SleepyStupid

very interesting read, ive always loved creed didnt even know about this, ty

has anyone gone through this? I feel like in normal conversation now, I cant find the right words to finish sentences or convey my meaning.. im a writer and have always had a certain eloquence and good vocabulary.. granted I've only been off a few weeks but im a binge user and two three weeks off isnt usually too hard on me. this is a bit scary

good luck friend, i lost out on formally getting my degree cause of my addiction. you can do it for real (:

this is a possibility I hadnt considered, but I can certainly see her trying to taper me but I know cold turkey is my only option in reality.

+1. people close to me even told me this would happen, i didnt believe it. and then it did. adderall replaces the need for comfort, or the feeling of self-worth you get from making your partner happy. i like to think of it as: even when everything sucks, you can still be confident that you are the best person in the world at making them happy. adderall makes you forget this because you're all of a sudden GREAT at everything else, and you HAVE to chase down these new dreams and manic passions. your partner gets left in the dust.

my ex-girlfriend supported me through the first time i tried to quit- but i think the process of seeing me at my worst left a lasting scar on our relationship which ultimately cemented her decision to break it off. i also fucked up by relapsing after a few months.. i can say for sure that after the break up i went on a bender to end all benders and it all started up again.

you're right, i know adderall creates the illusion of grandeur and ability, but it also gives you motivation and energy to actually do things and pursue your dreams. but maybe that's indicative of an underlying problem to begin with. as far back as i can remember, ive always been self medicating one way or another. first it was videogames, then i was a habitual weed smoker, etc. it sucks having an addictive personality

wow, i love this quote!! its absolutely true- if i didnt believe that there was great power or talent within me, i might be okay to just fade into nothing and depression. my deepest fear is that i will never get as close to that power as i have while on adderall but i trust everyone's words, that this will come back in time.. (:

this really resonates with me- 7 days out, i dont feel addicted or too terrible aside from low energy and being tired all the time.. but you make a good point that the real challenge begins AFTER the 2 week point.. >_< im already starting to notice certain types of triggers.. the shaking of a pill container, the sound makes me feel kinda funny. i remember when trying to quit before, id getting the drug dreams.. those are the worst. id really like to avoid as many triggers as possible, but its hard to identify those situations or events.

you're right, i will definitely tell my therapist i want be off adderall, but i dont think i have the nerves to reveal that it is due to abuse. ive talked to her before about how adderall had affected the way i was in my previous relationship and she knows how devastating that was for me. im going to tell her i want off to ensure this new relationship doesnt start the wrong way. this is actually entirely true and what has finally spurred me to get off this stuff for good. the first time i tried to quit, i actually got drawn back in because her office called and said i hadn't been in for an appointment for a while (silly how one little phone call can change everything..). id like to continue on the Wellbutrin and continue seeing her for therapy, hopefully with enough time i can be weened off that as well. now the next big push is getting myself to start working out- there are also some health related things i need to see a primary care for, im so ashamed of the things ive let happen- to my life, to my body, to my health. adderall cost me my master's degree, and i only had a few credits left to complete. ive neglected hygiene and health for so long, its all so overwhelming to start. what im most scared about is that i fear ive always been "lazy" or unmotivated. i certainly remember a time before adderall that i was HAPPIER, but that was also before i truly became an adult. i dont think ive ever lived a successful adult life off of adderall. basic daily routines that most people have, i dont- cleaning my room, doing laundry, basic chores.. i buy food everyday because im too lazy to cook meals..

congratulations on your 3 months! ive been at about 120+mg a day, but being awake 4 days at a time you kind of lose track of things. in fact its more like you dont want to keep track of how much youve taken because knowing makes it more real than you want.. im also prescribed Wellbutrin 150mg extended release. truthfully, ive never felt its effects because the adderall would cause such extreme highs and lows. i was considering asking my pdoc to raise the wellbutrin dose, but im still kind of scared to tell her about quitting adderall. i know that in the end this is the final commitment to it, and this is what i want, but it still feels so difficult..

thank you for reading! im so glad there exists a place where people *get* it. people who have been down the same absurd spiral of crap. i tried quitting once, i think i got to month 3, but i dont remember how it felt. how does that feel vs 2 or 3 weeks clean?

hi friends, i think i'm finally ready to truly quit :/ ive been an addict for ~6 years, almost all of which binge useage. its been getting bad recently- bad like people asking me "are you okay?" every so often. you know when you think you're pulling it off, no one can tell? i have no idea how long ive been lying to myself about that. my binging has become 2 weeks on 2 weeks off till i get my refill. i think usually when i get my refill, im generally awake for 3 or 4 days straight, sometimes 5. then 1 day of rest and 3-4 again. its just become a thing im used to. im very lucky to have a decent job at a small company where the management treats me like their own kid. they know about my "condition" so i get away with a lot of crap like showing up late. also, im really good at what i do, but i know even that is nothing compared to what i might be capable of if i weren't geeked out all the time. im tired of living my life, waiting to be "on" in order to live it. i want to be healthy again- its been so damn long i dont remember what it feels like to be "alive", in shape.. i started dating this girl recently, and its been a very long time. ive been very lonely after losing the love of my life 2 years ago- and i really dont want to screw this up. i caught myself being tweaked out on the phone with her (she couldnt tell, i dont think) and it scared the shit out of me. i dont want to screw this up. anyway, im on day 4. the 2 weeks that im off adderall, it's actually not terrible. i think ive been doing this for so long that i dont get hit with any kind of crippling depression or anything. what im most afraid of is learning to live and have motivation to do things again. i know that within 2-3 weeks, im basically "okay" but ive always been waiting for the refill. i'm a musician and writer but even writing this now is hard.. thanks for reading >_<