EricP

I’ve been reading your posts and relate the the dementia type stuff. It would actually be more like MCI (mild cognitive impairment) as dementia is much worse. I will probably get tested to at least know my baseline and see if it inproves or gets worse with time. At 4mo you are likely too early for this testing IMO... I am at a year and maybe still too early... My memory and thinking capabilities is pretty good some days then really bad on others for no rhym or reason. Same sleep, good diet, vitamins and exercise stable and yet will still get a bad day or two out of nowhere... I have been assuming my brain chemical are still fighting finding the balance however it is frustrating and concerning for sure!

Almost a year, will be 1yr at the end of this month

@subtractadderallMy doses were low compared to some here... 5-30mg however most often take no more than 10, 4yrs total. Keep in mind for me however I responded very strongly to this medicine. While the first time I took it I was hooked however it was way too much. Once I got my own script I started out at 2.5mg and myself would break 5mg in half, anything more at that time and I would be sweating bullets... I then got into evening binge drinking for a good year and between the two I am just not thinking very clearly mainly in the short term. Supposedly the tests can tell if you have MCI (mild cognitive impairment) or not... Then really the only thing we hope is it either gets better with life changes and not worse. So I suppose a test will only tell if you have MCI or worse mild dementia and then have a recorded baseline for any future change.

Anyone ever been to a neurologist after quitting fearing the symptoms are worse than just withdrawal? I've been earlier this year and just mostly got blown off and offered wellbutrin however thinking of going back in the future for neuropsych testing. Feel like my short term memory is just shot and it makes me worry if I fucked myself up beyond healing sometimes.

I am at 11 months and it crosses my mind “what it would feel like now” I have motivation issues, fight depression/apathy and not sure when all that will change. I can say I know I was a much more functional human being before adderall and during while I felt more productive in a lot of areas I just became a hack in how I got more things done. The misery of this last year quitting I would not wish upon anyone nor would I ever want to start this process over!

Don’t be to hard on yourself and don’t give up! One night of bad decisions won’t make that much of a difference in your recovery. Would be one thing if you went back to weeks of using. Eat healthy, exercise and detox. You’ll be caught back up to where you were soon!

You can buy anything online now, even adderall. May not be legal however India, China and other countries will ship you whatever you want, no need to get into trouble passing thru customs with something that shouldn't be in your possession. The Chieftain's legal recommendations are all good ones.

I definetly relate to all these posts. I had occasional slurring earlier on. I still fight to find words and misplace things. Forget what I forgot and chase my tail a bit even at almost a year now. I have been to Neurologists and they can’t help. Basically as said above the days I do healthy things and don’t think about it I am at my best. If I start to dwell on it or worry it really brings me down to where I am very dysfunctional and depressed. Eat healthy, try to exercise and stay positive is the best advise I have.

Awesome Sean! I am just about a month behind you. So Glad to hear your progress, I am still having some pretty crappy days however glad things are brightening up for you!

Great to hear info on this and am glad in a selfish way as I was somewhat thinking that maybe I should have switched to Ritalin a year ago as an easier to sobriety. Sounds like scary stuff, obviously it wasn’t intended to be abused nor was adderall but the path to get away from it doesn’t sound any happier. Hopefully anyone else with experiences will chime in as the post is a good resource for others awareness as well. We might all be “quitting adderall” however stims in general seem to be evil and we have to support each of us and make each other educated and aware of what’s bad as these doctors seem to be willing to prescribe just about anything.

Just wondering more than anything how come there are few to none ex Ritalin members here suffering from long term withdraw symptoms. I have read about Ritalin - Methylphenidate and it is used for the same purposes ADHD etc and is a controlled substance with similar dependence and withdraw symptoms. It seems Ritalin stimulates dopamine mildly compared to Adderall and mainly blocks uptake of dopamine which is not the same as Addreall which actually forces an overabundance of production. Also medically I have read Adderall/amphetamines have potential to be neurotoxic due to its mechanism where as Ritalin is known to be neuroprotective and is often even prescribed to people with mental diseases and the elderly. Reading deeper on other forums messages from ex users of Ritalin it has seemed that early withdraw symptoms for some are similar to Adderall and others actually say they had no problem stopping at all. I have also found no evidence of long term withdraw symptoms from Ritalin on other sites like we have here with stopping Adderall. I am NOT suggesting anyone go and take Ritalin however I am just more curious about anyone's insight on this and also curious for those who have tried to stop Adderall 2 or 3 times unsuccessfully if switching to Ritalin could be a step down toward complete recovery if the withdraw is less coming off that medication? I could be completely wrong about all this however wouldn't be posting this if I hadn't done a decent amount of reading on it to create my curiosity.

So funny, I had the EXACT same offer Today! As much as I am struggling right now I had zero desire to undo all the hard work I have gone thru these past months (almost year) While I am not convinced I don't need some type of medication like Welbutrin I absolutely wasn't willing to go and step that far out and ruin myself!

I posted similar to this elsewhere in the forum that I read a Harvard article about depression and it talked about once you have depression even if you get your brain chemistry exactly perfect on a given day it takes months of maintaining that chemistry for it to really take hold. Probably some of the ups and downs I feel, just not able to maintain it yet.

Impressive getting to the gym after only a week clean! I hope you can keep it up!

@sleepystupid I am definitely not in a growth frame of mind at all. I think of what I would “like to do eventually” very often however wrapping my mind around that is near impossible. I do near the minimum required to get thru each day, working out is the only “extra” I do. Definitely fighting some depression that is worse on some days than others so with that lurking I am not sure anything truly seeks great. Naturally enjoyable things like hiking with my kids I do enjoy however there is still a cloud somewhat hovering around me that is affecting my ability to truly enjoy my kids and the scenery. I love time with my kids however even with them it is like I am a bit removed watching them and their happiness fulfills my purpose as a parent however a part of who I am and the reward I get from it personally is very distant within me. The days and memories are sadly pretty foggy... Another example is racing cars as I used to do a lot of track time. Currently I do not have a track/race car however I have recently gone Go Cart racing. The first time my friends went I was hesitant to even try it, then forced myself and did really enjoy it. I would not say I got the same reward I used to get however had adrenaline rush for sure and found myself going back a few weeks later... I sometimes describe it like I am living my life in a glass room with the ability to participate and direct things however there is a barrier in how much of it get to feel and absorb. I truly have to “force myself” to do just about anything fun and of course the chores. The enjoyable stuff once I am “in it” I am glad I made myself do it however the motivation on the front end is lacking. Doctors have no clue what to do with me nor do I know either. I am eating healthy, making it to the gym pretty regularly and taking healthy supplements. No significant change with any of my steps however it a long road I must accept. I may try Wellbutrin again beyond that I haven’t a clue what to do. Depression is real and killing it is very hard. I read a Harvard article about depression and it talked about once you have depression even if you get your brain chemistry exactly perfect on a given day it takes months of maintaining that chemistry for it to really take hold. Sorry to have somewhat spun off path of your original post... At this point I would do anything to get to a place of consistent mediocrity just living and feel it.

Not sure I have any wisdom left... I am approaching my 1yr milestone which I am proud of however I am still uncertain of my progress. Ok, I can make it thru the day without feeling the need for an afternoon nap most days and my anxiety is near gone... I have a couple of remaining struggles... One is if my brain “functioning capacity” in all areas was like an egg, even before adderall I used to think and function at a level of thought trying to break outside my shell. I had dreams, goals, hobbies, friendships and over achieved in most areas I put my mind to. I did have trouble staying on one task or seeing some things to completion like most ADHD types however nothing like this. Now it’s like not only did my yolk shrink but my functioning capacity remains within the yolk and avoid anything additional that may push my thoughts or brain power into the white area/outer limits my brain. Almost like trying to clean the house with a 100lb weight tied to one leg that gets increasingly heavier the more I do... Slow and steady is all I can do now and pushing myself just reduces my quality and capacity. Hardest part is finding love and passion in just about anything... Praying it comes back. I did buy concert tickets for September optimistically hoping I will actually enjoy an experience like that by then...

Much help and truth in all this. Thank you for sharing. You are the second person I have seen reccomend a “peptide” the last person I read about one BCP-157. Not sure the difference between the two. How much do you use and how long did you use it for?

How long did you have to take Wellbutrin to stabilize or give you any perceived benefit? I was prescribed it before and I felt a little boost however clouded my thinking more and my then energy just crashed so I quit after about a week. This was very early on so maybe I was just not ready. Thinking maybe I did not give it a fair chance and should have rode the side effects out longer to see if it helped..?

Thanks for the insight. As of yesterday I am trying just a good Multivitamin, Omega 3 and CQ10... Gonna stick to a "normal person" vitamin routine with exercise for awhile and see how things go... I have done the Tyrosine and 5-HTP thing a good 6mo plus now so will see how I do with a break. If I add anything back first it will be the Tyrosine

Yes I agree... I don't know what to believe site to site either... Finding the proper "brain balance" is likely different from one individual to the next as well. I am also taking a break from the 5-HTP as I have read on more than one site that long term use has bad side effects so will try going off it a few weeks. My doctors say it is safe but they told me Addy was safe too! I do know 5-HTP is supposed to boost Serotonin which is a feel good neurotransmitter however too much of one thing can override another... I read in some studies that SNRI's worked well to help promote dopamine in amphetamine withdrawal patients however I really really don't want to try an SNRI, I hear they are also brutal to get off of among numerous other side effects. Thanks for the tip on the Ginko, will give it a shot!

Getting back on the drug would be the worst decision unless someone just wanted to become a ticking time bomb... Maybe if someone knew the world was ending and you just wanted to go out high as a kite with guns blazing... The Anhedonia is my worst lingering symptom these days for me at 10mo. I really thought it would be better by now. I had moments since quitting that I have felt more than I do currently however it fades in and out a bit. My physical energy has goten a lot more stable with exercise and time of course however mentally I just don't have the drive or desire to do much, everything I do is forced... I often find myself kinda zoned out in my downtime especially while driving, I have to make myself turn on music just to pretend to be normal and even my old favorites do little for me... Shit sucks however I know 100% adderall is not the solution, just wish I had a solution...

Found an interesting blog spot discussing Anhedonia... https://area1255.blogspot.com.co/2015/12/how-to-cure-anhedonia-easy-5-step.html?m=1

I keep telling myself I should keep a journal to write how I am feeling on any given day (not necessarily daily) just to map progress a bit. It just seems like adding anything seems like "one more thing to do" during a time where it is hard enough to just show up sometimes. On bad days I often feel like nothing has changed and life is miserable, then I force myself to think of what I have accomplished and days/moments that were obvious makers of improvement. Healing is not linear and certainly takes time

I agree, I watched with a couple friends and family that some of them didn’t know I was a prior user. At the end of the show I would say most of the room even the ones that knew my deal was interested to “try it”. Sucks

I would cherish the nighttime sleep and do your best to power thru the day. I actually had and still have some insomnia issues that showed up as soon as I quit 10mo ago. I also wanted to nap early on however that went away after a couple months. I still have a tired afternoon here or there however. There is nothing wrong with naps however in the end of all this you want a normal sleep cycle with the ability to power thru the day. If I were you I would happily accept the 12hr, do your best to skip the nap and slowly over time get the 12hr down to 8-9.