonistic and dehumanized worldview, and he says some pretty messed up things too. Come to think of it, looking back, I can see the amphetamines in the personality that emerges through his writing. Also, when I read student writing, I can sometimes tell, or at least strongly suspect, if they wrote it while tweaking. (One of these suspicions, btw, was confirmed when the student tried to use her ADD med as an excuse!) I grade probably thousands of essays a year and many/most of them write like human beings, with mistakes and a heart and a genuine voice and everything. Some of the tweaked out essays ARE good. But they're usually really boring to be honest, excessively dense, go off on tangents, repeat themselves, etc. You can almost hear the fake adderall confidence (sometimes arrogance) in their writing. Still, some of them get A's. But some of them get B- or C's because they go so far off track. So it doesn't automatically make their writing better--they just think it does. Also, lately I've been rereading some of what I wrote when I was on adderall and felt so "inspired" at the time. I even bore myself!!!!!! When it comes down to it, if I had to choose, I'd rather read half-assed bad writing that was obviously done with minimal effort than some tweaked out b.s., which is sometimes even worse anyways.

Love it!!

Here's my list for today: Finish writing my syllabus Send it out for feedback Check my email

So we have the 12 miles a week running and walking clubs, and these accountability systems seem to really work for a lot of us. It's pretty amazing! So now that a new school year is starting, I'm wondering if anyone would like to start a Getting Shit Done club. We could post our lists of shit that needs to get done each day or week, and hold each other accountable. This might help us be more productive/efficient, and we can also encourage each other and celebrate getting shit done.