speedracer

Adding to sleepystupid, the last few years of my adderall career, I noticed a huge problem with the medicaitons itself. The quality of the drugs turned into total crap.Different manufacturers came up with different products. Some of them were pure poison to me. Total ADD symptoms from hell. I had to take full bottles to my doctor and give them to him so he could write a new persciription. That sh.. was super scary and toxic. It took me awhile to figure it out...I think aerobindo was the scariest of them all. I always had to buy the generic. So its true, some of those meds are very toxic.

Hey Lolbats! Congrats on making the decision to quit! No better time than today, especially since you no longer have that stressful day job. Your story is interesting because you used for 3 years at relatively low dosage and yet you still have the same issues as the rest of us. But you should probably have a shorter recovery period. I used 20-30 mg per day for 15 years or so, and I am giving myself 2 years to reach some sort of baseline. It will be super interesting to see how it goes for you. Thank God you surrendered when you did because you will have saved yourself from all sorts of suffering. Welcome to the journey back to health! I looked at my first month off this drug as a form of disability. After several months, I looked at it as partial disability. At 16 months, I have returned to work "full duty" but I still get days where I cant function. Acceptance is the key. Not rushing yourself or giving in to unrealistic expectations of performance. There are so many great posts with timelines. Even at 3 years, your dopamine system got hijacked and will need time to restore itself. From my experience, we have injured our brains and that body part needs time to heal. The good news? LIfe is generally better and more rewarding than it was taking adderall. Egos get deflated, a new perspective sinks in, and life gets better and better as the quality of our relationships improve. As for career, give yourself plenty of time to heal before you set new goals or put pressure on yourself. Its ok to feel disabled. You are! I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Pray, eat well, move your body, hydrate, and take care of yoursef. Its ok to be selfish during this period of your life. Look forward to hearing more about your progress.

I used to take ambien to get to sleep after a day on adderall. That lasted for almost 10 years which is probably another huge aspect of my recovery. When I quit adderall, I quit the ambien and the booze. These days I take all sorts of over the counter stuff like advil PM, benedryl, melatonin, valerain root. I havent even tried to sleep without taking something. But even with some of this, when I do have a PAWS episode, your right, my sleeps really suck. I got a sleep app on my iphone which tracks my sleep called Sleep Score. Its kind of cool. Not perfect, but its free and it give me a great idea how I am doing with REM, Deep sleep, light sleep, how long I slept, and how many times I woke up. If anybody has any more advise, I am all ears.

Great advise my friend. Thank you! I will do that starting today. And if I like it, i wil roll it into a 90 day commitment.

Oh boy, I am sorry to hear about your tragic loss and suffering. Sounds like a real Dr. Jekle and Mr. Hyde story. I dont think I have ever heard anything like as far as it relates to this drug. I know it changes personalities, but this is over the top scary. I will be praying for all your recoveries.

Hi guys! Just curious how the events of 2020 are affecting your recovery? After a stern warning from the wife this morning that I am more interested in facebook, youtube, and the news than her, I had to admit she had a point. So I am taking a good look at myself. I apologized. I am dealing with anhedonia at month 16, so I not very motivated to begin with. I used to party hard on occassions and we used to have good times. Now I am completely sober and kinda I started wondering if the stress and isolation of 2020 may also have something to do with it. I obssess too much on politics, and I admit facebook and other social media is starting to feel like an addiction. The division and hate in our country is freaking me out. Bible prophecy seems to be unfolding in front of my face. BLM, Trump vs Biden, truth vs lies, left vs right, and the dystopian society we are living through with face masks and social distancing is all so creepy. My pscyhe may be fragile after 20 years of adderall use, even if I mostly took it as prescibed. I have symptoms of depression which i attributed to recovery and I started taking some wellbutrin 3 weeks ago. Mental health is the big goal. Improving my quality of life is the whole point. I dont want to hurt my chances by veering out of bounds with obssesive thoughts about the "end times" or civil unrest. My wife scared me this morning when I could see we have a serious problem beyond just the recovery. If I dont make a course correction, I might not have a wife when this journey is over. I think its partly due to the underlying ADD, but I also think I am distracted by the crazy events of 2020 and what looks like the most important election of our lifetimes. WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? Is social media stealing your attention? Is the stress of 2020 aggravating or interfering with recovery? Do you have underlying ADD issues? Should we be avoiding the news, social media, and any other potential sources of stress until we are out of the woods with recovery?

Timelines like the one Cassie posted here are priceless. I absolutely loved reading it. She wrote it on New Years Eve 2015, over 4 years ago. I cant believe the similarities of her experiences with mine. She obviously put in the work and it looks like she made a complete recovery after 3-4 years. What a journey. I am so committed to the same journey. Im comming up on 16 months, and I see that at 18 months, she still suffered severe anehdonia and continued to improve through the 3rd year. This supports the theory that our brains need significant time to heal from this drug, like a traumatic brain injury. Thank you Cassie!

Awesome Bro!!! Congrats...Love this news!!! It really is a great milestone. And the relationship will continue to improve as you continue to improve and there is no way addy will hurt the relationship at this point.

I am deep into my second year with almost 16 months. Still having trouble with fatigue, clarity, motivation. I started taking Wellbutrin 3 weeks ago and got a bump in mood and productivity, but honestly, I had hoped it would do more for me. This last weekend I went to a covid funeral, saw some friends and family, and afterwards I was wiped out. I felt miserable for a couple of days. I think it may have been a PAWS episode? I am feeling a little better today. sometimes I wish I could manage my life better. During the first year, I tried Keto diet for awhile, worked out a lot, and I think I was doing better. I gave that diet up months ago and I have been pouding Ben and Jerrys. So today I am committing to give up the sugar and carbs once again, and I will also try to do a meditation daily. Just felt like sharing....Have a great day everyone.

Hey, thanks for jumping in. Your symtoms sound familiar. It sounds like depression and anxiety. You should talk to a doctor about it. What if you find something that helps your quality of life? Getting some treatment for the problem makes sense. I just read somewhere that diagnoses for general anxiety disorder and depression have tripled over the last year. So not only are we fighting the battle of recovery, but we have to deal with the stress of 2020 as well.

Jenny, I am glad you asked. We really are on the same wave. Im just out ahead of you by a bit. My wife would routinely mention I need to try anti-depressants. She has had family members and known friends who really do well on them. I was against it for the same reasons you are. I figured its just part of my recovery from long term adderall use. I have to go through it. I will go through it. etc. But starting the first of September, for whatever reason, I noticed my fatigue, anhedonia, and motivation were worse than August. OK so my recovery is not linear. I get it. But I wondered if my wife was right. I started researching Disthymia and depression and began thinking, I might be cutting myself short unnecessarily. What if I do respond well to Wellbutrin? What if I am foolishly giving up quality of life when I could get help for depression? So I went for it and so far my wife was right. Its nothing like adderall. Its subtle and effective. In fact, I learned after the fact, that this drug is sometimes used to treat add. Its only been 12 days, and its supposed take 30 days to get the full results, but I am delighted so far. I noticed I laugh more, and I feel kind of normal. I dont notice any significant side effects. I feel like I can start making plans again. Its giving me more confidence to meet and see poeple. More motivation for sure. That little adjustment is helping me exercise more, and the more I exercise, the better I feel. I plan to take it for another 9 months or until I hit the two year mark on my sobriety. I read some threads on here from a gal name Cassidy? She wonderfully explained her journey and it was encouraging to see how she had used wellbutrin effectively.

Me too. I quit the beers and Addy at the same time. Total sobriety. Its been 15 months. I crave a beer more than anything after a long day at work like right now, or socializing. Very few addy cravings ever. Its been 15 months. I set a goal of 1 year on everything, and then i was plannign to back to beer socially with friends. After I hit the 1 year, I decided to keep it going. I dont want to take any chances. I just started on Wellbutrin for depression and it really is helping me turn the corner on fatigue and depression. I am performing better at work and doing better with friends and family. I guess after 20 years of use, the pendulem swung hard the other way...

Hello my brothers and sisters, I wanted to share the affects of taking Wellbutrin for 9 days. Its early in the process, but worth posting. I realize everyone reacts differently to antidepressants, but so far so good. My doctor tapered me into 200 mg per day, one hundred in the morning and 100 mg in the afternoon. I wanted to try it after reading the many posts on this site becuase I have been suffering with symptoms of depression. They got worse over the last month, and it scared me. I didnt want to socialize at all, I was unmoitvated, depressed, and generally negative about everything. I thought "Whats the point of all this?" At 15 months sober from 20 years of use, I figured I would have issues, but I didnt expect to suffer from depression. I hated the idea of taking another pill. Like my 15 months of sobriety would mean less if I started on anti-depressants. But thats because Im ignant. LOL So after 9 days, and it kills me to say this, my wife was right! and I am feeling better. Its subtle but its there. I am thinking more clearly, have more motivation, my mood and spirituality is better - I feel like I have a closer contact with God - Its helping me motivate for exercise, and I seeing improvements with productivity at work. OMG I actually feel normal today. I did have 2 bad days over the past 9, but 7 good days....Thank you Lord. I will keep you posted.

I spoke to my doctor who initially wanted to try me on Celexa, but after I told him about this site and the consensus for Wellbutrin, he agreed to go with that route instead. I will keep you posted.

Hey guys, I am comming up on 15 months and I still suffering without motivation. My good days seem to be less and less and it worrying me too. I need to function at work and I am getting nervous. After reading all the posts, I feel comfortable trying Wellbutrin to see if it works. I WANT TO BE FREE FROM THIS DISABILITY. I am waiting for a call from my doctor to discuss it.

Thank you! Thats great! I am definitely willing to help. Its a great way to be of service. And also a good way to stay connected.

Totally agree Eric! I was saddened to see so much. I was about to say something too. The russian stuff is bizarre. I did a google translation this morning for the first time on one of the paragraphs and it was about movies and random stuff....WTF? Maybe one of us could volunteer to keep watch and have the ability to wipe it clean as soon as it comes up?

Day 2? Amazing. Good luck on your journey. I am trying to remember what that was like 14 months ago. I had read enough posts on this site by the time I finally quit, that I was prepared for the long haul. I was raw, numb, and burnt out. I gave myself permission to suffer extreme withdrawal, decided to stock up on healthy food and beverages, make sure netflix and wifi was working, and braced myself for the storm of recovery. I explained to my wife and work partner I wouldnt be functioning for awhile so please understand and dont take it personally. I went to AA meetings for support, I read their literature and loved it. And did my best to surround myself with like minded people going through recovery. I stopped going to meetings after Covid which is a bummer. Get ready for a beautiful new life. You will have to grow through the muck to bloom with the beauty of truth as you stay on this path. You can do it!

Oh boy, I am so sorry for your suffering. I get it. I was in that space for too long. Since we all suffer with extreme fatigue, lethargy, fog brain, etc. how do we manage to work? It doesn't make any sense. This recovery is disabling. Its a form of disability. No way around it. We all need the time and space to heal. The brain needs time to repair itself. In the field of workers compensation, they have two types of disability for injuries whether physical or psychological, total or partial. In my opinion, we are either partially or totally disabled In the early stages of our recovery. I could only work part time, two or three days per week. I was partially disabled for sure. Very few people seem to understand recovery from adderall causes disability. If I had a magic wand, and I was a doctor, I would write a prescription for every person on here wanting to recover and give them 90 days of total temporary disability followed by 9 months of partial disability. 3 months of no work stress at all followed by 9 months of partial work stress. ( We should avoid all unecessary stress during the first year) No full time work for the first year. Some people may need up to two years. I am coming up on month 14 and my work performance, energy, and focus continues to improve. I thank God he finally gave me the the time and space i needed to heal without worrying about basic survival needs. Your ability to beat this monster may depend on your ability to take it easy with work. Can you go part time? Can you talk to your doctor about it? Show him this post? Maybe your doctor can certify you for state disability? Can your family help? Insurance? If you can pull off recovery while working full time, my hats off to you. But I think our chances are low. Recovery has to come first. I am so praying for you.

Yay! Way to go! It sounds like you are prepared and know what your up against. Love it! Journeling, walking, protein, crashing, bing TV, and prayer will get you through. When you get wacked by a wave of PAWS, know it will pass. One step at a time, one day at a time, and the next thing you know, you got 30 days. We are rooting for you!

Great news! Congrats on 15 months, getting your energy back, and your weight loss! Thats huge progress. The rest will come. Numbing out emotions for 15 years with this sh.. might mean some arrested development for sure. I get it. Late bloomer here we come. Getting into action always seems to be the ticket. Whats the next indicated action. I didn't notice any comments about your spiritual progress, but I cant recommend it enough. Faith will overcome fear and anxiety. The cant exist together. Lets put on the "shield of faith". Cant hurt to pray. Your doing so great. Have a great week.

Beautiful! Love it! Finding ways to meet our basic needs for love, connection, support, and a bunch of others basic survival needs are so critical. The site helps meet some of those needs.

That was a fantastic post! Great way to get this journey started! Of all the complaints listed, the most significant to me was "I have lost my loving connection with God". You are blessed you a faith to begin with. I was thinking about this subject yesterday. I now have 13 months in this recovery. I tried for years to maintain my faith while taking adderall. I convinced myself God gave me medicine to treat my ADD condition. I convinced myself he was ok with all the stuff that goes along with adderall too, tons of beer to unwind at night, sleeping pills to get to sleep at night so I could work the next day, the explosive irritability towards others, and other sins I wont mention. I would wake up the next morning, take adderall and start my day with prayers and scripture, and then move on to hyper focus at work. I now see how that I was self deceived and I was blowing it. The 3rd step of AA says, "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him". That is so huge. Its the key to the recovery program. Its the biggest decision anyone can make. Even though I tried to do that while using, it was practically impossible. It ends up being all about my will, not Gods Will. I Im not living in or being led by the "Spirit" when i am on adderall. I end up in Self Will not Gods will. I am led by my "Flesh" or ego. Romans 8:13 " For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God". It was impossible to get rid of my ego on the pills. I was not being led by the Spirit. I knew it. I could feel it. And I was dying like the scripture says. Now that we are in such crazy times with Covid, BLM, and the economy, its critical to be connected. Time to drop anything which would interfere with my relationship with God. Or as the famous carpenter said, "repent". No more room for self deception. God has totally taken care of me since I made the decision to quit. Its hard but I do my best to "turn my will over to the care of God as I understand Him" daily. God bless you on this journey.

Great thread! Thanks for sharing your story Older User and remember "Old Guys Rule". The comments from Quit Once and Sleepy Stupid are also so great. I just got home from a 9 day California road trip vacation up the coast and through Lake Tahoe for the first time in 20 years without adderall or booze. I am 13 months "clean and sober". Took the wife and kids and we had a great time. The wife and kids had more fun than me, but hek, I had a good time too. And I figure next year, if we do it again, I will get even more pleasure out of it becuase I will be two years down the road on recovery. I only had one down day, and I checked this site from my smartphone. I read your thread and immediately felt some relief that I am not going through this journey alone. At 13 months, I am supposed to have bad days. Every time it happens it like I have amnesia and wonder whats wrong with me? Did I ruin my life? Will I ever feel joy or pleasure again? And then the next day it started coming back. Thank God! I am 55 and wonder about every new symptom. My wife laughs at me and thinks Im a hypochondriac. I injured my back just rolling over in bed the other night. Lol. As far as leg complaints, I am not sure what that is. It sounds like your doing great with biking and weights, and thats got to help you tons to accelerate the recovery. I developed some foot problems about 6 months ago and its not going away. Its bumming me out. I have to get it checked out. I think its plantar fasciitis. Im trying to make up for it with swimming and biking but its hard to develop new exercise routines. I totally relate with your PTSD event. I had tons of those. I think we burn out our adrenal glands on adderall and it makes us less tolerant of stress. We are already pumping high levels of adrenaline because of the adderall and when we get hit with some intense stress it becomes overwhelming. Thats part of the reason I had to stop. After that my blood pressure also returned to normal. I researched all of that in my first 6 months and I am starting to forget all the things I learned. Anyway, I was convinced I suffered from severe "Burn Out" and adrenal fatigue. My wife also diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder, but it turns out it was all just the withdrawal and recovery. Everything is so much better today. My sleep continues to improve. I am obsessed with sleep hygene. I think its my favorite subject. I even ask the kids about their sleeps. Without a decent sleep, I feel like I am doomed. Its life or death for me. So I am always on the lookout for help. Last night I took two tylenol PMs and I got a great sleep. But I dont want to do that again tonight. Anyway, I wanted to share my favorite new book for dealing with the underlying ADD naturally is called "The Drummer and the Great Mountain" by Michael Joseph Ferguson. This guy figured it all out and he wrote a great book about transforming adult ADD. We dont have to re-invent the wheel. So many good suggestions and tools. Welcome aboard! Look forward to hearing more from you down the road.

Absolutely, congrats on 8 months! You have come a long way baby! I hope you keep going. You should be getting to the good stuff soon. Your energy should come back and increase month by month. There will be continued waves of weakness and fatigue, but you will get some good days and weeks too. I am on month 12, and last week before the 4th, I had my best week so far. It was the first full week of productivity without losing days to fatigue. yay! . A huge milestone for me. My wife sometimes misses the old social me, where I could party like a rockstar, have fun with anyone, and blast away with on high dopamine, but she tells me regularly how much better I am today on a day to day basis. And because of this site, she understands I will go through cycles of fatigue where I cant do anything productive. I am doing my best to stay positive. I think positive affirmations are huge. We have to change our patterns of thought, our habits of thinking from negative to positive. "We are getting better and better." " We are healthier and stronger than before. We are more at peace. Our marriages continue to improve." Create affirmations to counter the negative thoughts. "I am strong and energetic". "I have what it takes to get through this." "My marriage is getting better and better every day and in every way". Our daily consciousness impacts our final outcomes. It was so easy to think positively on the medication but now its really hard. With humility and self empathy, we need to rebuild our self image without the meds. Its so hard to do but I am starting to make affirmations a habit. i challenge you to try it for 30 days.