catw66

I am in NC if you would like to message me as well. How is it going?

I am so happy for you. It sounds like you are doing really well. I think your post has reminded me that I started to feel really anxious and stressed out before hitting the severe depression I finally hit with Adderall (like I did last time) about three weeks ago. I knew exactly when it really started to turn on me. But about a month or so before, i was having insane anxiety and just felt totally overwhelmed by so much. I think some of this was a the low dose of Wellbutrin added in (which never agreed with me) but mostly the Adderall. I was starting to have feeling and thoughts that if I didn't get my stress levels under control, I was going to get sick with cancer or something. I really felt that way. I have cut down on it by almost half and even that is helpful, as my anxiety is not as bad. For now, I'll take the brain fog and feeling heavy over that sort of anxiety and feeling of stress. Congrats again! I think it took me about two weeks as well to begin to start to feel better once I was down to my last taper and then totally off. But it was hard. I was in space land and had to nap a lot. I think I will go just a bit slower this time because I have a lot to do before I move out of town and I don't want to put myself into a totally dysfunctional place, but I'm doing what I can. Really look forward to being off of this stuff again and not pick it up ever again.

How are you feeling? Are you feeling tired or sort of slowed down? I agree that coffee helps. I was so out of it today just even tapering. I had an afternoon cup of coffee and that helped.

I think if you read my story you can see maybe ( If I spelled it out clearly enough) that I deal with chronic fatigue and severe depression. when I had to do something, a couple of adderall seemed fine - like move across the country. Then I ended up in a place with not enough sun and had a bad experience with SAD and was so miserable I thought it might help and it did - for a while. And then it turned on me. My doctor prescribed them and I was taking as little as possible and then my tolerance built up, causing me to take what she prescribed and then some at times - and I started feeling worse, so I decided it was not helping me anymore but hurting me. Anti-dpressants make things much worse for me in different ways and Adderall was all I could tolerate pretty much - while it worked. In my case, I was self-medicating occasionally for chronic fatigue and then severe seasonal affective disorder, with a psychiatrist agreeing and prescribing. I never romanticized it at all - was just desperate for relief from my conditions. But that relief is short-lived. Adderall can no longer be an option for me. It is easy to forget how it takes away with one hand what it gave with another at first. I didn't even think about Adderall much after I quit, though I do think it helped me function during last winter. So, it had its purpose and now I am paying for that again. Had I not kept some extra, just in case I had something I really had to get through in spite of chronic fatigue syndrome, I would not have ended back up on it. So it just cannot be an option anymore. When I am done, I am not keeping any. No more falsely getting through things I cannot really do or should not do.

I need to finish this. I started watching and then didn't finish. It is weird.

My favorite netflix series starting with Crime dramas - Wentworth - an Aussie version of Orange is the New Black but darker and more dramatic ( I liked it better). The Killing - A seattle Crime Drama with great plot and acting. The Fall - A very good crime drama set in Northern Ireland. Rectify - Very good - about a guy that gets out of prison since age 15 for a murder he didn't commit. Good acting, very philosophical and nicely filmed. Bloodline - Extremely good. About a family in Florida with its secrets. Broadchurch - a UK crime drama that has a surprising ending. Loved it. Wallander - can't remember much about this other than I liked it. I may need to watch it again. Happy Valley - a British crime drama involving a female cop after a man who killed her daughter. Very good. Appropriate Adult - Based on the true story of a woman who took a volunteer position dealing with real life UK serial killer, Fred West. Very good. Top Of The Lake - Very good and has Holly Hunter in it. About a young girl who goes missing. Funny dialog in parts and intelligent and gritty. The Code - A political thriller crime drama based in Austrailia. Very well acted and suspensful. Southcliff - only four episodes but a good one about someone who returns to his home town to search for answers as to someone he knew who was a spree killer. Secrets And Lies - A neighbor's little boy turns up dead and the next door nieghbor is accused. All kinds of things break out around this and the end is quite surprising. I think only one season. Other good ones not crime related, but more easy to watch and either funny and/or feel good : The Riches - Hysterical and better than Weeds, though kind of like it. Suspenseful too in ways and smart. Life Unexpected - Set in Portland about a young couple who are not married who have a long-ago, given up for adoption teen come back into their lives. Army Wives - Funny and touching. I binge-watched this while very sick with a flu that last almost two weeks. United States of Tara - This was awesomely funny and unique, being that it's about a woman with DID (dissociative identity disorder - what they used to call multiple personality disorder) and how her family deals with her alternates. It is also very real as you would imagine having to live with this would be. Reckless - A lovely courtroom drama/romance series set in Charleston, SC. The L.A. Complex - about young people trying to make it in Los Angeles as actors. I enjoyed this being from Los Angeles. It kept my attention. The Fosters - A great series about a lesbian couple who fosters children. Saving Grace - With Holly Hunter. An angel offers a jaded Oklahoma City police detective the chance to redeem her life. Hemlock Grove - My god this is good - a horror/fantasy/drama sort of thing. American Horror Story - is also very good. I loved the first season, especially. The Guardian. I really got hooked on this one. About a young lawyer who gets in trouble with drugs and alcohol and is sentences to many hours of volunteer work as a guardian ad litem for children in trouble in their homes. The Tudors - so awesome.

Oh, yes. In fact, my isolation has increased severely this second time of being on it. I was very isolated the three years I was on it as well. When I got off of it, I realized that it had been the Adderall that made me anti-social after a while. Your post just reminded me that this is probably why, not a few months after getting back on it, that my social life started to dwindle down to nearly nothing again. And yes, people annoying me, though some of them for a good reason. But I was more able to tolerate them when I was not on Adderall. Anyway, I hope thigns are getting better for you. It sounds like you have a good plan in place. But thanks so much for reminding me how isolated I really got. I was more social and more open to meeting people when I was off of this for two years. And now that I got back on and am getting off after six months, I truly have lost my energy and motivation for many extra-curricular social things. I didn't realize it was happening again slowly but surely.

P.S. the first time I quit, I was on about 40 mg ER. I had climbed up from about 20 over a three year period. I was quit for about two years. This time, I was on 10-20 mg a day, ending at about 25-30. I was prescribed it in January and it took only 6 months for me to start feeling really terrible this time.

I went through this two years ago and I can't remember how long it took exactly, though I started to feel better sooner than I predicted I would. I thought I would feel terrible for a few months, but I think I quit in May and started to feel much better by the beginning of July. I have only started to taper and I feel exactly as you described, but really depressed on top of it. But then again, adderall made me depressed too.

I might not be making too much sense. I am extremely low today on brain function. I meant to put this in my post. After reading this link, I realized I am probably weaning too quickly. http://quittingadderall.com/how-to-wean-yourself-off-of-adderall/ I was asking if it is very normal to feel depressed and really fatigued during a weaning off period. I was also wondering if others felt ok letting themselves not do a whole lot due to lack of energy from all this. I feel guilty for not pushing, but I'm exhausted. I can barely think straight. I've been through this before, but I can't remember exactly what it felt like or how much I really was able to do. I don't think I was working much through it. I think I let myself sleep a lot though I don't feel sleepy, just guilty for not doing enough and very depressed.

I read this again and realize that going from 20 to 10 might be too much for me. I may have been taking more like 25-30 before I decided to quit. Is it is normal to feel very fatigued and depressed during a taper? Even a slow one? I don't remember how I felt as I tapered before and how much slack I cut myself. I think maybe 25 to 10 is too great a step for me, but I am desperate to get off this stuff. I feel like a zombie lately. I can hardly do anything and it's all hot and humid where I live. Is it really okay to cut yourself some slack during all of this? I am barely able to work much by now. Some of this is severe depression. Good thing I am ok financially as I worked a lot this winter so I could move form this stupid place I moved to, which helped me get back on Adderall due to winter SAD.

I just had to stop wellbutrin as I cut down on Adderall. I have bipolar II disorder and was starting to feel increasingly suicidal and agitated. Now that I am off of it, I am just feeling very depressed and lethargic. I got an alpha-stim machine in the mail and it has helped only a little though they say to give it 1-3 weeks for depression. I have cut down form 20 mg to 10 mg or Adderall.

I am right there with you. Congrats. For many years, I too had an eating disorder. I got over it pretty much years ago, but this winter when I got into a bad bout of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I was hungry all the time, even with my Adderall useage. When spring and summer hit and it got lighter out, all of the sudden my appetite dwindled to near nothing, as it did the last time I was on it for three years. I think the last time I quit, I gained roughly around five pounds. But in all truth, I kind of needed it and looked a lot healthier for it. I see pictures of myself when on Adderall and I looked good, but a bit thin. People would tell me I looked a bit thing. My skin didn't look as healthy either - kind of pale with dark circles under my eyes. Then I saw a photo of myself almost 8 months after getting off Adderall, I looked totally healthy and glowing, like I had never used it at all. Since starting it again this January, I still look okay but I have some dark circles under my eyes. As for food, I will try and eat smaller amounts and not too many carbs with a high glycemic load and keep exercising.

This whole web site was/is also a big help. I am enjoying revisiting the tips on how to quit, etc. because they are exactly how I got through it. And the writing style is great too, which helps.

Congratulations. Hang in there! thanks for the reminder about fish oil. I often forget to take mine.

Thanks, Greg. It does get better. I was surprised that it got as good as it did. I had actual, natural enthusiasm and motivation for things. But I remember feeling really spaced and tired for a while, though the depression was at least starting to abate. Having gone through quitting already, I think I figured I could just do it again, though I forgot how truly miserable it all was. But I'm looking forward to it too.

Thank you. Today is very, very rough. The thing with Adderall is that it causes what I feel is a very severe depression headache. Some of this right now is hormones and I know it will ease up at least a bit. After this, I never want to touch this stuff again. Will update and everyone know if my alpha-stim unit proves helpful. For now, I just keep telling myself to just survive, don't even think about suicide, and just get through it. Because I know from past experience that it gets a lot better in time. But what an isolating, horrible feeling. I feel like the loneliest person alive lately and I know that's depression and lack of energy - another thing Adderall does....

Hi - I had successfully quit a three-year prescription use of Adderall for severe fatigue, ADD, and depression a couple of summers ago and here I am again. I have suffered from severe bipolar II depression for many years now. I also suffer from chronic pain and fatigue, along with ADD. I was put on Adderall around 2010 and never made the connection that my depression was getting so much worse due to it. I almost had ECT and the doctor told me to get off my meds and see how I felt. Well, I got myself off of Adderall. I was on about 40 mg ER a day. Then I got myself off of Cymbalta. Then I got myself off of my cannabis habit, which I was going on and off with for years. I was feeling pretty good after a while apart from stress in my life of moving around trying to find the right place to live. I have been partially disabled from my conditions since about 2001 after a bad car accident. So I've had special needs and in trying to think of my future after getting priced out of Denver and listening to my mother try and dictate my life and dangle a carrot in front of my face of a house some day if I can find a place affordable enough. So I settled on some hip little town in NC., having never spent any time there really and knowing no one. Compared to where I was, it was a little cheaper - though not for long.... I should have known better that it would not be sunny enough for me, regardless of what everyone else kept telling me about it. I also have severe SAD. This place rains a lot and by about October, I started to feel slightly depressed. By Decmeber, I was extremely depressed and had no energy whatsoever. There are not many medications I can take due to the bipolar. I still had some Adderall around (just in case my fatigue got really bad, I thought I'd use it if I needed to push through something and I did on occasion). This winter, I ended up taking a bit here and there and found it helped a lot. I got in to see a psychiatrist and she gave me an Rx for immediate release Adderall, Wellbutrin, and Lamictal. Wellbutrin is supposed to help with SAD but due to my bipolar disorder, I was unable to take a therapuetic dose. At first I only took 10 mg of Adderall a day and then slowly graduated up to 20 mg. and sometimes a bit more. This was in January when I started. Now it is June and I realized that my depression has turned right back into the awful "Adderall has turned against me" sense of hollowness, I want to kill myself, I don't care about anything despair - and with that dull depression headache. I have to say it did help me get things done during the winter. All I did was socialize a little and work as much as I could on my home business so I could afford to move out of here at the end of my lease this August. Now I need to get off of it again before I kill myself. I was hoping I would enjoy this place for the summer before I moved, but now it looks like I will be spending it mostly alone again, working my way through withdrwal, and all with the added stress of having to move again - back to Colorado, though to a different area I liked in Southern Colorado - with plenty more sun. I am hoping the low dose of Wellbutrin will ease this and then I can work my way off of that. I will take my B-Complex, L-Tyrosine, and NAC, which I took last time. Also something to suppor the adrenals. I also borrowed a friend's alpha-stim for an hour and it helped so much that I found a way to buy one for around $415.00. I get it this Monday and I am sure that will make this less painful this time. I also realize I've been having heightened anxiety since starting Adderall as well. I wonder it if has not been the cause of a lot of dark and scary thoughts. I have been off of cannabis for about 15 months and then I had a slip recently because I was so depressed and wound up and nothing else was working. I was sure I was going to end up in the hospital that day so I thought, Why not? Well, I felt even more dull the next day and decided to go back to no cannabis again. In fact, I realize now that I was using more cannabis on my last go-around with Adderall because it was the only thing that got me out of that sou-sinkling motivationless pit I was always in. My year-long battle with severe depression and trying to find the best place for me as I get older has put me through absolute hell, especially the past few years. I know once I recover from the Adderall withdrawal, I will feel more positive and ready to go forward again. I kept wondering why I wasn't feeling better with so much more sun lately and then I realized the Adderall had finally turned on me. I know the exact quality of feeling from last time. It definitely takes away enthusiasm and caring about things after a while. I just can't get motivated or excited about anything. When I got through the withdrawal last time, I defintely felt more motivated and alive again. I know it is possible to get through it. I don't think it took as long as I thought it would either. So here I go again. Just wanted to share. At the time it seemed like a good idea....out of desperation with severe SAD symptoms. It helped for a while at least and now it's time to go through this again. At least I know what to expect. Cat

Can you try some herbal remedies first? I think there is something called Adult Actives out there with DMAE, Gingko, and something else or two that helps my father and my half-brother who also has ADD. Just throwing it out there. What about a good meditation practice? I find that as long as I keep doing my yoga and my meditation that goes with it, I can stay focused the rest of my day a bit better. I still get off track, and I know it's a struggle when you really do have ADD. I know it is, but for me the Adderall is no longer an option. It caused me too many other problems and I am appreciating my creativity and my ability to actually move my ass and do things even if I am struggling to stay focused. But that's just me.

I hear you. I've been on Adderall for three years and I believe it was the icing on the cake of my psychiatric drug taking career that caused me to realize I need off of the other two meds I have been on for depression and pain and let me tell you it is no picnic. PAWS or post acute withdrawal can last a long time for some of us and it may always be some sort of an issue. I think to still give it time, keep doing my yoga, keep eating well and working on things that activate my brain in a different way. I am still getting crushing depression headaches though not nearly as severe when I was on Adderall. My life too was ruined by a lot of things and not thinking clearly, because I was being controlled by toxic chemcals.

I just realized that what I fear is CONFLICT. I grew up in a high-conflict household and didn't have the cognitive maturity to process it well. I was never an emotionally stable or happy child and was pushed around from care-giver to care-giver who I didn't really know and I would end up in conflict sometimes over it all. Over the years, I tended to befriend other troubled people and have continued that into my adult life and then don't know how to deal with it when they act off-balance or with a lack of integrity so conflict has emerged. I 've become afraid of dealing with people in general or getting too close - and then beating myself up for not dealing with highly dysfunctional people as well as I think I ought to. If I have to end hopeless relationships, I experience more loss so there is that fear as well. LOSS. The easier thing would learn how to expect occasional conflict and to deal with it as it comes up and just have more people in my life who are more sane and easier to know. And to make damn sure I'm emotionally as healthy and equipped for the conflict in life as I can be from now on. I recently had to let go of a re-redeemed friend for pushing on me for too much time and attention yet again. I tried to set the boundary nicely - three times - and he responded badly by blaming me and then pretending to have symptoms of a TIA or stroke, which I found out I have a higher risk for than average for based on a couple of heart defects that were recently discovered ( which and will not get repaird if or until I have two strokes first - due to big insurance in our country). so this really pissed me off as I knew he was faking it for attention and he has done this before. I ripped him a new one with as much good advice as I could manage in the process too. I felt it was about time someone let him know how his tactics really work out in the end, and then felt bad for days about it, telling myself I can't handle conflict well and there's something wrong with me. So this has developed into not wanting people to get too close to me anymore. I'm afraid I won't deal with their issues well enough. But this guy was totall personality disordered. So having the wrong people or situations in one's life can become a self-fulfilling prophesy over time. All fears must be seen as potential self-fulfilling prophesies, is all I am saying here really. And it's good to identify them and work through them.

I've been through a few addictions in my life and what they did was distract me from reality and all my fears - the whole process of engaging in my addiction would take on a simplified, goal-orientated sense of agency that seemed too complicated if I felt I had to apply it consistently to the things that really mattered. Sometimes I'm afraid of things going too well if I get on a roll, because I won't want to feel disappointed if that roll comes to an end. Life is a continuum of doings and experiments with various results and why I fear that, I don't know at times. I think my expectations were always skewed and then I had a mood disorder that affected my thinking about things and it was easier to just escape in the process of addiction with guarenteed results and feelings - even if the consequences got worse over time. I fear success and having to keep going and pushing - or that people will expect me to be better than I am at times. Failure is definitely another fear. I worry how i will handle it if I don't deal with something that comes up just right as I have not dealt with disappointment, emotions, etc.. So I'm having to learn - a lot in fact. CBT therapy, DBT therapy, meditation, etc.. A little success and happiness won't kill me here and there. I just got used to having to struggle and fight reality all the time - from when I was a kid even.....

I got acne as well when I first stopped. I didn't understand it at first. Started using Retin-A cream a couple times a week and my skin is looking a lot better and a good alpha-hydroxy every day cream too. I wash my skin with castor oil most of the time. it's heavy and sort of pain but it cleanses well and doesn't strip the skin of oils. I think it can be cut with a finer oil to thin it out a bit. But yes, my color looked awful and I looked a bit haggard on Adderall. I still look sort of pale and haggard the closer I get to "that time of the month," but otherwise I look a lot healthier and more normal now the rest of the month.

A good cup of green tea really helps me in the afternoon now. Coffee sort of makes me feel weird, but it's good in the morning - sort of. The energy drinks make me feel sort of weird and the come down feels like Adderall to me, so I've not been bothering. Anyway, I'm glad I learned of L-Tyrosine again in my life on this forum as it relates to adderall withdrawal. It really helped me.

I think I take about 1500 mg. now. I was taking twice that much at first however, but now I am feeling better and require less as time goes on.