Motivation_Follows_Action

This is one of the most awesome down to earth quotes about the quitting process ever. Totally agree.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Hi, wow adderall's really done you over. Like QO said, it sounds like adderall and you really don't agree. It's strange how many side effects you were willing to put up with for the supposed gain you got from it. We have all been there. I can't talk a lot about the blue hands thingy, but I can talk about hair loss. I had it bad, my hairdresser thought I was really sick. I started taking biotin and it's helping, but slowly. I've been clean about 5 months. I think it's going to take a year or so to get back to normal. Stay close to us and let us know how you're doing. You can do this!

Hey Treasure Joe, Congrats on your decision to quit and welcome to the forums. Yes all of us here have very much felt the pain and anguish you were going through when you wrote this. So many familiar terms... the deceit, the change of personality, the frail weak person you become when you're addicted. But there is light at the end of the tunnel - you will go back to your normal self, if you give it time and commitment and patience. Quitting adderall was (and is) the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Harder than quitting smoking, harder than getting through school and college and working in one of the most prestigious investment banks on the planet, in 4 different countries. The only reason I mention this to you is that i don't want you to think it's just going to be a matter of never taking a pill again. You'll have cravings, you'll be depressed, you will want to start again. It is hard. But if you stick to it, you will gain back the wonderful person you were before adderall. Stay close and let us know how you're doing!

Heather! How are you doing?

Llltex, thank you so much for sharing this journey. I don't know that I realized the extent of your challenges. Perhaps because you seem so strong and together and gorgeous and focused and generous and understanding these days, and you have achieved so much with your athletics and balancing your life, I assumed that your challenges weren't nearly as acute as they in fact were. I'm all the more humbled and impressed you share your time and insights with people here. Just wanted to say that.

That would be great. I am still interested about racetrams!

I'm not one to give you medical advice, but I'd watch it with the klonopin. You are going to be depressed and the klonopin might be an anti anxiety medication but it may also worsen the depression in the long run. Do your research on this. I have been taking .25 xanax on and off for a while since quitting adderall and I always feel lethargic and useless (hungover, almost), the day after I take it.

Congratulations on 41 days. I bet you think you should be feeling terrific, better, "fixed" by now, huh? Well the longer I'm on this ride the more I am agreeing with other long-timers here that it takes a loooooong time to feel totally normal. It's a very frustrating process. I'm having days like you more often than I would like and I'm over 120 days in. Hang in there though. Go to a therapist, talk through your issues, but mainly; just accept yourself and this is not a "broken you". It's a sign of getting better. Like InRecovery says, the pain is the arrow coming out, not going in.

Documenting this is so helpful - both for yourself and everyone else here. Those thoughts are so... familiar. They could have been my own thoughts, really. The paranoia ("my husband is mad at me"), the unnecessary worry about things to the point that they distract from the important stuff getting done (only getting half the groceries because you fixated on getting the wrong shopping cart, rather than just being flexible and using your initiative to solve the problem). One other interesting thought... there's so much self hatred, negative self talk in there. Really makes me sad. There's no, "Oh well, whatever", there's only, "I suck at this, I am a bad person" type of commentary. That's the way adderall takes our mind and turns it on us. Makes me so angry that I let a pill destroy my ego like that!

QO, are you being sarcastic?

http://on.ted.com/Foer Who knew it could be so much FUN?!

I hear you. Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you are doing just that, and it sucks to give up something we like and we don't see the downside of.... ask anyone who smokes. I sometimes thought about it like this. I wouldn't ever want to be reliant on something that I couldn't do without if I could no longer get access to it. I used to think about this while I was traveling... what if my medicine got stolen or confiscated? How would I cope? And it made me feel weak and like a junkie to know that I needed this shit so badly I used to have moments of anxiety wondering what would happen if I couldn't get my hands on it. Kind of like what happened to you today... but forever. One time I was in fact traveling and left my entire travel stash at a restaurant in Switzerland. Of course I speak shitty schoolgirl french and I had no idea where the restaurant was, but the next day I took hours off work (even though they were paying for my trip) to drive around Geneva to try to find this stupid restaurant and get my precious adderall back (I didn't of course, I found the restaurant but the waiters lied to me that they hadn't found it). The feeling of desperation was overwhelming, and the next day I woke up nearly an hour late to a board meeting. You are too smart to live your life like that. Baby or no baby. Just think about it.

Hazleden has a really great outpatient program. I signed up for it but in the end decided to go it alone. But I recommend it, there are lots of high functioning people going through all kinds of rehab. http://www.hazelden.org Also LILTEX is an awesome advocate for another program although I'll let her expound on that.

Searchingsoul, you sound poorly and miserable. Have some hot tea on us! Yes, I had it this season too. No matter what you do you can't get comfortable, the aches and pains and nausea... ugh. Well one thing to be grateful for - think of all the money you're saving by not being able to go anywhere on your break! Get well soon...

Oh you poor thing - that sounds painful! However are you managing to type?! Yes it's lucky you weren't on adderall when that happened, I can only imagine that would have sent you in to a headachy panic, with dry mouth immediately, hands shaking, not knowing what to do first, whom to call, running around in a frenzy. Instead you calmly took yourself off to the doctor where you needed to be and had no qualms being up front or second guessing why they were asking you questions. It's such a nicer world to live in, even when shitty things do occur. Rest up! Take tylenol and drink hot tea... I'm so sorry to hear about your booboo finger...

Congrats sky! You must feel great!

Sky, I have a history if candida in my family - my mother can't eat yeast, my sister has a yeast related skin condition, so it could be the case with me as well. I just find carbs the only thing that keeps me satisfied for any period of time. I only eat whole wheat (except when I'm eating pizza so there goes that one). Today I only ate vegan whole grain english muffins with vegan butter and agave syrup (x 3 because I'm too lazy to go out) and so I guess that's better than snackwells and diet coke... ?

Congratulations, ladyluck. Honestly I had my doubts. But you have proved me wrong and I am happy for you. Keep posting, letting us know how you are doing. We need more people like you around here, who get through with a positive attitude and go from strength to strength. Congrats again.

So proud of you, Falcon. Thanks for checking in. One thing: Happiness is not a goal in of itself, it's a biproduct of other things being right in your life.

Thanks so much, QO. Reading your story is like looking around corners as to how I'd like my own recovery to play out. It helps me accept my lazy ass now a bit better and take the self-blame off a bit. Thank you.

Just checking in (sorry for the millions of posts today). So I decided to give in to my laziness and have been a sloth for the last 3 days. But today is the last day. Honestly, I've gotten really good at doing nothing. Like really, really good. Too good. I have become addicted to watching documentaries! I think I've watched probably 10 in the last 3 days. I guess that means I'm getting intellectually curious again? I hope so... I got the prework for orientation for my new job this week. Hell I have't done this since studying to get in to business school. Financial statement analysis and equity valuation blah blah. It's going to be tested throughout orientation! Jesus, I'm not 25 any more and I've always had test phobia so this should be interesting! Still, I've got a good attitude about it so long as I can get going in the morning. Just ranting and checking in. All is good....

Dolphins, elephants and great apes are the only species apart from humans that have a sense of self-awareness. Did I mention that already? My damned memory tsk tsk!

Hey Sebastian, my friend! So glad you like your new shrink. Sounds like you are even after one session starting to get a little more clarity about your mind, and that's an empowering thing. As you know everyone has different opinions about antidepressants. I am a supporter of them, so long as they are prescribed appropriately and for the right disease. Use your best cross-examining techniques to find out why your doc wants to prescribe you drugs, which drug and what he has personally witnessed in those who use it. Ask more quesitons than you want to. It's a big decision. And there's a whole lot of great stuff on depression in Psychology Today. Be well my friend, hang in there and please let us know how you're doing!

Hi there, I'm 40 so we do have a full spectrum of demographics represented on this site! Let me ask you what your lifestyle is like apart from the drugs? Are you generally healthy? Do you exercise and eat well? From what I can tell that makes a huge difference. I have very bad eating habits and haven't exercised consistently for over 2 years and my recovery is slow going; I really believe it makes a difference. Be interested to know about your thoughts on that and whether you feel like you have a strong base to fall back on when you quit (which I believe you can do!). Also not to pry but I imagine you might have some other hormonal changes going on about this time and that's going to play havoc on your moods, memory, mental function and physical function. Not to mention self esteem. Try to think of your body as a whole; and treat it as such... (now if only I could take my own advice....)...