Leaderboard

I’ve been using chatGPT every time I get an urge to use adderall or weed and it’s been such a powerful tool in my sobriety. Whenever I get a craving to use adderall I will message it and be like I’m getting an urge to use adderall please talk me out of it and it helps me get through it. I will do this like 20 times a day or more. It’s always there to help me. It throws all these resources at me and guides me in the right direction. It’s like the number one sponsor. You can message it a million times a day, bugging it, and it never gets tired of your shit. It responds right away and is available literally anytime you need it.

I was worried this site wouldn’t be here when I went to search for it again, 2 years later and 2 more years a puppet to the pill. I had just had my daughter when I last wrote in ‘23. I dabbled here and there with Adderall until I got pregnant again with my son last summer. Unfortunately, I still used while pregnant the second time around, albeit more consciously aware of my situation. Still, my self loathing, addicted self took pictures to capture what I felt at the time, was the epitome of worthless. High, crying and pregnant and yet even then, my unborn child and hatred for myself didn’t trump the addiction. Thankfully, he was born this February happy and healthy, and for that I am eternally grateful. I spent 3 weeks with him at home before I had to return to the American dream of the corporate world (hospital doesn’t offer paid maternity leave) to afford the idiotic decision we made to buy a house in shit market. Now, my life is beyond blessed and I often wonder what I did to deserve it. A supportive husband, two beautifully healthy babies, two adorable rescue pups, a financially stable corporate career and a beautiful house we now call home. I couldn’t ask for more. Yet I am…..an escape. Adjusting to life with 2 under 2 has been incredibly difficult for my husband and I. I’m unsure if it was because we were older when we started having kids, both work full time with kids, or were always on the fence with having kids. You don’t know til you know with multiples and the fine print is even longer after that second fucker comes into the world. Just venting at this point but WHO THE FUCK AFFORDS THE DAYCARE FOR THIS SHIT?! Also an unknown of the fine print, the price tags on these fleshy things is astronomical, not to mentioned the fat bill you get to pay just to have them (while privately insured with a high premium — that’s a different rabbit hole though). Don’t get me wrong, I’d kill for my kids, but apparently they’re still not enough to not crave the escape. As you all can assume, I crawled back to my PCP and sang the story of secret addict. Even asked to decrease my dosage for brownie points in a doc not even sensing a hint of addict. Told myself the same shit you’ve all told yourselves when you get the script. ‘I’ll take it as prescribed,’ ‘I can do it this time because I know what the comedown is like,’ ‘Let’s just try it and see what happens.’ Yeah…..as I sit and type this after just breaking into the timed lock box pill dispenser I bought. Told my husband it surely would work, Jesus, it’s like the rational mind doesn’t even care to think at this point. So yeah, once I popped one of my ‘good’ friend Addy’s….my second, irritational self came out to play and we’ve been doing this on and off every month. Looking for counselors again. My kids don’t deserve a mother that willingly chooses to escape reality over them, nor does my husband, but apparently my grateful life isn’t worth more than a pill to escape the reality I was just saying I was thankful for. Absolutely crazy shit addiction is, horrifyingly crazy. Wish I never tried the little fuckers but yet now more than ever EVERYONE is on them and it feels as readily available as weed or alcohol. So thankful for this site and you all. Appreciate the transparency of your stories and the vulnerability of the truth that is all so humiliating at times. As we know, the addict mentality never dies and the opportunity for addiction to rear its ugly head is just a pill away. Here’s to supporting one another as we internally go to battle with ourselves, the person and the addict.

Hey all, I've been on this site for 6.5 years and have read many horrible stories about adderall addiction and also some amazing success stories. As you can see I've posted on this forum over 1000 times. I've been clean since Nov 13, 2010. And here is the collective wisdom I've gathered from people who successfully beat adderall addiction on this site. Just as background I used to snort 250 mgs a day, was in and out of rehab and outpatient therapy. I had constant stimulant induced schizophrenia. 1) CUT OFF YOUR DOCTOR - this is how the successful people on this site quit. Period. Cut off your doctor. I havent come across a single person that still had access to adderall prescriptions from their doc and was able to just quit. 2) UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GOT ADDICTED ... and why you feel like shit without it. Adderall causes your brain to retain more of the neurotransmitter dopamine between the synapses or nerve endings in your brain. This artificial surplus of dopamine is what causes you to feel more motivated, the brain stops regulating dopamine on it's own properly. Your body begins to adapt to the repeated dosing of a central nervous system stimulant, causing dependence, until eventually life seems much worse without adderall. Over time, as your natural dopamine reuptake process is consistently disrupted, the body produces less and less dopamine. If the adderall is then withdrawn, the body has neither its own dopamine nor an artificial surplus of dopamine between the the brain receptors - thus the horror of withdrawal. 3. DON'T PUT PRESSURE ON YOURSELF when you quit...Stop trying to be the perfect mom, or the superstar at work, the super thin person, the social butterfly. As for working, decide if you are able to continue working or not.. I did not work for TWO + YEARS. I just spent those years on my moms couch reading recovery books, going to NA and sticking close to this site.. I had that luxury to live at home at not work (no kids to support etc) Afterwords, with help from members of this site, I fought my way back into a career...from interning at a shoe store without pay to volunteering for a couple bucks an hour to working in a college admin office for 200 bucks a month. If you don't feel like you can afford to stop working, do not try to be a superstar at work. Go through the motions, just like the author does in "Get it Done when your depressed" 4.UNDERSTAND PAWS there are many, many resources on post acute withdrawal system. Just google it. Your brain will go through PAWS. This will help you understand the depression, fatigue and all those horrible feelings that make adderall recovery horrific. https://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm 5. TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME It takes forever to feel normal again, but you get to a point where you no longer think about it anymore. 6. YOU WILL NOT BE FAT FOREVER As long as you put in discipline and willpower. After the post weight gain you will get back to normal weight. I went to 250lbs immediately post adderall and now I'm normal and thin again. Most people on this site can attest to the same. 7. STAY CLOSE TO THE FORUMS. Don't lurk here. Be engaged with the community. Helping others also helps yourself too. And keeping this place active helps everyone on this site. No one judges you on this site. There are many tools/resources/information here that can REALLY help you. Many veterans here have gone on to give interviews for national magazines and television programs about what happened to them. 8. SUPPLEMENTS that people on this site that people have found effective include: Wellbutrin and L-Tyrosine. Don't even consider swapping to Vyvance, Ritalin, or Dex. They are the same as addearll. 9. UNDERSTAND THAT THIS PROCESS TAKES FOREVER AND A DAY. It took me years and years and i still struggle. For others who were on much lower dosages than me, it still takes at least year but not as long as it did for me. As a rule of thumb, every year you abused, you need an additional year to recover. You will feel unmotivated. You will be starving all the time. You will be tired. But you are in the norm. Adderall recovery may often feel very specific to you but it is not. We all go through this or are going through this. 10. READ and read and read to educate yourself on what has happened to you - "On Speed" has been the most popular book for this site. Other books, "Get it Done When Your Depressed" "Pill Head", "More, Now, Again" , "The Amphetamine Debate" to name a few. Read the article on Richard Fees suicide that was in the NY Times. The link is below 11. WRITE DOWN all reasons why adderall messed up your life. If you ever want to start taking adderall again - READ the list and you will remember about those horrific nights 3 am on an empty stomach and feeling like complete shit. Or you'll remember the scariness of getting caught doctor shopping or you'll remember getting fired, or you'll remember the stimulant induced psychosis that made people think you were schizophrenic. 12. ALCOHOL/CAFFEINE RULE OF THUMB Most recovering adderall addicts still allow themselves to drink alcohol. This is taboo in Narcotics Anonymous but adderall veterans continue to drink without having problems. Many on here have relied on caffeine and redbull to help them. I used those high energy drinks like Rockstar and Monster. I indulge in alchohol as well. 13. GOING COLD TURKEY did not destroy anyone's brain or give them permanent brain damage. I believe xanax can do that but not adderall. Go cold turkey. 14. READ OLDER POSTS While you are on this site, read everything here bc there is tons of great advice on threads that have gotten buried. Remember this site has been active for at least 7 or 8 years so there's a lot of good information on these threads. 15. RELATIONSHIPS - Explain to the people closest to you what happened so they can better understand. Tell them how it messed up the neurochemicals in your brain. Apologize to them. Tell them it will never happen again. Assure them you are in the clear. 16. AT FIRST IT MAY SEEM EASY but it's not. In order to level set your expectations I can tell you it completely sucks. You may go through a brief phase where it seems easy and then suddenly it hits you like a brick. 16b. RECOVERY IS NOT A LINEAR PROCESS. Withdrawal symptoms hit in waves. Sometimes you will have really off days, and you can blame that on the PAWS. Some days you'll feel fine. Embrace the days you feel fine. 17. DEFEAT THE PYSCHOLOGICAL PART OF THE ADDICTION. If you are here, adderall has become a crutch in your life and taken a toll on your confidence to do things without it. Get off your feet and start doing things that you relied on adderall to get you through them. If you are as bad as me you prob relied on adderall for everything. Each time you do something without adderall you start to say "hey I dont need adderall to do this" and your confidence begins to build. 18. STREAM AND BINGEWATCH TV As you recover from withdrawal, Netflix, Hulu and Amazon prime are a godsend. They help you forget about how shitty you feel for the moments you are engrossed in your favorite shows. I have fond memories of bingewatching netflix shows as i went through the hell of withdrawal. 19. When you feel ready FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. to get your life back into shape. I fought my ass off after I finally got off my moms couch. A lot of adderall veterans on this site would definitely remember my experience because i was on here every day, documenting every moment of my job search, my job hunt, my worries/insecurities and I got so much support and advice from this amazing community to push forward. After interning in a shoe store for no money, feeling like i was getting no where, I went back to school graduated and fought for a good job. My newly non-adderall addicted self began making over 6 figures a year. 've gotten a raise every year over the last three years and was able to give my mom 20K for not just the heartache tears and pain I caused her but to show my gratitude for her taking care of me while I recovered, and for letting me live on her couch for two years and put no pressure on me to do anything but read books. 20. ADDERALL CAUSES YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR MIND ONLY. Go back and read a paper that you wrote while on adderall. You probably thought it was incredible. Now go back and re-read it. Was it really that great?? When i was in my adderall haze the success was in my grandiose thinking, in my feeling of invincibility, of being able to conquer anything but not in my reality!!! Stop romanticizing the good times when you were on adderall - they weren't that great. Realize you still have a real future to fight for. You do not want to be that person you once were, where you needed adderall to feel successful. You want to be able to feel successful because of your own merits, not because of adderall. 20. THIS ONE IS WORTH REPEATING - You will not be FAT forever once you quit!!!! There have been many threads on this and the consensus is that it GOES away as long as you try. That means it'll go away after your hunger period ends, but domake sure your consuming fewer calories than you burn or go vegeterian or whatever - exercise your willpower. 21. HELP YOUR RECOVERY ALONG. If you can afford rehab or your insurance covers rehab. Rehab helps. NA/AA meetings can help. Get an NA sponsor. Also, eating healthier, exercising, mediation etc are all things that will help. What doesn't help? being too hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Smart Recovery has also helped people on this site kick the addiction http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/toolchest.htm 22. DONT BUY INTO THE CULTURAL ACCEPTANCE OF ADDERALL -believing that makes it much harder to quit. I generally believe in my heart that ADD is a bullshit diagnosis. I can get scatterbrained and exhibit symptoms of what people consider to be ADD but I do not believe ADD is real. I believe adderall will help anyone who doesn't have ADD. I believe lots of people get scatterbrained. This mentality - and I truly believe it - has helped because believing in my heart and mind that I don't have ADD, that ADD is a bullshit diagnosis gives me zero reason to even consider taking it. Adderall used to be prescribed for depression in the 70s before the ADD diagnosis even came along. It was always a pill in search of a problem. 23 THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL It truly does get better. Your life can come together. It has to start by following these guidelines 24 YOUR PERSONALITY WILL COME BACK Whether adderall made you anti social or robotic or some nut that obsessed with unimportant thing like wasting hours reading wikipedia all day or working on project that went absolutely nowhere..you will come back to your old self. 25 YOUR HEALTH WILL COME BACK Whether it gave you health problems from clenched teeth and sleep deprivation, anxiety, or depression from when the pill wore off, or high blood pressure...your health eventually comes back. WANT TO FAIL? Based on the hundreds of posts on this site it seems that most people who don't follow these guidelines end up relapsing. So draw on the past COLLECTIVE experiences of this long lasting forum and follow the guidelines that works. We know it works. It's that simple Visit these links for a wakeup call http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/03/us/concerns-about-adhd-practices-and-amphetamine-addiction.html http://abcnews.go.com/Health/adderall-rise-mothers/story?id=16622475 http://www.self.com/wellness/health/2013/03/adderall-the-get-ahead-drug Links to Good Recovery Books 1) On Speed - Traces the history of America's obsession with amphetamines; dexadrine, ritalin, adderall etc... 2) Amphetamine Debate - Goes into the consequences of stimulant abuse, psychosis particularly with adderall and ritalin.. 3) More, Now and Again - Memoir of a Writer's Addiction to Ritalin... 4) Requiem for a Dream - One of the stories subplots is a woman who gets hooked on amphetamines.. 5) Get it Done When Your depressed THAT'S all I can think of - there are tons of veterans on this site right now and its so awesome to see you all here continuing to post and help the newer people. Please chime in if I'm missing something not covered or if there is a tip you disagree with.

I'm going day 1 tomorrow!!. I've been on it for last 11 years. Last year I was off for 8 months but then got back on them thinking that maybe "I could just take 1", but of course that was bs. I've never been able to taper because I feel like crap if I take like less than 60mg a day. For reference I take anywhere between 60-100mg on my binge cycles....I hate it! I also drink excessive amounts of alcohol in the evenings when on it... So I don't have a direct answer on your tapering down recovery timeline. But I wanna motivate you to consider just taking maybe 30mg the next 2 days and then going cold turkey over the weekend and see how you feel and hopefully just get that fight in you to stay off permanently...If your gonna be working crazy hours next month then make this month count. Eat good foods and break a sweat walking or something. Sending good vibes your way...I haven't been on this site in months but I log on and saw your post and mainly just wanted to let you know that your not on your own. GOOD LUCK!!!

@JSS4321I swear I could have written this post with a couple minor changes. I am unsure if you still ever get on here, but I was wondering how things ended up for you. I know this was written back in 2017, but I am currently in the thick of it. We are in the middle of the divorce process. Everything you wrote is almost the exact same situation for me. Did your husband ever get off adderall?

Started adderall 10 years ago. For the last 2 years, 90mg a day. Prior to that, 30mg a day. Starting tomorrow I am returning to 30mg a day for a few months, then hopefully weaning off more. What kind of recovery timeline should I anticipate? Since i'm not cutting cold turkey, will I be closer to okay in terms of motivation etc a month from now? For the next 30 days my schedule is very light, but next month I will need to be working 12 hours shifts Monday- Saturday. I am very worried my personality, lifestyle, and even ability to work out will be next to nothing on the lower dose. Knowing what to expect would be very helpful Thanks

I recently shared my story. My husband and I are months away from finalizing our divorce. He was supposed to get off the pills last July. He tried and failed. He keeps moving the goal post. He has extremely erratic behavior. For example, our daughter woke up with the stomach flu on Easter morning and I offered to bring over oral Zofran prescribed to her from a pediatrician. He refused to give it to her, went to the hospital on his vacation day, put his scrubs on, badged in, stole an IV, Zofran, Lidocaine and administered an IV on our 3-year-old at home. The divorce is very contentious, as you can imagine, but yet just weeks ago gave me a $1,000 gift card to a spa for my birthday. He seemed like he was taking his pills for the last several weeks because he was very nice, normal, but I know it's always fleeting. For weeks telling me he wants to go to therapy, work it out, he loves me, attempting to kiss me, complimenting me incessantly. He tried for days to hang out and spend time together and go on a date (like a trial run, he said). Our marriage was the trial run...I never agreed to anything or spent time alone with him. I told him he needed to get off his pills for good, not for a few days or a week, but permanently and then we would evaluate in counseling. Quite frankly, I don't know that I could ever get past everything he has said and done and I certainly don't want to be with this version of him. I think our marriage is likely past saving, but I like to think if he ever got off his pills and was the person I once knew that maybe I could forgive him and we could find a way back for the sake of our two small children. I knew this would likely be fleeting and sure enough, he hadn't taken his pills and I called to wake him up at 10 am last week because he was sleeping through our daughter's preschool party (she was with him and missing it). He went beserk, telling me he was a fool for trying to make it work with me, even though the night before he was begging me to go on a date with him. It was not a big deal, yet everything is a deal breaker to him. I always say the punishment never fits the crime. I was able to have somewhat of a conversation with him about the pills last week. He admits he abused them, but claims only "once or twice." He has an answer for everything... When I mentioned him getting extra pills from friends, it was purely because his schedule was so busy and when he couldn't get in to see his doctor for a refill on time there would be a gap so he would just get extra from friends until his appointment. He told me "Adderall is not addictive. There are no withdrawal symptoms - you can only get withdrawal from alcohol, benzos, or opiods." Yet, he was oddly using a tapering system last July and told me he couldn't get off cold turkey. He said, "I have never had withdrawal symptoms, it's out of your system so fast." He says it's only 1% of people that have aggression/hostility on Adderall and it would've happened when he first started taking them, not many years down the road. He says he's always been a binge drinker, but he's not an alcoholic. I never ever witnessed binge drinking or any issues with alcohol for many years until the last 3 years when I believe he had the most stress, he abused the pills, and I have known him for 9 years now. He blames his temper on his dad, but I never witnessed his temper anything like what I have seen for the last 1.5 years (no accountability, someone else is always to blame). He said verbatim, "You know I am not an addict. I have never been addicted to anything in my life. Now, if you say I had a psychological dependence on them you could be correct. An addict feels a compulsion to take the pills every day. If I am an addict then how can I go days without taking them?" I think he hoards and binges. He says he is going to get off them in October after oral boards are complete and that I can't ask him to get off now, because I have no clue what his life is like. He said it's a crutch, it's makes his life easier and helps him study, but that's it. He acts like I am a complete idiot and the drugs have played no role in anything. I am happy to hear any feedback. He is in the thick of it and cannot see what it's doing to him -- is there anything I could ever say or do to get him to come to reality? Is there anything I could show him that would help him see things as they are and see he needs help?

I have been off adderall for over a month now after being on it basically for the past 10+ years and suddenly have realized how the GUILT and SHAME of being on it, combined with the brutal comedowns and worsening depression and anxiety have kept me in a soul-crushing, degrading, abusive relationship for so long. I may feel tired here and there without adderall but the shame and guilt are gone and I feel like I’ve been given a new lease on life! Due to my addiction, I’ve let this person bring me down to new levels of low over and over and it’s because: 1. I felt like a worthless addict for being unable to quit before so I didn’t stand up for myself. 2. my mood swings made me feel so guilty after, I would overcompensate and accept horrible things from him because I felt I deserved it and had to make up to him by basically losing all my dignity and respect. But I didn’t. No one deserves an abusive partner. NO ONE. Each day I hated myself more for letting my life get to this point, yet adderall was my only pick-me-up until I just decided to try a day without it, then a week and now it’s been over a month! I literally have moments where I giggle because I feel so free and the happiest I’ve been in YEARS! I take full responsibility for my mood swings and blame myself for staying. I’m not here to make myself sound like a saint because I’m certainly not. I just want to warn others who may not have realized they’re in similar situations. Look around you: who’s taking advantage of your addiction? It might be subtle but the damage can be life-altering. I must add that taking Aplenzin (god-sent drug!) and using caffeine pills have been a lifesaver during the transition (I take a normal amount of them because I hate the taste of coffee lol). I also started yoga, breathwork (holotropic) and dancing so I make sure I check in with myself but also maintain a connection with the outside world. Thank you for reading and best luck to each of you on your journeys!

I completely understand all of it! I have been working with Janet who runs Addy free living. We have women’s meetings Monday at noon est, Tuesday morning for a walk and talk and coed meetings Wednesdays at 8pm. This is the longest I’ve stringed days together in 9 years thanks to Janet and her recovery program specifically geared towards stimulant addiction. Happy to pass along her email and website!

You should join the r/StopSpeeding sub on Reddit. It’s a great, vibrant community.

came back to read your post again @NurseAddyand noticed this line funnily enough, last round of my rx i did something similar. at the time I was getting one month worth of vyvanse at a time and during my appointment my provider asked me if I wanted to just renew 3months worth so i woulnd't have to make an appointment for a while, since we knew that my dosage probably wouldn't change I said "no, that's ok, let's just stick with 1 month at a time for now", thinking to myself hehe, now she'll never know what I've been up to and of course once I picked up the prescription that bottle was empty within 5 or 6 days. things work out for a reason though, even though it was my inner addict with an alterior motive, having a 3 month supply might have been enough to OD and kill myself so it worked out for the best

One question I have for those who have many years of recovery under their belt (and I mean this in the most respectful way possible) - what keeps you coming back to this site? Do you still think about Adderall or your recovery after so long? I just hit 2.5 years and still think about it (not in the context of wanting it, but I’m still acutely aware of the fact that I used to take it and am very much still not back to normal), though I’d hope the whole thing would be a distant, unpleasant memory after 4, 5, 13 years off.

So true.. Thanks for sharing -- I REALLY needed to hear this right now. You can do this. We love you!

We are here but recently there was so much spam I confess I almost gave up on this site. KEEP stacking days everyone. Real life is too precious to waste away with stimulants.

I think you are taking the right approach to this situation. I have no experience with relationships, only Adderall addiction, and seeing my friends go through it as well. When he realizes that the addiction is not worth the cost to his mind and body, he will quit. Until then, take care of yourself and your kids first.

Thank you so much for your reply. I kinda figured as much, but was of course hopeful for a different answer. I have been in a lot of therapy from this whole mess. I so desperately want to get through to him and cannot. It's like talking to a brick wall. It is heartbreaking seeing someone you love turn into someone you don't recognize. I hate it so much for the kids. I have seen such a steep decline in his health over the past year, but I know I need to focus on our kids and myself and not his addiction. It has consumed me for way too long. I also want to say congratulations to you. I saw you've been off adderall since 2022. That is such an accomplishment. I hope and pray that one day he will be able to say that as well. I know he has to choose this on his own. He says he wants off, but he is still in the justifying, excuses portion of his journey. He doesn't think the negatives outweigh the positives and that it's still helping him study and focus, unfortunately.

I hate to say this, but I don't think there's anything you can say, do, or show to make him say that he's an addict. Deep down, he probably knows that he is, but he's not ready to acknowledge or accept it. In my humble opinion, a person isn't ready for recovery/to stop using if they can't admit that they are an addict. I was in a relationship where my boyfriend basically asked me to choose between him or Adderall, and I chose the pills. I stayed in active addiction for an additional four years after we broke up. I was not ready to quit when he asked, and I had to hit my own rock bottom before I turned things around. I would recommend putting yourself and your two children first. He will ask for help when he is ready, but don't force yourself to wait around while he figures it out. I am very sorry you are having to deal with this, and I do just want to note this is my opinion, and I am in no way an expert. I can only speak to my experience as someone who was an Adderall addict for about 8 years.

Is anyone responding to these posts? I just joined but dont see any conversations. Curious

How's it going, this is so hard

Life will get harder for sure, but in the long run it will get SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!! See if you can help yourself by removing some things from your schedule. But if you work out, and you decide to modify your schedule and expectations of yourself ( YOU SHOULD ) then try to keep the duration of the workouts the same, but lower the intensity. Just my two cents

Messaged my doctor i no longer want a script, I'm in I'm finally on board

100% agree with that. Sometimes I look at him and it sounds like the person I married, looks like the person I married, but I know it's not. If he's normal and like his old self for a bit it's always fleeting. I just give it a a few days and I am dealing with a cruel, erratic, volatile person again. These pills can certainly ruin relationships. I have found so many posts on this site that I could've written because it's so eerily similar to my own story. Everyone has pretty much told me the same thing. This isn't rock bottom for him and he'll keep going until he does reach it, unfortunately. I just read your own story and wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about everything you've been through. That is truly horrific. I hope you also find happiness and are able to rebuild and heal your relationship with your kids. I hope your wife is able to get clean down the road. Congratulations on your job as well!

It's amazing how similar all of our stories are. I noticed the exact same changes in my spouse when she got on both adderall and vyvanse. They turn into completely different people that you never knew existed. Unfortunately, as you said, there is no telling them that this drug is causing both him and you lots of problems. As an alcoholic I know there wasn't much telling me that I had a problem until it was too late. He may have to crash and burn on his own to realize what he is losing. I wish you the best of luck and hope you soon find happiness.

Thank you for the kind reply. The truth is I am not even sure how bad the extent of the abuse was, only he knows exactly what he was doing and he will never be honest with me. This has been a really dark time in my life, but trying to hold it together and hoping one day he will get clean for our kids sake. Most people don't typically understand how addictive adderall can be or what can happen when it's abused at high doses long-term; I certainly didn't until last year. I scoured the internet for so many months looking for answers. People are often so confused when I tell them he has an adderall/vyvanse addiction and is no longer the same person I once knew. I think largely because it's a prescription and every other person you talk to is on it so people think it must be something else that is going on.

Thanks for sharing. People do still check this site. We had a lot of spam lately which was burying the actual content but it seems to have been taken care of -- thanks mods! I know what you mean about it being therapeutic to put this all in writing. I hope your ex-wife is able to break free from the prison she's in, and that your kids are OK and you are able to heal your relationship with them. Congratulations on having 2 years clean!

This site seems to be getting over-run with spam. Any active mods available for a culling?

This is one of my favorite posts and I come back to read it all the time. It really helps!

Great post. I do gotta say though I'm not quite sure if I agree with the 'ADHD' is a BS diagnosis though. I can definitely see and understand why people think that and I definitely think it's prescribed way more than it needs to be, but as far as I know, people with ADHD have less dopamine in their brains. I would have to do a little digging but there was some research done on some patients who got their brains scanned. Those who didn't have ADHD had more dopamine available in their brains than the people who did have ADHD. Here's one study just for reference: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/315884#Brain-disorder-characterized-by-delayed-development I'm not telling you guys any of this to try and get you back to taking Adderall or anything like that, but I think that saying that ADHD isn't legit may be going a little far. If anyone disagrees please feel free to say so. And I really hope this doesn't trigger anyone or make anyone feel uncomfortable. Just wanna hear your thoughts because maybe those studies are wrong you know?

Awesome post. Should be turned into an article that's fixed to the home page.