Searchingsoul9

Thanks for the tip!I have been drinking coffee at 6 when i get up, then in class i drink tea all day and have a turkey sandiwch at lunch, and i have been okay. Not full, not hungry. I have massive energy in class and work and all the time, but i am lazy when it comes to exercise haha I am going to work on that

Complete your first small project without adderall. One of the milestones. So today i did my first small project, but i consider it big. I completely cleaned my room, organized my closet, moved furniture, redecorated, went through old things and threw out unneeded stuff. This was one of my absolute favorite things to do on adderall, but i would crash before i finished and then leave it undone for days. This time, i went at it for almost 3 and a half hours straight, and i am still going. Kind of pathetic i am so happy about that, haha. But i consider it a small victory.

I always thought they invented 'adderall' or amphetamines first, then created 'ADD' to make money off the drug.

Exactly. I was semi ok with my body before adderall. I know i was thin still, just not stick thin. And i grew so accustom to being super thin. And now it's just really unsettling to gain a few pounds. I was thin without adderall before all this, i did it through exercise and getting used to eating less. So, i know it is possible. I got lazy and used to a pill doing all the work,Thank you for saying all that sweet stuff. It really helps. I know i can't relapse. I would hate to have to be back to day 1 again and i have come pretty far i suppose. You're the best xx

Hey there. I am glad you decided to post. First step We are all living, breathing proof that there is life/hope beyond adderall. When i first quit i wrote a list of the negatives and the positives of being on it. I only had about 3 positives...and like 25 negatives. It helps to write it down and see. I am not going to say quitting is easy, but it is not as difficult as you may imagine. The hardest part is deciding to end your supply and to quit. After the first week you will begin to see positive changes in yourself. The darkness will fade. It wont be a perfect journey, because nothing is perfect. Although, we have grown so accustom to being and living a 'perfect' life in adderall land. But, you realize now that it is not so perfect. I know that hopeless, empty, painful feeling you have inside your chest, where your heart and soul is. Where it feels so empty that you can't even imagine what happiness is anymore. That is not permanent. Once you quit that emptiness will begin to fill up with hope, dreams, love, emotion (good and bad), desires, opinions, thoughts. You will begin to get your life and most importantly, yourself back. All i can tell you is don't lose your hope. In the beginning i always relapsed because i went a few days without it and thoughts "well my life sucks off of adderall and it sucks on adderall, so why quit?" You need to give it time. Time really heals. As they say, 'Rome wasn't built in a day' Keep posting and stay strong xo

Feeling down in the dumps lately. Day 20 off adderall, longest i have gone in a year. And since quitting i haven't even had one desire to use, until now. I don't miss anything about the adderall at this point, except the weight loss effects. I have gained like 7 lbs. It's my fault because i have been lazy and eating badly. I feel so horrible though. I thought to myself lastnight, "ill find a way to get some adderall, 'just for a week, just to lose 10lbs' I know i wont. But the thought crossed my mind and it scares me. I feel fine in every other aspect without the pills. I feel smarter, less anxiety (to an extent), i sleep better, etc. But i feel so gross. I just wanna hibernate for 2 weeks and wake up skinny again.

Good for you It's a useless, life ruining drug

Like 18 or 19 days nowxx

Weird, right? And i had the dream again lastnight! WTF.

Yes, this. Pretty sure i was in psychosis. I mean i experienced it 3 times in my high school days. CRAZY. Due to being awake fr 3 days straight though.But i feel much more sane now. I don't question everything i think and do. But i REALLY hope the shakes fade.

Been researching this because when i was abusing adderall i was having a lot of motor tics. Unbelievably shaky hands, slight head twitching side to side, leg twitches. Well, it has been like 18 days since my last pill. I noticed the other day when i was driving and i turned my head to the left it was real shaky. I can't explain it well. Like, i turned my head and it was shaking like when you do a lot of squats and your legs tremble, that was my head/neck. This happens once in a while. In class i still have to lean on my hands or my head gets all spastic. I found this quote online, "A study published July 26 in the Journal “Drug and Alcohol Dependence†has found a strong link between amphetamine use and Parkinson’s Disease. This very large study, covering 280,000 patients hospitalized for rehab, found that amphetamine users had a 76% increased risk of developing PD." "Parkinson’s disease is a degenerative disorder marked by reduction in dopamine receptors in the brain" So maybe if i got more dopamine somehow the shakes would stop a little? IDK, but i am a little spooked.

Well, i felt bipolar prior to adderall, but i am going to wait it out on meds. See if therapy just works before getting on some other medication.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

I like that you are so positive. Everyone here means well. They want to see you succeed. But use this to fuel your fiery desire to quit! Get angry and prove everyone wrong. As long as you are 100% ready to quit, you can. But, i do have to agree that the living situation is horrible. When i first abused adderall in high school, i was abusing it with my best friend. It ruined our relationship in some ways. She quit and i kept trying to pressure her into taking it. She fell victim to my peer pressure and popped pills again for a while with me. Eventually she stopped for good and i stopped for a couple of years. It put a strain on our friendship though. Are these girls good friends of yours? Are they good people with good hearts? Did they act like good friends before the adderall? If they are just plain superficial, pill popping idiots then you need to ditch them. If you do really care about them, then keep sending them articles and such. I mean, obviously you cannot force them to quit too, but it can't hurt. Quitting adderall in general is hard (at least the first 2 weeks), but quitting while your two best friends are high in front of you is going to be a hell of a lot harder, and you need to be prepared for it. My best advice would be to avoid them for the first couple of weeks. I know you all live together, but you should just hide out in your room the first week, then hang in town, the library, with other friends. I am not saying you can't do it, because i think you can. Just be prepared for the struggle so you can deal with it better. And post on here a lot too. That will certainly help. Good luck

Last night had my first post adderall relapse dream. Is it only me or if you guys go to bed tipsy do you have REAL vivid dreams? Whenever i go to bed drunk my dreams are so realistic. It's always a continuation of my night in dream form. Exactly what made this dream that much worse. I remember in it my friend had a ton of adderall. Not my usual orange pills, but the time released capsules. And i told her i didn't want any. Somehow they were put in my drink, the beads. I tried throwing up and tried to get it out of my system. All i could think was how i was sabotaged. How i'd have to start from day one again, and tell you guys i relapsed. It was pretty horrible. Then i woke up and i was smiling because i realized it wasn't real.

My pleasure. It has only been one day of me practicing meditation and it's already proving to be beneficial. Last night i was drunk at my friends and usually we smoke then eat a ton and go to bed. I had a slice of pizza and then contemplated just eating more, but i sat with the feeling and tried to just be in the moment. It worked, and my desire passed!

"Time heals almost everything. Give Time time." This was my favorite. It is so true.

I think it could be helpful. I used to journal a lot in high school, but stopped. Since quitting adderall i have journaled almost daily, just a quick 'day number X, feeling such and such"

I will look into that now, sounds helpful. Thanks!

Youtube Mindfulness with John Kabat-zinn

If anyone is interested, this is the link. He quickly covers ADD, like 2 minutes. Most of the video i found to just be very thought provoking and eye openeing.

Real good session today. I am happy to say that i really did luck out in finding a great woman to help me through my issues. My first assignment is to journal once a day, then bring it in so we can go over my thought processes. She also did a 4 minute meditation with me. We are going to keep working on that. It is much harder than it seems. Trying to just 'be', but i can honestly say i felt much more at pace after those 4 minutes. She told me a bit about Mindfulness. I am youtubing and googling that now. I am going to practice meditation at least twice a day. She said it has helped severely depressed patients enormously. I youtubed mindfulness and was listening to this man speak about it. He said something about the fact that meditation and mindfulness is not recognized as normal in the US. And that much of the country is suffering from ADD because no one teaches us that we need to be mindful. To be aware of what is going on in our own heads, to recognize our thoughts, to just be for a while. That society is so obsessed with just doing that we forget who the ones doing the doing are. That our inability to focus is something that can be achieved without medicine. Makes you think...

You do look innocent, but so do i. hehe guess we can get away with more

Why thank you! I am mildly neurotic But, who isn't? How was the book? I am 2 weeks into recovery and i have yet to get far into a book. I got 2 pages deep and got sidetracked, but hey- more than i read on adderall! Robot mode! Good title for it. On addies, one or two hits of weed would put me in full on robot mode for hours. Introverted, sketchy, weird. So fucking weird. I hated that too. I really hope you keep posted and swing by the site often. I swear, it helped me more than i could explain. I mean, i honestly thought i was never going to quit. I know, i know, everyone thinks that. But, i really saw myself accepting my fate of being addicted to this forever. This site helped me prove myself wrong. There is life beyond adderall and once you get there you will realize just how much more fulfilling it can be. This may be a weird example, but i was dating this guy for over 2 years. I was MADLY in love with him, like we had a veru unhealthy relationship (sort of like my relationship with adderall) he was abusive and my first serious bf. Despite all the horrible things he did to me, i still loved him deeply. Eventually, i got sick of the ups and downs (adderall much? lol) i grew to hate him. It just happened. I began to really hate him and wished he would leave me. Godsend..he got arrested. Once he was gone i missed him. All i could think of were the good times. But, over a month or two i really got over it. I used to think i would sooner die than live without him. And here i am 3 years later, he is still scum and i have not an ounce of regret or love towards him. Moral of my story, no matter how much you believe you NEED someone or something to live...you don't. As long as you tell yourself 'this will pass' and keep telling yourself that, it will. I promise you, time indeed does heal all wounds. Just keep on keeping on! P.S Holy shit! I thought i was the only one! The head twitching. How long have you been off the pills? Because while i was on them the twitching was bad. Like you said, in class i too would sit there looking like the 'thinker' just holding my goddamn head up because it felt all spazzy and twitchy if i held up my own weight! I don't get it nearly as bad as i did on adderall, but i do notice in my lecture class i have mini neck spasms. I can't sit up straight and hold myself up with good posture. I don't know why. Maybe the coffee. And the dentist does blow! I have to get my ass there soon though. Think i got my first cavity, crap.

Here's a few i learned just now. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. (This one i find INSANE. Never in my life has it taken me just 7 minutes. Unless i was drunk as a skunk. Usually takes me at least 25 minutes) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. (Escape, the pina coloda song anyone? haha) The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (Was clearly not aware of the vast amount of alcoholic ants out there!)