DrewK15

This is a good thread. I’m with @sleepystupid, life is different after Adderall. I’m at 569 days since my last pill or drink and it’s still hard sometimes, but it’s also good. For me it’s more peaceful. My old life was so much different; stuff like the flashing lights of the club, gambling, alcohol, Adderall, weed, video games, etc.. I had to be constantly stimulated or I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I completely lost my appreciation for all of the little things in life and was absolutely miserable when I wasn’t high or distracted. I don’t do any of these things anymore. Maybe I’m just getting older as well, but I’m just different now. I walk my dogs, read in the morning with my coffee, I decorated a Christmas tree with my family yesterday. Slow stuff. It doesn’t flood my brain with that excited feeling, but I’m so much more mindful and actually notice the world around me. And I do feel so much better, my brain releases those feel good chemicals for much smaller things now. To answer your question, you will start to feel better the longer you stay clean. I made significant progress at 12-18 months. I used to sleep til noon, but now I get super restless if I’m not up by 8. You will continue to heal. The longer you’re clean, the more the little things in life will bring you enjoyment. Stick with it, you’re doing great!

@NurseAddy I want to second what @Tom23Jones is saying here. Patience, determination, exercise, some kind of meditation, and community are all going to help immensely. I loved interval cycling and running in early recovery. Something about the rhythm of alternating peak intensity and rest cleared my head. Run fast for a minute, walk for 2, run fast for a minute, and so on. Whatever fast means to you. It’ll help! I’ve probably come across as one of the lazy, Netflix and chill people in the past, so I want to clarify what I mean by being kind to yourself. Sleep is being kind to yourself. So is eating well, learning to quiet your mind, and exercise. Eating garbage and being totally sedentary isn’t going to help anything. I have to admit I watched a lot of shows and ate a good deal of candy in recovery, but I also walked my dogs a few miles every day, lifted weights and ran 4-5 days a week. It helps immensely. The concept here for me was to push yourself without expecting perfection or overnight results. If you miss a workout or two, get right back at it instead of giving up. We can be an impatient bunch. Good luck!

@Zajche Maybe. It’s hard to tell. My energy levels and clarity feel fine most days and I feel normal. I still struggle off and on, but I just chalk it up as having good and bad days just like everyone else.

Hi all, I hit 18 months sober today. Just wanted to check in and say hi. Life is good. It’s hard, but so much better than it was while in my addiction. My health and emotional well being is solid. I have a really cool and supportive girlfriend. Still working on finding a job and getting back on my feet financially. That part has been frustrating and difficult, but I’m hanging in there!

Hey @silky, I can empathize with everything you describe at a deep deep level. I still struggle with depression 16 months clean, but it has improved and changed. At first I would say my depression was very physically debilitating and now it’s more of an emotional and existential battle that I fight. Exercise, eating, sleeping, etc is a start and will clear up physical symptoms, but I think the problem is much deeper than that. I live with a void in my heart and soul that I have to work to fill every day. I’m not too interested in most things I used to love and I don’t even know why I’m on this planet much of the time. But I know I’m not ready to die so I choose to stay sober and fight rather than escape my pain. I pray to God for help. And serving people and focusing on others (including this forum) instead of myself is the only thing that has brought me true joy, but it’s very hard to do consistently. I’m sorry if this only makes it worse, but the best thing I can do for you is describe my struggle and what has worked for me.

@NurseAddy hi! It sounds like you’re ready to do this and get off of Adderall for good which is a good start. It’s crazy how many of us crash around the 4-5 year mark, I was the same way (I’m 28 so not too different age wise). As far as long term commitment, start by cutting off your supply, which it sounds like you’re doing. I’d also let your partner know what’s going on and about your desire to quit. Show them this site so they can better understand what you will face. I’m sure the promise of your personality and libido returning will make them very understanding and accommodating. Therapy, support groups, rest and exercise worked wonders for me in my long term recovery. I think it’s a matter of figuring out what works for you. I had a lot of emotional and other addiction issues so seeing a counselor and AA were really important for me. Exercise and rest are good for everyone. Find a balance and don’t push yourself too hard early on. Your mind and body need time to heal. I spent a lot of time the first 9-10 months binging TV shows, which I don’t do at all now. So be kind to yourself when that’s all you feel like doing. Start with some light cardio. Even just 10-15 minutes to get the blood moving. Anyways, that’s some of what worked for me to be successful long term. Good luck!

@Aurora29 congratulations on 2 weeks! Do everything you can to hold onto your current attitude and you’re going to make it through this. Patience is the key. We’re not the most patient bunch as Adderall users, so recognizing the importance of that is going to serve you well. Good luck on your journey!

I’ve dealt with plenty of what I would call PAWS. 16 months clean for me this week. I remember the first 9-10 months of recovery, every time I was feeling overly sleepy, anxious, foggy, whatever, I started thinking OH MY WORD PAWS HAS ME I’LL NEVER BE NORMAL AGAIN!!! And then slowly without noticing it, I processed a bad day as a bad day, or a bad week as a bad week. Instead of PAWS it’s just a bad day. PAWS is very real and I very much went through it, but how long it lasted is a little less clear. I’ve become a more patient and content person in this recovery so day to day garbage just doesn’t matter as much. Hang in there and keep focusing on making it to bed clean and sober every night, you all are doing a great job!

@amcardwell you’re on the right path! For what it’s worth I think your new baby is going to energize you and give you something else to focus on. You sound excited to be a father so I doubt it’s going to feel like you’re forcing yourself to take care of your child. That’s a huge blessing. I can’t wait to get married and have children which is insane because I had no desire for that before I quit Adderall. Continue to use the principles you’ve learned in AA to stay clean, you have a bright future ahead of you!

@Lawyer after reading your post I know you’re going to be ok. You know what you need to do. Time to exercise that discipline and self control you referenced above, it sounds like you are capable of doing your job off of Adderall, it’s just going to suck because you hate it. I get it’s hard, but don’t sacrifice your relationships with your family because your current job circumstances. Your law degree is an asset even if you don’t want to practice. There are all kinds of careers you could leverage yourself into. Sports agents almost always hold a law degree. Consulting pays well and would probably be a lot more fun. Real estate developers often hire in house legal council. Just throwing a few things out there to give you hope. You have an advanced degree and therefore options. I obviously don’t know you, but from what I read in this thread I can say I believe in you and your ability to create a better future for yourself and your family.

@Socially awkward it sounds like you are doing really well, congrats on making it to 6 months clean! Cravings are going to happen sometimes, even when there seems to be no reason and life is going well. Cravings when life is going well are a different struggle. Sometimes I have an awesome day, but I still don’t feel as good as I did high on Adderall, so the thought that things would be even better with Adderall will come into my head. This is the addiction talking. Yes, maybe you would experience a temporary feeling you can’t find off of Adderall, but it costs too much. It sounds like you know that. I don’t know when the cravings stop all together. Maybe they won’t. What I do know is that they get less frequent and intense the longer you are clean. At 15 1/2 months clean I deal with thoughts of Adderall once or twice a month and that’s something I can deal with even if it never stops completely. Maybe a mindset change is in order, at 6 months clean you are free of this addiction. It doesn’t control your days and nights anymore. Think of your addiction as a poisonous snake. You’ve cut off it’s head. It’s dead. But the head is sitting there, fangs still loaded with venom and you need to be careful not to step on it.

Hey guys, I’m at 15 months and wanted to hop on and check in. Things are going well, I’m in a good place emotionally and physically. Haven’t started work again yet, but I plan on starting full time work by the end of September. I’ve started volunteering working with young kids in my community which I’ve never done before and that has been an awesome, happy, and rewarding experience. At this point I’d say my mind is finally in a “normal” pre-Adderall place from a focus and clarity perspective. It takes time, but it will get better for those of you who are early on in this recovery.

@idkanymore whatever you are doing, keep doing it. You are the first person I’ve ever heard describe themselves as “great” 2 weeks after dropping a 200mg/day habit. And you do legitimately seem good, it’s amazing to hear. Keep getting good rest, eat well, and get in a little cardio if you’re up to it. The mouth sores/scars should go away. I had those when I quit and they went away completely after a couple months.

Hi @idkanymore. I feel for you, I can only imagine what it’s like trying to quit this drug with the responsibilities of full time work and a young child. It’s hard, but you can do it, and you’ll look back so happy that you did. Don’t try to do it alone. Use this forum, talk to your doctor, tell some friends/family that have your trust. Hopefully your boyfriend will support you as well. Show him these forums. Tell him why you want to quit and what the benefits will be on the other side. Other than yourself, those closest to you have the most to gain by you quitting Adderall. You will be able to love your boyfriend more wholeheartedly off of Adderall. Tell him that and ask for his support while you’re going through the hell of early recovery. Best of wishes on your journey.

Thank you for the feedback and encouragement @William @Danquit. I have made so much progress from where I was. By necessity, the last couple days I’ve had to function on 5 hours of sleep (my usual is 8). And I’m doing it. I’m moving around, productive, in a decent mood, and thinking clearly. This was unthinkable even a couple months ago in my recovery. It is getting better. Can you (or anyone else) expand on this? It would be disingenuous for me to tell you I actually believe this statement, as much as I’d like to. I practice gratitude daily and it gets me through. But missing this part of life someday? No way. I can’t wait for it to be over most of the time. Life 5 years from now looks so much better than it is now given all of the damage I have to repair in my life. I know this thinking is hurting me, maybe hearing how this has been true for you will help.

Hey guys, haven’t been on here or checked in for a while. I’m at a little over 13 months sober and doing okay. Had a couple more job opportunities fall through so I’m struggling with that. Struggling to re establish socially as well, after isolating so long I find myself scared of other people. I’m exercising, eating well, going to counseling, go to recovery meetings, sleep well, etc. I just feel empty and emotionally drained. I’m not going to use today or anytime soon. But it seems appealing again because I just don’t feel like whatever I’m striving for is worth it. Sorry for the downer post. I am grateful to be sober today.

Hey @clifking, welcome. It sounds like you’re doing pretty well for your first few weeks off the meds. Your body needs some time to recover from those all nighter study sessions. Keep spending time with friends, eating well, and getting plenty of sleep. Most importantly, do whatever you can to get through finals without the drugs next year. There is no substitute for good time management, procrastination will catch up to you at some point. It did for me a few years after college. Let us know how you’re doing in a few weeks, I suspect things will get better for you quickly.

Thank you all for your responses and encouragement. I was having a moment when I wrote this post. The first couple weeks after hitting one year have been tough on my patience. It’s easy to feel like I should be further along, but it took me 4 years to get into this mess and it’s going to take some more time to get out. I’m at peace about losing that job opportunity. It did turn out to be bad timing. I still need to work on my confidence and belief I can function in the real world after spending the last year focused on recovery.

I need to talk something out. Anyone else experience and now miss the unshakable optimism that came along with Adderall use? I mean, it was irrational and kept me in my use pattern, but always believing things were going to work out for me was a nice effect. A month ago I interviewed for and was given an offer for a corporate finance job. Great pay, benefits, and it would have allowed me to move out of my folks’ place pretty much immediately. But then I failed the background check. My pending bankruptcy was a red flag I was going to be a loose cannon on the job. Basically my past haunted me in a big way. Now I’m still crashing with my family, trying to figure out what to do next one year into this recovery. It’s really tough to believe things are going to work themselves out in times like this. I’ll keep pressing on. I don’t have much optimism, but I do have a little bit of hope and I’ll hold on to that for now.

@Neildeni hang in there, it sounds like you need some help brother. If you can’t go to your parents with your issues, finding a friend, uncle, counselor, etc, you can be transparent with will work wonders. I can relate deeply with what you are feeling. You have identified some trouble spots in your life and that is the first step to recovery. I’d address the drinking next now that you’re off of Adderall. Willpower, AA, rehab, whatever it takes. But it sounds like you know you need to stop. For sexual issues like what you describe, I recommend doing NoFap hard-mode for a while (google if you haven’t heard of it, I don’t want to go into it on here).

Hi all. I’m not sure the exact day, but I know this week marks one year since I last took Adderall/Vyvanse! It’s been a month full of emotion thinking back to my last days of using and how far I have come. I want to encourage all newcomers to stick with it, and thank everyone on here for contributing to my recovery. When I got started on this journey I was hopeless and thought I wanted to die. Now I have a life that is still filled with struggle, but also hope, joy, and laughter. The pain of fighting through this recovery is worth it!

Nice thread, I’m a huge baseball fan and stat-head. I’ve been following the Chris Davis and amphetamine story since his suspension in 2014 (which was when I was just starting on the drug as well). Looking at his numbers, I’d guess he started on Adderall in either 2012 or 2013 given his massive jump in production. Another interesting fact, I remember reading that after his 2014 suspension he was granted permission to use Vyvanse, not Adderall. It seems the Vyvanse worked well for him in 2015 before turning on him altogether. As someone who used the drug, I can’t believe he scored a $161MM contract after 2 good seasons both fueled by honeymoon stage amphetamine use. Amazing the executives in charge would miss something like that. Given prevalence of use in MLB, I’m sure there are many more users who have had big seasons only to crash a couple years later. PS: I used to think that movie ‘Limitless’ might have been inspired by Adderall, but the more stories I see like this, I’m sure it was. If anyone asks me what Adderall is like, I just tell them to watch that movie.

Welcome to the forums @ealbrecht09. I’ve struggled with traditional journaling as well. Over time this forum has become my atypical journal. Reading other members’ posts helps me collect my thoughts and better understand what I am feeling, then I am able to post my experience and thoughts for others who are suffering. For me, this way of thinking has been highly motivating and assigns greater significance to my writings. Good luck on your journey.

You are still early on in the process. In my opinion, the psychological and emotional damage from long term amphetamine use is far more significant than the neurological consequences. Time and healthy habits alone should heal your physical mind. It’s just hard to be patient while recovering from the Adderall now now now mindset. That said, I completely understand your anxiety about long term damage, I had the same thoughts until about 9 months clean. My armchair expert opinion: don’t make the appointment. Probable best case scenario, the doctor tells you nothing is wrong. Worst case scenario, the doctor misunderstands you, doesn’t understand amphetamine recovery, runs a bunch of bogus tests, and prescribes a chemical that will only complicate and prolong your recovery. Maybe you gather information that helps you justify going back on Adderall. I’m no doctor and ultimately it’s up to you, that’s just my 2 cents.

I love learning about this topic. Nazis and their atrocities make so much more sense to me when I remember many of them were meth-heads. Also important to remember amphetamines were used heavily by other axis and allied nations during WW2, including the USA. I think amphetamine use in wartime can teach us something about their true nature. They are tools of compliance and manufactured bravado, not individuality and creativity.