DelaneyJuliette

UGH WHY AM I HERE AGAIN?! I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF

Hi everyone! I haven't been on here in awhile because my life has been GOOD!!! I had 4 months off of adderall and things were finally normalizing! I had energy; I felt like myself; I liked life again! And then I had a 3 day binge. And today is day 7 from that. So, logically, i KNOW that it makes sense that i still feel exhausted, but I keep feeling like I should be over it by now. Like how the F can three days wreck this much havoc on the body?! (I know it can, i tell people this all the time, but when it's happening to ME it's different LOL.) So, just remind me please... this is normal and it will pass. It will not last forever. I slept 12+ hours last night and I want to sleep all day. UGH i hate this!!! I am SO DONE this time!!!!

I hope you are able to successfully "stay quit" after flushing your meds, but if you have trouble, know that you are not alone! This has been a multi-year endeavor for many of us, and what I just want you to know is that no matter what, you CAN do it. Adderall DOES NOT MAKE LIFE BETTER. It is so insidious. It very often does make life better -- for six months to a year -- and then it creeps into every area of life and makes it so that you can't remember ever having been a functional adult without it. I promise you that no matter how this journey goes for you, you will be better off without the adderall. Adderall is a stimulant, and so even though it makes the anxiety go away at first, in the long run it ends up making it worse. (I convinced myself for many years that it was the answer to my anxiety... but after months off of it it was amazing how the anxiety decreased!) Keep posting here; you are not alone and you can do it! Proud of you for taking the first step! P.S. your story sounds really similar to mine, except I was about 19 and in college the first time I tried it. Now I'm almost 40 and on day 7 again LOL. But each time quitting has gotten easier and I feel very convicted this time around.

Predictable.

Just wanted to drop in at 4pm in the afternoon rather than 4am in the morning and say that I really did it. After a year of telling myself I was going to quit I gave up all my adderall with no way to get more and I'm done. I just have to get through this period of time that sucks but I know I can do it. I just wanted to thank all of you for loving me through this ridiculous journey. As I said in another post, I am exhausted, keep bursting out randomly into tears, terrified, lonely, scared, anxious, worried, and... relieved. So I'm gonna focus on that last one.

Yup, time to try something different. I quit cold turkey two days ago. I gave up all my adderall and no way to get more. It's scary, emotional, exhausting and also relieving. I will make it through this time.

Well I tapered successfully once, and then started again, and then realized i've been lying to myself for the past year that i was going to taper again and it was going to work this time b/c it worked before. So, i just stopped cold turkey 2 days ago. Gave up all my pills. So... it's day 2. I'm tired and emotional but ok.

Let's talk!!

@sydney, how is it going?

Sooo.... should we start a zoom one?

So, if you go to the place where it talks about meet-ups in certain locations, I posted about zoom. There was a lot of interest, but nothing got started. Perhaps that would be a good place to post this? Did you ever end up having a meeting? I really want to join one. My desire is to find a regular day and time to just have a meeting and whomever wants to come can come. I wonder if we could make this work... I also wonder if we should do one with some structure.... or just talking?

what?! me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So can we do it?! Let's make it happen!! PM me!

I want to go through these questions. My pattern is that I have too many clients on one day so I use that day. Then I stay up too late and then use the next day to make it through. Then the next day I am home and use b/c i am trying to organize my house to move.. Then I have too many clients the next day so I use to get through the day b/c I don't want to feel. Or rather I do want to feel... I want to feel like I feel when I'm on it... then comes Friday and I slow down... but then comes the weekend and my significant other triggers me so badly that I just want to not feel and so I use and focus on stuff to get away from him and be present with the kids. Sounds like a winning combo. So what am I actually going to do?? I don't know. I keep saying I'm going to taper and then I keep not doing it.

Agreed. But how do I figure out WHEN to quit? There will never be a good time.

Here's the problem... when I am off them I am irritated and anxious and worry about all kinds of shit that I know doesn't matter. When I am on them I am able to be present with the kids and tell myself that nothing else matters but them. I take them on fun adventures and don't worry about schedule and time and all the stupid stuff my anxiety brings when I am not on them. So this makes me justify use even more. Plus, we are moving to a new house (same city) in december and I can't imagine how i will pack everything up and move without it. So this also makes me justify use. I know these are excuses. FML.

I felt like i responded to this but maybe not. Seeing clients via telehealth.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired, but not sick and tired enough to stop. (And apparently rebellious because that was 16 words, not one.)

Thank you for sharing. It reminds me that it is possible and I was once there too. But now I just don't know where to start. Lie. I am too ambivalent to start and keep making justifications why now isn't the right time.

I just yearn for connection with other people who get it.

Fuck. This was almost a year ago. I just want to be transported back there. This is giving me a little bit more motivation to want to quit...

I need to keep coming back and reading this over and over. I get so much anxiety without meds... like I never know what to focus on.

How do you follow a person or a topic?

Confused.

I feel like I don't know how to remember it.