Motivation_Follows_Action

Wellbutrin = lots of discussion on this forum about it, I am a big supporter of it. check out the supplements on this forum - they've been a life saver for me, esp L-Tyrosene ad HTP-5! Also Yerba Mate, but be careful bc it can be tough on the heart if you take too much!

I think the hardest thing is to not compare people.... It's impossible not to do, really.. All you've known recently is your relationship with this guy, and so he's your benchmark. I remember when I first started "dating", I used to compare my date's table manners, vocabulary, musical taste, everything. Then I thought, why the fuck would I do that since my ex was such a selfish person, and also it's not fair to my date to not give him a fair crack of the whip! Just do it - go on a date or two. If nothing else, it's one of those things they talk about in "happy" the movie... Experiencing new things! Oh, and I know a few lovely young men in NYC who'd jump at the chance to hang out with an awesome chick like you! Maybe the (in)famous reunion should be at my place in Brooklyn ;-)

Compartmentalization is great... until it isn't. I'd be careful of that kind of black and white thinking, it's only led to a bunch of unhappiness and anger and feelings of resentment in my experience.... and when I'm feeling angry and upset the first thing I tend to go to is my old trusty drug/s of choice. Just sayin'. Not sure what others think.

By the way, what did your bf say when you sat down like a grownup and talked with him today?

Hell yeah you do, lady!!! Ashley, my lovely lady, I'd date you if I was bi, gay and/or single! Seriously though, you're an amazing woman with such humility and smarts and charm and fun. I'm not one to give dating advice much, but after I broke up with my last boyfriend (similar to you, he was much older than me and not interested at all in discussing the future, even though we had been together for 4 years and I'd moved to NYC to be with him), I made a pact to myself just to try "dating" in New York ... this is a uniquely American concept, by the way... and it was so much fun! I said to myself that I wasn't really looking for anything serious, I just wanted to genuinely get to know people and be interested in their stories... get outside my comfort zone. People are genuinely fascinating if you ask the right questions (... ok, any questions really), and ahem, most people love to talk about themselves if you're even remotely interested in listening (which you're very good at by the way!). Anyway, doing this little social experiment was for me the biggest ego boost in the world... gave me such confidence that all these GUYS would want to date ME?? Nah, really? The little Aussie farm girl in the big city? It was such a huge boost to my confidence, especially after being treated like nothing special from my ex. Seriously. This dating thing is great. If you think of it just as your chance to get to know the world out there, have some fun, allow yourself to learn more about the world and those strange hairy creatures with deep voices, it can be lots of fun... just don't put any pressure on yourself, and make it all about the stuff you can learn about humanity along the way! And that, my dear, is ALL the relationship advice you will ever get from me. This is not something I am an expert in. At ALL. I'd be two left feet if you threw me on a date these days...

Searchingsoul, have you heard of the concept of a personal board of directors? I use it when I have a big problem to solve and there are many perspectives who will weigh in, some of which will be probably contradictory but all of which are helpful. For example, I was in a situation once at work which was highly charged and very litigious and anything I said could have "come back to bite me", so to speak. So I thought of the 4 or 5 people who would really be able to help me: 2 lawyers (friends), 2 were other executives, and one was someone who I just thought was a really wise person. I called each of them and asked what they thought I should do. In the end, the solution was to follow just a little bit of advice from everyone, and it worked out ok. Seems like ancient history now but at the time it took up 99% of my energy and thoughts. And I agree with sky. Get rid of toxic people, just like you're getting rid of toxic chemicals from your life. Life is too short to be influenced by those who don't have your best interests and your own integrity at heart. One final thing: as you know, when you're on adderall and also in withdrawal, EVERYTHING seems to get blown out of perspective. I felt sure after I lost my job that my husband would divorce me, I'd end up in abject poverty, that I'd never be able to face my family and friends again. None of that happened, and in fact I've become closer to all of them because I was myself, honest, and faced the music of what I'd done. Like I said, people like it when we are vulnerable sometimes, but we hate being vulnerable ourselves most of the time. Takes enormous strength to be vulnerable to the people you trust. But I am telling my own story. I wish you good luck with yours.

It's interesting about the integrity thing; I think you touched on something really important here lea. Since quitting I have had an almost dogmatic approach to honesty and integrity. I think of the way I lied to myself and everyone else on adderall, and that behavior is so far away from my own character, that I vowed that even if it is painful for me or others, I would stay true to my word, and be honest in everything. It's hard, sometimes, and of course there are always shades of grey; but integrity is a blessing of recovery and when we talk about happiness, this is to me one thing that makes me really, really happy as a person... to have integrity.

Lea, how did it go with the shrink?

Hmm let's see, between those of us who are ADHD and couldn't organize a drinking competition at a brewery, and those of us who are so much in withdrawal that the idea of planning ANYTHING sounds like way too much work, I'd say, uh, 2034?

Krax, Unfortunately doing the crap work is just part of work. Everyone has to do it. No one likes to do it. And there's no dodging the bullet. Finding out a system that works for you can take time, and at least for me over the years that system has changed as I've become more technology-reliant. Of course with adderall all my systems fell to pieces (I agree with others that adderall caused me to become ADD after a while), and now I am having to reclaim the systems from ages ago. Just this morning I bought and posted to my study wall a 2013 calendar and I know it sounds old school but having a constant visual reminder of where you are in the year, is for me at least, a motivator to make every.day.count. I write on it the "big things" like holidays and family birthdays and things, but also when I've had "big moments" like "DO TAXES TODAY", and little green dots for when I go to the gym and red dots when I was lazy. At the end of the year I hope to look back and see more green dots than red! I've been tracking this over the last 3 months have have definitely seen a trend towards green... Hope that helps? Not sure if it does..

So not "Asserall" cupcakes then as Cassie so eloquently named yesterday?

Awesome, thanks for putting that in writing... *** The views held by MFA do not represent those of any health care company, agency, medical professionals, moderators and/or owners of the www.quittingadderall.com site, or its affiliates; or of any other members or contributors of the online forum. MFA can not and will not be held accountable for the actions taken by other members of the forum****

I always thought on the other side of fear was strength, or love, or hope, or power. I guess it could be all of the above, PLUS freedom!

I started taking it a week or so ago, it comes in 2 different versions. Of course on top of all the other supplements I started taking a week ago it is hard to differentiate which does what, but I have noticed ability to be able to focus and remember is absolutely coming back. So I don't know if that's worth anything...

Cassie and someday - I've never read either of those. But they're now on the reading list. Thanks!

Nope, I can't see it on my version. Never have. I use safari for Mac - I wonder if that makes a difference? Would be useful if I could use it!

Delete

Good luck tomorrow! I also should be finding out tomorrow whether I got the job... Feeling such dread about it, I have reflected and don't think I got it. Ah well. On to the next application...

Talk to the professor you'll be working with when you meet him tomorrow. You don't have to say, "oh I'm having panic attacks please help!!!", but I'm sure you're not the first to suffer anxiety with all this newness and pressure. Maybe there is a counselor at the school (psychologist as opposed to psychiatrist), and also don't forget the other students are probably feeling the same as you! When I'm feeling social anxiety in new surroundings, I just try to focus on meeting and connecting with one person only. That way it is meaningful and purposeful, and usually makes me much more relaxed. And look, it will only be a month or so before you will have had meaningful connections with your whole class! You're going to be fine, great even. You have overcome one of the greatest obstacles anyone could ever overcome. The rest is easy!

You have come SO far, InRecovery. Remember that. No one can take that away from you. I'm so sorry you felt this way, panic attacks are horrible, especially because once they start you don't know if, like you said, it's a sense of things to come. I had a few years' worth of panic attacks in my late 20s. Like you, it was when I'd just gone through a whole bunch of changes (I'd just moved to London from Australia, had an entirely new life to begin, no friends, and also had to deal with the awful fucking cold and dreary weather that I just wasn't used to). I remember my doctor told me just to focus on breathing. I guess that kind of helped. Since then, whenever I feel them coming on, I try to "pick a mantra" that will work for me at that moment. Some useful ones have been: "Breathe in peace, breathe out release" "Just get through" "I think I can I know I can" (like Thomas the Tank Engine!) "You are safe. You are safe" I'm sure others have better advice. But for me, just repeating something that is mine, and only mine, that I had thought of in a calm state of confidence was reassuring to me that I wasn't going to die, and I was going to get through it. Remember that most panic attacks only last a little while.. And good on you for posting here... you are ALWAYS safe here.... Edit; you did 3 things, didn't you? Celebrate those!

This community has such a dearth of awesome recommendations. I agree with InRecovery: Happy the movie, and On Speed the book are both things that I have found to be really valuable through this site. [i'm yet to do the Nike thingy...] I'd like to add another: has anyone read, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle (sp)? Totally the opposite of adderall, yet such tonic for the healing adderallic. Teaches the importance of inner calm and listening to your still, small voice. It's HARD work to get it right, but wow, the power it brings. I could never have read this 6 months ago. I would have thought it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo. But there is a real power in stillness. And it's something adderall will never, ever be able to reach. Oh, and if you think it's a religious book, it might be useful to know that I'm an athiest, and I have still found it to be really enlightening http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808

When I told my psych, I just said to him that I didn't want to be on adderall any more and please not to prescribe it to me. Simple as that. He said, "that's a positive step", and then told me if I wanted just to step down my prescription that I could do that too. Fucking drug dealer, that's what I thought of him. Subsequently, I found that having denounced the pills to my doc and having him be the "weak one" in that scenario, made me loathe him and that made me stronger. It's a powerful feeling when you have the mental and emotional strength over the supposed "experts". You're the boss of you. Take control of you and tell your gremlins, doctors and whomever else that doesn't believe in you to take a flying fuck! Imagine yourself standing on the platform, raising the trophy to you, winning the battle with your addiction. Whoo hoo! Go lea!

Well, you never lost your humor this whole time. You add so much light and wisdom through your quips and connections, Sky. One thing I love about the contributions you make is that you are at once pragmatic AND spiritual. That's a rare balance. Great stuff, keep it up!

CONGRATS SKY on your 3 month anniversary, adderall free. You even had a presidential inaugration to ensure you never forget the solemnity and importance of this moment. Hope you give yourself a big pat on the back, and a big virtual round of applause from all of us. How do you feel today?!

Ashley, can you have a talk with your mom's friend and tell her a little of what you know of adderall? My sister-in-law's son is ADHD and in high school, and he was prescribed adderall a year or so ago. She talked at the time about how much she thought he'd settled down, was doing well in school, and then everything went quiet. I sent her a text the other day to ask if her son was still on the drug because I wanted her to know I've seen the dark side and it's a law of diminishing returns. I'm sure you will be praised for your courage if you speak up about it. Can you recommend some of the supplements on this site? Maybe they will act as a better alternative for your friend's daughter....