Greg

In college I was in my serious honeymoon with Ritalin. I took it as prescribed and genuinely believed I had ADHD. Academically, wow for me. And just all aspects of my life. There was a difference. But you know by the time I graduated I remember walking around the graduation tent asking people if they had Ritalin and they were like are u addicted? The problem had begun! It didn't take long at all to get addicted. Within a couple prescriptions I was cheating and taking an extra 10 mg and already running out early. Not three weeks early but a couple days. I held on to that success I had with Ritalin in the years after college and as I got more addicted my mind deteriorated. But to justify Ritalin or then adderall I held on to the honeymoon of Ritalin, and continued to believe it "helped me. Edit - But yes, my mind deteriorated because of Ritalin. when you hearing voices in your head it gets in the way of the words in the books you are trying to absorb. And I was scribbling nonsense. Half formed incoherent thoughts. So that honeymoon led to fragmented schizophrenic thinking. But I thought I was brilliant the whole time.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement!!!!!!

Heather u are really just doing an incredible job coming off 400mgs a day. Keep it up!!!

I hope you all dont one day get a post from me saying...look ive decided to drop out of school to focus On my recovery.

Yeah I wonder that too, if someone is really super attentive in class I look at them and try to see if I can tell if they are on adderall! You are so right when u say this is retraining the brain on another level. I guess if I can survive I will feel super super mega uber recovered from adderall. That is a big if though. I honestly don't know how this is going to work out.

What a powerful reminder of how bad it was. I remember experiencing solipsism in stage 7 so much....I was so messed up. Beyond belief..I could go into stories of how I behaved in solipsism but just so embarrassing.

Hell yes. I can relate to each and everyone..especially number 1 and number 4. But really ALL of them. Maybe 8 the most. I completely believe adderall addiction causes severe depression in the adderall addict not just because of the depletion of feel good chemicals in their brain but a sadness because of their life circumstances living as an adderall addict. Ashley mentioned something I really agree with...time just flies by and before you know it you are worse and worse and the hole you dig gets deeper and deeper. And these years you've wasted addicted to adderall, u can never get them back.

actually I don't have really good advice but I know you will get through the day fine and it will be over before you know it...we are all here rooting for you tomorrow!

I remember when you were here and then we didn't hear from you. Its unfortunate that this happens a lot here. I recommend you become an active member on the community because they will keep you from using but you have to commit 100% to quitting. Idmcniel , you sound desperate, have you finally had enough to commit 100% to your health, your sanity, your family and your future?

Zzzzzz... Today has been a test. Full of SELF DOUBT and the most positive thinking of adderall I've ever had. This environment is conducive to adderall. I realize I am here to study a lot and concentrate and take lots of exams not just unpack clothes and get settled in to a new environment. That damn statistics class is confusing. but krax was right. It turns out most of the people in the class didnt do much of the problems. Anyway, After 6 hours of class I was walking out the building and someone invited me to join their study group at their house. So I made some friends finally , had beers, and we went through the coursework and it was helpful...kinda fun. I have been going in and out of paws. You know how when on adderall we clench our jaws and grind teeth. I start to tense up similarly when I'm in PAWS. hope its not too noticeable. But difficult to control. Edit - also very fond of Xanax but I'm just not going to go there. Only 3 left.

Eat that frog is an awesome awesome book. ..everyone check it out. i read the whole thing in one sitting. Kudos lea to cutting off your doctor supply. Looks like you ATE the biggest ugliest frog you may ever see (everyone, this is a reference to the book) I bought the eat that frog app which had an actual frog and everything... Edit - I really think I need to read that book again. Then statistics..

Thanks Krax that does make me feel better. ok, so I ended up reading 25 pages and doing zero problems. Then watching breaking bad. Then sleep., pitiful. I have no idea what i read in those 25 pages because i didnt understand it. i have a couple hours before class and will try to do more reading. Things will just not be the same as if were taking that stupid adderall. I have to accept it. I also have two more classes that start today. Thanks to this site the decision last night to toss the pills was really easy. This site really has ingrained into my head repeatedly the whole concept of adderall being evil. Thank u guys. Off to the dining hall for a couple cups of coffee first.

Three

OMG, there are more Adderall tablets in the other back pocket. WTF?? Obviously I haven't worn these shorts in a long time. Going to flush these. (edit-flushed)

thanks for your responses guys...this is just so bad. Im not understanding anything I am reading. I am really frustrated. And there 119 problems but we don't have to do all of them. he didn't specify how many to do, just one of each type). I got up and just randomly reached into my back pocket and pulled out ADDERAL!!!. There was Adderall in my back pocket!!? what?I put it on the counter and stared at it. what a weird sign?? well. I am going to flush this right now... (edit-flushed)

dang I didn't have time to run today. I missed my three days in a row milestone. bummer

season 1 was the best! usually I wait for a season to end and then watch it all at once. but I had to watch each episode week by week. I haven't started the second season yet... it gets worse?

so then breaking bad but with some book in my lap?

I say change it to a friedegg

Breaking Bad vs 75 pages of "really" boring "and complicated" statistics reading and "very dense reading" with a problem set due tomorrow? Anyone?

Legatus, edit - if you want to be successful here, flush your pills (and cut off your supplier)

Interesting, never heard of it..

American horror story is awesome too. I read u saw sons of anarchy. How's that one?

Yeah I heard it gets insanely good. I am getting through season 1 and its good but not insanely good. But now I know it will get better. I thought walking dead just began insanely good.