Motivation_Follows_Action

This is really profound. Can you explain what you mean by "having a will greater than your own"?

... and thanks for yours. We help each other here, that's what this is so special about this place! And I remembered another quote from an executive coach about gremlins: sure, they can have their say, but once they've said their thing once, give them the rest of the day off.

I've heard the "feedback is a gift" expression too, and if it's delivered with care then it's a great gift. But if it's said in anger or resentment or for some vindictive or political reason, it can be just a damned gremlin, chewing away at you. The best boss I ever had said to me that I should "learn to accept your weaknesses, they are part of who you are". Oh, and then there's this awesome quote he gave me (he was a great boss): Start where you are Bring what you have Do what you can It will be enough.

Hi Heather, I'm sorry you're still struggling but honestly you know this yourself -- the only way out is through. Do you believe in your heart and know with your mind that things will eventually get better, and that life without adderall will be eventually better than life with it? I know what it's like to feel directionless and depressed. It's called recovery, and it sucks. But hang on to those good days you have, and know there will be more and more of them ahead, if you just keep your eyes on the light and don't over think things too much. Like you said, enjoy the simple things. Just think, when you were on adderall you were too frantic and manic to enjoy anything probably! Oh, one final thought to add to Ashley's. Klonopin + alcohol = zombieland. Your brain is already depressed, you don't want to add more to that. And Klonopin is terribly addictive... just saying... give yourself a helping hand and stay off addictive substances for a while?

Dolphins have been discovered to call themselves and each other by name, unique to each dolphin and created by that dolphin. They use it as a way to call out to their "friends and family" in pods and decrease stress when new pods are meeting. http://news.discovery.com/animals/whales-dolphins/dolphins-call-each-other-by-name-130219.htm

I was thinking about you too over the last few days... you went from being here every day to every 3 days to once a week.... and yes, we've missed you. But I'm really proud of you for coming here and saying you've struggled. That's NORMAL, lady, nothing out of the ordinary, and we ALL go through it. You're amazing, and strong, and the fact you got through 2 months cold turkey from the dosage you were taking, through the stressors of Christmas and the holidays have always amazed me. Just know that we are here, we support you, and if you relapse (not that I encourage you to!) we will also be here. Just put it behind you and move on, it's not going to get a vice like grip on you agin if you KEEP. MOVING. FORWARD.

Yep, this sounds like text book anorexia food to me... (sorry m'lady, just being honest...)

Check out the book, "Living with depression and bipolar disorder". Might help, certainly helped me. I read the whole thing in an afternoon. That's when I realized I needed professional help. http://www.amazon.com/Living-Well-Depression-Bipolar-Disorder/dp/0060897422

I really like the direction about firing your inner editor. On adderall your inner editor becomes the CEO of your writing and it makes you second guess everything. Emmapea, you've done it before you will do it again. Your natural passion will return and you will love to appreciate writing the way you once did. It's hard, but trust in yourself.

Hey congratulations on a) taking a stand against your previous employer and your new job! That's awesome and in record time - and never easy when you're in recovery. Just one thought to add from me: to feel scared is normal, and good, and you should be happy that you feel this way. Why? Because you're functioning like a normal human being and not relying on a pill to bring you false confidence. And also, because you care. For me when I was on adderall I really didn't give a shit about anything except the random things I thought were important. Being adderall free allows you perspective to concentrate on the important things in life. So embrace it, and know that high performers get scared as much as low performers, the difference is perseverance! CONGRATS!

Don't forget that adderall gives us a false sense of confidence. Studies say we don't on average over a longer period of time actually perform better on adderall, we just think we do. One of the things that's been really nice about getting through this stressful period of interviews for me is knowing NO ONE can take away from me the knowledge that I didn't have to rely on a pill to get here.... I've got the goods, the hardware, the horsepower to get shit done on my own and as you said, fuck em. Swim in your own lane...

I watched a documentary (actually it was a whole season) about life onboard an aircraft carrier USS Nimitz. There were a lot of lessons I took away (the value of hardship for making you appreciate normalcy, how to recognize a real crisis vs the chaos of real life, that you have to practice hard things in order to be able to do hard things), but the analogy that struck hardest was this. When a massive ship is in high waters, and there's a pitching deck, and the waves are over 60ft and the winds are at gale force, that's when the crew and captain and pilots are tested. They have spent their life preparing for that moment. And it's their time to get it right. This is you right now. You are in rough seas, the wind is battering you and you're surrounded by challenges that seem insurmountable. But if you give up now, you'll drown. Just keep forging on, even at 1km/hr, until the seas calm and you can look back on this storm and think, "yeah, I DID IT". What a great feeling that will be.

SS: I want you to write down all the things you like about yourself on a post here. Not all the things you are disappointed in, the failures you've had or how much you thought you were a "fraud" or whatever on adderall, but just a list of things that you actually like about yourself. You're a creative and unique person with a lot to give. I think you need to tell yourself that more often. Just sayin'... you know, like a good friend would.. xxxx http://i.minus.com/iZTqh8NWZe6Ls.gif

SearchingSoul, you and I have similar demons.... there will be a chapter that will come soon when exercise will come naturally (I hope) and along with it, a stronger sense of yourself and less anxiety. Right now, just concentrate on breathing and getting through each day. I'm approaching my 2nd week on lexapro and it's really making a difference to my anxiety, by the way. Just thought I'd share.

I wonder if this has to do with how you ingest or ingested the adderall? I only snorted it once and it made absolutely no difference really (I was already sky high when I did it so that's not a good place to take an accurate read anyway), but I do remember waking up the next morning and I had ulcers in the back of my throat (and blue nostrils...). My nose would constantly run on adderall and I'd be flushed, all the time. Glad those days are over. While we're on the ENT topic, I read last week that benzos can cause watery eyes?!?

Thanks - that's reassuring to know... something to ponder. I know myself well enough to know by now that I am not going to try something for 2 weeks if I can't keep it up for longer than that so a transition to healthier eating will be a big decision for me. Maybe that's an excuse to procrastinate; yep, I'm pretty sure it is...

I agree with you Occasional1 that sugar is addictive, and I am a self-professed carb addict. Quit-Once, when you began your quest to cut carbs, did it start from a place where you were eating a lot? was it a difficult transition? I've tried to cut carbs before and found it really hard. Almost as hard as quitting adderall and actually, for me, harder than quitting smoking.

You both are making great progress and need to be more forgiving of yourselves!

Ok so I watched the updated link (ie show) and I agree, it's a much different message than the first video I watched. What a terrible story. And so possible for so many people, all it takes is a loss of control. I've never watched Dr Oz before this so I don't know how genuine he is, but he seemed honestly very concerned.

I saw the article too and wanted to post it but thought everyone might think I was a NYT junkie! (ok I am, but I do read other stuff too, like the WSJ just to add to the stereotype...) http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/magazine/the-extraordinary-science-of-junk-food.html?hpw&_r=0

I might be projecting or something but all those women who were on adderall just had that same "dead look" in their eyes. No light, no humor. No thanks!

Speaking of chocolate, did you know there was a study done in the 90's (ok, probably commissioned by Cadbury's) that found women executives eat more chocolate on average than other women? Therefore, I have based my chocolate eating consumption on this random fact in the hope that it will rub off on me (and not my wasteline ha ha)...

Stay away from negativity during your recovery is pretty obvious advice but works for me! Sounds like you got this one. Do what you need to do to surround yourself with positive things and people (like us! )

Shoot - thanks for the reminder Ashley! The long weekend totally threw me. Was anyone else trying to get on to the chat? Did it happen?

If an aircraft landing on an aircraft carrier misses the tripline (or whatever it's called), and has to go around again, it's called "boltering". Forgive the novice description!