Zerokewl

2.5 walking so far. Hot here today too.

Today is good a day as any.

keep rolling on ..

goodness I am such an angry young man sometimes.

I'm at the 90ish day mark. I can definitely relate. Im good feeling great than BAM i'm a puddle on the couch watching PBS documentaries and having some dark thoughts. I am trying to keep a journal to see what causes it. Best I can tell exercise is the best cure, but sometimes it so bloody hard to get up and do things. I'm done with any pill that effects the brain so anti-d's are not a good idea. Large doses of ginseng sometimes help. Also I've noticed a bad day seems to follow a really good day.

I can really relate. I used to be such a big deal in my former life. I was really competitive and adderall just through octane on the fire that drove me. I really struggle with what motivates me know, in the past I was motivated by greed, low-self esteem and ego. I want to be more motivated by ego, positive self and greed now. Been listening to Eminem's album Recovery thinking how hard it was to go back to the studio write new material and deal with a lot of criticism.

The only thing that has given me any hope or relief during my first 3 months has been exercise.

Aug 5- 2.6mi walk | 8.1mi cycle I use an app called Moves (iphone )to track everything. Really easy to use set and forget

Watchin Netflix. Really beating myself up for accomplishing very little today. Guess I should learn how to chill productively.

Not much of a reader but the Biographies/ Documentary films on Netflix I enjoyed and inspired me in recovery are Rising Son: The Legend of Skateboarder Christian Hosoi http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0782079/ Bones Brigade http://bonesbrigade.com/ Rectify http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2183404/

Feeling like I am turned back on. Clarity and consciousness.

Great post I believe I am in the Readjust and Rebuild phase. Though I believe I will completely recover. I think its key to always be on guard for new pills etc. 10 years from now when you have completly forgotten this part of your life and how hard it was it may be easy to try a new pill/ formula. Before adderall there were Dex, Ritalin, whatever Johnny Cash was on etc. Adderall is just a new package/ formula. I think this is the point of staying in recovery forever. Adderall can easily be repackaged and rebranded into a new wonder drug. Big pharm wants to create customer for life. I think being in recovery means dealing with the underlying problems that lead you to use Adderall in the first place. Personally I actually have ADHD, I've been accessed as having ADHD at a high level, and struggle with some trivial tasks and while excelling and complex tasks. I think ADHD is a bullshit syndrome and prescribing stimulants to highly creative intelligent people will be remembered by history as a sort of intellectual blood letting. That being said great post my only edit would be to add a Asterix and some fine print to the recovered*.

Congratulations on being born. 9 months is exactly the cycle of a pregnancy so happy bday dude.

....me I was brushing my teeth. I looked in the mirror and saw the most focused and clear set of eyes I'd seen in a long time. Wow. The last 90 days has not been without its challenges (fatigue, severe depression, 0 confidence). But I am feeling much better. I am planning a pretty hardcore exercise regiment for August which is as follows - No fast food - No smokes - 10 beers - 10 boot camps | 8 - 10 swims - 300 miles cycling Gonna dig deep and see if I can shake this thing. Feeling about 60% i will be 75% by Sept 1. July 31'st - getting ready for August 1. Cleaned car and had lunch with old colleague. Aug 1 - quitting smoking seemed to hard today. Sitting at my desk trying to get started. Set a timer ready set go. Did a bootcamp. Felt really good stayed up late but slept in. 3 beers, 2.7 mi walking, 1.2 cycle, 3 hours productive work Aug 2- Still feeling great. Need to get a few client things done today. Spent sometime with my friend and his kids. Had a moment of clarity and consciousness that I have not had for years. Odd how feeling really good usually means feeling really bad. 1 beer ,1.9mi walking , 1.4mi cycle, 0 hours work Aug 3- Maybe I pushed it too hard maybe I'm just getting sick or maybe this is the dreaded PAWS. I really need to address the smoking issue. Feeling a lot better than I did 2 months ago. Got up really early today and went for a drive. Not well enough to attend bcamp today. Aug 4- Okay need to get my shit together today. Ate too much fastfood today feel like crap. Super lonely and depressed. Going to quit smoking tonight reading Allen Carr's easy way to quit smoking. Also watched the Christian Hosoi biography. Going to try reading the bible tonight. Need to fight the darkness tonight. Maybe I need to stop motivating myself by looking myself in the mirror and calling myself names. Aug 5 -Aug 5- 2.6mi walk | 8.1mi cycle | 1 boot camp. Eminem's "Recovery" album is the fucking truth! Aug 6- Sick. Managed to walk 2.7 mi today. Going to try tomorrow without smokes. Aug 7,8 - Not the best days sleeping poorly and smoking too much rode 11.1 mi

keep on keepin on.

Keep on keeping on . You are in the worst of it 20 days out. It gets easier but it takes time. You will have a moment of serenity soon that will make it all worth while. Get some exercise & make a delicious meal it will help. Write I love you on your bathroom mirror. FIght,fight, fight don't give up. You will feel amazing soon but when you least expect it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUqLGRMrFAg

Hey, I'm feeling pretty good today too. I wish I was a little more productive. I have two bikes a fixie for short runs and a Rocky Mountain Soul for longer runs. Today I walked 2.2 mi and rode 7.7 miles. Wanted to go longer but a storm cut it short. Also I went out and bought an exercise mat to do some stretches etc. I will post my exercise stats tomorrow. Good work on ditching the anti-d's.

Hey, Thanks for the article I've been thinking about addressing my diet. I eat too much junk. Bike ride was great I didn't post the result because I was sleeping like a baby I rode for 9.5mi in 1h 4min. I'm going for a longer ride tonight, i'll post my bike stats later. I was really down yesterday. I feel a lot better today. Consistency is what I crave now. I hope getting off Celxa isn't too hard. I took it 10 years ago when I didn't really understand how the pills I took I affected me. Larger doses of ginsing, vit d and exercise seem keep the dark shadows away for me. Well I am going to do my best to get some work done today. Good luck http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUqLGRMrFAg

Kiddie Cocaine I have ADHD, I can't sit still, I'm uppity, I talk fast and think even faster. I will not sit still I'm gonna fiddle, twiddle and scribble. Because it helps me focus. I'm starting a fucking riot in the classroom because I can engineer a riot. The reason I'm bored in class is because your class is boring. Get the fuck outta my head docs. Your science is a broken dated paradigm. Shrinks that don't actually study the brains they treat?! That's like a mechanic that doesn't look at the engine. History will remember Addy's like an intellectual blood letting and the docs as butchers. I'm rising up and smashing the pill box u put me in. ADHD is my superpower. Your science is my Kryptonite. This site is like a thousand Woody Allens getting turned on. Rage against the darkness and be free.

This video makes me wanna rage against the machine. Kiddie Cocaine I have ADHD, I can't sit still, I'm uppity, I talk fast and think even faster. I will not sit still I'm gonna fiddle, twiddle and scribble. Because it helps me focus. I'm starting a fucking riot in the classroom because I can engineer a riot. The reason I'm bored in class is because your class is boring. Get the fuck outta my head docs. Your science is a broken dated paradigm. Without actually looking at my brain you are just guessing. Shrinks that don't actually study the brains they treat?! That's like a mechanic that doesn't look at the engine. I'm rising up and smashing the box u put me in. ADHD is my superpower. Your science is my Kryptonite. Been off addys + concerta for about 2 months. Feeling really depressed today I was considering going to the doctors today for some anti-d's. Instead I'm going to get on my bicycle and pedal. I'll let you know how I feel later.

yup 5 weeks out I was still very tired. You are close to having a good day tho so keep with it. Once you have that one good day you will be hooked on sunshine, exercise and green tea.

these are from an advertising blog Guilt – Who hasn’t felt at some time that they weren’t doing all they could to achieve the kind of success they want in life? Have any of you fully tapped your potential? Exclusivity – You’re being told you’re smarter than those who are making it – others who are less intelligent, able and ambitious than you. Greed – If only you could achieve according to your potential, you could have all that success brings – all that those other, less capable people have. Fear – You’re losing out. If you don’t do something soon, you’ll never have success. You’ll be a failure!

omg i've managed to do more than 2 things today

thanks dude these are good. Having a pretty productive day I am half assing a few things too!