Greg

Thanks quit once, yup I am finally starting grad school, can u believe it? and I AM getting ill from all this moving. I was supposed to ship everything today but I completely underestimated howw much packing I needed to do and am only halfway done. Will have to aim for tomorrow. I am following a checklist I found online and there is just so much stuff I need to send. It doesn't end. Yeah, that internship proved to me so much about how I could perform without adderall. The main thing was I just had so much better judgement. When I went to work on adderall I FELT Like a superstar (in my head ONLY) but I wasn't a superstar in reality because I was so focused internally on myself, my own needs ahead of my job. Plus I would usually spend half the day outside chain smoking. And id also spend a lot of time running out for doctors appointments to pick up scripts and then going to pharmacies. This time, I spent more time at my job and was less focused on me and more focused on my job and the needs of my employer. I mean, that was just one of the differences I noticed, better judgement. But there were a ton of positive differences. I mean I was more relaxed for another...I'm sure I came off so anxious or RUSHED on the adderall, probably tough to trust someone all wound up on adderall and always seemingly on the go. And my energy levels were all over the place on the adderall...sometimes I was super peppy and when I was in withdrawal I was the opposite of peppy...i was up down, up down, depending on how much adderall was in me. but the true testament that i was better was at the end of my job where I asked my employer to fill out a recommendation form and she was so enthused she read back to me my performance review and checked off all 5's the highest rating and wrote smart, focused, out of the box thinker, communicative and lots of other good feedback and also said could gladly be put down as a reference for any future job I apply for. That's what truly made me see that the non adderall me was so much better..I mean it 100% when i say that i couldn't see the adderall-Ed me could to any better or even close..so a really important experience and now I guess in a week or two I begin my next job as a graduate assistant, and I feel ready to tackle this. Back to packing...I really can't wait for this to be over, ugh.

Ha ha ha Ashley, I think like that all the time. I am constantly repeating that line of thinking to myself all the time. ESPECIALLY AT WORK. I will be feeling so bored and be like... Well this is what it is like for normal people. I'm just living like a normal person. This is what normal is. And I'll like keep repeating that to myself as the time passes. This is how everybody, the non addicts, go through life.

Thanks MFA!!! It's funny because at one point I really couldn't lift a finger without adderall. I couldn't read a book or even watch a movie without taking it or crushing it up and snorting it. 8 or 9 or more a day. Adderall was my engine. So at one point I felt it was truly impossible to do anything without it. I'm glad that turned out not to be the truth. Sigh, I'm only 1/5 through packing. Looks like its going to be a long night.

That was some much needed tough love.. Are you going to have to hit bottom before your finally desperate enough to quit? Because if you haven't, maybe you can avoid it. But I'm nt seeing the desperation to quit and also like Ashley was saying that's what you need, because this will just continue to screw up your life more, being handcuffed to a prescription like this.

Look to the right of the page and you'll see a button with a little checkmark that says LIKE THIS. (U have to be logged in to see it, and u have to be logged in to see people's likes) If u like a post just click on that button and everyone can see that you liked The post. For example, I'll click on the like this button on your post above so u see what it looks like.

I think we all know exactly what you mean! But that's recovery... And the dopamine slowly starts to come back, but its not like flooding your brain or anything like that but that's how regular people live and that's how we should learn to live. And that's what is good healthy living.

Oh, alright you had meat..k...just , you know, don't ever relapse on anything else!!

Thanks sky! Wait a sec, you said you relapsed last night...but on a burger right?? Not adderall...

Great job lea! on day 5 I was still deep in a sleep coma.

Hey sky, I am running around all over the place packing boxes to ship to school, and getting ready to move halfway across the country. I can't believe it's happening already (flying out Thursday, orientation friday) this past week I wrapped up my 100% ADDERALL FREE internship and got some great reference letters. I definitely performed better at this job WITHOUT adderall. I could just feel that My judgement and focus was so much better and left on a very high note. Sobriety is paying off.. Instead, I am running on Dunkin (ice coffee)

Cool. I have just discovered 'like this' thanks to you guys...

I said something similar to ashley6 a while back when she was contemplating rehab. I mean you have two options. 1. You either have to have immense will and motivation to quit yourself ( and support..which you'll have from the quitting adderall group) 2. detox/rehab/outpatient treatment... But this is that crossroad every addict hits. Living with addiction is not sustainable -- but you know that.

It just occurred to me that both of you who relapsed are working right now. I mean a lot of people go to rehab and take off work for months to get over something like this. It just seems like getting over an addiction, especially adderall addiction and going to work .... Can really work against each other. In a lot of adderall addicts, not all, but a lot myself included for sure.

How about to make up for your relapse you do something positive toward your recovery like tonight flushing your pills? It'll prove to yourself and everyone around you that you are recommitting yourself to this fight.

When I got busted the whole thing was very serious. I was treated like a criminal. I was ushered to the side and I was told never to step foot in there again. Also, i totally denied it out of embarassment. i certainly didn't leave on any kind of good terms. He also tore up my script in front of me. Then the pharmacist called my doctor who then called me and I just avoided his calls altogether. I find it lol that you made friends with him! :-) that's awesome.

Lol. MFA, That is exactly what it was. But what they found was that this was serving more like a commercial for drugs and turning kids onto drugs...kids were like 'MDMA? What's this? Where can I get some?'

Lol. D.A.R.E. was or is a big "don't do drugs" campaign taught across schools. I remember a dare officer came and opened a box filled with marijuana, angel dust, heroin, LSD , acid, shrooms and went through each drug teaching us what each drug did and how they were bad. Then we got DARE t shirts. But what they fond was that the DARE program was actually making kids more susceptible to drugs by teaching them and exposing them to street drugs. So the program failed and I think they tried to revamp it. I'm not sure of its still in existence.

Oh yeah, I read that in I think On Speed or some book. And the guy theorized that prescribed meth or desoxyn was behind all Hitlers twisted delusional behavior. I can see how speed would make him FEEL like a tyrant dictator.

Yeah I heard about that. But Jackie eventually started getting the injections and she was feeling so good and productive she ended up getting addicted to the injections but was able to stop before it got really bad.

That's what we like to hear! Sounds like your rational mind is wrestling back control. I mentioned this a lot earlier. But writing a list of all the horrible things about being addicted to adderall and then having it on hand to re read it during tough moments was really helpful as well. Maybe you want to give that a try. I must have read my list hundreds of times. It always came in handy. Eventually I didn't need it as much, but in the beginning I needed it a lot.

I dont know if this helps but Whenever I found myself in that situation, I'd close my eyes and repeat to myself .. This is the addicted me talking, not the real me talking. I'd repeat over and over to myself until the thoughts passed...and when it happened again, I'd repeat the process.

take a deep breath. you got to put a halt to that line of thinking...we've all been there many times. that's when your addicted brain gets hold of your rational mind.

why did you write this with the 'strikethrough' script? keep your expectations low when quitting or you will be disappointed. unfortunately our brains take a while to begin regenerating what we have grown so accustomed to adderall producing for us. you got to start somewhere and id say youre off to a great start. stay strong and hang in there.