Searchingsoul9

Definitely will, thanks!

Does it? I suppose it is one extreme or the other for me.

When I am eating healthy I like to have eggs with fat free cottage cheese,scrambled. Ww bread. I dispise white bread,unless I am making a PB and j. Soups. bfast is always plain cheerios with a cut up banana. I love huge salads with grilled chicken. Chicken chicken chicken. I make some bomb ass pan fried chicken. But I try not to fry anything too much. Rice cakes. 50 cals apple cinnamon ones with PB on it. Pretzels. Sugarfree icepops, gum, diet coke (my addiction) these things called shiritaki "noodles" 25 Cals for a whole package. Shumai!!! My fav next to sushi. But when I am not healthy, polar opposites. Chips,cookies,candy, anything bad.

Nice pic How "hardcore" of an abuser were you? And how long have you been clean? I considered myself a hardcore abuser too,but everyones definition differs I suppose. Congrats on the sobriety and positivity !! Woohoo

Haha yes a woman has needs!! Idk how you haven't strayed. Good for u girl!

Met with my new counselor today. She is really sweet. I feelt comfortable with her right away. She asked me a bucket load full of questions. About my eating,drug use, childhood, abusive ex, family life, etc. I was completely honest. Told her about the adderall. She says a lot of people are misdiagnosed add when in reality depression,anxiety can mimic add symptoms. She thinks I should see a legitimate psychiatrist and get evaluated and be on a combonation of medicines. Shbelieves I have a mood disorder, possibly bipolar.anxiety, depression, and ocd. Those I already knew. We didn't get to finish the full evaluation before an hour was up. I go back this Thursday. She says she really likes working with people my age and with my type of issues. So that's great too. I'm excited to see her again and hopeful that things will start looking up. Been up since 630am, had work until 1030, then drove the 30 mins to therapy, now at car dealership, then I should be home by 5 and plan to relax the rest of the day. I believe I am now on day 9 adderall free

I love eating lobster too! The place I work at did lobster Mac and cheese in the summertime, it lookedd divine!! Never had it though. Lobster is the absolute best seafood in my opinion. Poor little lobbies

Really hope you start feeling better soon!! I just wanna come take you home with me and make you feel better! (sounds creepy lol) you're a great woman and you deserve to be happy. This to shall pass though,just keep holding on. If you went back to the pills, you'd feel great the first day,but then comes the crash and wanting to jump out of your skin. Then the pills will stop working again, and you'll feel worse than you do now. You'll wish you hadn't gone back to it and be discouraged that you have to start from day 1 again. You know this though. Just don't lose hope. Xox

haha, funny thing is i think i am blaming PMS for my natural bitchyness hahaI also blame pms for my desire for chocolate

Do i seem less boring than when i was on adderall? I sure hope so.That's what i look forward to most, getting some wit back xoxox thanks girl

haha i hope mine comes back soon!I get little random desires for sex, but it's a fleeting desire and then it's gone haha

Don't worry, you are not alone! My life is not on track at all. I like to hope it will be soon though. And believe me, i am right there with you on the disordered eating.Today was not a good day, nor was lastnight. Spent half my day over the toilet. We all will have great, good, bad, and horrible days i suppose. Hopefully tomorrow is a great day for us both!!! xoxoxo

Exactly. Pain is there so pleasure can be appreciated.I was the same. I spent 30 mins on makeup, like an hour on an outfit, just to go to the store for 20 minutes. I felt like a goddamn model or some stupid shit, walking the aisles like i owned the place. Cocky, annoying. Gross. I am not that person in reality. I am very humble and obviously insecure. I want to gain real confidence though, without a pill. I get uneasy around people that act how i used to as well. Kind of jealous i guess. Like, oh i used to be the half dead looking girl. Why should i be jealous of that? I was never super annoying and chatty and cutting people off on adderall. Sadly, that is me OFF adderall! lmao, super all over the place, a million thoughts, chatter box. On adderall i was quiet, and very introverted. Keep on keeping on girl!

I love a good sense of humor and sarcasm. I wont rage on you

YES. Put that shit to a hault!Oh and after he went on to tell me that gays and gay marriage is a sin! Oh went off on him like a goddamn rocket to outer mother fucking space! MEGA PAWS day over here. Got my period too, so i am a RAGING BITCH. Not to mention that all my friends today decide to go all crazy and now are ignoring me because they are super selfish. Why? I only had ONE true friend that was always there for me, but like all the others she was wisped away by a crazy ass boyfriend who turned them against me. Tis' my life.

I pray that's sarcasm cuz this bitch raging out tonight

I felt like that about exercise too when i first quit. It did become my new vice. BUT then my treadmill broke and i lost my drive. And too broke to afford a gym membership. Exercise is a wonderful new 'addiction' in place of adderall. As long as it doesn't become overly obsessive and about weight loss. Just use it as your means of escape. Routine is key, but i too rarely stick to it. I am full of great advice, yet i never use it for myself ! Go figure. <333

So this isn't exactly adderall related. This guy i met at the gas station one night when i was drunk asked for my number. I gave it to him, but i knew right then that there was something i did not like about him. We have texted back and forth. He was very nice, but today i found out EXACTLY why i knew i disliked him. So he asked me how my day was, i said unproductive at best. He was like, 'i bet my day was worse.' I was thinking, hell no dude. your ass isn't havings a paws day. I said playfully back 'oh you'd lose that bet' He goes 'Oh, just like a woman. Always has to win!' Then he goes on to tell me that a womans 'place' is having productive days cleaning the house, having babies, and waiting for their man to come home. My jaw dropped. I didn't know there were 20 year old guys out there that were still so goddamn ignorant. Especially where i live. Anyway, thought id spread the word! hah

Lobsters are highly developed. They carry their young for nine months and, when left in peace, can live for more than 100 years. They recognize other individual lobsters, remember past aquaintances, and have elaborate courtship rituals. They take long seasonal journeys, often traveling for hundreds of miles. Elder lobsters help guide young lobsters across the ocean floor by holding their claws in a line that can stretch for many yards

I wish i had some advice for you! But congrats on being clean When i first abused adderall my creativity sky rocketed. Writing was just so easy. It poured onto the paper, literally. Same with drawing. But i found the deeper into addiciton i got, the worse my writing became. It was scattered and i was constantly searching for the perfect word. It got bad. Now i feel my writing is better, but i could be wrong. None of my classes involve much writing, so i am only going off of how i write on here or via text. Something will spark your creativity soon. I know it. The further you get into recovery, the easier it will become. I have hope<3

hahah too good

Hey girl. Glad i am not the only one, but am sorry to see you are dealing with anxiety as well. We have similar stories. I flushed my pills, went a week, relapsed, flushed my pills again, now on day 8 of being clean. The anxiety has subsided about 30 percent. But i have this constant, uneasy feeling inside me. I have no been exercising at all because it is so damn windy and cold out. That is just an easy excuse though. I could jump around my room and burn some calories, but have been pretty lazy. That needs to change. My sleep patterns are...sporadic to say the least. It depends on what mode i am in. If it is school days, i try to get to bed by midnight the latest, but even then my mind is non stop and i can't seem to fall asleep for an hour or two. Tossing and turning. When i am not in school schedule, i tend to go to sleep by 2 or 3. Wake up around 9 feeling energized, then go back to bed, wake up at 11 or 12 and feel lazy. I need to get a routine in place. Structure is always a good thing. I have always dealt with some level of insomnia. Whenever night comes, the last thing i want to do is sleep. It sucks, because insomnia was something i dreaded on adderall. How are you doing otherwise ?

EXACTLY. I wish silly tasks were thrilling. But i know it's not meant to be that way ;-/<3333

Thank you!! I was feeling much more confident in myself yesterday. Today i am in a funk. But i know this is a funk that only time can heal, not pills.xox

Today marks One Week clean from adderall. And 2 days of healthy eating/non disordered. I've made the background on my laptop "Make it 1 day without b.p" etc..for each day. Just as a reminder. Feeling more 'normal'. A term i am not familiar with. The only thing i am having a hard time with is understanding that life is not 'fun' everyday. On adderall (as we all know) my life was about chasing the high and having fun doing stupid shit like grocery shopping. I am still coming to terms with the fact that mundane tasks will not be as thrilling as they used to be. I used to spend 30 minutes doing my makeup, had to be PURRRRRFECT. And i has an insane amount of fun doing it. Now, i rush through it just to get it done. But i suppose that is how it should be. I feel my personality coming back as well. Not fully as nutso/chatterbox as i can be, but it comes in waves. I just hope people at work actually enjoy the new me. No one there knows 'me' They know adderall me. Who constantly wore a straight face, laughed little, and talked little. The real me tends to ask random questions. Start conversations. Make jokes. And i like that. On adderall i did not give a rats ass how people viewed my personality, but now i once again want/care about people liking me. Anyways, i truly believe that a week ago today was my last encounter with adderall. I am making a lot of positive strides. Even going to yoga tomorrow at 8am on my day off! Who'dah thunk it!!