DelaneyJuliette

U can do this!! Keep posting!

You can do this! I'm not back yet to zero but I'm heading the right direction. Please check back frequently.

we haven't started one but message me!

I went bankrupt 10 years ago which was not helped by adderall fueled shopping sprees!!

Eric, i feel your post soooo hard right now.

Omg. Writing epic masterpiece emails when a two-liner would have sufficed. I can't possibly relate to this more. Right now. I have to make some changes.

Just so u know it does get better. I'm on month 2 of a relapse and wish I never had. You can do this!

I've had this printed out for years and I need to read it every day.

One of the reasons I am scared to quit again is I don;t want the anxiety to come back. I get it very badly during PAWS. It's like existential angst and it's awful for me.

This same thing happened to me and then I got better from the eating disorder with 5 years of recovery off adderall. Now I'm back on adderall and i feel awful.

I can't even believe this was me writing this before. I feel like i am unable to stop now bc of all i have going on. Ugh.

This is my struggle exactly right now. I have 4 kids and a super demanding job and I just can't... make myself willing right now? to make the HUGE sacrifices it would take to stop. I just look at the calendar and am filled with dread. I don't know. I've only been one month back relapsed on it but it's been so nice without the anxiety and counting down the hours til bedtime and trying to make it through one more client i can hardly tolerate. On adderall all the clients are interesting and i have ideas and i am excited to try new things in our sessions. The anxiety is gone (though i am aware it's because i am distracting myself) and also i don't have to worry about exhaustion.) I know if i get too tired i can just get more energy. It's been so relieving. I got my office cleaned for the first time in years. There were bugs. I have organized my kids summer schedule and planned a trip that i dont know how i would have done off adderall. And yet, i know that on some level i dont need it. But i'm back in that spot where i'm rationalizing that why can't i just do it sometimes like a normal person with adhd? Why is that bad? does it have to be all or nothing for me? The fact that i have been doing this cycle for so many years is already the answer to my question, but for whatever reason i am back in contemplation stage or maybe even pre-contemplation sometimes. ugh.

You are an inspiration

Or not. I took 5mg in June and now I'm back at it. I feel defeated and angry at myself.

Keep posting here! Its a long process to regain a sense of balance. I printed out the stuff from the front of this forum to remind myself how long it takes. It will get better! But slooowly. PAWS is real.

It's okay!! Someone helped me think of it in terms of letter grades. It's not an A or an F. So I messed up, but I still have a B- in my brain. Day 3 here we come!

I was just commenting yesterday the irony of my adderall induced frenzy was making it more important to me to spend hours perfecting the kids summer camp schedule so much that when the kids got home I was annoyed by them and literally didn't spend my regular Tuesday night date with my daughter. Like... wtf?! My kids are my world!! In that moment the spreadsheet took priority. I also have zero libido or even the slightest interest in sex. Maybe one day lol. But right now I'm just grateful for today. I'm making it up to my daughter tonight. Tomorrow will be Day 2. I can do this!!

I just made it through Day 1 again! I'm back!!!

How are u sleepless?!?!

Well I did NOT make today day 1. So tomorrow will be day 1. I need to post here daily. Thursday gonna be hardest. I need to get off everything. Pattern. Give up adderall, still want to feel different, slightly misuse klinapin or ambien which I don't like. Then I go ammeter what I really want. A d the. I make it be like 4 days cuz I promise myself I won't be doing it again. Can I be more predictable? I need a PLAN for when the cravings come. They are like ripping my skin from the inside out. But that's dramatic. I just do need a plan and I'm scared I don't have one. What I k ow is no adderall tomorrow.

Reading this makes me feel better

Weddings always fuck with my mind!!!

I guess I'm going to make tomorrow day 1. I'm just so defeated.

You give me inspiration.

i want this site to get busier again! It is my lifeline!