Zerokewl

tempted - To buy Grand Theft Auto V and flip the bird to reality for 5 days

It is Zoloft I since come to learn. Liking this new doctor he called me the other day after getting my blood work and told me to take 3000mgs of Vit D. Vit-D is pretty harmless so if your feeling down try a large dose of Vit D. I've heard Bi-Polar thrown around once or twice also. I think this is a symptom of withdrawal . I've read you can become mildly bipolar after a brain injury. This explains some of my really down moments over the summer. I know stopping drinking has helped though I was never a heavy drinker. I really wish there was more science on what we are going through.

idealize devalue then discard thank-you. I never realized it but these types of people have had a profound effect on my life. I am going to read more on this topic!

I was thinking about this quote. Confidence is fragile and must be drawn from multiple sources that are true to you. Confidence is a practice.Confidence is in knowing your strengths and weakness and enjoying what you are good at while taking action to improve. If you think 'a result' or 'a number' will all of a sudden MAKE you confident - you've got a huge disappointment coming. Find a process and take actions towards a goal that you want, but EMPOWER yourself during that process. If you believe in what you are doing and feel good about the decisions you are making and the actions you are taking - you can't lose. If you take actions that don't feel right or that you don't believe in with the hopes that the end result will make up for it - where do you end up if the result is not what you hoped for? How can one be confident with both a disappointing result and an inauthentic process? Enjoy your process, strive to be better, be determined, persistent, and aim high. If the results don't come right away - keep going. Take the hits, fail better, be better, and eventually NOT giving up and finding ways to improve WILL get you where you want to be. "The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward." - Amelia Earhart

confused- just like everyone

Sorry to hear about your job. I really believe that job was just a stepping stone to the next job. I've read that confidence must be practiced like learning wordpress or knitting. Repetition is key. Recovery takes practice and training. I'm in a similar situation, unemployed and rebuilding, I miss my old job terribly somedays. Every time I find self replaying a boardroom meeting from my old job. I picture a cardboard box in my head with "Post" (I used work at a newspaper) written on it and place those thoughts in the box. I hope you find a new job that satisfies you. I wish I had more advice for you, I thought a lot about what I wanted to say to you. But being in a similar situation I don't want to project something negative on you.

I second that brilliant! I thought about that idea "a safe place within my self"last night. I don't think I quite understand what it means to me yet. But I hope to. Jon gives some solid "man" advice. This is exactly how bullies operate,finding weakness and exploiting it , and its happened before. I'm going to keep an eye out for it. I was so excited to have a friend in Recovery. You folks are my friends in recovery this is my safe place for recovery. I've been reading about Hungry Ghosts a Buddhist concept of ghouls that have small throats, pinhole mouths and huge bellies. They are starving due to their small mouths. They represent addiction and numbing the pain of our past lives. Addiction is a symptom of pain. My meeting with my friend took away some of the pain of being bullied in high school. My head is filled with ideas today. Just when I think I have this thing figured out. Something changes, but this is the nature of life. The only constant is change, how we adapt is what we will be remembered for.

I think you are both right. I need to proceed with caution. I was buddies with him in grade 9 until his quest for popularity turned him into a d-bag. Our walk reminded me of our adventures catching crayfish in grade 9. He talked about how he followed people and bullied me because he wanted to fit in. I don't really know now. It was a fun night and he mentioned he'd been sober for 5 years after a stint in rehab for (coke & alcohol ). I didn't tell him about my issues until after he offered his story. He works out of town so I doubt i'll see him that much. Jon is right tho I definitely should be cautious. My quest for a sober buddy may be blinding me.

Jon, You make such a good point. I'm way to trusting with my feelings and emotions. I'm glad I posted this so you could call me on it. I really need to be more careful. I've fallen into this trap before.

truth bombs

Early this evening I was at home doing some work. Got a text from a number I didn't recognize. It was someone who tormented me in High School. We'd spoken on Facebook a few weeks earlier he'd just moved to the city and he wanted to go for coffee. Okay great I figure he wanted me to score weed for him or something. I don't really smoke weed but I just seem like the kinda guy who can get you weed. But whatever I've been pretty lonely these days so I figure whatever high school was forever ago. We set up a meet. I hop in his truck get to talking. We go grab some coffees and go for a walk. Talking about kids , life etc. We stop for a smoke along the river. I'm actually really enjoying this guys company. He begins to tell me about his issues with substance abuse and he just wanted to apologize for picking on me in high school. The conversation is still really easy. We walk some more. I tell him a little bit about what I've been going through this summer. We walk some more. Talk some more. In total we walked 7.5 miles. End up talking some more in his truck. I can't believe this guy who bullied me in high school is my first sober friend. It felt like the start of a good Bro-mance. Amazing evening.

I don't think we are an isolated group. I've seen threads in ADHD forums similar to our discussions. Our symptoms are way to similar.

Jon's droppin truth bombs dude. Your gonna wanna get ready to crash.

Yah. Moody. So I'm going to rant about the medical community. Pretty much every medical type I talk to about the trouble I've had getting off this says the same thing. "You should be over it now". I'm telling you my symptoms why are you denying they exist. I've heard adderall use is pretty high in the medical community. The Adderall sales and marketing team must win "Most Evil" every year at the pharm. annual "Pillz Awardz".

start -

Newsroom

@quit-once I really think cold turkey is the way to go. I'm working up to a quit. I know it will be successful. I just need to start.

Yah. I've made similar regrettable purchases (luggage,laptops etc). Stressing about upcoming trips etc. Hopefully you have a successful hunting trip and are able to sell the new scope. I've only ever hunted with a crossbow so I'm short on gun advice. I think this is an ADHD thing. Probably a good idea to read up on Adhd spending strategies.

ROFL!

What did you buy?! My mind is racing with theories.

Might be a good time to use some of your holidays after you quit. You will be very sleepy initially no point fighting it.

That sucks man. Can you return the purchase?

Its good that your able to recognize the cycle and stop it. Your jedi mind is getting strong with the force. Don't give into the Dark side. Watch out tho its a dangerous galaxy. Use the force Jedi. Just ask yourself what Yoda would do if your tempted to drink in the next few weeks. Blip on the radar. For me too. Quitting Adderall is a total lifestyle change. This means finding sober friends and leaving behind my "worlds oldest college student lifestyle". I'm a big boy now I don't need 2 beers to talk to women or start a conversation. 36 time to grow the fuck up. I've been hiding my smokes in the park by house forcing me to a least cut down. I think excessive smoking is leading to my depression. At very least it is a factor. I believe I can do it. Its as easy as not lighting the next one.

@Liltex Yikes. My father struggled with his alcoholism for years. He drank to stupid excess too. I never really took to alcohol the way he did. As we get older going to the bar etc is less and less exciting anyways. I really don't want more today. I don't feel super awesome today but I don't feel terrible. I'm going back on the wagon today too. The reason I drank was I succumbed to social anxiety. There were two people at the house party who I worked with on a project near the end of my adderall abuse. When I was a really spinning out of control. So I faced that demon. I guess being a programer people expect erratic behaviour and such. So I guess my adderall fuelled implosion probably seemed normal. Alcohol I can handle in moderation however cigarettes are problem for me. I think i've spent a total of half my life smoking or trying to quit smoking. Anyways thanks for checking in. I'm going to continue avoiding alcohol except for a few social drinks for the next year or longer.

I had two beers over the course of a 8 hour outing. I want to see how i feel in the AM.