LILTEX41

Hi QA Friends, I am so excited to report that today, I have been clean for 21 months! I am so grateful that I've made it this far beyond my wildest dreams. I was so far gone 21 months ago it makes me cringe. I have had so many life changes in the past 6 months. I sold my condo, started a new job at my dad's company, moved into my fiancé's house for 4.5 months, and we just recently moved into this glorious new home. My future stepchildren will live with us part-time. I had to put my kitty down a month ago, and it was devasting. She had a brain tumor. I was so sad I went out and got two new ragdoll kittens, the cutest things on earth. Anyhow, with so much going on, I realized I need to get back to meetings, or I am in a dangerous place, as when life gets good, I tend to relapse. I just want to tell anyone struggling with this addiction to please not give up. Life is so much easier without the volatile ups and downs of the binge/recover cycle of Adderall abuse. Do whatever it takes to find your way out! Godspeed my friends! Liltex

@Hmmmm Congrats on your 4 months and going to rehab!! That's such a huge step and life-changing. I reiterate what Doge said about trying an NA meeting. Going and listening is perfectly great! It's amazing what a support group can do. I know from experience that not having one leads me to my way back out to my addictions. My life has been crazy, but today I am so PROUD to say I have 21 months clean again!!! Stick with it and please keep fighting. It will get easier, I promise!

@Lizzie Congratulations!!! So proud and happy for you!!

Dear Hopefully, I am so happy to hear I've inspired someone out there! This makes my heart smile beyond words! <3 Please let me know how the Naltrexone goes!! It is incredibly cheap and sometimes even free with insurance!! It's the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. I was so horribly hooked on alcohol, kratom, and concerta. I never thought I wouldn't struggle to want those things, but I never think about them. It's miraculous!! As far as marathoning, omg, yes, get it!! Are you running now and working towards the marathon goal? I am more than happy to share my favorite training plans and anything I can to help you. Crossing that finish line is one of the most epic feelings ever! You will love it!! And yes, I can't suggest running enough for post-adderall recovery. It's a life saver! Feel free to message me anytime and keep us posted on your training and kicking that last 10mg. You got this!! Love, LilTex

Dear QA Friends, Eighteen months ago today, on 2-22-2022, I had the most epic downfall of my life. As I was being presented on stage at a sales kickoff event for work in Las Vegas, I was tweaking out of my mind and drifted into hallucinations of things that still, to this day, I cannot conceive possible. I hit the hardest rock bottom of my life and lost my job. It was the most tragic thing that happened to me as I loved my job more than any job I had ever known, and I worked around the clock for 18 months straight. I was a president's club winner, received a promotion, and worked on multiple projects for this company. My epic $838,000 sale was presented on stage at sales kickoff, but I had spiraled so far out of control with alcohol and concerta I lost everything. I was unemployed for 8 months. I could not find a job. It was god awful. I went from being the company's star to what felt like the world's biggest loser. Today, 18 months later, I am happy to say life is good again. I am engaged to a lovely man who has two small children and I will become a stepmom next spring. I sold my condo, and we are building a brand new amazing dream home, which we will move into this November. I have three jobs today. I am now working for my dad's company and have begun a new career in finance. I also work for a triathlon company with my fiance and get to serve athletes at racing events all over Ohio. Last but not least, we are eloping to Maui, HI, in May, running a half marathon on my birthday, and then getting married on the beach at sunset. It's all on my birthday (the day we got engaged) last year. I also work at a retail store for discounts and fun. I have restored my relationship with my family members and have a total new life. I also just completed Ironman Louisville 70.3 this past Sunday. It was epic. I mention all these things to give hope to anyone out there who is struggling to find their way out of addiction to Adderall and or any ADHD medication, amongst other drugs. I've had addiction issues since I was 13 years old, and I am now 45. It is never too late. It's amazing looking back at how much changed in just 18 months. It makes me wonder where I will be 18 months from today as long as I continue to stay clean and sober. The one different thing is this. time around I began taking Naltrexone which has been a God send. It eliminated my cravings for all drugs and alcohol. I do no want any of it, and I don't even attend meetings. The desire is not there, so I'm good. Not that meetings can't be helpful; having a support group is great. I just don't have time for one at this point in my life I have so many things going on. However, my fiance doesn't drink with me and supports me 100%, which is truly the most remarkable and incredible thing that has helped me. We do a lot of road races and keep ourselves busy with all kinds of fun activities. I don't even miss my old, wild, crazy days. I am happy with the simple things in life, like taking road trips, spending time with family and friends, etc. Please don't hesitate to post your story if you come here lurking around and need help. We want to help you. Secrets will keep you stuck. Please share your story and open up the doors of your soul to those of us who have found our way out of hell. The flip side is a much happier place. Peace, love, and joy to all. Love, Liltex41 P.S. I've had this dream for over 10 years that one day I will write a novel, and it will be called... Cheers to another chapter written, lol.

Absolutely not. You have accumulated all those days off the drug rewiring your brain to form a different habit. Please don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re back to square one!! Not true!

@quit-once I can't believe I never put two and two together regarding your nickname here. I love it so much!!! It's PERFECT!

@DogeAwe, I am so glad my story encouraged you! How are you doing? Still going strong, I hope?

Doge, I am so proud of you for getting back on track and coming here to share your story. You reminded me I need to check in on this forum more often and stick with the winners. It helps to help others. This addiction is brutal, and I am so grateful to have found my way out again. I wanted to give an update on my life to anyone who has heard my story so as to provide some hope and inspiration. I have been clean and sober for almost 16 months now. I recently got engaged and am in the process of building a gorgeous new big home for us and my fiancee's children. I'm going to be a stepmom. <3 I've been offered a job at my dad's company, working in the financial industry. I am finally escaping the minimum-wage job I had to take due to hitting rock bottom with my Concerta prescription. All I know is I don't ever want to go through this horror story again. We spent this last weekend running, biking, swimming, and moving almost everything from my condo to a storage unit. I did all this work with no stimulants and once again proved to myself it could be done and that I could achieve so many great things without it on my own accord. I am mentally, physically, and spiritually in a better place today. How I fell back down the rabbit hole blows my mind, but your post made me feel better in the fact that I am not alone. We must stay vigilant of our recovery and never take our foot off the gas. I am just so glad to hear you got right back on track and didn't have to lose another year or two of your life being consumed by the addiction all over again. Stick with us here, and thank you again for sharing your story! You never know who you just helped by sharing it.

Hi QA Community, I decided to make a chart this morning to keep a logical frame of mind regarding stimulant abuse and keep the negative consequences UP FRONT AND CENTER so that I do not start thinking positively about the substance again and stay on the right track. I would love to continue this list of pros and cons if anyone else wants to add to the list with me.

Sending prayers your way! I love that you mentioned it doesn't throw away all of your growth. Think of the slip like a flat tire. You are back on the highway now and right back on track. Keep going!

Updated Vision Board - I Have a Dream

You CAN DO THIS! Don't give up!!! 8 months is amazing! Just get back on the horse and keep going!

Congrats!! So happy to hear this! 9 days is a game changer! Just don't give up! I have to share my exciting news. I just got back from Arizona this afternoon. I won 1st place Female Masters Division at the Saguaro Half Marathon. This was the hardest half marathon I've ever done as it was 7 miles on the road (uphill in the mountains) and then 6 miles in the Saguaro Desert. It was insane! I wiped out 3 times on the rocks and managed to roll right out of it back on my feet. This took place 1 day after my 1 year anniversary of quitting Concerta. It was the best reward for staying clean I could've ever dreamed of. Good things happen when you're clean & "sober"... at least for me they do! Hope this brings you fuel for today to keep going. Cheers!

So grateful you are still here, Quit-Once! Thank you for all that you do and for being such a great source of inspiration on this forum. <3

Hi, thanks for the feedback. Sorry to hear it's been dead around the forum. Hope it picks up again soon. Don't get me wrong. I had plenty of days where I only took another 10 mgs or just barely went over the prescribed amount. There were days I'd take more if it was a hard day at work or I had a lot of things to do. It comes and goes depending on whatever was in front of me. What I heard you say in one post is that you were desperate for help to quit, but then in this rant you seem to be rationalizing it that it's not so bad because the withdrawal is only 1 day. To me, you sound like you are stuck in the cycle and I appreciate your honesty in coming to the forum to try and figure it out. It was the most insanely difficult habit for me to break and the only times I stayed off were the times I took too many and went into a psychosis. I wish I had a better solution for you or words of wisdom to help you break free without it taking some sort of rock bottoming out. Unfortunately, that is not my experience. However, I can share with you a quote I love in hopes it may be helpful. “You will only hit rock bottom when you stop digging.” — Unknown

P.s. How funny is this?! I just clicked on Facebook and saw a post that today is... Happy National Girls and Women in Sports Day The Universe answers that fast! (oops, guess it was yesterday... but still exactly on time!)

I felt great the moment I started exercising. When I first quit, I lived in The Woodlands, TX. I used to ride my bike out on the trails in nature all over the beautiful city. I would run, bike, swim, do yoga, and lift weights. I joined a bunch of fitness groups. I felt the positive energy of the other people in the group consume me. We would train outside in nature and had a blast in the comradery of doing physical activity that was challenging together. It gave me a boost of energy and runners high. This is what saves me every time I've gotten clean and sober. I signed up for an Ironman and the challenge of the race took my mind off the addiction. It was something so big and incredibly exhilarating to look forward to I became JOYFUL with anticipation of the challenge ahead. All the exercise seemed to reverse my addiction quickly. Along with physical activity and nature my other favorite way to heal and get excited about the future is the creation of vision boards. Here is the one I just made this morning and my return to my nonprofit I created a few years back right before I relapsed called, Zero Proof Inc. My original goal was to create a recovery program as an alternative to AA as I was a Smart Recovery member, but there was not a place to connect with my fellow people in recovery. I wanted to build an empire where we could all come together and rebuild our lives doing amazingly fun things and take up hobbies as Smart Recovery taught me as the basic underlying way to rebuild your life. We have to create a life which we will enjoy and get excited about so that is what I am here to do now. Maybe you want to help me launch a chapter in your area? It is my dream to end the slavery of the stigma to addiction. For all of us who have been discriminated against due to our substance abuse disorder I hope to change the world view and give hope to those suffering that they can come out to the world and no longer need to hide it. This is where we've been, and I am doing my best to get well and help others along the way. I do not have to hide it in the dark anymore because the world no longer discriminates against me for my disability. Hope this helps brighten your day! And remember this.... you have been clean for 18 months!! You've already WON! Now go find some things to do that make you enjoy life and look forward to your future! And if you can help some others get well in the process then you will spread good vibes, karma, and positive energy into the universe as they will help others as well. All love given returns. Have a fabulous day and be happy!

Dear QA Friends, As much as it pains me to write this, here goes. My demon caught up with me once again. I look back at the past 12 months now in absolute horror over what happened to me almost one year ago. Short version - a pseudo friend of mine came over to visit me one day as I was working and left an Adderall on my desk. I didn't take it and told her to get it out of my face. However, it triggered me in a bad way. I then had yet another "friend" that informed me she started taking it and painfully rubbed it in my face that she had access to a prescription. Once again, I was beyond triggered. You wouldn't think one would relapse after 11 years of breaking free from this drug, but never say never. My demon whispered in my ear that maybe I could take Concerta and not abuse it as I had taken it 6 months prior to beginning my Adderall prescription and never abused it. My sweet innocent doctor knew I was desperate as I was having issues with life in general as someone with ADD often does. It felt like a good plan. It felt right at the time, yet I fully knew this was a bad idea. Fast forward 18 months later and my habits were out of control. I not only was addicted to Concerta and popping two pills a day, but addicted to Kratom, and alcohol once again. However, I was crushing it at my new job. I did so well so fast and I absolutely loved it, but it all came tumbling down and defeated me once again. I received a promotion, crushed my sales quota for the year, joined a women's leadership program, and amongst other things, ended up having a formal presentation in Las Vegas at our Sales Kickoff event highlighting an epic deal I won for $838K. However, I binged on a new prescription of Concerta that week (it had just been upped from 27mg - 36mg) and I was in a psychosis. I thought I was the second coming of Christ, lol. I was so delusional and out of it I drank on the job in front of everyone at like 9am and my manager confronted me. Ended up going to the hospital for a week-long stay and upon making it back to my new position at work from my weeklong extended stay in Vegas was fired for drinking on the job. It was my worst nightmare come true. Everything I worked so hard for was destroyed instantaneously. It was my favorite job of all time. I was so good at it, and I destroyed it in the end all due to this stimulant "medication" that I cannot control. During this time frame I also ended up with a 2nd OMVI that past summer. I had spiraled so far out of control I lost everything dear to me. I was in financial ruins and because of my record, unable to find a job that would hire me. Luckily, I did finally find a way back into employment again through a temporary seasonal position and minimum wage job, but it was a foot in the door, and they took me in, thank God. Today, I am proud to say I have been clean ever since. I quit drinking as well and I have been back to running and triathlons. I have a serious relationship now and this year has been hard as hell emotionally, but I am on the up and up ever so slowly working my way back to my hopeful epic comeback. I did get a promotion at my new job 3 months in and even though it's not much, it means the world to me as it's a step moving forward in the right direction. The way I've gotten through this massacre of my life has been to realize that this is exactly what I needed to get me clean and sober for good. At least that's how I comfort myself in all of this. And as far as this next year, I figure it's best to have an easy breezy stress-free job until I am 100% secure in my sobriety so that I am not triggered easily. Every day I make a gratitude list and vision board of my life for the next month/year. It helps me focus on all the blessings and wonderful things I do have in my life today and try not to get discouraged about everything I lost. One thing I do know is that I have my health and to have good health is in the same category as being a millionaire. Health is wealth and for it I am grateful. This site was like my baby back 10 years ago when I first got clean from Adderall and I somehow slowly drifted away as my old habits started driving me again. Not this time. I read somewhere that it takes like 5 attempts at sobriety on average to get it so all things said, this is my 5th major attempt. This one is going to stick as my life depends on it. Anyhow, I am grateful to all of you who are still here from 10 years ago and all the newbies that have joined us along the way. The support of this community is so uplifting and inspiring so thank you all for all you do and all your contributions over the years. I am so grateful to be back "home" again. LILTEX

Hi S.I., I have been away from this site for a long time, and I hope my story might be of help to you. I have battled this addiction on and off since 2005. I got off adderall for good on November 12th, 2010, and my life was extraordinary after escaping this drug. However, my demon tricked me back in May 2021 and contemplated a loop hole to go back to it by begging my doctor to put me on Concerta instead since I didn't abuse it when I initially took it for 6 months prior to switching to adderall. Long story short, I got a prescription and the same story repeated itself. I blew my new career out of the water. I received a promotion, was the star in our Sales Kickoff event in Las Vegas of Feb 2023, but then I took so many concerta that week and never slept due to stress of a million different things and fell into a drug induced psychosis which landed me in a psych ward. I drank on my job and completely destroyed my new career which I had worked so hard to achieve and they fired me. It is now a year later and I am just now getting back on my feet. I have a low minimum wage job and I am lucky to have it. Do not let this drug destroy your life the way it has done to be 3 times now. It will destroy you at some point sooner or later if your addiction is anything like mine. As far as how to escape this since you asked for help. Start using affirmations that describe what you want to move towards rather than the cycle you keep repeating. You are banging on the drum of self defeat. Instead of repeating this self sabotaging language and calling in your epic downfall, repeat the words to yourself, "I am free. I am clean. I love being free of this habit and taking my life back. I have so much energy without it. I am healthy. I can achieve anything I set my mind to. I am unstoppable. I am already free. It's already done. I am so excited about my future and everything I have to look forward to by breaking this addiction, etc." Keep repeating language like this to yourself and stay positive towards your freedom from the adderall slavery you've been accustomed to for all this time. You can do this. You will do this. Godspeed my friend, LilTex

I love reading your success stories!! So proud of you all! I have a few friends who started taking Adderall, making me think about it a lot. It's so helpful to read your stories and remember how crazy this addiction was for me back 11 years ago. I can't believe it's been that long, but wow, it feels good to be free from it and know it would make my life a living hell again if I ever resumed it. Congratulations, MR34!! 2 years is amazing!!!

Speedracer!! We have the exact same sobriety date! June 24th, 2019????

You can do it!

SleepyStupid, I hope you were able to reset this month. Did it get any better? That's a great point about the lockdowns and everyone working from home.