Greg

Neversaynever, you sound like you understand how destructive this is for you. You understand you are in a mess thats not going away until the adderall addiction stops. But you haven't indicated that you plan to take action and quit. Are you still taking 13 x 30mgs a day? I mean, having been on those dosages too, you are probably going into psychosis daily maybe not in the beginning of the day, but definitely by the end of the day...

Hey hey! Congratulations on that!!!!

Some doctors are so ridiculous!!!! I mentioned earlier that when I told my doctor that I was worried about how addictive they were, she suggested concerta instead. Concerta? She apparently didn't know anything about stimulants. Bottom line, I am with you 100%. You gotta find a way to establish a relationship where they will not prescribe you stimulants. Leaving that door open is the addict within you and it's just super dangerous for any recovering addict. Also, having tried so many ways to quit, like tapering down, self control, having someone dole them out to me, I found this one to be the only effective way. Cutting off the street dealer (who happens to be a doctor who can prescribe adderall)

Antidepressants are not addictive so my mentality is if you need it, get on one. I am still on Effexor. You got to think of your doctor as dangerous as any dealer. They are enablers just the same. Don't ever ask him for stimulants. I mean, I would go ahead and tell him that you don't believe in adderall or any stimulants because you've heard so many horror stories about their addictive potential and you refuse to be prescribed any anymore. You gotta block these enablers. Of course you can always find your way into more, but at least that's a start...are positive you can't tell him you've had abuse problems in The past and you don't want to have problems going forward or something like that. I mean try to think of ways you can get him to cut you off without getting into trouble. You can be creative when it comes to getting pills, try and be creative when it comes to blocking off your pills. You can rely on yourself to stay off pills to a degree but cutting suppliers off is such a fail safe way to do it.

Yes addiction is like a sleeping dog/beast that is ready to be awakened from one pill. I agree, the suppliers need to be cut off at all costs.

My heart goes out to those families. What a senseless awful tragedy.

2 years and 1 month or 761 days or 108 weeks

It is shitty. But right now think about how miserable you are. You pop a pill then it begins to wear off and you go into withdrawal, so then you pop another one to stave off your withdrawal, but then that one wears off and you start to feel withdrawal again. And these adderall withdrawals happen like 12 or 13 times a day. You are taking about 13 a day right? So that's a lot of discomfort throughout the day. So one of the most rewarding things about quitting adderall is not having to feel the adderall wear off throughout the day

If you don't treat your addiction, it's like a festering wound. It will get worse and worse, like a wound that gets more and more infected. You have to check into rehab again (this would be your second time right? That's what I gather from your other post) , or you have to be strong enough to get clean on your own. Strong enough meaning you have to be able to call your doctors and fess up to your doctor shopping. Or have your parents do it for you. And you have to stay clean. You have to really want this and be 100 percent motivated. But know it is possible.

Neversaynever..I have also heard that statistic , only I heard 1 in 35 addicts cleans up for good.

Mode Mosley? I think I missed the whole mosemosley thing!

Thanks for the link!

Cassie, lol .. This may be the article that started it all. Students abusing benzedrine on college campuses. Time magazine article published in 1937 http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,757775,00.html It's amazing how the media has not been able to advance this story in more than 70 years!! The same running headline for 70 years!

Kylechaos..i am typing on my phone so thus spelling errors. U took 20?? The first time I read your post I thought u said you took 2 x 20mgs. 20? Unfortunately, I have been on binges of that magnitude many times. And Yes ive woken up with bruises and cuts out of the blue many times. In your adderall haze you probably bangd into something and didnt rnotice in your haze. 20?? Youre relapse shows the power of addiction bc i know u know how bad adderall is and u still binged.Kylechaos u r stronger than this.

Oh god. I saw this on another blog a couple months ago. Zap2it did this feature called faces of method. Pretty unbelievable isn't it?

...and grandiose thinking...or thoughts of grandiosity or however its called

I think you have to remember that quitting adderall is the main priority in your life. Nothing should supercede that. Nothing should have enough importance to drive you to take adderall again dont forget, your brain is addicted, youre addiction, your craving for dopamine, is going to tell your brain anything, make any excuse to use it again. I literally had nothing going on in my life for a while except quitting adderall, so i could have no external pressure to drive me back to this stuff. Im now able to juggle a lot more things. but it was worth it to take that "time out". Remember, addiction causes us to not think rationally, and we will get really creative justifying reasons why we need it. But you have to push yourself to continue to be rational about this and continue to tell yourself that what you need to do is beat this addiction to stimulants. And if you have to put a big sticker on computer or make it your desktop background. The words you should be looking at every day are GETTING OFF STIMULANTS IS MY MAIN PRIORITY. Then once you get over the initial hurdle (and give yourself plenty of time) things in life will start to fall into place and you'll have that reasonable foundation you need to live life again. And keep reminding yourself that it does get easier no matter how impossible it may seem at times. ask any of us here, we've all been there we KNOW how insanely impossible it seems. But so many of us are still standing and still clean.

Spot on! I'd like to add manic personality

At first I was going to say I had a personal illness that has since passed..but then why bother? There's no need to be so specific. Family health issue is true and sounds just so much better. And they would have to be really obnoxious to further inquire about a family health issue. U know?

Thanks Ashley!!!

So I finally have my quitting adderall success story to tell... So this important application i referred to in the original post was for a competitive scholarship to business school and I actually got it. I didn't mention what it was for before because I didn't want to jinx it. It will cover most of my tuition, and give me a living stipend, I also have to work as a graduate assistant for 20 hours a week. And as long as I keep my GPA above 3.25, most of my education will be paid for. Now let me just say, this is a miracle because my résumé was filled with lots of gaps of time that were caused by adderall, and going in and out if rehab treatment..etc etc. which was a big part of the application., but also more importantly to me, I did this whole process without adderall, this whole process. And I'm finally seeing how people say it gets better when you are not on adderall. There were times i never thought i would be able to do stuff again without that pill. Your life gets better. And you can do things again. And accomplish things again. You just have to throw out the pills and trust in your ability to heal and retrain your motivation muscle. For two years, I did nothing but now I'm beginning to see it was all worth it. I may get PAWS still all the time, but I have lost all faith in the adderall addicted me and have started gaining a lot more faith in the adderall free me. I just wonder how the adderall addicted, psychosis driven me would have performed through this process. I am now interning 9-5, taken an intense four hour exam, been accepted to b school with a scholarship all adderall free and ready for the fresh start.

Basically you know I feel like I've gotten back my ability and potential to perform well at work and am also trying to find out what I'm like and what I'm good at.

Right, exactly. I think adderall takes away a lot from our ability to act well at work. We are focused on our own wants and needs, ideas and...adderall and not as much on getting along with everyone around us or the place we are working for which is important for doing well at work and advancement.

Yeah, for real. Adderall does make you the type of person where people DONT want to stop by your desk and chat. And I'm seeing things like that are really important when you trying to do well (fit in with coworkers) at work. Also I think I was too ambitious and took Too much initiative and all that on adderall. Now I have a better idea of balancing things.

Yes, that is a big thing I was going to mention too. I was intensely focused a lost in my thoughts a lot of the time. Coworkers could say something to me and I would not even hear because I was so focused on something. Now I can laugh and joke around with coworkers and that makes it way easier to fit in. Also adderall does make us arrogant, gives us a sense of entitlement..I don't have that anymore.probably makes me a lot easier to work wi..also I'm less anxious. I think before I must have come off as anxious ( from being on so much medication) maybe harder to trust. Also I am not Jekyll and hide throughout the day as the adderall took effect (Jekyll) and then the adderall wore off and I was in withdrawal (Hyde). I also have more energy when I come home from work. At one point I was rationing all my adderall pulls to take during the day, about 4 30 mg tablets. Then when I'd come home I'd go into withdrawal and just go to sleep at like 6pm until the next day. Now I have plenty of energy when I get back to do other stuff like write on this forum, I usually go to bed at midnight or 1 and then wake up at 8am. This has been such an eye opening past couple weeks.