Greg

i decided to change back to my original!!!!

awesome job!!!

lol, i know! I dont care and then suddenly I really, really care. But like the reality is NO ONE we know is EVER going to find us on here unless we specifically tell them to come here. It's not like this is nytimes.com or anything. Not that it really should matter but...i go through bursts where sometimes it really matters like you did, especially with my post on cheating... Back to the topic of Provigil, I definitely heard of it, and when I was abusing adderall regularly i wanted it so badly because i knew it increased dopamine in the synapses. And that was the feeling i needed to keep my existance. For anyone reading this forum, I would totally stay away from that. Not even think about it anymore. Your dopamine receptors need to repair and that stuff to me seems like another form of getting dopamine, just with a different drug. Also it is a scheduled drug. It's not as controlled as the amphetamines (schedule II) but it is still something that can be abused and needs to be scheduled.

i think running is so good for adderall recovery, because it causes your brain to produce dopamine naturally, "runners high". the more intensely i run, the more the runners high. I am getting addicted to feeling good naturally and running.

My first one had glasses and looked too similar to yours so I had to change it.

ha ha...i made one..where is everyone else's face?

When you crack your knuckles it is the sound of gas bubbles bursting.

LOL. i changed the subject to organic chemistry..in quotes. i know im being overly paranoid right? but i changed my original post so its not really identifiable..or anything like that.

Cassie, I was reading about this book and you came to mind. Thought you'd want to check it out. http://www.amazon.com/Cooked-Natural-History-Transformation-ebook/dp/B008EKOIN8/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1365207847&sr=1-2&keywords=Michael+Pollen

yeah, I mean running like this we are basically running like someone who is training for a marathon. maybe we would need to run more but.. This is a great well written short story about an addict who recovers and decides to start running in marathons and how it brings so much meaning into his life. I really enjoyed it. http://www.amazon.co..._pr_product_top

you are right. it's not right. its just..sigh..this class had made me so miserable. I wish the prof just gave the exams in class, and we prepared for them as regular and took them inside the classroom.

i am kicking myself for not being smarter about this before.....ugh

are you serious???

you are absolutely right. I mean this guy CANNOT be this oblivious to it!!!

ashley, uhh...I think there is someone else who i might work with on this...i feel like an idiot for not working with someone else though!! ethics have gone out the window in this class. The person i was going to work with yesterday was like ' i dont know, i want to feel like im doing the work on my own' and then suddenly she texted me today and was like 'we are meeting tomorrow to work on the exam right?' So i was like 'yeah..i guess so'... yeah, they could get kicked out, definitely could fail and be brought before the ethics board. And i was like, in the beginning, i was like i would rather get a really bad grade then risk getting kicked out. But our profressor (grrrrrrrr) is so oblivious to it (i think he turns a blind eye to it or just..i dont know. I mean we have to a sign contract before our exam, pledging not to cheat) that i feel like an idiot for not working with anyone on this..They are all getting like 98 on their exam, and they dont do jack. I slave away in this dumb class and our professor always says in every class if you work hard and do all the problems you will get an A. that's bull....sigh. So...i dont know.

okay. i think i have come up with a solution. i just wish we had regular exams that we studied for regularly and just took in the classroom instead of these stupid take home exams where it is like "cheat or struggle"

I have been meaning to post this several times here to get advice. I am so pissed off at my class and my "ORGANIC CHEMISTRY" professor. . On the first exam, about 90% of our class cheated and worked together. There is one girl in the class who knows everything so she just gave out the answers and they all copied it down. And then they wrote down their answers differently . I thought they were all going to get caught I didn't want to cheat so I did it myself. Plus, the whole being ethical thing! Anyway, they continued to cheat on the 2nd and third exams and they all got like A+'s! Its riduculous. And this is like about 90% of my class. I decided not to cheat and to do all the homework and all the reading and participate in class just like our professor told us to do. Of course, when the test results came back, everyone who didn't do any of the work got like 20 points higher than me. This also happened to all of my classmates who didn't cheat and well Now I WANT to cheat so I can keep up with the rest of the class. But its not like I can just get into a cheating group. There are a few people in this class who are not cheating and they are also getting screwed over. Ughh..I am not going to report any of the people cheating because I really consider them all to be my friends and im not going to rat them out. I'm just really frustrated. Ithis whole thing is total BS. Just venting but if anyone has anything to say… I have not felt so analytical over a problem since I was on Adderall –LOL!! But I spend so much time thinking about this whole thing.

I get to this point where its so much work it really doesn't phase me any more. Like sunday night I had a 10 page paper and started at 6pm the night before and just cranked it out. And my presentation for next week is supposed to be AN HOUR long with slides!! (the subject? pricing strategies bleh) In the beginning of the semester I was so freaked out about all this...doing all this work without adderall !! (my wall is actually covered with taped up index cards of Adderall recovery reminders) As the weeks pass, I still have that anxiety of working without Adderall but im getting much more used to it, im just like whatever. this really sucks but it will get done by the time its due. and then the next day it is something else...i do think a lot about how I would do here if I was on Adderall (but not the later psychosis stage), and my conclusion is that if i was taking Adderall during all this I would be so frantically stressed out about everything, I just wouldn't be able to handle. id probably have a nervous breakdown. Im not exaggerating. The work I had to do would probably feel 10 times more to me if in Adderall. And I would hyperfocus too much on assignments and wouldn't be able to juggle it all like I really need to juggle it. Sometimes I have to just do things halfassed in order to get it done. If I was on Adderall...I would work way too hard on one assignment and not be able to get to everything. I would also probably work TOO hard and freak out all my classmates for not working as hard as im working - and they'd all probably can't stand me for being so intense about school. The whole experience would be different. Anyway, I have now pulled lots of allnighters. even tonight I don't see myself going to sleep before 5am. running though, keeps my spirits up and makes me feel good. Im so glad you got me into this!!!! edit - Wow, I just wrote a novel here, lol.

12!!

5 miles!! wow. I have start breaking the three mile thing I have going. Yeah, I have an exam and presentation coming up, so I did 9 miles already and about to do my final 3 miles like just in a couple minutes from now so I can have the rest of the week to do my work.

Not to knock NA or anything, but I like that philosophy so much better! Recovery that is specific Measurable Attainable realistic timely.

Thanks for posting this. We have another thread about the stages u linked to, but I am rereading them. It is always a good reminder to know what the hell is happening to you and inside your brain as you get hooked on speed. I think stage 3 is a really dangerous stage to be in because there is a false sense of safety in that stage. The stage where you are using adderall as a tool to get things done. Because during this stage it's easy to be like I'm not doing anything wrong..otherwise they wouldn't legally prescribe adderall..so it's hard to fully realize the addiction has begun. At least that was the case with me. I had a false sense of safety when taking it, but really I was slipping into addiction while feeling safe. To address your quote. That is a scary thing about aphetamine addiction, not being able to produce counter motivation to stop..when I was quitting, I really paid attention to this, almost like a disability that I had to watch out for at all times...I was hawkish about it. it is also something that we work on a lot on this forum..counter motivation, and reminding ourselves constantly how destructive it is to us.

LOL! You got me. I sent my mom a traffic ticket for 350 dollars through cardstore.com as an April fools joke. I got her good. On the back of the ticket it says April fools from your son!

How are the meetings going lil tex? I just had to write part of a term paper on SMART goals. Goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and with time constraint. The whole time I kept thinking about smart recovery and if that was the same SMART I was writing about, lol. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria

MFA those are some really wise and powerful lessons in the wake of what we've been through and I think all of us would benefit if we listen to what you are saying. Thanks for sharing. In terms of work -- go get em. You sound excited and I bet it's going to go great. I would think of this not only as you going back to work and earning income,, but as an opportunity to continue developing yourself as a self reliant person without adderall. You are really doing two important things here not only toward your work but towards your own self development. Best of luck! Look forward to hearing how it goes. Very excited for you!