EricP

Absolutely, I feel I can write better than speak actually as I can write at my own pace, read and edit however still don’t feel as creative. Speaking I find myself tounge twisted at times as well as having that perfect word for a scenario and loosing it then substituting it for something more common...

I really feel like so much of this has to do with whatever adderall does to our reward system. Passing my 1yr by a couple months now I do find the energy and drive to get some stuff “done” and my depression is much much less than before however it all feels pretty “flat” to me. Finding joy is difficult and I get very little self reward out of just about anything. I have built up my confidence and am finally “functional” which I am so grateful for when I think back to how many hours I sat waisting away on my couch... Now no mater what “physical” side effects I have left I truly hope and pray I get my “joy” back... I see it everywhere and have great people surrounding me yet it is such a lonely place to just not “feel it” like normal people do... This for me and perhaps any of you that can relate explains the “slump”....

I don't want to be depressing however this is pretty factual... I have done a lot of reading and if you look into dopamine loss after amphetamine use you will find that adderall use as an amphetamine (same thing) is neurotoxic and does cause dopamine cell loss... In fact in DAT scans it is common that they find a 30-50% reduction in dopamine uptake in post amphetamine users, thus is even documented to also not appear to improve in scans even after a year of quitting. Adderall floods the dopamine system and besides being toxic, dopamine receptors begin to shut down because there is so much dopamine they basically have no purpose as there is more than enough dopamine present with the adderall being consumed. However there is an many that say some of these cells come back into action after ceasing the medication as the brain struggles to function on this new low... In the end I would say we are all worse off than in our pre adderall initial adhd days due to the fact these cells have been over taxed and some depleted... I do believe the brain adjusts to the new lower level over time as well as some cells rejuvenate themselves.. In the end these stimulants are bad. Actually the more you avoid all stimulants even holding the 2nd and 3rd cup of coffee as these stims are just temporally giving relief and again inhibiting the balancing process. I 100% believe that adderall use over a lifetime is not sustainable and will basically cause an early onset of drug induced Parkinsonism. I do feel cognitive balancing occurring after my 1yr milestone... However I still struggle daily. My main issues besides low energy and some sleep issues, I find small things can trigger almost instant depression or frustration... Also balancing sleep is very important, I did a sleep study that showed some sleep apnea and that was waling me up. I have not adjusted to the CPAP I got however if I sleep on my side it reduced this a lot. Use a sleep aid if needed, we are all trying to be drug free here however if your not sleeping well recovery is almost impossible...

I don’t get much double vision however definetly blury. Sometimes eye drops help, glasses help also but it’s weird how in the morning I almost don’t need them and afternoons it’s a must. i have read both Adderall and Ritalin can cause these symptoms however most say it goes away when quitting... For me it got worse after...

After quitting Adderall and thru the past year I have had some pretty rapid eye sight changes. Also notice it’s much worse in the afternoon or evening of a tiring day. Just wondering if anyone has experienced this? I’ve got my first readers so I guess I am in the getting old category, haha... I just expected the need for glasses to come on slower and this seems a little related to stoping Addy.

For me was very rough... It’s still is not easy however you have to just power thru it one day at a time and the less your mind wanders the better...

Thank you so much Nicole! Needed that!

Great to hear Nicole! I am at about 1yr 1mo... I can barely imagine some of your accomplishments! That is so great! At 1yr mind is still pretty muddy, I can find the focus to get thru each day but to imagine buying a new house or new job feels so out of reach now I cannot even invision it. I also still have a myriad of physical symptoms however have been doing somewhat better. I am getting a lot more done at home and work and not just sitting around waiting to feel better. I am not sure if it is true “recovery” or just me finally being frustrated of being over focused on every symptom and just allowing myself to power thru it. Sometimes I will be having a good day and if a weird symptom pops up and if I allow my anxiety and mind to wander it drops my to a low again... Mind over matter it seems at this stage.. hoping most of the symptoms are near gone at 2yr!

I did cold turkey and it was brutal... If I went back in time I think I would have first tried taking some “Holliday’s” days off thru the week that I could test my ability to be off of it then after a couple weeks try just 2/3 to 1/2 of normal dose and slowly cut 1/4-1/3 from there a week at a time... Since you have failed before and you are high dose it sounds like a good option for you. If this doesn’t work you will need to get your doctor in the loop to cut off your supply and flush your pills. You need to have extra willpower to taper as pills will be accessible. Maybe have a friend or family hold and give your each days dose...?

Great info! I also was curious about depression also and your reward system? I am just over a year and feel everything you feel however also have depression that comes and goes and I just rarely get excited or feel happy about anything even in moment that I know I should.

I ordered one vial and tried it until it ran out. For me no real change. In some ways I think I felt worse while taking it however it may have just been one of my down months... Can’t really say it helped anything, if it did help heal anything it’s not noticeable yet or maybe it needs to be taken longer than the 3weeks supply I had

My doc prescribed 1ea 100mg a day for first week then the same 2x a day... I could tolerate the 100mg and maybe helped a little. I did notice some anxiety and uneasy feeling... When I take 2x I get more focus and energy however the physical symptoms get worse almost accumulatively the more days in a row I take the 2x the stronger the physical symptoms... I would have thought they would get better once as I adjusted to it... Anyway, I quit using it as the side effects were not worth it for the mild benefits.

I feel you!

I have a close friend that went thru the entire program after many years of AA and soberiety... He was still struggling and has told me Breakthrough transformed his life more than anything he ever did. I have never seems someone change so drastically for the better in such a short period of time! I really have no excuse as to why I have not tried it...

Hello there, I am 1yr off Addy and can tell you I have the same concerns and similar symptoms only likely a bit stronger. Depression is strong and cognitive fluctuations are concerning sometimes... Sleep sucks for me... The only thing that brings me peace is downtime or like you said "a vacation" unfortunately there are still bills to pay and I have not choice but to keep plugging forward no how miserable I wake up. Some weeks I get more exercise and tune my mind away from the symptoms and I seem to feel a lot better those weeks however I will often push myself too hard when feeling my best and somewhat end up overloaded mentally and just need a down day following... Anyway, I can see improvements in many areas since stopping, like just now I am starting to finish tasks and projects that I left in the dust a year+ ago. I am not super motivated to do them however I have at least found enough drive the get things done... Reward system is pretty shot, above all I wish I could get just a small part of this back... Life is pretty "blah" even when good things happen for me... Sorry I am not further along in recovery to give you more information. I also hope to hear from people in the 2-5yr range to see how they feel... I hope it gets better however is some things just don't I suppose that is comforting as well as at least there is comfort in knowing were not alone in the problem and can at least define the cause...

@quit-once & @Danquit Thank you for your words and support! Having the support of this forum this past year has been the key to my sanity on many days!

1yr - I don’t know the “exact date” I quit as all I recall is catching a cold mid May last year and stopped taking my pills as I rested daily on my couch. I had no clue my cold symptoms were compounded with withdrawal. I had initially thought well if I am home sick laying low I probably don’t need and should take a break off my Addy... In prior months I had already thought about trying to quit however the cold is what gave me the initial gap in my schedule to test the idea... Well it was bad... So bad that by 6/6 I was at my primary doc with hands shaking, full of anxiety, amuck & thought I was gonna die. She ordered a ton of labs and told me to get back on my Addy... Well here I am a year later and what a ride... I can say it’s honestly been the hardest year of my life. In particular the waves of Apathy and Depression have been brutal aside from cognitive battles and just the lack of desire or energy to do anything... In this process I have spent a lot of money on vitamins and burnt a lot time; yet things have improved since a year ago by far, I still struggle... I must say however those who say it gets better at 1yr, you are blessed and I am truly happy for you! I still battle considerably and am certain I am either on the 2yr plan or just destined to have a “new normal” that is going to take a lot of “accepting” to find my new balance in life. For those “new” at this or just now considering stopping don’t take this as a “negative” as quitting this crap is the best thing you can do for yourself, period! There is no “end game” in taking adderall... Each pill is one more day of your life and another percentage accumulating in the difficulty to quit. This is not a pill designed to be taken into retirement... It’s crude bandaid that sells a piece of your soul in the process of tricking your mind in to thinking it is helping you... Things aren’t perfect for me however I am not doing any additional harm to my mind and body any longer and I won’t ever take Addy again. This I am sure of.

Could be right. These vitamin companies are good at marketing and explaining what each ingredient is and what it does though. This one is a blend of a lot of nootropics that would likely cost well over $100 to reproduce in individual form. I was most interested in the potential cognitive boost from this which I do feel, however I can say the days I have not taken it I do feel a little extra low, so that’s not a good sign either. Ultimately we all hope for our body and brains to rebalance naturally however I am not convinced this will happen either. Seems like there must be a way to aid the process without so much guess work! I read a study of cocaine users suffering withdrawals. Cocaine affects the dopamine system differently so the fix was to give them a single dose of amphetamine which instantly reversed the dysfunction in the dopamine system from cocaine use. Won’t work for us, however was an interesting read

I hear you... Although I have tried dozens of supplements and combinations in the last year looking for anything to ease the lows and nothing really helped at all. There has been some placebo effect within vitamins I have took however it’s proven false as on the good days you are hopeful in the new recipe of supplements and possibly in a better optimistic mood as a result. A day or two later you find yourself just as low as the day you ordered them. This one has stood out for me among the rest... Maybe the price alone has a placebo effect! I will see how I feel about at the end of this bottle to decide if I am going to order more... I would encourage a try if anyone is desperate like I have been at times...

This nootropic blend is a little expensive at around $100 a month depending on which one you buy. They reccomend no more than 5 days a week use. I have tried it and it seems to give me a boost both energy and cognitive however when I take daily yes those benefits fade a bit. So now I am trying to just take it on the mornings that I am extra tired or feel ing low and it does seem to help... Maybe worth a try, the reviews are also pretty good if you search around. https://neurohacker.com/qualia-mind?keyword=%2Bqualia %2Bsupplement&matchtype=b&network=g&device=m&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI6eq4itWA2wIVBarsCh3UHwXwEAAYASAAEgIUsvD_BwE

Thanks for the tip... I feel you on the depression and memory problems! I know from my research that adderall is neurotoxic and causes havoc on the dopamine system. My first fears there were its relation to a higher risk of Parkinson’s however with the mental side of things still continuing a year after stopping my larger concerns now are the brain as a whole and if the usage could early dementia etc. One of my more consistent symptoms is inability to deal with stress and afternoon brain fade. Mornings I have some depression upon awakening however can snap out of it most days and be pretty good till 1 or so. As the day goes on and stress builds I get more tired and sometimes feel I cannot process another thought...

Very interesting reading about it. Also wondering where you got it? I read about making it yourself at home with Novolin R?

I found this by navigating their web site... The product has me intrigued! http://www.cerebrolysin.com/fileadmin/redakteur/Cerebrolysin/PDF/Cerebrolysin/Cerebrolysin_Dosage_recommendation.pdf

Hi Sean, I am so sorry to hear this. Not as much that you relapsed but where you are in life because of adderall. Our timelines being off adderall are similar so I have been following your progress. Not long ago I read you were doing well at your 1yr mark if I recall correctly. It was a surprising read as I am at almost 1yr and still struggling. I’ve had some pretty low days lately where I wondered like hell what I would feel like on adderall and if it would take that low away. So far I have remained clean, besides my vitamin addiction I must tell you the main reason I never pickup that script is because #1 I know its benefits as a drug are not a sustainable lifelong. & #2 Adderall is what caused the lowest darkest parts of my life. Because of that I am still here struggling but staying sober as you will be here back with me soon enough. Life is worth the fight Sean. Even if this takes 5 years to sort out you are young and have time to do anything you want once you get this behind you! Anyone that says it takes a year to recover... I’m thinking that was hopefull encouragement or someone got lucky. I will be grateful if I feel better at the 2yr mark...

150mg twice a day way too much. My doc started me on 100mg once a day to start told me to take mid-morning. Then to introduce a second 100mg and at that time do a morning dose then a 1pm dose. 2 per day still comes with side effects for me. Meds in general are more sensitive with me now. I feel the same things you feel while taking it. Not sure I will stay on it however it has helped me thru a recent hump. The first time I took it months back I stopped for the same reasons and wanted to try no meds first for awhile...