Greg

I woke up today and was thinking ITS TIME FOR MY 12 and knocked out 6 :)

Agreed, once you cross over from just taking it to dependency u lose control over what you're doing.

Congrats on 9 months! Huge accomplishment!

Hahaha no the name change is not because I wanted to move on to a new identity but that is insightful. I cannot always post under the screen name. So i had to create another one if i wanted to continue to post. Recently I seem to be able to post under this screen name again. Knock on wood.

Thanks all. There is nothing more important than being clean!!!

Good work everyone!!!

Also, you can't use it for more than a month or u build up tolerance to it and it doesn't work anymore. So u have to stop taking it for a month at least before u can take it again. But it is not really anything like adderall...it is more like caffeine. I took it for a month then stopped and haven't gone back on it. I thought it was effective when I was on it for a little while.

Welcome Rich! This is the best club on the planet

thank you so much for your responses. i did not feel it was rambling like you said , i got a lot of perspective. I think its really interesting what you said about not even looking forward to taking your benzos. That sounds like a big distinction from an addiction. And knowing that youve been on for so long and have not developed an addictive mindset toward benzos is encouraging. i am worried especially what you wrote about being concerned about not being strong enough to cope on my own when anxiety strikes. that is also a big fear for me about the Xanax. But on the other hand, i really feel im benefiting from this. I think it is great that we are vigilent and think and discuss this stuff after what weve been through. we are worried given our history dealing with controlled substances. we have lied to get more and done all sorts of stuff to get more etc etc. and lost control. Addiction is just such a travesty (their is no adjective to describe how horrible addiction is) and such a difficult thing to come back from and its important that we never ever fall back in that place again. Occasional, i cant fathom anything being worse than adderall withdrawal except maybe ritalin withdrawal. i felt suicidal after quitting. really? xanax withdrawal worse? I just want to say, I am SO PROUD of us for survivng addiction. Its such a difficult thing to beat and live with and look at us now. standing here and living.

Good job guys. I am at 5 right now and heading out for a run. I like it how we are all so honest on this forum. My mom was asking what if we decide to lie about our 12 miles? and i was like we dont have that problem. lol. next, i think we need t-shirts for our 12 mile running club.

Lol, don't know where my head is right now. Keep up the good work you all.

Just a quick check in guys. Its Friday. I am at 7 miles. Technically I could run 5 today, but tomorrow morning is my Charity 5K run (which is only 3.1 miles, lol) but i really don't want to have potentially really sore legs for tomorrow so im going to rest them up a little tonight. Hope everyone is making it to the 12 mile goal!

Guys, Occasional, Im so sorry to hear you are having a rough time I hope you feel better soon. Cat- Great to have you in the club! just quickly chiming in before heading out. been super busy, seeing relatives almost every day..went canoing and capsized twice in the lake. every chance i get I keep leaving them to go for a run. They all know I am doing the 12 mile a week thing. And my little nephew is always asking me how many miles i have to go. Everybody is getting in on the running thing. And we all entered into a 5k run this weekend. Anyway, I got 12 in! It is Friday..updates guys!!

Bravo occasional!!

Ashley, I was thinking maybe that you gave up the Kolonopin that has maybe given you some anxiety and depression side effects? And of course PAWS which is always running its depression claws in the background. I really hope you are feeling better now. is the wellbutrin working for you? Running is definitely important for the lethargy since running tends to energize people. Take care of yourself. When i get depressed i just force myself to keep going through the motions until it goes away. And it will go away. you are a recovering addict, always be gentle on yourself. I guess depression can be caused or magnified by PAWS. But no matter how bad it is you can still function and get things done. And you are moving back to school to finish your degree and have a new chapter and challenge ahead of you to look forward to. feel better! Im at 12.5 for the week. Keep it up guys

MFA so good to hear an update from u.mi quickly scanned because I was really worried u relapsed and breathesd a sigh of relief when I saw you hadn't. I'm sorry it's been tough and yes, I agree with what u said somewhere else that a lot of it had to do with PAWS which comes with no rhyme or reason sometimes.Ashley, I'm also sorry to hear u are having a rough couple weeks. And I'm sure PAWS is not helping on that front either. I just want to update that I'm at 6.5 miles, I have had a lot of family activities since I've been back and have been running anywhere I can. Today I dropped my niece off to paint pottery in a strip mall and found a gym Two doors down in the same shopping center. The owner said I could use the treadmill for 5 bucks and so I knocked out 4 miles today there.

me too. i dont have a gym membership either. crammed in 7.5 miles today to make it 12 (barely...lol)

It is so HOT Out! I am headed to the gym right now to register for a monthlong membership. great post. Fantastic job occasional.

I am flying home tomorrow for a month. But plan to enroll in a gym ASAP and not stop running, but this week I might fall a bit behind.

Awesome job!!!! Way to go!

Cool, I'm going to read this. Thanks ashley!!

Ashley? Anything to report?

See u next week in the club occasional. Hope everything is ok.

14!

I got in touch with mike and he recently made some change to this site and I think somehow that affected my ability to post. But it works sometimes like now using my tablet, but not the computer. (Ashley, I find it funny that you don't associate me with the name Greg since that is my name, lol. And I've known u for a while. I guess no one here does) I did 5.5 today, bringing me to 11 this week. I was totally motivated to the gym by our club, how are you all coming along?