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AlwaysAwesome

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Posts posted by AlwaysAwesome

  6. Tonight I made the decision to quit Adderall once and for all

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Oh Chuck...I am so sad for you.  Just stop.  It is so hard, but it is the only way.  We all understand what you are going through, but only you can end this horrible cycle once and for all.  I hear what ya'll are saying about planning to quit, and I ramped down my dose a bit before quitting, but cold turkey is the way I have to quit every bad habit.  Smoking?  I just stopped.  Adderall?  Just stop.  Now, have I relapsed?  Of course, but not this time!  Make a stand!  For yourself and your life.  Take up a hobby.  I took up painting, and art.  Turns out, I am pretty artistic.  I never knew, because I was so busy being overly attentive to crap that did not matter.  I am trusting the senior members here and looking forward to the day when my energy and drive return.  Until then, I am trying to get used to being less than perfect... 

    So, you are currently unable to entertain yourself without adderall.  Well, quit medicating yourself and learn how to do what most kindergartners can do!  (One of my friends told me that a few months ago, and it is so true!)

     

    Seriously, hang in there because you can do it! 

    • Like 3

  10. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Hi all!  Day 34, check!  I have not been doing so well with diet and exercise...and I can tell.  I am up a solid 10 pounds since quitting.  I am too tired at the end of the work day to want to do anything remotely healthy and carbs are constantly calling my name.  I am sure that I am going to get past this and get back on track, but I am not there yet. Sigh...

    • Like 2

  12. Weight changes

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I am on day 28 adderall free and I am up 10-12 pounds, depending on hydration and time of day. I have been sporadically exercising, and keeping my caffeine levels up in the afternoon. I have developed a sensitivity to most artificial sweeteners, so my only low cal caffeine option is coffee. Since Alabama afternoons are pretty hot, I'm thinking I should switch to iced coffee. I have tried to stay away from wheat (wheatbellyblog.com), but carbs are screaming my name!!!

    Well, I'm going to try to get back on track, and I just wanted to thank you for the inspirational post.

    • Like 1

  15. Permanent Brain/Other Damage?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I didn't view my personality as flat, but I never really thought about it.  I don't know how long I have been awkward and "flat" without noticing it.  It really only became noticeable (to me) in the last couple of months.  The people in my life didn't mention it.  Two main reasons...

    1.  They didn't know me before Adderall, so no difference to them; or

    2.  They had seen/experienced the changes and didn't want to set me off (my poor husband :blush:).

     

    Every day is a challenge (why is everything so HARD?), but I am never going back! 

     

     

     

  17. Happy again...without Adderall? yes.

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Thanks everyone! I was so motivated to get off the adderall, and I knew I would eventually feel so much better! So...I took my 11 year old daughter off her Concerta. Kids handle it much better than we do. She is not having crazy, freak out, scream out loud, nutjob fits anymore. When she would come off her dose in the evening, she would spin into orbit and eat everything in the house. I just stopped giving her the Concerta on Saturday, June 7th. I told her she was going to quit like me. I told her she could do it. Saturday was hell on earth ( I slept through most of it 😉) so my husband wanted me to just give her the pill on Sunday. She said no and we haven't looked back. She spent a few days adjusting to life without it and she ate everything in sight. She already looks healthier and seems relatively even keel ( she IS an 11 year old girl). So I'm 17 days clean and my daughter is 15 days clean. Yay! Some day I will write out her story, but it makes me sad, so not right now.

    Thanks for all of the support and great motivating stories. I love ya'll!!

    • Like 4
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    Happy again...without Adderall? yes.

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    I have been clean since June 5th.  Two weeks of uncertainty, stress, hunger, regret, happiness, clarity, sadness, drama, boredom…you get the idea.  I am starting to feel better.  I have been working out, eating junk food, laughing and playing with my kids, enjoying my coworkers, struggling to stay focused on the task at hand, and generally feeling more normal than I have in 5 years!

     

    I started adderall about 5 years ago when I asked my doctor if there was a good treatment for adults with ADD/ADHD.  I have always been ADHD, Type A personality, an over achiever, etc.  I am fortunate that I had been able to function, very well, as a “jack of all trades and master of noneâ€.  I could do anything well, but never stayed with any one thing long enough to become great at it.  I needed to be able to focus on my job tasks and maybe clean one room in my house completely before moving on to another.  So, I jumped into Adderall with both feet.  15 mg instant release Adderall in the am.  It was AMAZING!!!  I was suddenly as awesome as I knew I could be!  I excelled at everything I tried.  I finished projects at work.  I was never tired, so I hardly slept.  I quickly began to have headaches.  I told my doctor that it was the Adderall wearing off in the early afternoon.  So, he increased my dose to twice daily.  WOW!  I could eat anything and maintain my weight.  I could finish tasks, but the headaches came back.  So, the dose increased to 30 mg twice daily…and the headaches never went away…but I didn’t care.  I knew the adderall was causing them, because they went away if I ran out of the meds or tried to quit.  The weight gain and miserable sluggishness always made me run back to the doc and pharmacy.  â€œI am not an addict.  I have a prescription.† Really?  Not really…

     

    So, 4 years into adderall addiction, I began to lose my temper more often.  I noticed that I was overwhelmed by life…a lot.  I didn’t want to interact with my family, coworkers, etc.  I wanted to be left alone and it didn’t work out that way.  So, I was annoyed very easily and let it show, a lot.  I started to let my house work go.  I was gaining weight, WHAT?!?  I was still having headaches.  I started to think about getting off adderall, or getting a higher dosage.  It was a Matrix moment; red pill or blue pill.  ‘Deep breath’…I chose not to call the doc for a refill. 

     

    I told my husband I was going to quit.  I was serious this time.  He was like “okay then, whatevs†and I felt supported.  LOL, he didn’t believe me at all, but I was serious.  I had been taking 1 ½ pills a day instead of the two prescribed.  So, on June 4th I took the last ½ pill and said goodbye to adderall forever.  On June 5th, I ransacked my house for an old prescription that I saw a couple of weeks earlier.  On June 6th, I continued the search.  On June 7th, I jogged in the neighborhood.  I played for 1 ½ hours with the kids in the pool.  I slept from 3pm until 10pm.  I searched for the prescription again on the 8th.  On June 9th, I found the prescription.  The next morning, I told my husband to take it to the pharmacy for me so that I could pick it up that evening.  He looked at me for what seemed like forever…and said no.  My husband then told me that if I wanted it, then I could take it myself.  I went to work pissed off and found this website.  I confided in my coworkers, and I decided not to refill the script.  I was tired, hungry, grumpy, and thrilled with my decision. 

     

    I am grateful to my friends, coworkers, and especially my husband and kids for their support.  I can see myself returning and I am realizing…I missed me.  So, I may not be “always awesomeâ€, but I am always me.  I chose the more difficult road and, to quote Robert Frost, “that has made all the differenceâ€.  :D 

    • Like 12

  24. About to Take the Leap

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    I haven't had any adderall since Wednesday, June 5th.  You are wise to post before you quit...I don't have the energy or brain capacity to type a long post.  Hopefully, I will be able to relate my story and SUCCESS within a few weeks.  I say, Go For It!  I am already finding it easier to get up in the morning.  I don't have to drag my sorry @$$ out of bed and crawl to the pill bottle. 

    Still, the weight gain and sluggishness are quite bothersome.  I am having trouble believing I will get through this without weighing 300 pounds!  Hmmm, this is not turning out the way I hoped it would.  My ADD is roaring back without adderall, but I am welcoming it.  Maybe I will remember how to multitask (and not finish anything...).

     

    Godspeed! 

    • Like 3
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