William

I never had much anxiety either Frank before addy life. And like you didn't experience it as a noticeable withdrawal symptom until about month 5 when I was brought to my knees then hit over the head with a bat with crushing anxiety. I'd like to think I'm getting closer to just having situational anxiety. But even when everything is basically in order financially, family and otherwise, I'm still waking up at about 4:30-5:30am just overcome with feeling like total crap. It's like a combination of nausea, fatigue, racing thoughts, etc... The whole thing is non-escapable and all consuming. Thankfully after a few hours of total hell it subsides ever so gradually. There I go again rambling about the same thing.. Ugh. Thanks for all the great posts Frank. Your straight talk and insight is priceless

So true. Amazing how many times I rationalized how important some task was, that in reality didn't mean a damn thing! On the up side I did do some remodeling projects around the house that I would of probably otherwise have put off indefinitely. For most of the past 15 years I've made a living as a carpenter. Transitioned into supervision for a spell which I liked, but I made a train wreck out of it all tweeked out on addy... Couldn't keep myself from going all "hands on" so I lost track of the bigger picture as the saying goes. Addy makes you so hyper focused and hyper vigilant that nothing's ever good enough. I was something of a perfectionist b4 addy, after, I was never finished with anything because I always thought I could do even better. Making 1 hour jobs last all damn day!

Thanks for the encouragement Frank. Your garage story is scary close to mine. I used to get blasted on addy and beer and rebuild mono-block amps. Desoldering leaky electrolytic caps from input boards is where it started. Then I became obsessed with finding all the best and "matched" board components. Needless to say I now have a heap of unfinished crap everywhere. Who the heck can do that work clear headed man, what a tedious time consuming endeavor. I'm experiencing one of those rare easy-feeling moments. How cool it was to see your post about vintage stereo gear! Also, love your rants brother, keep the good stuff coming! Peace

Good job keep goin! Try to remind yourself constantly that while you might feel like crap as you go through the coming weeks, it's absolutely a cake walk to the hell you face in the future if you stay on adderall.

Frank those days seem to come and go indeed. Great to hear you caught a kind day that reminds you of life pre-adderall. I seem to catch those stretches in hours, not a full day. I think I'm a couple months behind your quit date though, so maybe I'll have that breakthrough too some day soon.

Go with your instinct and quit. So many well intended people let the pressures of work drive their increased reliance on adderall. Don't do it. I'm not sure how old you are or where you stand with marriage and kids etc... But believe me the longer one stays on adderall the higher the tab to get out. For anyone reading this who's perhaps relatively new to work life after school/college who can't imagine how they could keep their job and get off adderall; imagine the same scenario with a spouse of 20 years, teenage children, mortgage, car payments, college tuition looming, on and on! So what am I trying to say, get the hell off adderall while the damage is relatively small by comparison. Good luck and God bless.

Thanks so much for responding!! I'm completely overwhelmed with gratefulness, this benzo/addy withdrawl has taken all I've got to survive. To know that you got through it is an absolute life-saver. A private message would be great. I know what you mean about central nervous system sensitivity...! It seems even supplements I take to ease my symptoms mess with my head. I'm hoping that I get some relief in the next month or so. Thank you so much for your willingness to share your story with me. I can't possibly explain how grateful I am.

Way to go Frank! I'm trying to look at stress the same way. Doesn't do any damn good to worry about stuff going wrong. Keep on kicking ass, you're a true inspiration.

Hello survived it's so awesome to see your success story! I feel like I'm barely holding on but seeing some of your previous posts is giving me some much needed life. Sorry to just crash in here. I'm still clawing towards my 6 month off date, a couple more weeks. Could you PLEASE share with me anything about how you feel your Klonopin use has impacted your recovery!! I used Klonopin (1.5 mg) with adderall (60 mg xr) for close to 8 years... And just adderall (30mg xr) for 7 years previous to the good doctors combo. Holy hell just typing that makes me want to drift off into hoplessness land. I quit the Klonopin 3 months before the adderall, so almost 9 months off that. Up until a few weeks ago I thought I had turned a corner. But it's like someone hit the re-set button. Most recently I added insomnia to the mix. Wake up in a panic... dead tired but can't sleep. Now I'm just completely babbling😞 In the end I guess it doesn't really matter what withdrawl symptom is caused by what drug (the adderall or Klonopin) but trying to come up with coping methods to fight back so any information I would be forever grateful for.

What Frank said. Pills will never be the answer to problems with pills. The good doctors don't care if they make addicts out of patients, I think a convincing argument could be made that many do just that.

So true bluemoon, if only we would have known...ugh!! I too am still shell-shocked at the anxiety levels. I swear it's sometimes so bad I'm freaking dizy. This site is a God send for anyone battling the adderall quit mega monster. So hang in there featherduster, we got this!

Hello, and congrats on making it to 5 mo. I'm between 5 - 6 months too, and yes I get rushes of emotion also. I go through periods of extreme anxiety and even slight paranoia. Seems to come out of nowhere mostly, but even minor stress can trigger it as well. Like bluemoon said, would be hard to know whether or not your TBI is adding to the problem, but I wouldn't let that thought discourage you. Your doing great, keep up the fight!

Thanks for the continued encouragement. Brick by brick indeed. Patience has never been my strong suit, add that to the lessons I'm learning pile. Can't help feeling like some damn gremlin is chucking my hard fought for bricks right back at me at times! Even so I cling to recent memories of good days (usually more like hours) and tell myself it IS getting better. They key is very much what you said; TAKE IT SLOW.

Again I absolutely resonate with all that you discuss. It's taking time to realize the extent of my being something of an arrogant jerk while on "stims". I'm doing what I can to accept the fall-out and forgive myself. I've leaned more lessons then I could possibly count. At my point in recovery 5-6 months, I don't feel ready for what's next, I'm in the fight of my life to just press on with what my current responsibilities are. But during moments of relief, brief as they are, I imagine myself back to full-time work, enjoying the comradery of co-workers, planning vacations, on and on... And doing what I can everyday to get that life back. Right now that means sticking with my part-time job even though it is mostly mindless work, doing my share of house chores, no drinking, no nicotine, in bed at 10:00pm, 30-45 minutes walking 4 days a week, and a promise to my wife to never,never,never "give-up" the fight.....

For me, very long time user @60mg/day, the tiredness and amotivational syndrom is not the most difficult part. In fact when that symptom is present I welcome it. Grind through whatever I absolutely must do, then crawl in bed and thank God for the healing sleep. In the absence of tiredness comes bone crushing anxiety, depression, feeling like there will never ever be relief... But then a day or two come where you get a glimpse of what life has in store at the end of the misery. I cherish those moments and also prepare myself for the next tough stretch. Simply put, there is no way to "out-think" the quitting process; it is unimaginably difficult, but people can and do beat the beast every day. This forum is an amazing testimony to that fact. I wish you the very best.

What you describe as the "mental addiction" is probably not just "mental". My take on it is that using adderall alters the neural pathways if you will... And that if you change the firing order and pathways of the brain from what it was originally designed to do, it will PHYSICSLLY adapt to operate. That means many changes are going on, not just those related to FOCUS and Attention span. The liver and kidneys might effectively remove all of the drug from your body within a relatively short amount of time, but that has little to do with the amount of time your central nervous system needs to repair itself. An analogy might be something like abandoning a long established trail through the woods that you have used and properly maintained your whole life, in favor of a new "scenic route" thats kept up by someone else. Perhaps a grounds crew all strung out on addy!lol But as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. And now you are no longer allowed to take the scenic route. So you return to the path you originally used, the one you had been using your whole life. But other then an old sign marking the trail head, there is absolutely no evidence of the trail. Time to get the work gloves out... But as so many have testified here, that trail can be re-established! Heavy lifting and brush cutting first, one day yielding to the clearing power of footsteps... Perhaps this post makes no sense, kinda reminds me of stuff I'd think up ON adderall.

You capture so much so well Zerokewl. Your attitude and perspective is absolutely spot on and inspiring. Im trying to develop a similar way of looking at this period of my life. Thanks for sharing your insight.

I need that same job Zerokewl. Seems so much has to do with the amount of stress we allow in our life. Trouble is it's a great balancing act. To much stress caused by higher wage job may pay the bills and then some, but can create the perfect trap for relapse; "work hard, play hard..." Low stress job that pays squat creates financial stress with no money to pursue personal interests... I know I'm being mr. obvious here, but for such a simple concept I haven't found the answer yet.

I'm right with you on the feeling of letting people down. Particularly the kids. Not doing enough work to provide is a constant tone in my head, it's one of my biggest demons. But I guess we need give ourselves a break for a change. Like you mentioned earlier, even letting the balances go up on the credit cards like the rest of the world does, if it's the difference between relapse and continued success, hell with it... I'm so sorry that your dog ran away! I can't imagine how your feeling... I hope and pray he returns to you.

Thanks for your encouragement quit-once. Information about time lines and symptoms is so helpful. I've read posts here for hours on end since running across the site, it's keeping me going and I can't say thanks enough.

Thanks bluemoon, Last night was awful... I think your point is right on. The morning brings with it a day of expectations, things that the world says normal productive people should be accomplishing. Hope you have a calm and relaxing evening and get a great nights sleep. Peace

I can't remember where I was in the forum threads when I saw a post about someone feeling better towards the evening, but I experience that as well. But like most of the misery going through this hell, it is not consistent either. I'm between months 5 & 6 and I wish I could say something more encouraging to anyone reading this who's quit is in this time frame. Holly hell is all that comes to mind today. So hard when you think you've turned a corner, like a really bad hangover that's finally easing up, only to have your sorry ass slammed right back on the ground. I still count myself lucky to survive until afternoon because the punishing anxiety, doom and gloom, and sense of absolute hoplessness eases. Maybe because this would be the time of day that my morning blast of addy of the past would be wearing off? Who knows. It scares the shit out of me that even in such an awesome forum, best by far I've seen and the only one I've joined, that my usage time is nearly double most (15 years 😞) And that for half that time I was using benzos (also prescribed) as well. Recently the backs of my hands and forearms feel like mild sunburn, I struggle most mornings to not vomit, eating is a chore, etc... Well sorry about all my negative talk. One day at a time. Thanks so much I'm forever grateful to the members of this site.

Very well said Frank. Anyone who's all joy joy during these trying times for all of us on earth is either in denial or perhaps more likely benefitting at the expense of countless others suffering. I knows there's always bad apples in any profession, but I think the extent that so many in the healthcare industry appear to dispense such powerful meds without spending any significant time with the individual has gotten completely out of hand. It's so heartbreaking that a doctors unwillingness to spend the required HOURS of time with a patient to create a meaningful and safe way to cope better with life's challenges, often results in YEARS AND YEARS of suffering.

Congratulations! It provides such hope to see people reach huge milestones!!

I understand your frustration completely. The idea that life seems to being moving ahead at full speed for everyone around but "us", is a daily emotion I struggle with. Like you said, it's summer and everyone seems to be out enjoying life while "we" stay in our bedrooms struggling to feel sane... But as you point out so well, part of what leads to dependency is trying to be all things to all people and circumstances. And while using we often burn the candle at both ends. Never missing a good time or a work deadline. Perhaps part of the struggle of recovery is learning to be more realistic about what constitutes a productive and "fun" life. So I've stopped paying attention to a lot of what appears like others having fun or accomplishing tons of stuff. You should be so proud of yourself Bluemoon. You mention that your able to make it through the work day before coming home exhausted. But you're doing it! I can only dream of getting to that point. I'm currently working part-time a few days a week doing low skill work. A very long way from the days I wore a jacket and tie... I try hard not to dwell long in this area either. I'm hardly young anymore, and I wonder if I'll ever have a career again. But I've decided that being clean from the misery and dependence of adderall is worth whatever comes my way. I know I've got months and years to go. But I'm going that way no matter what