Motivation_Follows_Action

I live in Brooklyn, NY. There are usually some good races in Central and Prospect Park in the summer months. Do you know any others you'd recommend?

This plan is badass. I wish I had done what you're doing. I rested and ate junk food. Maybe I'll try to do 3 out of your 5 meals a day. I wish I had your discipline.

Hopingthebest, One thing you mentioned which prompted a thought: you said you never really had any idea how bad it was or how much damage it was doing. That is one theme that keeps cropping up on this forum, and is really prevalent with adderall users. Because it's somewhat socially acceptable, and it's not a street drug, adderall is often taken lightly, even though it is one hell of an addictive drug. People somehow deny that they're dependent, even though they're counting pills and going through drug-scoring rituals, consistent with drug abusers. Then people discount the severity of their addiction, using the catchphrase, "I knew a man who snorted coke every day for 20 years and wasn't ever addicted!" People like us on this forum and site know different. I know that quitting adderall and going through recovery is probably the hardest thing I've ever done... and I've done a lot of hard shit!

Oh boyee... I was talking to a good friend today who I really respect and she started ranting about this drug she heard about (thanks, NY Times) and how it's the "limitless" drug. I know nothing about it but of course the alarm bells went off. It's listed as a stimulant. I am really worried this is big pharma's attempt to slightly reformulate adderall and call it something else. I don't know anything about it - does anyone here have any experience with it?

This is a really interesting thread to read, and thanks for your honesty Addy Quitter. You have put your body through a lot! And you are retaining a strong sense of commitment to getting to a healthier body without adderall. Adderall and workouts for me never worked well together. I had a trainer for a while, we started at 5:30am and I'd pop 10mg just before I started... but all I ever felt was weak and heart-attack-y. Lea has some good suggestions and I also use atrophex along with coffee and red bull to get me going in the morning (that's my "morning stack"). I haven't yet figured out the afternoon stack and I have a bad history with sugar so will have to watch it closely but 5 hr energy seems to be a good start. LILTEX's iron man training plan has really got me thinking. One of the reasons maybe that I haven't been consistent with my working out is that I don't have a goal. I used to do duathlons so maybe I should pick a Sprint distance to do in late May and just train for it.

Unfortunately adderall has a tendency to numb your emotional sensibilities and definitely (after time) takes away your sense of empathy, so even though I saw my husband's desperation, loneliness and pain... it just didn't strike home. Adderall addiction has a tendency to make you very internally motivated. You can happily spend hours by yourself, in fact time with others can be an annoyance because it adds "noise" to your already noisy brain. So even though my marriage was dissolving before my eyes, honestly I didn't really care. Or I didn't stop to think about it at all... I just thought my husband was being an attention-seeking drama queen. The fact that this is where my personality went is terrifying to me now. There were many times when I read the "8 stages of amphetamine abuse" and the results really scared me... especially when I realized I was probably in phase 7b. Maybe you can share the list with your girlfriend and see where she thinks she is. Maybe you can share with her where you think she is. Does your girlfriend know you are writing about her on this site, that this is how much you are concerned for her?

I've recently discovered that 5 hour energy screws with my stomach. Anyone else suffered this?

Well I am now sitting in a deli waiting for my first client meeting - on day 2! All the usual feelings of confusion, excitement, anticipation yesterday. The office has a friendly atmosphere and is a lot more laid back than an investment banking environment, which is nice! I left about 6pm and was amongst the last to leave... Also nice. The most reassuring thing was the lack of panic and paranoia that accompanied me everywhere in my last job.... All related to adderall. I felt somehow more internally honest, more connected, more able to follow lines of thinking rather than being distracted by all the millions of thoughts crowding my brain when I was high. Also although my organizational skills aren't what they used to be, when I was on adderall I had a really bad time remembering where I'd put things, and half the time I couldn't understand the notes I'd taken. It is nice not to feel like such a disorganized mess. Of course I was exhausted! Went to bed at 9pm, fell asleep on the subway home etc, but that is all to be expected. Being off adderall and starting a new job, afresh, is a rewarding experience. Thanks for asking!

Hi, I'm really sorry to hear your story - you love this woman and it hurts you to see her hurting herself, especially because she believes (as we all did at some point in time) that she has found the cure to her lack of confidence, and it's adderall. My husband was in your shoes, and like you felt hopeless to help me. Like you, he knew when and where I was using, I thought I tried to hide it from him but my addiction was really easy to track down. He counted my pills, we had fights about trust, I was distant and deceitful because I thought I could trick him in to believing he was the crazy one, not me. This all came crashing down when I lost my job and that was my "rock bottom". Unfortunately he tried to tell me that HE was losing faith in our marriage, that the life he had with me was not the one he signed up for, but I was too stubborn (and too far gone with my adderall love affair) to listen. I wish I could tell you that there is something you can do to change your girlfriend. But you can't. All you can do is work out your own boundaries and what you are willing to put up with or not. As long as you are with her and she is addicted, you are also powerless. Adderall is ruling both of your lives. A tough question, but if it came down to it, do you think she'd choose you or the adderall? And if you want to marry this girl, you may be looking in to a future with a woman who in effect has a secret lover. All this is such hard stuff to take, I know, and it can be really a very lonely place. InRecovery recommended this site to me a few months ago and I think it's terrific: http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/families-and-addiction.htm You might find some familiar things here. Till then, try to see if you can figure out what happens to your girlfriend when she is on/off the adderall. Have you taken it yourself, so you are familiar with the effects & side effects of the drug? Are you or she taking any other drugs (often adderall & downers go hand in hand), and cigarettes are also usually a big tell-tale sign. Feel free to use this site as often as you like. Sometimes I feel worse for partners of adderall addicts than the addicts themselves, because it's not like you bought in to this... it is like you're being cheated on, and it's not fair.

This is very self-aware and articulate. Are you a psychologist or counsellor? Your plan sounds great. Sounds like you just need to give yourself a big hug, mentally and psychologically (and spiritually if you believe in that kind of thing). The only little ringing bell in the back of my mind, is that you might need to take time to forgive yourself. You sound driven and purposeful, which is like a lot of us on here (we wouldn't have taken adderall if we didn't want to be super-human, right?); and you will be again, but it's going to take time to feel back to baseline again. For the first few weeks, I'd just add a little bullet point under your plan which is to rest, sleep, allow your brain to get back to baseline. You are chemically dependent on adderall and your brain chemistry has adapted to receiving a tremendous dose of dopamine, every day. It's not you, it's your brain chemistry. If you just accept that for a while it might make it a bit easier. All the best and welcome to the forums!

Oh Jesus. You got me, you bugger! Ha ha. April Fool's to you, too!

Hey all, well this chapter is coming to a close and I begin my "new life" tomorrow. I haven't been this sedentary probably ever in my life. It's like 5 months have practically disappeared... honestly I don't remember too much of them, except that I felt a lot of tiredness, heaviness and impatience. I'm glad to put this behind me! A few lessons I've learned that probably should have been drilled in to me at a younger age, but better late than never: 1) I'm no different to anyone else. I know that sounds basic, but for so much of my life I had thought I was holding myself to a "higher standard" of productivity and performance. This kind of thinking is what led me to adderall and to addiction which eventually destroyed me. 2) There are no shortcuts. We say it a lot here but I'll reiterate it. You reap what you sew. If you go 3x as fast and do 3x what you're supposed to do, you will eventually have to go backwards x3 and do -3x what you did before. 3) It's ok to admit failure without wallowing in an endless self-shaming pity party. Admitting failure and learning lessons but moving on is so hard to do! Actually, it's easier to become overly introspective, because if you do that you're not looking ahead. Picking my head up from my navel and moving forward was the only thing that got me out of my depression and post-adderall slump. I haven't been sleeping well lately but most of the time I'm pretty good. I spent a day doing things I never could have done on adderall: cleaning out my wardrobe, going through old files and spring cleaning, and writing to my family. Basically stuff on my to do list. Do I feel ready? Yes. Will I make mistakes? Yes. Will it take a lot of humility? Yes. Will it take a lot of energy I'm not sure I have? Yes. But bring it on! I'm sure I'll be back next week a blubbering mess.... Thank you all my quitting adderall friends for standing beside me to date and helping me every step of the way. I couldn't have done it without you.

Beautful, Lea! Afraid mine's not quite so healthy yet. Then again, you guys all know about my shitty diet...

Thank you for posting this. Sounds like adderall completely changed you to be the complete opposite of the woman you really are. It must make you grateful for each day. I know it does for me; it's a nice feeling. And thanks for being here on this forum and being such an encouragement for others. Really awesome.

Good luck. Just remember how you are feeling is how you are feeling. Forgiveness is the first step of recovery. Ride the waves... Hope you're getting some sleep!

You will make it a year, Calo! Just stay here and let us know how you're doing like you are...

Calo, This was my first post ever (under a different account name) on this site: You're not alone! I too felt like everyone was talking about how adderall made you feel like a superstar. I know it made me dumber. I was too deeply addicted. You've done the right thing.

Ashley I was just thinking about you the other day. I was thinking how consistent and encouraging you have been to all on this site. You are always searching, always humble, but still strong. You have a knack of helping people get to the heart of an issue, and sometimes you ask really tough questions. I believe that I'm a nicer person because of you. You're a great role model and a strong lady. CONGRATULATIONS and enjoy your day at the spa. Thoroughly deserved!

I'm glad you bit the bullet and got the script. Now you have to just be faithful and try to see if you feel better with the medicine and therapy. Worrying isn't going to help change the past, it's only got the potential to damage the future. I know you can't tell a naturally anxious person to stop worrying, or a naturally depressed person to get happy. But if you can just try to be patient with yourself, this is a phase and you will pull through. There are some terrific stories here of people who are doing ok. But one thing you obviously know yourself, as a sentient human being, is that no-one's life is that perfect. If you're looking for something from a movie or TV, you'll know we are all failed people who are trying to make it work. Life is messy, we have ups and downs, we have good days and bad. That doesn't mean we haven't recovered fully; it means we HAVE. We embrace life in all its chaos as opposed to adderall-fueled zombieland that is not life.

Guess what happens when law and med (and MBA) students graduate? Lawyers, doctors, traders & bankers addicted to adderall. It's everywhere.

Just wanted to post a thought on this, in case anyone is taking this charming combination. Towards the end of my addiction, I was taking the following on most days: 5:30am 20mg IR adderall, 300mg XR wellbutrin, .25 xanax (sometimes) 7:30 large coffee 11:30am 20mg IR adderall, redbull 3:30 10mg IR adderall 4pm .5 Xanax (sometimes earlier) 7pm large glass chardonnay, 5mg adderall 9pm .25 xanax 12 or 1pm 15mg Ambien Yes, I took this shit in varying combinations of the above every day. I completely lost my working memory. I thought I was permanently brain damaged. I couldn't talk properly, couldn't do the simplest puzzles, concentrate on anything. I quit cold turkey on the adderall and have been tapering the wellbutrin, but It wasn't until after I stopped taking the Ambien that my memory started coming back. Just wanted to share.

I absolutely experienced this, especially because I was also taking xanax and ambien. I basically had no functional working memory. I couldn't focus, couldn't structure a sentence or finish a complex thought, couldn't type properly (because my hands were weak and shaking), couldn't listen without the noise of my head crowding over, and the next day it would be groundhog day all over again.

Hey sister. Hearing your stream of consciousness is such a great reminder for you and others about the horrors of adderall addiction, withdrawal and recovery. Your wide-ranging emotions (most of them negative), your disconnected thought patterns, all the sad stuff you're going through... all those things will slow down, and you will begin to feel like a normal human being again. I remember about 2 months in to quitting, I was in my therapist's office and I just broke down. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, so much I could barely talk. And all I could say was, "I don't know who I am any more". Over and over and over. She stopped me and looked at me and said, "you're you". I thought she was an idiot. She didn't know this terror in my head, this anxiety, sense of loss. But a few months on and I can say now that I think I know what she's talking about. I am me. Can't describe it, don't really want to. But it nice to know i'm in there somewhere. You are you. Hang in there, ride the waves. We believe in you!

I'll be honest with you, I'm still struggling with some of those things mentioned above. I am having a lot of trouble sleeping these days, and I seem to enter these zombie like trances for hours during the day when all I can do is sit on the couch and read or watch tv. Whole weeks have gone by like this. I'm not depressed, but I have very little momentum. The house is a mess. I am slowly getting back in to working out, but there is no consistent habit established yet. I am being patient...

Jesus, is it ever! Shows me a lot, actually... just like a recovering alcoholic, an adderallic is always an adderallic one pill away from being addicted again. Hang in there, thanks for joining our little community. I will be interested in your story as you clearly have a lot of experience about quitting and relapse and staying strong.