Zerokewl

ho-hum

I quit close to 4 months ago and still don't feel like myself. It is better but I still have some really bad days. Im still smoking too. THough Im not experiencing any of the tingling or pressure sensations.

Reluctantly today I started on some anti-d's I really didn't want to go this route. However, I really couldn't take it anymore. I went to a new doctor and explained I'd abused Concerta and Adderall In the past and have been clean close to 4 months. The doctor did not applaud and cheer as I expected. However, he gave me a script for Sertraline Hydrochloride. I'm hopin this can get me thru the next few months.

nice dude! You are in a very desirable place. Ist year college is a great time to be doing this.

now -or never

anticipation

Thanks Reset for posting.

I really wish I was in my first year of College trying to figure this shit out. You really are in a good place in life to stop using. First year college is really all about figuring out who you are. My advice if you are quitting: 1)drop a few classes or even take some easier ones. 2)Go through this forum and read posts from people in various stages of addiction and recovery. 3) Start listening to the blues. 4) Make your own path. Nobody really cares abou GPA's in the real world college is about making social contacts that will benefit you in the future.

@Cassie @1Badd88 Never been much of a Kokanee guy, because I'm from Saskatchewan I drink Pilsner or Bohemian , call hoodies "bunny Hugs" and cheer for the Riders(football). Kokanee is a British Columbia (province)thing. Labbatts is a Eastern Canada thing. Though I don't live in Sask any more so my small town prairie boys ways have changed. A little bit of Canadiana for the board eh. This event I am going to are with people from my home province. I'll take it as a sign that I'm getting back to normal that I'm far too worried about what others will think. I really don't want people to know I've been reading about Buddhism, doing Yoga and living sober. I guess this is just some of the Macho bullshit that comes with growing up in a small town. Also I am just not really sure of myself. I feel very wobbly most days. My definition of moderate changes with age. I like to go to my local and have 2-3 pints of Guinness and some food. I used to do this about 2-4 times a month. At home I might drink a few beers while watching tv but this rare. I don't really care for hard liquor. My relationship with weed is a bit different. After college when I quit using Ritalin I started smoking weed heavily for a year. I really didn't realize till now the relationship between the two. I gradually stopped smoking weed and didn't do any ADHD drugs for 10 years until I started using Concerta then Adderall. Now I really only smoke weed as a social thing. But when I got off Adderall for the 1st month I smoked a lot of weed and drank more than usual. I've read on the board that this was normal. My alcohol and weed use tapered to 0 about a month ago. I've been battling anxiety and depression through the entire quit. Exercise and mediation seem to be the only thing that give me any relief. I've been having some good days lately and even some ok weeks lately. I'm hitting some milestones and able to do work again. I need to quit smoking. Thats sorta the next milestone. I've quit before and so badly want to be back in that place. Liltex is right I risk nothing by not drinking. I'm 36 I've done enough drugs and drank my share of beers. Being completely sober makes sense right now. Throughout my recovery I've been watching alot of documentaries and my 3 heroes right now are Steve-O (Jack ass), George Strombo (Canadian talk show host) and Guy Mariano (pro-skater). All three made the decision to live completely sober and are still awesome. I just texted my buddy saying I was living completely sober for the time being. I will reintroduce alcohol at a later date when I'm not so wobbly. Sorry for the long post but recovery is really about figuring out who you are now, not getting back to your old self.

Grateful - for so many things including you guys

1) I've heard a few stories of people dying either from Psychosis or overdose. 2) Long term drug use is really hard on the liver (according to Dr. Drew) 3) Most I've take 120 mg crushed. It was the most i've ever taken I've heard of others doing more. I quit before I really developed much tolerance Unbelievable but True Story I was introduced to adderall from a friend I worked with. I was working in media at the time. He was over prescribed and was using it heavily. After a few months he started acting more and more erratic. I was getting weird messages late at night and at work his emails made no sense. I started to wonder if it was psychosis of some form . He looked really rough and was missing a lot of work. I knew adderall was magnifying some of his health problems. Not sleeping, eating etc was really taking a toll. So I come into work one day. My assistant tells me that my buddy has been hospitalized with flesh eating disease. FLESH EATING DISEASE!!! WTF! I figure this is just the product of an overactive rumour mill, I'd also heard mumps. So I send some messages to his wife and do some research. My friend had contracted necrotizing facia. Thanks to the quick thinking of his ex-nurse father. He was rushed to hospital and was operated on in time to save him and most of his leg. My pal is in a comma for 10 days shortly after he awakes he sends me a picture of what is left of his leg. A few weeks pass, when he was was cleared for visitors , I go visit him in hospital. Beautiful moment on sunny Sunday morning talking to a man who almost died and had just seen his kids. We were so happy to be alive that morning. Whether or not the heavy adderall use cased the Necrotizing Facia is hard to say conclusively. Tho in the research i did I found a link between drug addicts and Necrotizing Facia. Not sleeping & eating likely weakened his immune system and he caught this very rare virus. This should have been my wake up call. I continued using adderall for 1 year after. I rationalized it in so many ways. My buddy recovered. He has some mobility issues but walks fairly well. He was off work for over a year. I see him once and awhile though I'm avoiding contact with him. He's back using "Nitros" (our secret word for addys) and other pills. I knew him pre-adderall. He really is a totally different person now. Sorry for the long post, I'd almost completely forgotten about this scary time in my life. Pretty un-believable but this is pretty much as it happened. I fucking hate adderall. I hate what its done to my life and others.

hooray for new neural pathways!

On the topics of birthdays. Going to hang with a pal of mine on Saturday. I've been avoiding alcohol and weed for about month now. I noticed really bad depression followed even moderate consumption. Pre-adderall I was a pretty moderate drinker and smoked weed 2-3 times a year. My buddy knows what im going through. He had a bit of scare with amphetamines in university and quit. So he is the one person I've been able to talk to about. I'm trying to figure if I should abstain all together or moderate. My pal will understand either way. I really haven't been that social thru this experience, I would like to have a normal afternoon out . I'm just wondering if it is too soon for the booze.

off to a job interview!

http://globalenrichmentfoundation.ca/ Launched!

Actually enjoying the yoga. I am doing it at home on my wii. Maybe I'll work up the courage to go to a class. Trying new things like yoga and meditation. Recovery can be fun sometimes reset HAHA. I just went digging for an old Slayer t . It was a documentary about this Buddhist / punk movement that really inspired me http://www.meditationplex.com/buddhist-meditation-2/dharma-punx-buddhism-meets-punk-rock/ http://www.dharmapunx.com/

Cassie is dropping truth bombs on a village called Lunax. Adderall cost me a perfectly good relationship and my job too. I didn't realize it till months after quitting my priorities were backwards. I was working hard and not smart. At any rate try not to think about it untill after your big presentation.

thanks. I turned 36. I had a pretty good day

mindful

Getting my positive vibrations and connection to my physical /spiritual correct. LOL i can't believe I believe what I just typed. Namaste LOL

1Bad88 is dropping truth bombs Tessa.

wobbly

Had a pretty bad paws day on Saturday and ended up a puddle on the couch. Watched a bunch of documentaries on Yoga and stuff. It dealt alot with vibration and mindfulness. I think Adderall really f'd with our vibrations (our natural state) this whole process of getting better is about regaining a good vibration or rhythm. D/L some yoga videos and I'm gonna run out and get a wii yoga game today. I know it sounds a little "hippie", but I'm willing to try anything!

Mostly php/wordpress stuff. I'm gonna half ass this bitch and get it out the door. Been strugling with perfection paralysis for 3 days.

@Quit once I go through a lot of Tums. My tummy isn't very happy since quitting. I really can't eat any fast food with meat. I mint can really aggravate the tummy. Switching mouth washes really cut down my tums consumption. @Jon starting to understand what you mean about caffeine and anxiety. I'm making a effort to cut down now.