DelaneyJuliette

I just sent u a message!! I'm on day 41!!

Day 41 now. Had a hard night - lots of fighting with my husband. First time I felt like using in a while. Wanted to say fuck it. But I didn't. And I am so grateful. I love this forum. Thank you everyone for showing up and just being here. It literally changed my life to have found this forum. I wonder how many years ago that was? I could probably get figure it out but I'm on my phone and that feels too difficult for my executive functioning right now hahahaha. Love to u all!!

I'm day 41 today! We can do hard things!!!!

Yes to what u said at the end. Slow down and it will all work out. Think about celebrating when u have 1 week off of it. It will come soon enough and the rest will fall into place.

Also, my husband uses adderall (somehow he doesn't ever abuse it or take more than prescribed etc) so I ALWAYS had access. I would ask him to keep it away from me but he's not an addict so he'd just like... put it in his bag instead of the medicine cabinet. I would always find it when I got desperate. Finally, I bought a lock box off Amazon and asked him to put it in there with a code I didn't know. 2 times I broke into the lock box, but of course then had to face the consequences of my husband being like omg... wtf do u need to go to treatment? (Which seriously might have been easier but I desperately did not want to do that bc of a number of complex reasons.) So my point is, if u aren't ready yet to break up with your dealer (doctor) there are other creative inbetween things u could do so that it's not all or nothing in your brain. Bc for me if I wasn't ready to do that then it would always end back up with me using.

While using, I had stopped exercising and I always thought of it as kind of silly standard advice that wouldn't really help. I am on day 25 right now (with previous stints of 4 months and 6 months) and one of the things that was a major factor is exercise. I think it's funny how quick I was to dismiss something I didn't even really try lol!

Oh for some reason my post yesterday didn't go through! Anyway adderall definitely exacerbates my anxiety and makes "everything feel important equally." Off of it I still have anxiety but I'm much better able to see what REALLY matters to me and what I can let go of at the moment.

Be as compassionate to yourself as u would be to a friend!

Be as compassionate to yourself as u would be to a friend!

I experienced e this too!! Right now I'm at day 21 and I have the occasional natural dopamine breakthrough. In the past it gets more and more real as more time passes. I agree, this post is a great reminder that it (paws) is real but we can just observe it and not making it worse by giving in to the cravings to make it different. Feelings always pass. They come and go like waves. They can't NOT. But damn it's hard to remember that in the midst of the Feelings I don't like.

I know the feeling. In my experience it gets better the more time I have. Right now I'm on day 21. Just trying to make more days pass. I have relapsed so many times in the past and am hoping I have learned my lesson this time. Getting other meds from a psychiatrist has helped me though.

It's nice to know I'm not alone!! I am on day 21 adderall free so that's a relief!! But I still wake up at like 5am every morning freaking out. It's like I am simultaneously afraid of being tired during the day with no way to be untired (adderall) so I feel like I have to go back to sleep but also I feel like I have a million things that need to be done that I should get up and do. Especially if I'm not going to fall back to sleep. At the same time the thought of getting up brings dread so I lay back down but I can't sleep cuz I think I should be doing things ... and the cycle continues until I actually have to get up. I HATE feeling this way!

It feels so good to have connection! I'm sending you a message on here so check your messages!

Ughhhh i am SO anxious for no reason right now (I have anxiety but quitting adderall increases it for awhile) so I often wake up with morning anxiety and a pit of dread in my stomach. Just sharing bc... sharing makes me feel less alone.

Girl. I love how u see my post, but did u read the part ab how I have been stuck in this addiction for 20 years (with ab a 5 year reprieve) and I have been actively trying to quit for over 3 years?! I'm just saying it's a journey and to go easy on yourself. If u read my old posts u will see so many of my struggles. I'm on day 10 right now. The fact that u are even on this site reaching out to others is a huge success. And here's something someone taught me when they hear someone saying something negative ab themselves. They say, "Hey! Don't talk ab my friend Hopefulily that way!" I like using that for myself too. remember- ur journey is not all or nothing!

That made my whole morning!! I am SO anxious for no reason right now (I have anxiety but quitting adderall increases it for awhile) so I often wake up with morning anxiety. I frequently experience what feels like decision paralysis and I am trying to answer the question, "what feels most nurturing to me right now?" Instead of "omg what is most productive?" It's super hard in the morning for me when I wake up and the kids are still asleep bc my brain tells me I should get up and get so much stuff done. But I want to lay back down. So I'm going to.

Day 8 today. Woke up with crazy anxiety dreams. Ugh I hate morning anxiety for no reason.

Cam, u can do this! I am a psychotherapist myself and I don't believe in diagnosing people as sick. I am very different from many of my colleagues. I believe that you are the expert on you (as are all the people I see) and my job is to help decrease or reframe internal pain in a way that helps them live their lives in a way that feels more rich full and meaningful (while feeling all the human emotions) in alignment with their own personal values. (And personal values can't be wrong!) Too much to explain in a quick couple of sentences- all I am trying to say is that if what u have been taught or told u need to do be "be well" isn't working for you, I'm proud of you for having the courage to find out what will work for you!

Sirod this is SO helpful. Send more like this! I'm on day 6 and I WILL get there this time! This is my most favorite quote u said: It is okay to feel like crap. What kind of fucked up program got into our brain that convinced us that feeling like crap must be avoided at all costs, even the cost of our lives? I'm embracing it!

I soooo relate to the feeling of not having enough energy to even read the forums! Go easy on yourself. You can do this. Slowly and gently.

Keep coming back here!! It's a journey!! We are here for you. Try not to say things to yourself that you wouldn't say to someone else. And when u do, reframe them. (At least that helps me!) I say to myself, "hey don't talk about my feiend Erin that way!"

I have looked for this forever. Doesn't exist. I even tried to start it but it became too much. There are "pills anonymous" meetings and "recovery anonymous" meetings in which adderall is sometimes what people are there for. The closest I found was "crystal meth anonymous" but that too was very different. These forums have seriously been my savior.

You are so right that this is a temporary state due to your body and brain still readjusting to a new baseline without substances. I am so proud of you!

How u doing Hopefulily?

@Hopefulily did I successfully tag you? LOL