EricP

Procrastination is my new word for much of my Adderall recovery! While I have experienced and continue to experience many symptoms of anxiety, depression, fatigue and memory struggles; procrastination seems to be the winner! I know am actually still capable of a lot, I just often seem to wait and wait and wait. Not sure what I am waiting for? The withdrawal to suddenly end on its own?! Whether it's to get up and get a little exercise, head to the store or call a certain client at work it can be a struggle to "just get started" on some of the simplest of things. Funny if you google "drugs to help procrastination" the first thing that pops up is Ritalin, Modafinil and Adderall. Lol Anyway not sure there is a quick fix besides taking it a day at a time and forcing ourselves to keep busy but thought I would share!

I find focus and memory overall compromised. Even something as simple as a birthday card takes me time to find the right mood to focus and write something meaningful. I also find myself questioning and second guessing my spelling more often. My errors are more frequent so when finish I always reread to proof. My hand writing has also become a bit more like "chicken scratch" unless I force myself to focus on it a bit. Making lists of my daly "to do's" has been a very important step of each work morning. Some of this has seemed to improve in the past couple months however it is so gradual it is hard to measure unless I think back to a particular day/time that I was really struggling.

Welcome back and congratulations to your commitment to want to quit! At 22 with a healthy diet and exercise you can easily keep your figure in as good or better than with Adderall. You will end up with a healthy body that is likely more attractive than the Adderall enhanced figure you have now. Keep your spirit up and keep reading and posting questions here. If you have the desire to eat eat something low Cal and healthy. If you are tired go for a walk and try to run or jog during some of it... There is lots of support here, don't give up!

The basic problem is the longer you take adderall the more you need adderall and at higher doses. There are numerous studies that show that amphetamines are neuro toxic. This means that over time it kill's dopamine receptors. And no they do not regenerate. In an extreme case of dopamine receptor loss is Parkinson's, however typically in this disease they die on their own for unknown reasons. With Adderall we begin taking it for ADHD or whatever reason needing dopamine stimulation to function the way we want, however once we stop not only have we been teased with the feeling of adderall and also we now have less receptors than when we first got prescribed adderall. Based on my reserch it seems that over time peoples brain adjusts to this new lower dopamine output however we will likely never be better than before we started the adderall.

I am about half way to 11mo. I am certainly hoping to feel better than the way I feel now by then however your description sounds like I feel now. I do believe underlying depression has something to do with it. Then there is our brain still adjusting to the lacking dopamine flood stimulatin. I don't think we will ever feel anywhere close to Adderall days however I pray a new "normal" is coming! How is your nightly sleep? Do you get a solid 8hrs?

Yes it is sad but true... I have had at least 5 doctors even including the 1 that supports me quitting tell me "that it is possible I need adderall to function normally"... I have decided no doc appts for at least 6mo so I will be at 1yr before discussing it again with them.

Agree as well. I am at almost 6mo and I had a couple weeks where I felt pretty good, yet now I am at another low now. This recovery is very up and down and yes very lonely. Exercise I do believe helps a lot however some weeks it just seems impossible to take that step among just barely functioning. Doctors do not understand how bad this drug is, when I question them on it they always tell me there are not enough "credible studies" and that it has been used successfully for decades. While I can find many articles googling many are abstract and others are on meth which doctors do not view as the same. I believe no "credible studies" are done as there is no "profit" for big pharma in taking a drug off the market... Unless a competing big pharma company did one to eliminate a competitor.

In a funny way it is all "in our head" as that is where dopamine comes from However physically and mentally PAWS is very exhausting.

Thank you for the kind words and support! I am certain I will get past this... I haven't considered taking a pill since the day I stopped even though I know I have a full bottle in my safe that I need to dispose of! So that's the good news... Sleep wise I track with my Fitbit and I do usually get over 7hrs. Unfortunately I am still waking up around 3-4am quite often and get more of a toss and turning after that. I have tried different sleep aids, currently I have settled on time release melatonin which helps getting to sleep beyond that I guess only time will help this get better.

Hello Addled, You have probably read some of my posts as I have been pretty active here lately as this site has really helped me understand and cope with my symptoms. Yes crying is a normal part of the depression this recovery seems to cause. Mine is most often in the morning before I get up when I feel weak after my common mixed nights sleep and I start thinking of everything I need to do and everything I have neglected with my low energy and focus.. Sometimes when I start thinking too much while driving as well... I am glad you have "more energy" than before that seems unusual during recovery and is awesome! I also had mixed hunger and digestion and craved the bad foods while on it and am eating very constantly and healthy now. Digestion is now much better and constipation has mostly remedied itself. I did have a period in the beginning of being off Adderall that it just seemed like my food was digesting very slowly and had heart burn/acid re-flux. Red meat was the worst and I still avoid it. It passed for me around the end of month 3. Weight wise I first lost weight as my hunger actually went down, now I eat a lot and have gained that weight plus a few pounds back. However I am exercising whenever I can so I haven't lost control of it.

I have a habit of feeling the back of my teeth with my tongue since I quit. More of a nervous habit, sometimes I think its because my gums feel more sensitive however I think the fact that I keep putting pressure on them with my tongue is what is making them sensitive in the first place. I can't say why you are biting your tongue however maybe some similar nervous habit. Plus in general I have always noticed when I have bitten my tongue it swells up which makes it easier to bite again! Ouch! Not sure what you can do besides trying to eat a little slower and keep a conscious effort of keeping your tongue out of the way.

That is an awesome recovery! Congratulations! I am shortly behind you around 5mo... Still struggling here. I do believe a lot is in the head. You have a lot of positive things going on in your life that few people could replicate with their timing of recovery. I have had day dreams wondering if I "hit the lottery" if I would feel better etc. My answer to myself is "maybe a little" and sometimes "no" other times "probably". Who knows unless it happens! It takes a lot of willpower to overcome the depression some of us get. I am trying everything I can and some days it works other days I crash. Depression is real, however I do believe it can be beaten! I am happy hear your inspiration, great that you have found a positive partner to support you and are doing so well!

Also wondered if you or anyone else has been ever able to link your lowest days to prior good/busy days? For instance last weekend I had a family reunion that I helped coordinate. Leading up to it I felt pretty good and got what I needed to done. I was feeling pretty good during the party with all my family till I began to mentally fade toward the end and ever since I have basically physically crashed. Today I am feeling a little better however it took like 4 days to recover.

Thanks Sean. Helps me to relate to others in their progress... It's a very lonely recovery on some days...

Sean how are you feeling at 7mo? I am shortly behind you at 5mo and still fighting some strong depression especially in the mornings, low modivation and lack of energy. Some days I feel almost normal however days like today I called in sick as I just woke up totally exhausted... I am taking welbutrin however it's no miracle maker. I think I am going to stop taking it also.

Coming from my own use and experience I can say that it definetly increased my anger. Some days I would come home so pissed at the world that I would need a couple martini's to calm me down. In my relationships I would get stuck on small things and hold grudges agains people. I think the lies come from the fact the mind is moving so fast that we say and do things without fully thinking and then need to "think fast" to cover it up. Sometimes when it really isn't a big deal however I think it's just a defense mechanism while on this medication that doesn't want to be "found out". As most people on Adderall don't tell people they are on it. It's almost an "instant narcissistic" medication in ways...

On low days like today for me I could chance relapse for that instant reward. I just keep telling myself tomorrow will be better and it usually always is...

I am not going to judge your actions or tell you what to do... You have to do some deep thinking and make a choice. I think for yourself and your loved ones you need to think of the long term risks and your being there for them. The associated risks to your body, heart, stroke, brain damage and strong links to Parkinson's should all be on your mind. Is the risk of "feeling better today" worth giving up in trade for not enjoying life later? The possibly not being there for your family or the burden of a serious disability? My worst days are "short" when I consider the years ahead I plan to enjoy with my loved ones.

In central CA if anyone happens to be around these parts.

Hi Ryan, It's great that you are planning steps to quit! I would not want to get a promotion or another job before quitting. You want to be able to stay under the radar as much as possibly during this adjustment. A chalanging job might help you muscle thru however you could also have a big struggle keeping up especially with long hours and anything needing strong cognitive skills. I have my own business and like you was not an abuser. 10mg a day very rarely 15mg... However I was very consistant in taking it and my body began to rely on it. Now 5 months off and I am still fighting low days/depression and low motivation in general. Luckily I have good staff working for me however I am sure they wonder what's up on some days. I think the fact you skip on weekends will help you a lot. However I would begin to slowly taper down your weekday dose and/or take later in the morning and try skipping the afternoon. I quit cold turkey however if I did it again I would have tapered and also slowly increased the amount of hours/days between each dose. There is a ton of information on this site of helpful tips... For myself exercise, Tyrosine, vitamin supplements, healthy diet & Wellbutrin are all a huge help. Good Luck!!

Fitbit does a good job of reporting resting bpm. I am usually between 57-61 however I also quit coffee and am on very low carb/sugar diet as well as exercise 4-5 days a week.

I think 300 is about the max most docs will prescribe, I would give it 2-3 weeks to allow things to adjust a bit. Everyone is different and it is possible you will need something else. Just be careful not to rush into switching meds too fast and/or signing up for another difficult to quit alternative..

Agreed, most of us are on here because we trusted our doctor! Out of 5 different docs I have seen this year only 1 supports quitting the Addy... The remaining 4 believe I should resume taking it...

Hello robbi3, I am similar as I have been off about 5mo now. The fatigue and brain fog are normal symptoms of the withdrawal. I forget to return calls, texts and simply just put things off and avoid stressful things. Short term memorization is shot however I am still wise in my areas of knowledge and have good long term memory. The fatigue is rough in the afternoon of most days. The scalp numbness is likely anxiety, I have had this sensation before. The head heaviness and dizziness I believe is from lowered dopamine output. I have days where it feels like I can hardly hold my head up when I am fatigued. There are numerous articles on the internet on how stimulants/amphetamines over time tell your brain to make less dopamine. When we quit the addy and the stimulant is gone our dopamine levels are at an all time low, over time our brains re-adjust to increase output as well as stabilize with the lower levels. From my research it is unknown to me if we will ever have a fully restored dopamine system after addy however it does get better than this. Tyrosine seemed to help my energy levels a bit, I tool 5Htp for mild anxiety and melatonin to help sleep. Exercise is very helpful also, just don't over do it or your fatigue will be worse yet try to stay consistent. Beyond that you will have to decide if you need stronger meds for anxiety or depression and wean yourself off those later.

Hello Blue592, I am also just off Adderall about 5mo now. The way you feel resonates very much with my symptoms and I also quit cold turkey. Also some of the prior complaints you had posted and I think edited reminded me of some of my Anxiety symptoms. My anxiety has just now finally begun to subside. My sleep is still pretty crappy however. I just started Welbutrin which seems to help motivate me a little and help focus my thoughts a bit however the depression is still here, especially in the mornings before I take meds and seems to goes thru waves of almost normal good days and some pretty bad. My doc is telling me to possibly add an SSRI on top of my welbutrin if it doesn't get better. Exercise really helps when I can stay consistant with it however can be very hard to muster up the energy on days that literally take everything out of me just to function thru the basic tasks of the day. I find any accomplishment or task I can complete these days helps with my depression and rebuilding my self confidence however just because I have a productive week doesn't guarantee the next will be the same. Take it a day at a time and I would consider meds if you need them. I came to the realization for myself after much reading and responsibilities that I would face getting off a lesser evil later to ease this first year off Adderall. Don't expect it to solve everything though. Feel free to ask anything as I know it's a rough and lonely battle without help.