Motivation_Follows_Action

The first person who prescribed it to me is actually someone I deeply respect; a friend and a doctor. I don't blame him, actually. I went to him and asked for it. He never prescribed me more than a really low dose, and called me on it once when I asked for more. He didn't know how far my addiction had gotten and when he learned about my "hitting rock bottom", he called and emailed and asked how he could help. He's been really helpful throughout my recovery. Not all doctors suck, but the good ones are rare. And usually fully booked. That's how I can tell, usually.... I'm sorry this happened to you and congrats for staying strong!

With 10 days left till I start the new job, I'm thinking of starting Paleo tomorrow. What does everyone think? Can I do it without an adjustment period?

Jesus. I'm sorry. You sound like you have been through the worst of the worst of what the medical industry in this country can do to a person. ALL those meds, for depression?! And years of therapy, and no real explanation what all of these drugs will do to you long term? I am so sorry for your story and also, this makes me fucking furious. Doctors and their fucking pills. While I do believe in antidepressant medication (I am on lexapro, I just recently am tapering wellbutrin after being on it for 8 years), I think prescribing adderall for depression is a cheapskate's answer. Of COURSE you are going to feel better, you are taking amphetamines! If you can, try to get your hands on a really great book that explains the history of the drug, "on speed" and you can see that versions of adderall have been given for all kinds of "conditions" for many, many years. It's always been a drug looking for a disease and the fact it's been given to you by not one but two docs now is just appalling. I don't know how these drugs interact with each other so i can't really speculate on what would happen if you stopped one without the other, but I would say you should educate yourself about what you're putting in your body. Your poor brain.... I'm so sorry...

Congrats on getting through 11 days. 1) I don't know celexa - isn't that an antidepressant? 2) As you go through withdrawals, all kind of shit will surface. For the first 2 months I went from being exhausted to elated to agitated and anxious to furious and all over again, sometimes within a 2 hour period! And I still get bouts of this all the time. I am about 5 months in and I am still pretty tired most of the time. So my point is it takes a long time, you need to just learn to accept the storm and ride it out. It will pass, and you'll be better for it. Have you done LILTEX's cost/benefit exercise? You might find it helpful....

I know how you feel, but sometimes I really miss people who kind of go away after a while. I miss Falcon. I miss Heather (anyone seen her around here recently?). I had a dream the other night about Emm, remember her from Michigan? Krax, and many others. Sometimes I wish even if people had relapsed they'd come here for the support, because that's when it's needed most. Support and accountability.

Ashley, I'm going to make you a bet. I bet you anything you like (that can be gifted over the internet) that as SOON as you break it off with your current beau, and move on, you will be a) happier and he will come begging for more. There's a lot of psychology around this but I can only speak from my own experience. I've had 3 long term relationships in my life: my first husband (I was married when I was 20, can you believe it?!), the next guy whom I moved from London to NY with, and my now husband, whom I've been with for nearly 10 years (married for 3). The middle guy and I have an interesting story. I was very insecure when I first met him... I was living in London, my husband had just left me, I was depressed and working in a different industry and was on my own for the first time in my life, and he offered to take care of me.... not in a sugar daddy kind of way but as a kind of patriarchal way. He was a lot older than me, and was senior to me in his work, even though we worked for the same company. I learned to rely on him way too much, and when he announced to me that he was moving to NY, I gave up my European residency permit which I would have had for the rest of my life to move to NY to be with him. We moved in together then, and that's when I realized I'd made the worst and best decisions of my life. I loved NY, he hated it. I was at home, he was out of his element. I began to go from strength to strength, make new friends, love life, and all he did was work and complain. So I decided to leave him, finally, and although he had never expressed interest in marrying me till that point, he was so desperate when I tried to leave that he actually called me on my cellphone as I was on the tarmac one day waiting to take off on a long trip, to propose to me. When I said we needed to talk about it when I got home, he childishly said he needed to know now or it was off. So I said, "well I guess it's off then", and it was the best feeling in the world. He begged me to come back and I felt stronger than I ever felt at that moment. 6 months later, I met my new guy. I was 31, and for me that was the best time ever to meet someone. I was more myself, more assured, more ok with my life and he fell in love with the me that I wanted to be. So sorry about the long story, but I hope it shows you that perhaps this too is an exercise in believeing in yourself and taking a risk that you know in your heart might be the right thing. I think you need to start learning to listen to your instincts, Ashley. They usually serve us right!

How do you hula-hoop and read at the same time? That's insane!!

You sound like you are really having an internal dialogue with yourself about this, and it is understandable. How many semesters till you graduate? And then you will probably want to take the bar, and go through your internships with ease, etc etc. I guess all I'm saying you've said yourself - there will always be a reason you think you need adderall. Unfortunately for you you haven't experienced law school without it, so you don't know what the "natural" you is capable of in this setting, which must make you more hesitant to quit. What I'd advise is for you to come up with a plan for your quit. There's never an "ideal" time (except maybe the summer), but you need to be prepared mentally and psychologically (and physically) for what adderall withdrawal and recovery takes. It's a lot more than you will hear about, it's much more than "2 weeks" like everyone says. If you've been taking it for 3 years I'd expect full recovery will take you a while (I quit 5 months ago and although I was taking more than you, I did have a very high-stress senior job) and will surprise you in many good and bad ways. You need to be prepared to be able to navigate the path to recovery and manage all that stuff going on at once... school, your relationships, job applications etc. I hope this doesn't scare you - I just want you to be successful in your quit and make sure you've been realistic about what a successful riddance of this drug will require. Thanks for posting here and we welcome you on the forums. Not surprisingly, there are lots of lawyers here

You're all wonderful people and I am so grateful to have found you guys. Balancing "letting myself rest" vs getting some kind of positive forward motivation in my life is the thing. I know I won't take adderall, but I realized I also stopped taking supplements, and I know I've been saying this forever but I really need to get my nutrition in order. I plan to make an appointment to see a nutritionist this week - I really have forgotten how to eat properly. I took a nice drive with a friend today and we had a good long talk. It was nice to connect with her. Thanks guys.

I keep reading this over and over. Thank you so much, guys. Sorry I'm not around much... will be back with a vengeance soon I hope!

Well it seems that this entire week has been awash. I didn't go to a single appointment. I've showered twice - the whole week. Yesterday I went to the store to buy things to cook dinner but was so tired by the time I got home I ended up getting takeout anyway. Today I didn't get out of bed until 1pm. I have slept an average of 10 hours every night. I know I am doing this to myself and I don't know why. I get sore by the end of the day from not moving around much and I know half my clothes don't fit any more but I just cannot get out of my own way. Tasks seem immeasurably hard, but yet I know they're not. WTF is wrong with me?! I start my new job in 3 weeks. If I don't build up some stamina, the first month is going to hit me HARD. All your suggestions seem so practical and awesome. The thing is I don't seem to be able to implement them. I find myself having cravings for adderall, just so that I can remember what it feels like to have any forward momentum in life at all. Edit: typo

It is expected that lower manhattan and most of LA and SFO will be underwater within the next 100 years!

Hey lovely lady, Pain killers make me terribly depressed. As does pain in general, and I also get depression a little bit after novocaine - I'm always a bit teary after going to the dentist. I don't think it is you! I don't think you are suffering any kind of drug related relapse, you're just in pain and a bit down and recovering. Like you've said to me on so many occasions, take it easy and focus on your recovery. You are so, so strong, Ashley! I hope you can take the rest you need to feel better.

I think you're probably in the first stage of realizing what continuing the drug is going to do to you, but it doesn't sound like you are convinced you want to give up just yet... it sounds like you're kind of just thinking out loud, contemplating without taking any plans for action. Does that sound right? You really have to want to give up with everything that is inside you, more than anything you've ever wanted in your life. When you're ready to do whatever it takes, then we're here!

Glad you're resting - that's how the body heals! InRecovery, I wish I could say the same thing as you. Root canal for me was nightmarish because I had an inflamed nerve and the dentist kept hitting it with his instruments. I've had only one, and hopefully never again!

Well said. Lots of people think that taking adderall like is like drinking a (really strong) cup of coffee. You can't just take a pill for 2 or 3 days and expect to do that on a weekly or monthly basis and it's ok. Sooner or later if you have an addictive mindset you're going to end up addicted (especially if you have chronic tiredness). Sorry but it's going to get much harder to quit the longer you delay it.

Do you mean currency in that you intend on selling them? Or that you intend on taking them if the going gets tough? Just clarifying.

I think what he says is that the negative effects take longer to appear, not that they don't appear at all. The parallels between meth and ADHD meds are just stunning to me. If only I'd known...

Thanks guys, I'd really appreciate it. I can cook, but I've forgotten how to be creative in the kitchen. My husband likes grilled everything and eats a lot of meat, which I don't, really, and we have dissimilar tastes; so there's that. But I do love spicy food and there are amazing Indian spice markets here - maybe going there would get me out of the house! Send 'em along!

Thanks, everyone, as always. No, it's not that time of the month for me. But Ashley you are right - it's the hardest thing just to get up, have a shower and get out of the house even for half an hour. I have stuff to do, I just don't have the energy. QO - you are always right about food. I honestly don't know what it is going to take for me to change my habits. I have become so dependent on convenient food (not convenience food, I don't eat McDonalds but rather I get delivery from one of the thousands of restaurants around me) that the thought of planning and cooking a meal is exhausting. Not to mention cleaning up... and, by the way, it's not much cheaper to cook for one than it is to get takeout. Lea - thanks for being honest, and hang in there! LILTEX - That's insightful, and a good question. Nothing too big going on emotionally. I will have a think about it though. InRecovery - it's actually really freeing to hear you say that. I've really never been good at doing nothing, but I have become a certified expert at it this last little while, and I do feel guilty about that. Maybe I need to just learn balance instead, and not to judge myself (I can be very good at at that). My plan today is to go to the post office, go for a walk and that's about it. I have dinner tonight in the City which I'm not looking forward to but I have to go, I've cancelled on this guy twice already. Thanks again everyone. Really.

Wow, that's powerful. And it's good that your subconscious is still scared straight, I guess. I still have never had an adderall or addiction dream.

I can't tell whether it's an extended PAWS episode or I'm just really low on momentum but the last 5 days for me have been kinda tough. Have found it really super hard to get out of bed, am taking long naps in the middle of the day, hell I haven't left the house really (except for diet coke) in nearly 3 days. I haven't even showered for 2 days. I'm not depressed, really. I'm just super low on energy and really apathetic. I am supposed to be working out or at least getting some form of physical exercise every day and trying to make myself eat healthier but yesterday I ate PB&J all day and same again today - it's the only thing I have in the house. Is this normal? I'm nearly 6 months in to quitting and honestly, haven't felt this low for a long, long time.

WoW! You deserve a great big cheer and you can jump up and down with pride. Like Ashley said, this is not a small win, but a big one. You never know the time and place it's going to happen, but I'm glad it happened to you when you were feeling strong. Just one step to go.... given this person seems to want to give you adderall at any whim, how will you promise yourself you won't ask for it from him/her again?

Made me stop and think. Meth and ADHD meds really must be just everywhere. Jesus. http://rorr.im/reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/1a44pm/

Hi, welcome to the forums. Sounds like you want to give up and you're going through a tough time. I am sure you've experienced life coming off adderall before, so you know the worst is yet to come (sorry, just the truth). Do you have enough time and resources around you to be able to support you through at least the next few weeks? How serious are you on quitting? It's going to be a rough road - adderall is a serious drug and you're seriously addicted. Just want to make sure you set yourself up for success!