ashley6

Wow, your post was so well-written, and I could relate to pretty much all of it. Especially studying for finals when a friend said "take this, it'll help." I thought I had fallen in love too. It was a long road to learning that this was the most sick and twisted relationship I could ever have, and it was with a pill. I'm glad you came here and posted. How long have you been adderall-free? Welcome!

Good luck! I've been wondering how it's going. You're doing this, woman. Proud of you!

Good job! I did 4.8 today, but it involved a decent amount of walking. Felt good, though. I'm not to hard on myself as long as I'm moving. You're keeping me motivated!

I think the Lexapro has been good for me overall actually. Now, klonopin could have something to do with it. I don't abuse it, never had the desire to, but even 1 mg a day could be messing with my brain. I just have legit anxiety, so I know quitting that will be a process.

Quit-once, Thank you. It's great to get that natural self-confidence back, isn't it? The one class I have left is middle childhood-adolescent development. My goal is to take it this summer, but my college isn't being very helpful in helping me find a replacement course, since I can't be on campus to take it. It's really frustrating, because I'm so ready for this degree that's been a LONG time coming.

I finished my last speech in public speaking just now. I got an A on every speech. I feel like this is such an accomplishment for me because Adderall made me believe I physically could not get in front of people because of the paranoia. I honestly wouldn't have cared if I got a C in the class, because I overcame my fear of public speaking, which only could've happened adderall-free. 1 class away from graduating....yaay!

Another thing I wanted to point out is that I don't even remember who I was before adderall. After 7 years of taking a stimulant (2 of them abusing), I don't really know who I was before that, and I think that's a tricky part of addiction. As we recover, we grow and learn who we are again, especially those of us who took Adderall for an extended period of time. Does that make sense? It does in my head, at least

LilTex, Ahh....so relieved to read your post. I have a year, and I can't say I'm fully recovered, but I'm making big strides. Sometimes I'm thinking I should be further along in my recovery, and I even wonder, is this it? I KNOW that this is better than adderall life, and I don't think I give myself enough credit sometimes. I think the most important thing is that I'm learning to live life on life's terms, and I'm doing it without relying on that stupid pill. Just wanted to thank you, girl. I'm so happy for you that you feel fully recovered! We should all be happy to read this

MFA, I think all of those feelings are natural since it's one of the biggest associations with adderall. Just know you're paving the way for me, and a lot of us on here, that we can accomplish situations that we're uncomfortable with. I'll be thinking if MFA can do that, then I can do this. You're an inspiration, my friend. So confident you'll be great!

I've done 8.5 or something. I should've gone today. It was one of those days I could've used it too. Ugh. Good work! That's a lot! It's amazing how our brains can associate anything with adderall. I'm glad that went away for you. I always thought I was going to die or pass out when working out on adderall because my heart would beat abnormally quick.

How long have you been off of it? I wish I could say it happens quickly, but it's recovery so there's no timeline and everyone is different. In my case, it sucked for a pretty long time, but it's worth not selling my soul to that evil drug.

Addiction starts with dependency. Be careful, it's a slippery slope that is not worth the risk. Facing addiction is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I hope you choose to not continue chancing it. Best wishes.

Calo, I second Serena. Getting rid of your stash was probably hard as crap, but that was YOU, not the addict you making an excellent decision. It's so normal in early recovery to have terrible days when you just feel like shit, but it's VITAL to get the "I just should go back" thoughts out of your head. That would be like trying to find the solution to the temporary discomfort with the one thing that is the culprit of your problems. I truly believe the difference between those who relapse and those who are still on the path is realizing just that. Just remember those thoughts are the addict in you, so try to redirect your thoughts....like right now. Hang in there!

It's amazing how quickly it gets so much harder once you take a break....experienced that this week. Good job!

5 miles today on the treadmill! Had to brag a little...felt great

It sounds like another huge difference is that meth can rupture parts of the brain that make people feel natural happiness, and that can be irreparable damage, where joy can no longer be felt like before the abuse. Thank goodness adderall doesn't do that!

Interesting! I have to say there are overlaps in why meth users got addicted. These people could find anything entertaining and would get hooked on having fun doing "chores" and not being able to settle down to sleep. One even said something about really enjoying tweezing their eyebrows while tweaking. i found that enjoyable too, and now I don't like doing it....reminds me of adderall. Weird, I know: While meth is on another level for sure, it's scary how similar in some ways....especially if abusing adderall like I was. So glad I never tried that stuff!

Evie, YES! I'm dealing with a lot of this now. I'm sorry you're going through a break up. That's tough, but it's great you're not resorting to adderall to mask your emotions. I blame myself for taking adderall, but I KNOW deep down that the actions and bad decisions I made on adderall weren't me. Adderall changes every aspect of life from our feelings, empathy, thought processes, etc. I think forgiving ourselves is one of the biggest challenges in recovery. I just got out of counseling and discussed an issue that's been eating me alive since I quit. She reminded me that now that I'm seeing life as it really is, not masked by an overload of pills, my perspective is different and feeling guilty is really not beneficial, although a little inevitable, but learning how to accept ourselves and move on is so important. Be proud of yourself for choosing a better life with better decisions and try your best not to focus on what you messed up....what's done is done, but I can tell you I can totally relate to what you're feeling. Hang in there with the breakup.

I always thought it was in my humble opinion. Either way works.

Falcon, Even though you hadn't been around lately, I had a feeling you were still on track also. Thought about you a lot. I hope you start feeling better...Spring is in the air...finally! Great to hear from you.

Occasional, What a sweet post. Thank you. Life really does get so much better.....and colorful adderall-free! Quit-once, Thank you as well. MFA talked me into it

Ohhhh I know. It's just so horrible. I was watching the news just feeling so sad, that empathy that was mostly gone with adderall, as sick as that sounds. I just couldn't connect with that feeling anymore. Anyway, I'll be praying for all those affected.

Congratulations! I knew you could do it. Besides that one day, how long has it been? That didn't seem to set you off course that much. You picked yourself up and kept going, that's what important.

You're welcome Dr. Frances sounds like a smart man! We need more in the medical field that think this way, in my opinion.

In Recovery, I've been slacking big time on my 12 miles. Today I did 3.5 (makes only 6.5 this week), and I thought I was going to die. I think part of it might be running outside is A LOT harder than the treadmill. Have you noticed a difference? Have you had a chance to workout at all? I know you've been swamped!