BeHereNow

Just wanted to pass along a friendly tip that's worked for me in terms of quitting adderall and cigarettes. If you keep going into it with doubts about yourself or your future success, that's leaving open a door open for you to relapse later on. For me, if I'm quitting something I have to go into it KNOWING that THIS IS IT. NO CHOICE but to be successful.

Hi Jbgods! Welcome to the forums! You will find a lot of people here who have quit successfully, over the long term, and people in various stages of the process. It's a great place, it helps us stay quit, and everyone here is very supportive and has great advice! Personally, I took adderall at high doses (like 60-100mg+) per day for one year, and prior to that I was taking 40-45mg/day for 2 years. Been completely quit almost 5 months now with lots of support from the people here and I feeling great! Sounds like you're in the right place. Hope you stick around!

Couple of things: 1. I think it's kind of normal to have sleep disturbances and anxiety when quitting adderall. For months I was getting no more than 4 hours of sleep per night while first quitting. It surprises me though for you because you took such low doses on adderall, and the only reason I got more sleep on it is because I was in stage 7b of amphetamine addiction with massive abusive doses that burn the body out. 2. I've always been an anxious person, but the first time I quit adderall in 2003 I started having serious panic attacks. I had had some prior, but they became a regular thing for me. I was also going through some other major life transitions, but looking back I think that something about the quitting process can bring out underlying anxiety. From what I remember, within a year or so the anxiety mostly subsided. It might be recovery related for you. Maybe it's especially rough for you because you were taking a normal dosage, it probably became very normal for your brain, perhaps even more normalized than those of us who took binge doses which the brain can probably never interpret as normal.

I think this anti-anxiety diet helps too. http://www.anxietyno...nd_anxiety.html I'm sure you already know all this stuff, its just random things that have helped me over the years and might hopefully help you. Have you tried any of these or others?

Hey Sebastian, I can relate-- Sleep disruptions & anxiety are my LIFE. Have been for years. I wake up in the middle of the night, or too early (like 4 am) with mind and heart racing uncontrollably. It has been really bad during quitting, especially earlier on. And then if I manage to fall back asleep, I'm extra tired in the morning because the sleep is disrupted--its AWFUL. I feel for you and relate! I'm with you on refusing to try antidepressants too. My dr. prescribed me Lexapro for anxiety. I haven't touched it and probably won't. I'm all for it for other people, but they scare me for a lot of reasons. I just don't want to go on anything else that will alter my brain chemistry other than what I'm already taking (why add to the mix?) I was taking low dose xanax and even that didn't help the sleep issue. My dr switched me to klonopin which has helped because its longer acting, but if the anxiety is really bad then it barely does anything. I've also tried homeopathic sleep aids and Diphenhydramine (Benadryl) which causes a 'hangover' of drowsiness for some people, but works if you really desperately need to knock yourself out. Mostly, I really really REALLY like exercising. When I wake up extremely early and its really bad, I'll act like one of those morning workout people and go for a run at dawn. Sometimes that will knock me back out, or at least ease the anxiety. Even better is exercise during the day. As much as humanly possible to tire myself out so I can actually sleep. I've also been working harder to avoid eating late at night, especially carby foods. Any alcohol has to be consumed early so it's processed before I go to sleep (alcohol disrupts the 2nd half of your sleep cycle.) I read a tip somewhere that if you try not to think about sleep, that can help insomnia. If it's a non-issue in your mind, if you can avoid stressing about whether you'll fall asleep, then you can relax better and be more likely to fall asleep. Some of this is obvious, but I like this list of tips. These things help me calm my own mind to sleep. http://www.wikihow.com/Fall-Asleep

CONGRATS IR!!! Thats amazing! How much better does it feel knowing you did that all adderall free?! HUGE accomplishment here. You deserve to treat yourself and celebrate this! You've always been a huge inspiration to me and countless other people on here. Right now you are inspiring me to join you in the adderall-free semester-completed club! Just as soon as I finish this damn paper

Me too Lea, about the mood thing. That's part of why I took that break. It made a HUGE difference in my sense of well being! Improved my sleep quality, motivation levels, sense of well being-- seriously, everything (haha except my social life.) I was shocked that a little moderate drinking could have such a major impact.... p.s. and btw you totally CAN cultivate a running addiction! Just try it a little! All the cool kids are doing it!

I really like everyone's responses! Ashley it doesn't sound like you have a drinking problem. If you are capable of having just a couple drinks then being done, and you're not binge drinking, I think you are probably fine. (One of the characteristics of alcoholism is loss of control, so that a couple drinks just gets you started). "According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism [NIAAA], men may be at risk for alcohol-related problems if their alcohol consumption exceeds 14 standard drinks per week or 4 drinks per day, and women may be at risk if they have more than 7 standard drinks per week or 3 drinks per day." https://en.wikipedia...wiki/Alcoholism For people with addictive personalities, I think there is a higher risk of losing control when it comes to substances and that's probably why some people go for full sobriety. It's pretty common to switch out one addiction for another (I hear that massive coffee consumption is pretty common among recovering alcoholics, for example.) We can control it somewhat and pick and choose. But most people who have battled addiction have addiction-prone personalities. I know I have one, so for me, even though I can pick and choose, I know I need to be more careful than other people around me. I think it depends on your life goals. What kind of life do you want to live? Do you want the kind of sobriety that doesn't include any substances whatsoever? Or are you OK with light and controlled substance use? Its 100% up to you. I will add: I drink the way you do, carefully, socially, not daily, have a couple then stop. But I recently quit drinking entirely for around 5 weeks. It was finals time and without adderall, I figured I needed every last little bit of mental power I had. I am AMAZED by the mental clarity and energy!! After a few days alcohol-free, I was feeling sharp and able to focus in a way I hadn't since before adderall. I was running 3-4x a week and working hard and had almost endless amounts of energy. Better than any supplement! I wasn't ready to do that earlier in my recovery, but it was good for me at this time and I'll probably keep it up. After this, I think that not drinking is probably helpful during adderall recovery.

Yeah, it's really bad to eat too many vitamins. It depends what's in them but if it's iron for example, you can overdose. So be careful!

Hi MFA! I think these are probably HUGE in the equation. Can't do much about aging (though I refuse to believe aging is a simple decline into senescence--I believe we make choices that affect future sharpeness), but lack of sleep has major effects on mental sharpness and agility. Exercise is excellent for your brain. Statistically, apparently, college students who exercise have better GPA's. Maybe that correlation has to do with other lifestyle factors, but in my experience exercise DOES help my cognitive abilities. It helps me focus, it's meditative, it's self discipline, and who knows, it probably helps the brain heal from any damage. And, food. I swear by my raw leafy greens and omega 3-s and the brain power I get from them. Junk food on the other hand can cause massive brain fog. So, once you get these things in order, one at a time, a little at a time, etc. then maybe you'll have a better sense of whether you actually are slower than before. It might also still be recovery. Also: Could it be partially because you've taken some time away from work that you've slowed down some? If so, that's just a matter of the patience to get those synapses firing, training yourself to do that kind of work again, and re-learning to do that work quickly. Maybe with more practice you'll see improvements in how fast you can collate data etc. Maybe make it a game and try to beat your best time? Brain damage is a hard one to face (I was asking myself the exact same thing a couple weeks ago when I wrote that post asking "is full recovery possible?") But it's entirely possible that we might have caused ourselves permanent brain damage. That is just a fact we have to live with. But after having that little crisis, I'm pretty OK with it. Nobody gets through life whole anyways. Lots of things cause damage to brain, psyche, and body, and we can't go back in time, so might as well look forward towards maximizing the future. The brain is amazing and can regenerate itself, and I refuse to believe that with more time and training you won't be exceeding your pre-adderall self.

Pretty sad.... I remember seeing headlines on the tabloids about her and her adderall about a year ago, in one of my many peak days of adderall abuse, and being angry at her because "she's making it look bad for all for those of us who have legit ADHD!" LOL!

FW we are here rooting for you, how's it going?!

Well, I'm still working on this paper, lol! its not for lack but because i've got too much going on! in the meantime here's a list of great tips for fighting writer's block. These are also pretty much incompatible with taking adderall. http://scottholdensmith.tumblr.com/bookofscott

If humor is an aspect of intelligence, then in that respect adderall made us (temporarily) less intelligent.

Aww. I understand Calo, and I wasn't trying to be insensitive to what you're going through. Rereading it I totally miscommunicated, sorry! I know it's super hard. I guess I was just trying to put things into perspective and help you remember that it's for a better purpose, because quitting adderall is most important. I know it's not as easy as just eat salads etc blah blah blah. If that were the case I would weigh a lot less than I do! LOL! For me, part of quitting had to involve stopping caring if I gained weight (and for me it still does need to involve that.) It's so easy to get caught up in the weight gain and be really hard on yourself for that, and then lose sight of what's most important. For me, telling myself "who cares" helped me accept that a little weight gain is gonna happen, (and also, even harder for me, that I might mess up at work and stuff.) But bigger picture it doesn't really matter nearly as much as quitting does, so might as well find a way to laugh about it and accept it. For me, "who cares" is one of the things I tell myself because it helps me care less about things that matter less. If you have another coping mechanism I would love to hear it! (The weight is coming off finally BTW, and yours will too once your metabolism balances out!) Easier said than done, all of it, but it IS doable, I have to believe it.

YES! I'm finding that I laugh and smile and have soooo much more fun now, even at work, and I don't take anything as seriously as I used to. Things don't stress me out the way they did on adderall because they're really not as serious! Which leaves a lot more room for playfulness, laughing, joking. It really is a whole other way of being.

I've had this experience too! The feelings part is hard especially because some of them are unavoidable (places like work where I used to take adderall, but am now sober.) There are places where I can't be, perfumes I no longer wear, people I no longer associate with, things I no longer consume (green tea, sadly, but also that foul diet soda and candy habit I used to have). Being around people who are obviously peaking out on it makes me want to ask them for some, and I can't do that! I can also no longer run to the beer store at 2 am (and why would I even want to?? lol) I can also no longer approach my life and work in the same way because it brings up those feelings. If I try to accomplish anything with an adderall mentality, it's a trigger. I have to just be my crazy ADD self about everything, and I'm finding tricks to manage it. But, life is so much fuller and more fun this way anyway!

First of all, HI and congrats on 16 months-- that's amazing! In terms of the guilt thing..... We adderallics tend to be really hard on ourselves. Especially after the fact. Its easy to look back and overanalyze and see only the bad, not the good, and get involved in self deprecating and/or anxious thoughts. (I've done this a lot, both on and off adderall. Everyone in my life yells at me for being too hard on myself. ) So, here's what I'm working on, and the only thing that seems to help: Let it go. Just let it go. Those things in the past don't matter now. Those times you were late don't matter in the long run....and are actually pretty common. It's not like you were violent or anything, right? You just messed up some smaller things, and you were a different person back then. Everyone makes mistakes. Trial and error. Regret isn't productive unless it's a tool to create a better future. Apart from that its a waste of time.

Thanks everyone for all your amazing positive responses! You have all helped me get my hope back At the heart of it, I have to agree with you Kyle, I refuse to actually believe any of us are permanently damaged. There's no point in believing that. Changed, yes, inevitably. But every day changes us, there's no way to go back in time-- no place to go but forward. Are we changed for the worse? I refuse to believe it, not in the long run. The strength we are developing by quitting is a rare kind and will carry through into all types of situations. If stroke victims can regrow brain cells, then so can we. The brain is amazingly adaptable and it's always changing. Yeah, I like that image-- its a muscle. And like you said QO, there are so many things in life to recover from, and it's always different. We all go through fucked up shit, addiction, trauma, heartbreak, injury, whatever, and probably everyone has things to recover from somehow (unless you stay innocent forever, which is pretty impossible right?) So, in conclusion: NO, there is no such thing as "full recovery," if "full recovery" means becoming who you were in the past. That wouldn't even be desirable anyways. But there IS such thing as moving forward with your life. Becoming a better, smarter, stronger version of YOU in the process.

Who cares if you're 'fat' for a little while. At least you're feeding yourself. At least you're not poisoning your body with amphetamines anymore. Just keep riding that creek, it will take you places & you'll find your paddle!

Hell yeah girl no surprise there!

almost 4 months

Seriously..... Will my brain ever be as sharp as it was before? Are there any long term success stories of full recovery? Is this even a possibility? I just want my mind back. Intelligence and the ability to concentrate. Not the adderall brain, the pre-adderall brain. It wasn't perfect but it was so much better than I am now. I can't keep living this way. I just need to know if there is any hope, or if I should start accepting that I've damaged my brain permanently.

Heather glad you're back...! Adderall still sucks, and quitting still sucks too. Sometimes the only thing that's kept me from taking people up on those kinds of offers is the idea of having to go back to day 1 and go through all this horrific journey from HELL all over again. Ok its not total hell since it feels great to feel alive again, but there's a lot of hell involved and I definitely don't want to ever have to start over!! So the more you keep dabbling.... the more time you're going to have to spend at Day/Week # 1. Might as well just go through with it and get out of that hellhole that is adderall and withdrawal! Stay strong!

Not a show, but at bedtime I've been really into listening to Alan Watts on Youtube. He's really positive and interesting and has a soothing voice. I actually discovered him through the "music and life" link on this site!