Motivation_Follows_Action

Has anyone read the book about vulnerability that is top of the best seller list? I've downloaded it and will read it on vacation I hope. I read this quote though which was enough to make me stop and think. “Vulnerability isn’t good or bad…(it) is the core of all emotions… To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living.” “Vulnerability isn’t good or bad…(it) is the core of all emotions… To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living.” Often adderall makes us dull our senses so we become a wall. To our own feelings and to those of others. Something I realized during the last few weeks is that adderall was a kind of novacaine for my pain. If I focused on work I wouldn't have to deal with the circumstances or people around me. It was (and always will be) an escape.

I keep revisiting this. Why is it some of us have rough chapters together?

Not selfish, and I need you too. Can you believe it - I spent 14 hours today just doing bloody expense reports!! Consulting is definitely not the glamorous thing it is apparently supposed to be. Hey any suggestions about how I can prioritize my time to get my lardy ass in to the gym? It is always 9pm by the time I look up and then it's way too late to work out. What works?

You guys are amazing. Occasional, what a motivational superstar you are!

If you think about it in terms of a chemical dependency, 6 months is still a short time for your brain to regain its own natural production and receptivity to dopamine. Especially if you're not taking supplements/exercising/eating right. Sometimes we punish our bodies and brains for punishing us. I am guilty of this. Adderall has aged me and I'm still getting used to it. Be gentle with yourself, that's all.

I just want to mention one thing about PAWS. Sometimes I think nothing in particular "triggers" PAWS. Could be situational, could be health-related, could be exhaustion, could be stress, could be nothing at all. To be honest, I completely forgot about PAWS for the last few weeks and I now know some of my really down days were absolutely PAWS days. I just thought I was tired and unfit. Maybe it's useful to put a label on it, I guess; but I'm learning that sometimes labels cause me to go in to an anxious state of, "when am I going to get over this, already?!" rather than accepting the process and moving on. Just my 2 cents.

It's great to see you're still here Occasional, and your advice and wisdom seems to have continued to be even more wise and insightful than before. You have an ability to see the good in others which is sometimes lost in those who take adderall. Nihilism and depression and adderall abuse are such commonly occurring things, it's great to see someone who isn't afraid to be emotional and strong at the same time. I think you're awesome. How are you doing?

Hey Drew, You sound like you're beating yourself up a bit for something you already know the answer to. Can I suggest something? Stop beating yourself up. You're successful, you're popular, you have made your life work. You may or may have been able to do that on adderall; but here you are. Now you can only either make it better, or screw it up. You also know that there are some things that you love about yourself that you think have gone away since you were on adderall: mostly, your self-esteem and core belief that you are "strong". Giving up adderall is one of the hardest things I have ever done. But when I got my own self back, I realized I liked that person so much more than the adderall-me. If you can believe in the "former" you, then it's something to look forward to rather than letting the lies adderall tells you convince you that you need to take it. You're strong. You can be again.

I don't even know how long it's been since I posted... I guess I could check but I'd rather just check in. I have missed you guys a lot. But things have been mostly good, with some bad and turmoil thrown in there. As you know I started a new job in April, which is going really well. I'm being challenged, stretched, reassured and rewarded. At this stage in my career, I never expected to feel so inspired. I'm traveling lots, but I'm enjoying it and it's not international so at least there's not a lot of jet lag. Things haven't been without challenges though, I'll be honest. I am still very tempted to take adderall, especially when I am exhausted and unconfident. I haven't figured out my diet and exercise regime and hate my body more than ever. And my go-to when I'm unconfident is to starve myself, which at my age is now taking its toll. I'm exhausted and run down. I've had some really tough personal/family news that also would have been a really easy excuse for me to act out and drown my sorrows in any kind of substance, really. And there have been a few drunken evenings and lots and lots of tears at bedtime. I'm trying to think of it as all part of a journey, though. I know I can't move forward if I am spending all my energy doing other things. Sorry for the preachy note. I just wanted to let you guys know I would not have gotten through all this stuff without the people on this forum and I haven't been here for others as much as I'd like. But you've been in the back of my mind this whole time, and this place will always be somewhere I know I can be fully myself, struggles and weakness and all.

Sorry for not being around, guys. I've been traveling and super busy. But staying strong! Every day is a gift/struggle. Good news is I'm less paranoid these days and would be happy to do a meetup. If you're interested, PM me and let me know your email address and we can see if we can get together for a meeting early in August. NYC Adderallics all welcome!

Anger and resentment towards your enablers is perfectly normal. We want to blame someone for the "us" we became. Some blame themselves. Some blame circumstances. Some blame the circumstances. Some blame the doctor. In the end, recovery for me meant the removal of blame and the recognition of the current state. No matter why, or who, here I am and now I need to dig out. I'm 9 months clean and I'm still digging, hard, every day. It's hard work, and with very little reward sometimes. But it's better than the alternative. I think I'd be dead if I had kept going along the path I was leading before...

Loss of appetite is one of the side effects of coming off. As is sleeplessness. It's all a bit strange, because it's the opposite of what you think. The body is a weird machine.

This may sound trite, but if you are asking the question, you know the answer. When you were healthy, in your "right mind", did you feel this crippling exhaustion and nihilism every day? There's your answer. And year I'm biased. She is a cruel mistress. She makes you think you need more of her and yet she delivers less and demands more. Heartless, yep that's adderall. I missed using my limbic system. We will see...

Cassie - so glad you stayed strong. I've been super busy and traveling a ton but think of you guys often and would love nothing more than an afternoon to catch up. So much stuff going on. Still strong, and trying to get healthy too. Be strong - you know you're my role model.

I'm here this week, til Thursday.

The beach is a great healer. I am ok. Just exhausted. Lots. Hard to get a good rhythm going when traveling so much. Have been trying to get to the gym but it is hard when working 14 hours a day. Still feeling pretty crappy in general,

Congrats on making it this far. I wonder of there is something about the 6 month mark... I've been feeling pretty crappy about myself too these last few weeks. Anyone remember the 6 month quitting period - how did you feel, QO, Ashely, in recovery, liltex?

I'm sorry I missed this post, Ashley. I hope you're feeling better and I am hoping you're enjoying the beach!

Yes! I have noticed this as well. On adderall I would often bump myself and scratch myself and I'd look down and notice I was bleeding. Never hurt. Now I notice even a paper cut. Not sure what that is about... blood constriction or something?

I'm in the Bay Area a lot for work. PM me if you're interested in meeting up over the next few weeks.

Hi Heather, I am proud of you for coming here after relapsing. One thing about addicts is they become experts at lying... lying to themselves, mostly. You have been able to be honest with yourself; and I commend you for that. That's tough. I think you know that here you have a community that genuinely cares about you and how you are doing. I was thinking about you just today, actually, and wondering how you were doing. So it is very real, just like your addiction is very real and your struggle with staying off it is very real. But one thing to think about: every time you decide to quit, is like starting a new life. It doesn't help to think about how many times you've failed... because that won't compell you to succeed this time. I read a quote today: "if we waited until conditions were perfect, we'd never start anything".

Thanks for letting us your story. Life is hard for you. Congratulations on your resolve - give yourself a big hug and take as many naps as you need. You deserve it!

Are you sleeping ok? I think it's great you took the plunge - what made you eventually try medication, I know you'd been pretty against it before.

One point to add here: I think all of us who post regularly on this site are here because we psychologically did not have the experience of taking adderall responsibly in the first place. Some people will never become addicted to adderall, just like some people can smoke socially or have a drink without becoming an alcoholic. People on this site are not those people. We are people who could not take the drug "responsibly" and it ruled (and ruined) our lives. If you are not like us, then you kind of have no place here. Congratulations on never having an issue with addiction to adderall. My post before questioned that maybe you are in denial but actually, I don't really care. I just hope you have had your say and good luck with moving along. Like QO says, we encourage free speech (unless you're here to advertise, which we learned the hard way); but we ask that you are sensitive to your motives for coming here and also recognize that people here are NOT like you. We struggle with this almost every day, and we come here to be encouraged to stay away, not to find information from others about how to not stay away. I hope that makes sense.

Hey Rampage, Why are you taking time to write a lengthy post on a site called "Quitting Adderall"? I'm assuming you took at least a little bit of time to find this site (it usually comes up when you google, "quitting adderall" or "adderall addiction" or something along those lines)... and then you would have had to fish around a little bit on the site to find the forum, find out what kind of people are on this forum, and what kind of content is encouraged and discussed on this forum; and then create a username and type your very lengthy post... about how not to become addicted to adderall in the first place. I can't imagine someone who doesn't have an addiction issue taking so much time to write about how to avoid the very thing they say they haven't ever experienced... [insert head scratch]....