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Dear QA Friends, Eighteen months ago today, on 2-22-2022, I had the most epic downfall of my life. As I was being presented on stage at a sales kickoff event for work in Las Vegas, I was tweaking out of my mind and drifted into hallucinations of things that still, to this day, I cannot conceive possible. I hit the hardest rock bottom of my life and lost my job. It was the most tragic thing that happened to me as I loved my job more than any job I had ever known, and I worked around the clock for 18 months straight. I was a president's club winner, received a promotion, and worked on multiple projects for this company. My epic $838,000 sale was presented on stage at sales kickoff, but I had spiraled so far out of control with alcohol and concerta I lost everything. I was unemployed for 8 months. I could not find a job. It was god awful. I went from being the company's star to what felt like the world's biggest loser. Today, 18 months later, I am happy to say life is good again. I am engaged to a lovely man who has two small children and I will become a stepmom next spring. I sold my condo, and we are building a brand new amazing dream home, which we will move into this November. I have three jobs today. I am now working for my dad's company and have begun a new career in finance. I also work for a triathlon company with my fiance and get to serve athletes at racing events all over Ohio. Last but not least, we are eloping to Maui, HI, in May, running a half marathon on my birthday, and then getting married on the beach at sunset. It's all on my birthday (the day we got engaged) last year. I also work at a retail store for discounts and fun. I have restored my relationship with my family members and have a total new life. I also just completed Ironman Louisville 70.3 this past Sunday. It was epic. I mention all these things to give hope to anyone out there who is struggling to find their way out of addiction to Adderall and or any ADHD medication, amongst other drugs. I've had addiction issues since I was 13 years old, and I am now 45. It is never too late. It's amazing looking back at how much changed in just 18 months. It makes me wonder where I will be 18 months from today as long as I continue to stay clean and sober. The one different thing is this. time around I began taking Naltrexone which has been a God send. It eliminated my cravings for all drugs and alcohol. I do no want any of it, and I don't even attend meetings. The desire is not there, so I'm good. Not that meetings can't be helpful; having a support group is great. I just don't have time for one at this point in my life I have so many things going on. However, my fiance doesn't drink with me and supports me 100%, which is truly the most remarkable and incredible thing that has helped me. We do a lot of road races and keep ourselves busy with all kinds of fun activities. I don't even miss my old, wild, crazy days. I am happy with the simple things in life, like taking road trips, spending time with family and friends, etc. Please don't hesitate to post your story if you come here lurking around and need help. We want to help you. Secrets will keep you stuck. Please share your story and open up the doors of your soul to those of us who have found our way out of hell. The flip side is a much happier place. Peace, love, and joy to all. Love, Liltex41 P.S. I've had this dream for over 10 years that one day I will write a novel, and it will be called... Cheers to another chapter written, lol.

Note: This was posted yesterday in General Discussion, but has been moved here. It's been an awful long time since I've had any sort of presence here, and many of the names I see are new, but I'm so glad to see this community is still going strong! As the post title suggests, I was doing very well for quite a long time (about 6 years) but I fell off the wagon a few months ago unfortunately. Today I mean to get back on track so I'm going to start off by sharing a bit here. To summarize my usage history, my addiction began the exact same day my honeymoon period ended, which was the day of my first binge, some time in May of 2013. For the next five years I would continue using on and off in some capacity. I didn't have an ADHD diagnosis, but I had a friend who took dexedrine and was prescribed way more than he was taking, so he would often hook me up. But rest assured however many pills I could get my hands on were gone in 24 hours. During that five year period I quit many times, but always seemed to go back to it eventually. The most important lesson I learned during that time is that I could not count on my willpower, no matter how strong or confident I may have felt at any point in time. I needed to cut off my source. While I found the necessary steps to be extremely difficult, it was simple. All I needed to do was admit to my friend who supplied me that I would usually popped 20 (or more) in a single day. When I did, he was as horrified as I was, gave me a tonne of shit for it, and next time I asked him for more he said no. And that was all it took to free me from amphetamine prison for 6 years. So what the hell happened!? I have long suspected I had ADHD, but was never diagnosed as a child. And this year I have been struggling both to keep up my performance at work and stay on top of life's demands, and have been dwelling on it lately and obsessing over whether I have it. My rationalization is that I was seeking to validate the difficulties I'm having, but obviously my addicted self was plotting to get amphetamines as well. I should probably see about speaking with a counsellor to help me work through some of this. Anyways, this March I managed to get myself in for an assessment, get a diagnosis for ADHD, and was prescribed Vyvanse. The rest of the story writes itself. I managed to take the medication as prescribed for exactly four days, and then on the fifth day I went through the rest of the bottle, and subsequently had to cover for myself by calling in sick at work. And suddenly I'm right back in prison again, arguing endlessly with myself over whether this was a correctable mistake or a foregone conclusion all along. When I got my refill in April, the first day I took 6 days' worth, a few days later I took 9, then a few days after that I took the other 15. And I was still arguing with myself, insisting I could fix this without quitting. I was scared by this point, as I didn't know how long it would take to actually take me to do what was necessary. A heavy cloud of dread was hanging over me. Was I going to continue this for a month or two first? Maybe it would be a whole year, which was more than enough time to light match to so many things I've worked so hard for. I've already seen that for me, the only way to be able to stop is to cut off the source. But every time that idea popped into my head I would immediately shoot it down and just make excuses and assure myself that next month would be different. When I chose this path, I let go of the steering wheel, so to speak. And there are no guarantees of when you're going to get control of it again. I got May's refill about a week ago and binged immediately, and then again a couple days later. Last night, as I was losing the battle with myself over whether to just have round three right then and there, I compromised with myself that I could go ahead and do whatever I wanted, as long as I let my doctor know first thing in the morning to inform them of what was going on. My inner crackhead found this to be acceptable, so we shook hands on it. So he got to get high one last time, and as usual I cleaned up the aftermath. Thankfully I followed through the next morning, the wave of relief felt so good afterwards I cried. I managed to get a bit of sleep, but otherwise this post was the only thing I accomplished today. I feel like absolute dogshit, but I'm so happy to be free.

Welcome back, @Doge! Glad to hear you are back on track. Thanks for sharing your cautionary tale that a relapse can happen at any time, no matter how long it has been since you quit. I read a similar story around the time that I quit - I think that person had quit for eight years before their relapse. In fact, it helped me to choose my username which reminds me that it could still happen, even 13 years later. I was visiting with my best friend the other day. We have known each other since we were 12 and we both abused Adderall together. He graduated to meth before quitting. We were having a smoke, despite the fact we had both quit, and discussing how good it tasted when you smoke just one cig. We talked about how we could (carefully) go back to almost any drug we have used in the past (alcohol, weed and cigs), and have a brief moment of enjoyment from ONE serving, put it down and not return to the addiction. But not Adderall or any other stimulant. I truly believe that a return to this awful addiction is only one pill away. "one pill is too many and a thousand is not enough". Quitting is a painful process, and one that I hope to endure only once.

Unfortunately, I relapsed a week after my last post in August, and then owing to a personal tragedy, stayed in relapsed until December. From December to February I had two full months clean before relapsing again. Is there a lesson to be learned? Relapse can happen for the smallest, stupidest reason, but it doesn't make it any less of a relapse. I'm quitting today. For good.

Tomorrow it will be two years since I’ve taken adderall!!! Woohoo. Wow crazy. Just posting in case anyone is looking for encouragement. I was on adderal for about 10 years daily use about 40 mg a day.. it got so bad I would take it sometimes before I would get out of bed and wait until it kicked it. I was highly dependent on it and would be panicking if I had to go to work without it. Life seemed to revolve around when I would get refills and when I would take the medicine. It got to a point where I would use something as simple as doing the dishes for an excuse to take it. My mental health was terrible.. bad social anxiety.. no exercise, cholesterol and blood pressure were rising. I’m pretty sure adderal had a part in giving me thyroid disease but it could have been the massive stress I was under. Two main things pushed me to quit finally.. one was the adderal shortage started and it was harder to get refills and two I realized that my sleepless nights that occurred very often were very bad for me. There were many nights I would get two hours of sleep.. averaged like 5 hours a night and would take Benadryl every night just to sleep. im happy to report things are going awesome!! I’m killing it at my job.. im doing way better than I ever did on adderal, making more money. My cholesterol and blood pressure are normal and i sleep great. I also work out now 3 times a week which I never made time for before when all I wanted to do was clean and do work. It wasn’t easy it was one of the hardest things I ever did but it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

@LILTEX41I'm so happy for you. You made it back into the zone! I'm so sorry to hear about your fur baby's brain tumor. They really do leave us too soon. I wish we could give them some of our years. I'm glad you added new kittens to your family. They are so helpful with healing the broken heart.

Hi QA fam!! I was on here a few years back, but sadly, after 3 years of hard recovery, I decided that I wanted to dance with the devil once more. I went back on 10 mg for 2.5 years and sure enough, my life began unraveling. My relationship with my husband became distant. I wasn’t sleeping well. My friends began to distance themselves from me. My days were filled with chaos. I was angry and anxious all the time. I lost the 20 lbs that inspired me to return to the meds but after a few years I had gained it all back and then some. I knew it wasn’t the answer but I was caught in the trap and wasn’t sure if I would ever have the strength to return to my unmedicated authentic self. Then a miracle happened. I got pregnant. Something I didn’t think my body was capable of. I went off the following day and haven’t been back. Next week I will be celebrating my sons 1 year birthday. My first recovery was my “woe is me” recovery. I blamed everything on my lack of medicine. I focused on what I “couldn’t” do. This go around it has been different. It has been empowering. My relationships are blooming. My husband and I are stronger than ever. I wake up happy. I am a great mother. For the first time ever, I am proud of myself. I was put on amphetamines as a teen. Now at 38 I have finally met myself as an adult. This is the best version of myself, I’m never letting go of it.

One month for me too, this was really inspiring. How are you doing now that even more time has passed?

It’s been one full month off of stimulants. Tracking how I feel and what’s changed. My energy and motivation is still quite low. I’ve been drinking far too much caffeine and using l-tyrosine, but overall I don’t feel my energy levels are quite back to where I’d hoped they’d be. I almost always feel like I need an afternoon nap, which is not something I have time to do every day. That being said, sleep is amazing. I love sleeping. I slept so little when I was abusing stimulants, it’s really spectacular to be resting again. My job performance hasn’t suffered, which has taken me by surprise. Although focus does require a little more effort, I don’t feel I’ve become worse at my job. That’s been a huge relief. My clothes are tight and I feel/look very bloated. I wish I didn’t care, but I am a dancer and part time Pilates teacher so I see my body in tight clothes in giant mirrors for hours every day. I so deeply wish I didn’t care. I’m considering starting the horribly lame and tedious task of counting calories. It’s so helpful to hear and learn from others with more experience in this process. If you have anything to share or offer I would truly appreciate it.

Doge, I am so proud of you for getting back on track and coming here to share your story. You reminded me I need to check in on this forum more often and stick with the winners. It helps to help others. This addiction is brutal, and I am so grateful to have found my way out again. I wanted to give an update on my life to anyone who has heard my story so as to provide some hope and inspiration. I have been clean and sober for almost 16 months now. I recently got engaged and am in the process of building a gorgeous new big home for us and my fiancee's children. I'm going to be a stepmom. <3 I've been offered a job at my dad's company, working in the financial industry. I am finally escaping the minimum-wage job I had to take due to hitting rock bottom with my Concerta prescription. All I know is I don't ever want to go through this horror story again. We spent this last weekend running, biking, swimming, and moving almost everything from my condo to a storage unit. I did all this work with no stimulants and once again proved to myself it could be done and that I could achieve so many great things without it on my own accord. I am mentally, physically, and spiritually in a better place today. How I fell back down the rabbit hole blows my mind, but your post made me feel better in the fact that I am not alone. We must stay vigilant of our recovery and never take our foot off the gas. I am just so glad to hear you got right back on track and didn't have to lose another year or two of your life being consumed by the addiction all over again. Stick with us here, and thank you again for sharing your story! You never know who you just helped by sharing it.

Hell yeah, congrats on 6 years. I remember your name too. You're doing awesome! Thanks so much for the kind words.

Hey all, I've been on this site for 6.5 years and have read many horrible stories about adderall addiction and also some amazing success stories. As you can see I've posted on this forum over 1000 times. I've been clean since Nov 13, 2010. And here is the collective wisdom I've gathered from people who successfully beat adderall addiction on this site. Just as background I used to snort 250 mgs a day, was in and out of rehab and outpatient therapy. I had constant stimulant induced schizophrenia. 1) CUT OFF YOUR DOCTOR - this is how the successful people on this site quit. Period. Cut off your doctor. I havent come across a single person that still had access to adderall prescriptions from their doc and was able to just quit. 2) UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GOT ADDICTED ... and why you feel like shit without it. Adderall causes your brain to retain more of the neurotransmitter dopamine between the synapses or nerve endings in your brain. This artificial surplus of dopamine is what causes you to feel more motivated, the brain stops regulating dopamine on it's own properly. Your body begins to adapt to the repeated dosing of a central nervous system stimulant, causing dependence, until eventually life seems much worse without adderall. Over time, as your natural dopamine reuptake process is consistently disrupted, the body produces less and less dopamine. If the adderall is then withdrawn, the body has neither its own dopamine nor an artificial surplus of dopamine between the the brain receptors - thus the horror of withdrawal. 3. DON'T PUT PRESSURE ON YOURSELF when you quit...Stop trying to be the perfect mom, or the superstar at work, the super thin person, the social butterfly. As for working, decide if you are able to continue working or not.. I did not work for TWO + YEARS. I just spent those years on my moms couch reading recovery books, going to NA and sticking close to this site.. I had that luxury to live at home at not work (no kids to support etc) Afterwords, with help from members of this site, I fought my way back into a career...from interning at a shoe store without pay to volunteering for a couple bucks an hour to working in a college admin office for 200 bucks a month. If you don't feel like you can afford to stop working, do not try to be a superstar at work. Go through the motions, just like the author does in "Get it Done when your depressed" 4.UNDERSTAND PAWS there are many, many resources on post acute withdrawal system. Just google it. Your brain will go through PAWS. This will help you understand the depression, fatigue and all those horrible feelings that make adderall recovery horrific. https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm 5. TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME It takes forever to feel normal again, but you get to a point where you no longer think about it anymore. 6. YOU WILL NOT BE FAT FOREVER As long as you put in discipline and willpower. After the post weight gain you will get back to normal weight. I went to 250lbs immediately post adderall and now I'm normal and thin again. Most people on this site can attest to the same. 7. STAY CLOSE TO THE FORUMS. Don't lurk here. Be engaged with the community. Helping others also helps yourself too. And keeping this place active helps everyone on this site. No one judges you on this site. There are many tools/resources/information here that can REALLY help you. Many veterans here have gone on to give interviews for national magazines and television programs about what happened to them. 8. SUPPLEMENTS that people on this site that people have found effective include: Wellbutrin and L-Tyrosine. Don't even consider swapping to Vyvance, Ritalin, or Dex. They are the same as addearll. 9. UNDERSTAND THAT THIS PROCESS TAKES FOREVER AND A DAY. It took me years and years and i still struggle. For others who were on much lower dosages than me, it still takes at least year but not as long as it did for me. As a rule of thumb, every year you abused, you need an additional year to recover. You will feel unmotivated. You will be starving all the time. You will be tired. But you are in the norm. Adderall recovery may often feel very specific to you but it is not. We all go through this or are going through this. 10. READ and read and read to educate yourself on what has happened to you - "On Speed" has been the most popular book for this site. Other books, "Get it Done When Your Depressed" "Pill Head", "More, Now, Again" , "The Amphetamine Debate" to name a few. Read the article on Richard Fees suicide that was in the NY Times. The link is below 11. WRITE DOWN all reasons why adderall messed up your life. If you ever want to start taking adderall again - READ the list and you will remember about those horrific nights 3 am on an empty stomach and feeling like complete shit. Or you'll remember the scariness of getting caught doctor shopping or you'll remember getting fired, or you'll remember the stimulant induced psychosis that made people think you were schizophrenic. 12. ALCOHOL/CAFFEINE RULE OF THUMB Most recovering adderall addicts still allow themselves to drink alcohol. This is taboo in Narcotics Anonymous but adderall veterans continue to drink without having problems. Many on here have relied on caffeine and redbull to help them. I used those high energy drinks like Rockstar and Monster. I indulge in alchohol as well. 13. GOING COLD TURKEY did not destroy anyone's brain or give them permanent brain damage. I believe xanax can do that but not adderall. Go cold turkey. 14. READ OLDER POSTS While you are on this site, read everything here bc there is tons of great advice on threads that have gotten buried. Remember this site has been active for at least 7 or 8 years so there's a lot of good information on these threads. 15. RELATIONSHIPS - Explain to the people closest to you what happened so they can better understand. Tell them how it messed up the neurochemicals in your brain. Apologize to them. Tell them it will never happen again. Assure them you are in the clear. 16. AT FIRST IT MAY SEEM EASY but it's not. In order to level set your expectations I can tell you it completely sucks. You may go through a brief phase where it seems easy and then suddenly it hits you like a brick. 16b. RECOVERY IS NOT A LINEAR PROCESS. Withdrawal symptoms hit in waves. Sometimes you will have really off days, and you can blame that on the PAWS. Some days you'll feel fine. Embrace the days you feel fine. 17. DEFEAT THE PYSCHOLOGICAL PART OF THE ADDICTION. If you are here, adderall has become a crutch in your life and taken a toll on your confidence to do things without it. Get off your feet and start doing things that you relied on adderall to get you through them. If you are as bad as me you prob relied on adderall for everything. Each time you do something without adderall you start to say "hey I dont need adderall to do this" and your confidence begins to build. 18. STREAM AND BINGEWATCH TV As you recover from withdrawal, Netflix, Hulu and Amazon prime are a godsend. They help you forget about how shitty you feel for the moments you are engrossed in your favorite shows. I have fond memories of bingewatching netflix shows as i went through the hell of withdrawal. 19. When you feel ready FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. to get your life back into shape. I fought my ass off after I finally got off my moms couch. A lot of adderall veterans on this site would definitely remember my experience because i was on here every day, documenting every moment of my job search, my job hunt, my worries/insecurities and I got so much support and advice from this amazing community to push forward. After interning in a shoe store for no money, feeling like i was getting no where, I went back to school graduated and fought for a good job. My newly non-adderall addicted self began making over 6 figures a year. 've gotten a raise every year over the last three years and was able to give my mom 20K for not just the heartache tears and pain I caused her but to show my gratitude for her taking care of me while I recovered, and for letting me live on her couch for two years and put no pressure on me to do anything but read books. 20. ADDERALL CAUSES YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR MIND ONLY. Go back and read a paper that you wrote while on adderall. You probably thought it was incredible. Now go back and re-read it. Was it really that great?? When i was in my adderall haze the success was in my grandiose thinking, in my feeling of invincibility, of being able to conquer anything but not in my reality!!! Stop romanticizing the good times when you were on adderall - they weren't that great. Realize you still have a real future to fight for. You do not want to be that person you once were, where you needed adderall to feel successful. You want to be able to feel successful because of your own merits, not because of adderall. 20. THIS ONE IS WORTH REPEATING - You will not be FAT forever once you quit!!!! There have been many threads on this and the consensus is that it GOES away as long as you try. That means it'll go away after your hunger period ends, but domake sure your consuming fewer calories than you burn or go vegeterian or whatever - exercise your willpower. 21. HELP YOUR RECOVERY ALONG. If you can afford rehab or your insurance covers rehab. Rehab helps. NA/AA meetings can help. Get an NA sponsor. Also, eating healthier, exercising, mediation etc are all things that will help. What doesn't help? being too hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Smart Recovery has also helped people on this site kick the addiction http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/toolchest.htm 22. DONT BUY INTO THE CULTURAL ACCEPTANCE OF ADDERALL -believing that makes it much harder to quit. I generally believe in my heart that ADD is a bullshit diagnosis. I can get scatterbrained and exhibit symptoms of what people consider to be ADD but I do not believe ADD is real. I believe adderall will help anyone who doesn't have ADD. I believe lots of people get scatterbrained. This mentality - and I truly believe it - has helped because believing in my heart and mind that I don't have ADD, that ADD is a bullshit diagnosis gives me zero reason to even consider taking it. Adderall used to be prescribed for depression in the 70s before the ADD diagnosis even came along. It was always a pill in search of a problem. 23 THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL It truly does get better. Your life can come together. It has to start by following these guidelines 24 YOUR PERSONALITY WILL COME BACK Whether adderall made you anti social or robotic or some nut that obsessed with unimportant thing like wasting hours reading wikipedia all day or working on project that went absolutely nowhere..you will come back to your old self. 25 YOUR HEALTH WILL COME BACK Whether it gave you health problems from clenched teeth and sleep deprivation, anxiety, or depression from when the pill wore off, or high blood pressure...your health eventually comes back. WANT TO FAIL? Based on the hundreds of posts on this site it seems that most people who don't follow these guidelines end up relapsing. So draw on the past COLLECTIVE experiences of this long lasting forum and follow the guidelines that works. We know it works. It's that simple Visit these links for a wakeup call http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/03/us/concerns-about-adhd-practices-and-amphetamine-addiction.html http://abcnews.go.com/Health/adderall-rise-mothers/story?id=16622475 http://www.self.com/wellness/health/2013/03/adderall-the-get-ahead-drug Links to Good Recovery Books 1) On Speed - Traces the history of America's obsession with amphetamines; dexadrine, ritalin, adderall etc... 2) Amphetamine Debate - Goes into the consequences of stimulant abuse, psychosis particularly with adderall and ritalin.. 3) More, Now and Again - Memoir of a Writer's Addiction to Ritalin... 4) Requiem for a Dream - One of the stories subplots is a woman who gets hooked on amphetamines.. 5) Get it Done When Your depressed THAT'S all I can think of - there are tons of veterans on this site right now and its so awesome to see you all here continuing to post and help the newer people. Please chime in if I'm missing something not covered or if there is a tip you disagree with.

Yes but it takes time.. lots of it. Trust the process. You can do it!! It will take a few months to start feeling normal again. I’ve been off it completely for 2.5 years and I’m back to my old self never to touch that junk again.

I’ve been prescribed adderall since march of 2023. It seemed positive at first. I obtained my drivers license and I bought a car to do Uber eats. That was working for quite a while. I stopped going to college because I decided at the time, that is was not for me. But suddenly I started to decline when my psychiatrist prescribed Zoloft. Zoloft and adderall do not mix. I spent my savings and racked up three thousand dollars in credit card debt from affirm, buying shit like game consoles, AirPods for christmas and heaters, etc. I stopped Zoloft, and adderall fucked my life up In a single month i said I don’t want any more adderall. I was put on Ritalin but that shit only made be high and tired. I crashed my car because of that. Luckily I was not on a trip for uber. Stimulants have destroyed my life. Taking these medications everyday is not for me anymore.

This website inspired me to quit. I asked my doctor to cancel my prescription.

I seriously hope you are ok. You deserve to be ok ❤️ it’s not worth what you are going through! As I tell more and more people about my journey they are so supportive. You just have to ask for help. Sending you good vibes, prayers and love your way!

Hi QA Friends, I am so excited to report that today, I have been clean for 21 months! I am so grateful that I've made it this far beyond my wildest dreams. I was so far gone 21 months ago it makes me cringe. I have had so many life changes in the past 6 months. I sold my condo, started a new job at my dad's company, moved into my fiancé's house for 4.5 months, and we just recently moved into this glorious new home. My future stepchildren will live with us part-time. I had to put my kitty down a month ago, and it was devasting. She had a brain tumor. I was so sad I went out and got two new ragdoll kittens, the cutest things on earth. Anyhow, with so much going on, I realized I need to get back to meetings, or I am in a dangerous place, as when life gets good, I tend to relapse. I just want to tell anyone struggling with this addiction to please not give up. Life is so much easier without the volatile ups and downs of the binge/recover cycle of Adderall abuse. Do whatever it takes to find your way out! Godspeed my friends! Liltex

Dear Hopefully, I am so happy to hear I've inspired someone out there! This makes my heart smile beyond words! <3 Please let me know how the Naltrexone goes!! It is incredibly cheap and sometimes even free with insurance!! It's the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. I was so horribly hooked on alcohol, kratom, and concerta. I never thought I wouldn't struggle to want those things, but I never think about them. It's miraculous!! As far as marathoning, omg, yes, get it!! Are you running now and working towards the marathon goal? I am more than happy to share my favorite training plans and anything I can to help you. Crossing that finish line is one of the most epic feelings ever! You will love it!! And yes, I can't suggest running enough for post-adderall recovery. It's a life saver! Feel free to message me anytime and keep us posted on your training and kicking that last 10mg. You got this!! Love, LilTex

Ps- I look forward to reading your novel one day!!!

Dear Liltex41, You are beyond impressive and inspiring! I am so happy for you and truly love reading about your happiness. You clearly have an incredible work ethic as well. I have been following you for some time as I struggle to get off my last 10mgs. Thank you for the reminders and continued inspiration. Thank you for taking the time out of your full life to come back here and help those of us who are still trying to get clean. For some reason I always imagined that you were in your 20s or early 30s because of your energy. I am going to ask my doctor about Naltrexone as I too have always struggled with ADHD and addiction in some way or another since I was 14. I am continuing to try do the inner work which I hope will help me get where you are but plan to ramp it up once my kids are back in school in the fall. I dream of running a marathon adderall free and you have more than accomplished that! Wishing you continued success and happiness!! Will take allll of the other tips regarding nutrition, running gels, etc as I recently looked into those to see if they would help with post adderall recovery I’m so sensitive to caffeine and other supplements even on my off addy days and I am trying to find something to replace it that won’t ramp up my anxiety Thank you again!!!

I promise you will continue to improve drastically, but it takes time and it is not linear. That is, some weeks might feel much worse than the week before. But overall you will notice an upward trend for years to come. As far as needing the energy earlier in the day, I sympathize. Maybe changing your sleep patterns would help? I know this is easier said than done, but melatonin helps a tonne in case you haven't tried it before. And HELL YEA on 2 months -- you ROCK. Let us know when the day hits so we can celebrate it together!

@quit-once I can't believe I never put two and two together regarding your nickname here. I love it so much!!! It's PERFECT!

Today's my 8th day off 60-100mg daily. Still feeling a bit of brain fog and lack of motivation of course. However supplements have made a night and day difference! I've been taking the following: Morning- Vitamin B complex, Nordic fish oil, 1000mg Vit C, 1000mg L-Tyrosine, 1000mg DLPA, Mucuna Pruriens, NAC and some days Alpha gpc. Night- Magnesium Glycinate 400mg, Glycine 3000mg when needed for sleep, fish oil, Vit C 1000mg and L-Theanine. The Mucuna and Alpha GPC should not be taken long term. They are best used once or twice a week under normal circumstances. These supplements have helped tremendously with motivation and sleep. I've been able to exercise daily since my 3rd day off. Eating much better and am excited for the future at times. I've tried this without supplements many times. Anything I can do to help restore my brain to its natural state I will do. Any other recommendations would be great! Glad to be apart of this community.

This is a great reminder of a solid truth about any addiction recovery: the relapse always happens in your mind before you ever get your hands on the substance. Therefore, it should be avoidable until the moment you take the drug again. But, it doesn't always work that way. If I ever start to entertain thoughts of using something again, I try really hard to change the channel and not dwell on that fantasy, because it could become a reality. Practicing thought control. I credit my many years of yoga practice for helping to channel away the harmful thoughts. I have also started doing chakra meditation during the last two years, which is great for channeling your thoughts to where they are needed. I'm glad your relapse was relatively brief and mostly harmless, and that you learned a valuable lesson.

There is no harm in giving it a few practice runs before you are successful. It took me several tries. I would make it a few days, a week, and got all the way up to 18 days once before I decided to taper off and stay off for good.

I found this online in another forum a while ago and recovered it recently. I've put it in the announcements because it feels more like a "sticky" than a discussion doc or question or personal tale. I found it really accurate. Hope it's helpful. Stage 1 of Amphetamine Use - During this stage, amphetamine will be at its hedonic peak; the pleasure of taking amphetamine will not get any higher from this point on. The most notable feelings are a "lovey" feeling, powerful euphoria, increased motivation, deep philosophical thinking, strong feelings of "lust", etc. Length of phase: 1-3 days with binge usage; 5-10 days with daily usage; About 5-15 uses total if used sparingly with atleast several days inbetween doses. Characteristic Effects of this Stage: - Powerful euphoria - Empathy and socialability - Overwhelming amount of increased motivation Stage 2 of Amphetamine Use - During this stage, the "lovey" and empathetic feelings of amphetamine quickly fade, although the "pleasurable" feelings of euphoria and increased motivation are still present. The decrease in empathetic feelings is likely responsible from a depletion of serotonergic vesicles. Most users note that it is impossible to transition back to "Stage 1" at this point, no matter how long of a break a person takes from amphetamine. This suggests that a permanent tolerance develops for the empathetic effects of the drug - whether this occurs from a psychological acclimation to the effects, or from physiological reasons, I don't know. This is the stage which doctors aim for when prescribing amphetamine for medicinal use with ADD and ADHD. This stage can be prolonged for quite some time (and if the dose is low enough, some medical professionals say that this phase can be prolonged indefinitely) this is assuming of course that the user continuously maintains an adequate amount of high quality sleep (7+ hours a night), proper nutrition, and a non-sedentary lifestyle. Length of Stage: 1-7 days with binge usage (note that binge usage is defined by immediately taking another dose once the effects of one dose wear off or begin to wear off, interrupting sleep in the process). 2 Weeks to 6+ Months if used daily (and maintaining a healthy lifestyle). Indefinitely if used sparingly (with 3-5+ days inbetween uses). Characteristic Effects of this Stage: - Increased Motivation - Slight Euphoria Stage 3 of Amphetamine Use, the "Tool" phase - At this point, most if not all empathetic effects of usage have diminished. This point is characterized by the fact that amphetamine becomes the sole motivator for tasks, hence the nickname "The Tool Phase" because amphetamine is now used as a Tool for accomplishment. The negative physiological effects (the "body load") become more prominent. Length of Stage: At this point, it is hard to define the length it will take to transition from one stage to the next. Some users will find that if they take breaks from their usage or just lower their dose, they can go backwards to earlier stages. Some binge users may even rapidly progress through the stages, possibly even skipping to the final ones or developing psychosis. Characteristic Effects of this stage: - Period of 'positive effects' and period of 'negative effects' from taking a dose begin to merge. (usually, if negative effects are present they only follow after the positive effects wear off) - The user needs amphetamine to stay at/above a baseline level of motivation, and when amphetamine is not in effect the user is below a baseline level of motivation. -In order for a task to be done effeciently, the user finds that they need to be on amphetamine. - The level of euphoria decreases to a point where it is no more significant than the level of euphoria which most people get from daily life without amphetamine. Stage 4 of Amphetamine Use, "The Decline" - The efficiency of amphetamine as a "Tool" begins to drop significantly, and this stage is characterized by the "comedown" (the period of negative effects after the drug begins to wear off) becoming much stronger. The "comedown" may even begin to merge in with the period of positive effects. At this point, the body load may begin to become painful. Characteristic Effects of this Stage: - Painful body load (Muscle Pain, High Blood Pressure, Inadequate Circulation, Dehydration, Malnutrition, deterioration of the skin and other tissues, etc). - Depression - Severe Anxiety Stage 5 of Amphetamine Use, The Procrastination - This Stage may or may not be experienced by amphetamine users. In this stage, the positive effects of amphetamine are almost absent if not completely gone, and the "coming up" of a dose of amphetamine is subsequently followed by an immediate barrage of negative effects (both physiological and psychological). The reason this phase is called "The Procrastination" is because the user forgets how unbearable the negative sensations are (due to amphetamine compromising the brain's ability to efficiently make memories, especially goal-orientated memories); by the next day, even though the user may have told himself to not take amphetamine, he takes amphetamine again anyways (due to the brain not being able to make a goal-orientated memory, the brain was unable to produce counter-motivation to stop the user from taking more amphetamine the next day). This might possibly be the most psychologically painful and strenuous phase for the amphetamine user, since he is unable to figure out why he keeps taking amphetamine even though he clearly knows it only causes him pain. Characteristic Effects: - Repeatedly taking amphetamine despite knowledge that it no longer gives the desired effects, and only causes negative effects. Stage 6 of Amphetamine Use, Irritability and Pessimism - This phase is characterized by extreme irritability. The user begins forgetting the drug is responsible for his negative feelings, and begins to blame things in the environment around them instead. The user begins to think that other people are responsible for how poorly he/she feels. The user might show hostility, or social withdrawal. The user also begins to develop an extremely pessimistic attitude towards life. Characteristic Effects of this Stage: - Acute Depression - Severe Anxiety - Irritability, even when the drug is out of the user's system - Psychosis - Inability to Sleep - Severe Restlessness - lack of willpower - Inability to find "the right choice of words" - Obsessive Thinking Stage 7 of Amphetamine use, Nihilism and Dissociation - During this phase, incidences of psychosis begin to emerge (if they haven't already) even if the drug user has been maintaining an adequate amount of sleep. The user usually becomes nihilistic, thinking that nothing in life matters or has meaning. Some users may even become solipsistic, which means they think that they are the only things which are real in the world. Solipsism is often accompanied by paranoia, or thinking that others only have the intention of harming the solipsistic individual. If the user had obtained any philosophical or metacognitive methods of thinking during the earlier stages of amphetamine use, those same metacognitive methods begin to eat away at the person's psyche. They feel as if they are helpless to do anything besides sit back and watch their mind become unravelled. Even if the user realizes that his irritable attitude towards other people isn't how he truly feels, he is unable to manage his irritability (most likely due to a complete diminishment of serotonin, as well as the brain's ability to make memories being compromised). The individual's ego may begin to deconstruct itself, and the user may have a feeling that they completely lack any willpower to do anything. This stage is also accompanied by a large amount of confusion. Characteristic Effects of this stage: - Confusion - Paranoia - Unbearable Depression and Anxiety - Delusions - Increased Incidences of Psychosis - Increasingly Painful Body Load - Lack of willpower - Cognition become confusing and incoherent. Users often claim things like their mind is "too loud", "jumping to false conclusions", or "doesn't make sense" and the user feels helpless to control this. - Panic Attacks become very prominent - Feelings of Deja Vu - If weight loss was experienced in beginning stages, it may come to a hault or even reverse into weight gain - Inability to experience pleasure - Akathisia - Feelings that an individual no longer has "free will" - Difficult to form coherent sentences and speak properly. Similar to "Clanging" or "Word Salad" experienced in schizophrenics. Stage 7b "Letting Go / Giving Up" - This stage is not always experienced, but in some instances after the user has experienced an excruciating and unbearable amount of anxiety and mental stress, he may experience a period of "Letting Go" in which the brain gives up on constructing/maintaining its deluded psychological structures. The negative effects of the drug temporarily fade, and the user has a "moment of peace". This temporary phase usually only lasts several hours (if not less) before the user returns to phase 7. Since the brain during this phase has completely abandoned any attempts to make goal orientated behaviour, the user may find it difficult (or simply not want to) to take care of themselves. However, during this phase, the user will find that they will actually be able to get to sleep, and they should take advantage of this temporary somnia to get sleep. I do not know what neurological mechanisms are responsible for this phase; it is almost as if it is the brain's last resort - to enter a careless and stressless stupor. Perhaps the brain releases endorphins in response to the unbearable anxiety? Characteristic Effects: - Stupor - Irresponsiveness - Carelessness - Ironically, if effects of "word salad" or "clanging" were experienced in stage 7, they are no longer as present in stage 7b. Stage 8, "The Stupor", Brain Damage - In this stage, amphetamine no longer gives effects, and the brain's desire for taking amphetamine (even if taking it has become a habit) begins to drop. As long as amphetamine use continues, the user makes no progress towards recovery of any sort. The individual is unresponsive and disconnected. Amphetamine has a tendency to make the user put too much effort into anything/everything, and this gives the brain not a single moment of psychological "rest" (where the individual doesn't think deeply). However, during this phase, it is quite the opposite - the individual's mind is in a prolonged state of resting and won't even follow through with the very act of thinking if the thought takes too much effort to think. During this phase, the user may have a steep decline in intelligence. Characteristic Effects: - Prolonged episodes of stupor and carelessness - Lethargy - Diminished Intelligence and mental efficiency - Irreversible Psychological Damage - Possible brain damage - The individual may develop a "permanent stuttering" which persists even after amphetamine has long since been ceased. - In a similar way that the stuttering develops, an individual may develop a possible permanent difficulty talking, using correct grammar and sentence structure, or expressing thoughts to others. In severe cases, this may even resemble a schizophrenic's clanging or word salad. - Essentially, the mind at this point is irreversibly compromised. The user's personality might have changed permanently. The individual may be much more easily irritated for the rest of his/her life. Cognitive functioning will never work the same as it used to. Although the user may make improvements and greatly recover, it will almost always seem like something "isn't right" in the mind, or that something is "missing". Individuals will still be able to lead fulfilling lives, and some may make amazing recoveries where they feel normal again like they did before they ever began using. Unfortunately, in severe cases, the individual may never be the same again.

This site seems to be getting over-run with spam. Any active mods available for a culling?

I have been lurking on this site for years and have followed many successful and impressive people on here reach major milestones. I so badly want to be off of this drug but can only string a few days together at a time before I almost feel “itchy” and run back to my psychiatrist for a script who tells me not to be so hard on myself for taking 10mgs per day. What I struggle with the most is how incredibly impatient I get with my kids when I don’t take it. They are so young and deserve a good mama. That’s one of my adderall hang ups. That it makes me more patient with them. But I don’t want them to have an adderallic mom. I feel like I try so hard to do all of the right things to get off of this drug. I eat gluten free, 75 percent dairy free, hardly drink or go out, meditate almost daily, workout 4-5x per week, have done tons of research and journaling about quitting, read this website for years on end. It’s incredible and nails everything. But mostly you all are who come back to share your success. I’ve read so much quit lit (Annie Grace is a new fave), watched videos on TikTok. There is a girl who talks about sobriety from alcohol mostly but in one of her videos she talks about how adderall was the hardest to quit most of all. I wish she would talk more about that. It’s wild to me how she posts so much about quitting alcohol when she says adderall was the hardest to kick! Anywho, if there are any moms out there who have advice or can tell me how long I will snap at my kids before they get their mom back I would really appreciate it. I take this pill and am nice to my kids but mean and petty about everything else in life. It makes me a robot and I know that but at least I am able to take care of them when I have some in my system. I sometimes tell myself I am prepping for the big day when I’ve finally, finally had enough and can be the person I dream of being and quit. I am learning that talking to myself kindly will help. I’ve made a lot of positive changes I just have to keep going. Thanks for listening to me ramble I can’t wait to post on here one day that I’ve done it for good!

Congrats on 4 months clean by the way. That's the hardest part by far. I know what you mean about the intense cravings. I'm at about the 6 month mark after my (most recent) relapse and I've been feeling them too. I admit I've even been looking for new health clinics, plotting to get another assessment so I can get a new prescription. It's like you work so hard to talk yourself out of it, then spend a few minutes feeling positive and proud of yourself, only to have your thoughts turn towards it again. It really wears you down. I don't want to relapse again though. It's NOT worth it. I can speak from experience though, this is normal for this part of your timeline. Just take it one day at a time and do the BARE MINIMUM to get by in the meantime. That's awesome you haven't been drinking as alcohol is something I can blame almost every relapse on, at least partially. And yeah, it would be nice to have superpowers but that just not what the drug does for me anymore. I'd take it, do a couple hours of work, and then do exactly what you said -- slam an entire bottle in one night and be cracked out for a day and a half, left to pick up the pieces. Have you ever been to a narcotics anonymous meeting? I went to my first one a few days ago. I plan to go back once my schedule permits, at least once or twice per week. I didn't share, just listened, which everyone was fine with. And even listening to others really helps get your head back in the right space. They have online ones over discord now too so you TRULY are anoymous. Fire me a DM if you'd like the link. Posting on here is great too. Stay strong, friend, we love you!

There is nothing wrong with taking energy supplements when you need a boost. Initially, I found a GNC energy pill with capsacain (pepper extract) to both give me the needed energy and replace the habit of taking drugs for pills. Adderall gives you the habit of taking pills throughout the day, which I found weirdly hard to break. Also, I used (sugar free) red bull, 5 hour energy, vitamin B-12, and any other non-amphetamine energy boosters during my first year of recovery. Whatever it takes to stay off the drug. Two months is a great start. I started feeling a little improvement around three months. Keep on going!

Keep going!! It’s going to be tough for awhile.. it’s been a year and a half for me after 8 years of daily use. I remember the first three months being really tough.. with some good days and bad. You will not feel like doing anything but just do it anyway and your brain will heal itself. Motivation follows action.

Adderall recovery is not a linear process. You will have lots of ups and downs during your first year. For me, three days, three weeks, three months, nine months and two years were the most notable markers of improvement during my recovery.

I definitely forgot about adderall for the most part, and would often go months and months and months without it ever crossing my mind. When I did think of it occasionally, usually it'd just be something like "oh man, thank god I'm not living like that anymore". Good news is I forgot about adderall, bad news is I also forgot what it's like to be a junkie. It's been so long now that the timeline isn't totally clear, but I think around the 2 year mark is where I REALLY started to feel like "hey, I don't need that shit and I am so much better off without it". This is around the time I finally started losing all the weight I gained too. I think if I would have stuck around the forums this relapse wouldn't have happened. For context, I was never an every day user. I was always a "take the entire month's worth in a day and a half", spend 3-4 days recovering, then spend the next 3 weeks anxiously waiting to get my hands on more. Congratulations on 22 months. You are doing so awesome!!!!

Thank you for sharing. This sounds so much like my husband, and we’re really trying to find a way to make the plunge to fully quit. I’m curious, how long did it take you to start feeling somewhat normal (ish) after quitting? I know it’s months to years for the brain to try to recover, but just curious if you remember any kind of timeline of when some things started coming back to you or going away? Your dosages and timeline are very similar to where he’s at.

Hi anyone here. It is March 15 2024 now, I quit January 19th. I have all those symptoms you described above. The weirdest thing is that I expected to be sleeping like a baby and tired and lethargic but i have non stop anxiety and can't sit still and cannot sleep without sleep aids, in my case, clonopan and gabapentin. So now I am going to have to go through literal hell to get off those demonic drugs. I would say I am mostly dysfunctional. I wasn't very functional before which is why I finally decided to quit for good. Adderall made me feel hopeful that I could be ok but I never actually read more, never did well at my social work job (documenting for hours and retyping sentences well into the night). Maybe this gets better later maybe not but I need some help, mostly getting shit done. Did NA have ideas for this? Thanks

Well I'll be back starting tomorrow made it almost 8 months. It's crazy to me how it fucks with my confidence, self esteem, my everything. I lose all strength and wallow in shame. Ppl don't understand wat it does to some ppl, it rips all my hard work out from under me and crushes my mind with negative thoughts and suspicious feelings, things that aren't me. My eyes dried out, mouth clenched, chest heavy, dint want to eat or drink, socially isolated, obsessing over things thatd usually never bother me. I can do this

I am four years off Adderall as of a couple weeks ago. After this long, one doesn't really notice the specific year anniversary dates anymore, just a sense of the general time frame. I thought I would put together a little timeline of my recovery, since there are a lot of newbies here. It might help with some of the questions and uncertainty in recovery, although remember that I'm not you. No one is. Your individual recovery is a function of a lot of things - your age, dosage, length of use, diet, exercise, support, commitment, and attitude being the biggest factors. I won't go into my original story here. If you're interested you can find it by the title "The Two-Month Itch" on the Tell your story forum. This is more of a timeline of how I felt at each stage of recovery. Days 1-30: Fatigue, brain fog, existential despair - the usual. However, I had quit for one month periods before so I knew the drill. I also had two weeks off from work so I wasn't sweating it too much. Diet: Small, frequent high protein meals. Lots of veggies. Lots of high protein snacks such as hard boiled eggs, nuts, edamame, beef jerky, etc. More meat than I usually eat. Supplements: Multivitamin, l-tyrosine 500-1000 mg/day. Also occasionally a supplement I bought online called 'focus factor' or something. I can't remember. I honestly never felt like supplements really did anything and I didn't take them daily. Exercise: Bikram yoga 2x/week, hiking on Sundays, leisurely walks during the week Days 30-72: Worse fatigue, worse brain fog, and worse existential despair. This was the worst of the withdrawal period for me. Diet: Small, frequent high protein meals. Lots of high protein snacks such as hard boiled eggs, nuts, edamame, beef jerky, etc. More meat than I usually eat. Supplements: Multivitamin, l-tyrosine 500-1000 mg/day. Exercise: Bikram yoga 2-3x/week, still hiking on Sundays, leisurely walks during the week Day 73: I will never forget the first day I felt PHYSICAL ENERGY! This was a huge encouragement. Days 74-150: Still fatigued many days but having more energy overall, brain fog is improving, still very anhedonic. Diet: Small, frequent high protein meals. Lots of high protein snacks such as hard boiled eggs, nuts, edamame, beef jerky, etc. More meat than I usually eat. Supplements: Multivitamin, l-tyrosine 500-1000 mg/day. Exercise: Bikram yoga 2-3x/week, still hiking on Sundays, leisurely walks during the week 6 months: This is when I stopped counting the days and started counting the months. Doing okay at work but still very unmotivated, depressed, and socially awkward. Went on a family trip at this time and felt very uncomfortable in my own skin. Felt like I was always second guessing myself in conversation. Lots of social awkwardness around this time. 7 months: Feeling very fatigued and depressed around this time. I start going to some SMART Recovery meetings which helps. 10 months: Very low energy - took a low dose of Wellbutrin on and off at this time. I had some leftover from years ago. This helped give me an energy boost. If you're going to take an antidepressant at all, I recommend this one (but just short term- you don't want more med dependency). 1 year: Feeling much more comfortable with sobriety. More inner strength. Took up some new hobbies at this time. Still lacking self-confidence and self-conscious about my ability to learn. Still socially awkward but it's improving. TIME STARTS GOING SO MUCH FASTER NOW. 18 months: Feeling like I need more challenges/change in my life. Adopt two rescue dogs. Quit my job. Actually feeling some sparks of life within me. Still very anhedonic some days though. Make some good decisions and some poor decisions during this time. Start a new job and have strong Adderall cravings but they pass. Go to some Pills Anonymous meetings around this time. 2 years: Feeling much better than at one year. Social awkwardness is better. Anhedonia is lessening. More social in general. Still struggling with self-confidence though. 3 years: This past year flew by. Feeling much better than two years. Have a new, more challenging job. Seeking out challenges and more self-assertive. More confidence in my ability to learn. Still struggling with motivation and some self-confidence issues. Ween down my caffeine intake to one cup of tea a day. 4 years: This past year also flew by. Feeling great. I'm the most positive I've been, attitude-wise. Starting to eat mostly vegan meals (occasionally eat meat and eggs though so I do eat some animal products, but very little dairy). A plant based diet has made my energy levels skyrocket. Also, drinking minimal caffeine. Feeling much more self-confident, but also laid back and self-deprecating like I used to be before Adderall. I feel normal again. This has been a crazy journey, but so well worth it. All these positive changes I've made have been slow and painstaking, which means they've stuck. I hope you all realize you're good enough on your own, without drugs. Nothing worth doing in life is easy.

I feel for you. I lost my marriage and hurt my kids but didn’t attribute it to adderall until later. It gets harder and harder to quit over time. Don't let the fond memory of euphoria fool you and trick you like it did me. Over time there is no euphoria just an insane urge and craving to use it. Read Dopamine Nation or read about adderall effect on dopamine neurotransmitters. They get pruned and we eventually do not feel pleasure at pleasurable or awe inspiring situations. Go to a12 step program like NA or AA or CA. Its close enough i believe. Im on day 4 for the 20th time trying to quit for good. I’ve been weaning down for 10 years. I can never stay off. You have a good chance. This is hell knowing i may never get back my natural joy. Don’t let it happen to you. . I have been on it and/or abusing it since 1999.

I'm doing much better today. I actually started feeling better last night and fell asleep at 8 pm and woke up the next morning at 6 am. That's the most sleep I've gotten since I quit 7.25 months ago. I usually don't get more than 4 hours of sleep. I also don't have that fear of going places today either. I got out and got some things taken care of that I've let linger for too long. I feel like my old self for the first time in a long time.

Hi @Krae19&@ALA. I have been clean since January 16th . I thought it was February but I had to look back at my texting and it was January 16th so I've been clean longer than I thought! I started in 2018 I believe. I was clean several years before that then started up again. I cleaned new construction for 20 years so it was my crutch. "I needed" it. I had to be a perfectionist at my job. It was taking a toll on my body. I am quite a bit older than you two and it is bad My arms were killing me my hands were stiff I ached all over, but I blamed the hard work I was doing I had high blood pressure I was on a mission to kill myself I guess. I just live in denial. When I don't take it I cry a lot I think I have gotten past that finally but when I would get back on it after quitting I would feel so on top of the world. In February 2019 we took on two little granddaughters 9 months and 2 So I retired from new construction cleaning and started over raising children. we were just at the beginning of remodeling our house and so we had a lot going on now we really have a lot going on so I kept taking it. Praise God after 3 years Mom really got her act together and now we're back to being Grandma and Grandpa. I also take care of my 38-year-old disabled son who requires 24-hour care I get paid to do that and I keep him 3 days a week 24-hour shift He's not too much work just mentally. He had a bad reaction to his DPT shots at 2 months and he's basically 9 months to2 years. He's nonverbal and can be aggressive. I am sorry I am writing a book I just get talking and I never quit. So I will quit rambling I can tell you more later anyway my point being I totally understand where you are coming from and why we do what we do. I am so glad to be clean but I miss it I don't want to do it again because I want to live to see my grandchildren grow up I am so glad I found this group because you guys all know where I'm coming from. My husband has a little bit of a hard time understanding it because he is not an addictive type person and I totally am. Okay I'm going to say goodnight for now. Please reach out to me if there's anything you would like to talk about. I have pretty much been there done that!!

I hit a horrible PAWS episode 30+ days of depression and isolation. IT finally lifted and I believe these supplements helped 1500 mg of Niacin ( no flush) 500 mg of glutathione +10 mg of NADH I'm 9 months and 21 days clean. I am also on the Keto diet (plant and meat ) for the last 60days. The healthiest version of it all organic etc. I still worked out 3-4 days a week even through this depression phase ( I was working out 5-6 days a week before) I feel as if I've been walking through honey all day in slow motion. Literally crying myself to sleep at night from exhaustion alone. About three days ago I started on the supplements. Today I feel like I'm waking up out of a coma. I'm sure others have tried this, but thought I'd share just in case. For the first time in 30+ days I have energy again and feel somewhat productive- feels like a mini miracle to me. I'm not sure which supplement is really affecting me the most. It may just be the niacin ( no flush). I just thought if it can help someone else it's worth writing about. Good luck and hope this helps someone.

I don't even know where to start with this. I don't even know exactly what I want to say. But I'm struggling, I guess. And want to share. I'm 36 now and was prescribed adderall at 19. I was a sophomore in college. Ever since I was a little kid I was always told I probably had ADD, but I was never tested or treated for it. I always scored really high on standardized tests, but just sailed by in high school with C's. I was notorious for not doing homework, not studying. That sort of thing. My first semester in college I had a 3.88 average though, just by going to class, taking notes, and doing minimal studying. Then, I started to be prescribed adderall. My life went so far downhill it was unbelievable. Throughout my 20's, I dropped out of college, raked up 30k in debt, experimented with many drugs, moved back and forth from place to place, developed a gambling problem. Even when I first started taking it, I think I was prescribed 30mg xr's and I would take them before I went out, and drink a bunch and party. I lost a lot of weight. But as I got older, my script was usually 30mg IR's 2x a day. I would easily run out in 10-20 days. By the time I turned 22, I decided to join the military. I got injured and medically discharged but it was my longest time off adderall. (about a year). When I turned 30, I had gotten back into school, and by a lot of accounts doing well. I got into a relationship though w/ a really bad addict, who introduced me to meth. Luckily, I only used for about a year, and never have went back to it or thought about it again. After finally ending that relationship, I was out of money, failed out of college, was spent in every way possible. I moved back in with my parents across country, and was still using dexderine. I was prescribed 30 mg 2x a day, but it was in 10 mg pills. So I would get 180 10 mg pills a month, and would easily take 12-15 a day, especially when my script first started. My life had gotten so bad. I managed to hold onto a job that I still have now (going on two and a half years) in retail, but my relationship with my mother had gotten so toxic, and i was never sleeping. I would go to work after not sleeping, and I really didn't have any friends. In Feb of this year I met a woman who told me about how she was addicted to adderall. I had just gotten my script filled and met her randomly after I had left my lights on in my car (a common occurrence) and she had given me a jump start. She could tell I was on stims, and told me her story. After being up for 4 days straight (day one being the day I met her and had gotten my script filled)... I told my bosses at work I had a problem. I then drove to the VA (where I get my prescriptions and healthcare) and told my psych prescriber. I went to rehab about a week later. I've been sober since Feb 22. I wish I could say it's all roses..but it's not. I am aware that I have accomplished SO much this year. (And while I am aware of it it doesn't mean I'm feeling as happy for myself as I should be.) I moved out of my parents house. (my roommate is the woman who inspired me to quit!) I'm enrolled back in college, I was employee of the month at work last month, I quit smoking. I still drink but it's not problematic or daily. Although I am being very mindful of that. I sleep every night, and just recently about a month ago even got off my wellbutrin. (Was taking 450 mg a day). I'm in therapy, I'm doing a lot of good things for myself. I have saved up about $5,000. (considering I had nothing in February, and I make very little money, and have had problems with shopping and gambling, this is pretty amazing... ) But I feel so empty...and alone. I haven't been on a date in over a year. I am not even motivated TO date, but I want someone. I moved into my new place a month and a half ago and still haven't unpacked my stuff. I have furniture that isn't even finished being put together. I don't exercise. I don't have any motivation to go out and be social. The anhedonia is still really terrible. I am not sure what I'm writing all this for but maybe someone can offer some guidance, or friendship. Or hope. Thank you so much for reading this. Love you all.

Thanks for the reply Sean. I gained a lot of weight too, and it has made me lose a lot of confidence. I only gained 25 pounds since quitting, but I was already overweight by about 15-20 pounds. The thought of going on dating apps and stuff makes me anxious. I have tried for a few minutes at a time. I used to play a lot of video games but I don't even have the motivation to do that anymore. Basically all I do is sleep, youtube, reddit, TV, work, repeat. My days off go by and I don't get anything done. What kind of stuff helps you feel better?

thanks for this. hopefully I can quit soon.

Amazing post! I agree with all of your points and I am still going through many of the steps even at 16 months. It does get better if you commit to never touching Adderall again. It's a long and painful journey, but so worth it! Thanks again for an awesome post.

***maybe not SPEED up recovery time...although that would be great...but maybe ease recovery? I don't know. I'm a hopeless never giver upper.....

I just want to mention that there is no free lunch, ever.

I absolutely love the new blueberry Red Bulls. I rarely drink them, because the brain is like a battery.. if you have a boost then it's going to leave you with a deficit. I always feel completely bland and out of it when they wear off, you always pay a price

yup!! I'm back on my bike these days too! finally warming up here, rode to the beach and read the past 3 days in a row, except today when I cleaned like a mo-fo and got my kitchen spotless, finally, was a disgusting disaster... was actually that Tips for Adderall Recovery post this morning that got me going to clean up my place..........

Seriously? You've never watched Breaking Bad?? Duuuuude, better get on that right away.... anyone else a fan? I was taking a bunch of adderall when it first came out and hated to admit it that I felt sometimes like I knew what meth addiction really felt like. I think that's when I first realized I may have a problem with adderall.