Jon

The Adderall Diaries by Stephen Elliot sholud not be recomended for stories about Adderall use and recovery. I agree with MFA; the book in trendy and so is the title for that matter. It offers little or no insight into why users use or how they recover. At the end the author admits he still take 15mgs a day, which he considers less than most.

Congratulations! The first step is always the hardest. Get professional advise on how to approach coming down from your current levels. Keep us posted. Good luck.

In looking out for your best interests Z, I refer you back to the title of your thread: The Bully. Remember that once a bully always a bully. All they need is the right circumstances and learning your weaknesses (your loneliness, your recovery, etc...). Bullies choose their targets with great care and lull them into a false sense of security— a Bro-mance, if you must. When the pounce comes, you won’t know what hit you. It will also be a trap….one you can’t escape from. Do you really want to put your recovery in the hands of someone who tormented you in High School? When we hear a story that sounds too good to be true, it ain’t. Stay away from this guy...who found you right out of thin air.

I have wondered what happens to people who have posted on this website for a while and then just dissappeared? If you are lucky enough perusing the forum archives, you can stumble upon a post by the ghosts of Christmas Past that lay out their demise, like this one from Defunct. I liked reading her posts. They have helped me. I am sorry she is no longer with us.

The TED talk was outstanding. Thank you for sharing it with us Cassie. I always intuitively knew we were playing with a fixed deck. Now I know exactly why. They simply don't publish trials for their drugs that have negative outcomes! It is downright criminal.

That is a very high dosage and there are only a few people here who have taken that much...and no one who didn't enter a state of Adderall induced psychosis. I think it would be wise of you to consult with a physician or a detox center.

You will need your GF's support during your quit, so you must come clean with her first. Show her this website and Mike's articles so she can partner up with you. I know the shame is looming large, but it diminishes after we start telling people close to us. You are at really high dosages. If you can taper down to half that for a while, it may make your quit more appealing to you...give you some confidence that you can shut down Adderall once and for all. You have found the right place for support, so feel good about that. Now you are ready to take another step forward.

Defunct - I remember my use near the end. The pill was no longer operative, valid, or functional yet I continued to use. Quits are hard to get started, but we all seem to be rolling in the right direction - forward.

Thank you for your replies. Update: I discovered that my stomachaches are actually intestinal aches. I was having spams that mimicked a bellyache. I started taking Dicycoclomine (it is a prescribed anti-Spasm pill). It has only been one day but it appears to be working. I have to take it every 4 hours. The pain was waking me up in the middle of my sleep anyway, so every 4 hours occurs during my sleep. It's okay because the pain was so unbearable, I couldn’t get back to sleep. Last night I woke up with pain again, took the pill and fell back to sleep. This is the first time my sleep was refreshing in about a month or longer. All of the antacid stuff I was ingesting was for naught. I should have guessed that it wasn't GERD sooner, because I wasn't getting any reflux, just pain. I am still off coffee. I’m a little afraid to go back on it. I am drinking chamomile tea. There is no caffeine in chamomile tea but it relaxes me so much, I feel better…it's almost like energy. I am avoiding cakes cookies and breads. The only starch I am ingesting is white rice or sometimes wild rice. I tried to incorporate breakfast into my meal plan, but the stomach pain grew into a perplexing problem. If the Dicycoclomine continues to work, I will try breakfast again. I have no idea if this is related to Adderall stoppage. It's just a wild card thrown into the mix after putting down 3 long term meds in short time.

I'm sorry to hear that you started using again and it is causing you to suffer. You say that independence has caused your self-control to erode and makes you procrastinate your studies, thereby putting pressure on yourself to cram. That sounds familiar to me, close to home. I think you should attend school while living at home with Mom. The campus life, while invigorating, can simply be too much for some kids to handle. I should know, I was one of them. My addictive behaviors were set in stone by the time I left college. Seek help now at the school counseling center or risk spending a lifetime struggling with addiction. And not just an Adderall addiction. That is what I would do if I had my life to live over again.

In 2013, Guinness World Records awarded Breaking Bad the highest-rated TV series of all time, citing a Metacritic score of 99/100.

Rant: The coffee is back on the shelf for now. I am still waking up early with a sour/sensitive stomachache. I take the prilosec. I have been on it for 30 years. I have the long term side effect; bone density loss. It causes other problems too, like messing with serum calcium levels in the blood. My prilosec use is coming to a head. I could never eat ANYTHING without taking 20mg Prilosec every morning. I get bad reflux without it. The pill still stops the reflux, but since quitting Adderall, these stomachaches are causing me problems. I called my gastroenterologist today and missed his callback. I stepped outside to wheel in the trash cans and he had called. The office closed at 3:30. These doctors really make you work for it don't they? I go to my primary care physician and come out with 4 scripts to see 4 other doctors. I am at the point now where I don't know what to eat. When I do eat, I eat bland food. White rice and chicken breast with spinach. I eat bananas, apples and mangos. I have a protein shake with soy or rice milk. I drink water and chamomile tea.

Ketch-up

That is a scary story indeed, Z. The fact the your friend is back to using, speaks of the power of this addiction. There are two types of drug users; daily users and binge users. Both types of drug use has it's own set of problems. I think it is clear that binge users pose the most immediate threat to life. The psychological and physical risks for users who take high doses are psychosis and cardiovascular problems. There have been reports of sudden death in children who have an underlying heart condition. It is sometimes hard to know who is at risk. I don't know anyone who has died form taking speed, personally. I do know a story about a close friend who died from another class II drug addiction. It is tragic and I don't want to relive it here. I mention it only to point out that drug abuse and death or ruin are related events. Would hearing the worst case scenerios from the people who experienced them help you stop using? If so, I bet you could hear some scary stories at NA meetings. Fear plays a part in quitting, but there needs to be something more inside you that motivates you to quit. For many of us here and like Mike says, we want to recover a part of ourselves that we know is missing. I can tell, Lunax, that you are struggling to find YOUR reasons for quitting. Each of us here had to come to an awareness that told us we need to stop. No one can do that for you. I believe that you are on the path. Keep asking questions.

Provigil is the drug of choice by the Air Force these days, although all of the military branches have access.

1. Independence 2. Enjoy 3. Assurance 4. Challange and Self Developement 5. Home 6. Serve 7.Friendship 8. Family 9. Loyalty 10. Leadership 11. Power 12. Achievement 13. Wealth 14. Prestige 15. Mastery I just did these off the cuff. Some attributes had definitions with them which made them undesirable. Such as Mastery; I do want to master some art forms but I do not necessarily want to become an authority. I'll take it with a grain of salt.

Happy belated Birthday Z! 36 is a great age. I remember my thirties fondly. It was a great decade. You enjoy yours too.

Blamerall = That’s what I am doing today. Claiming that all of my problems came from using Adderall. It is not true. I brought a lot of stuff with me into my start of using Adderall. Blame removes my responsibility for taking charge of my recovery.

Hey y'all, I had my first chat with a guest on Sunday. I think I may have actually helped someone who was just starting to use Adderall. I would have never entered the chat room if it were not for this thread. Thank you!

Kori, Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread with my issues, but it happens sometimes. How are you doing?

Hey everyone, I am feeling better. I eliminated a muscle relaxant (Soma, I’m embarrassed to say) that I was taking as part of my doctors Adderall medication mix and match pill package. The worst part of the stomachaches disappeared immediately after I stopped taking this pill. Krax started asking me the right questions in this thread and we continued by email until I made this great self-discovery. I had no difficulty tolerating this medicine the whole time I was on Adderall. Is it not strange that taking Adderall out of the mix caused me to become intolerant to another medication? It is strong evidence that Adderall fucks with our digestive systems. Even after the terrible Soma stomachaches went away, I was still having mild discomfort in my tummy upon awakening. It took me a week to find the old adage of not eating anything 2-3 hours before bedtime. I thought this was something for old people but it worked for me last night, so maybe I am old. Now I have to train myself to refrain from eating anything 2-3 hours before bedtime. A small piece of fruit is allowed, if necessary.This is something that will be difficult to do on the middle shift, but I cannot tolerate waking up to a sour stomach. I mean it’s bad enough to wake up and face another day of feeling like you were hit in the back of the head with a flat-nose shovel. I’m not LOL. The good news is that I am starting to add coffee back into my daily routine. I am starting with a 4ounce cup. Thank you all for contributing to this thread. You helped me get over a hurdle that could have threatened my recovery. I am very grateful.

It sounds like you can tap into the idea of getting sober Tessa, it is just sustaining your quit that is causing you heartache. Ashly gently reminds us that this is the nature of addiction. I think my best way to tap into that staying sober energy is to think of the good things Adderall did for me in a negative way Like Adderall gave me super energy, but I didn't control the direction of that energy (See Mikes article 9 Adderall created work habits You Must Overcome). I was just shooting from the hip. Now, I am left with all of this crazy work I did (landscaping) and it has created even more work for me that I cannot keep up with, and more importantly, I don't even care to spend my time doing it.So whatever you accomplish with the drug, will end up being something you won't care about. I say fuck making more work for myself today. You can give a negative edge to any Adderall perk. Try it, even when using, and see if you can create a new mind set. I used similar negative tactics when I quit smoking cigarettes more than 25 years ago. I haven't smoked a cigarette since. And remember, you can only take it one day at a time. Like for me today; I am just trying to make it through today. I'm faking it (big time)but I'm still sober and I have a whole bottle of pills at home if I want them. I just think about them as I would think about disaster.

Dazeaworried: Worried and dazed.

I used Adderall as a tool to help me get through rotating shift work. You want to talk about messing up your sleep cycle, try working shifts that change every two weeks. Rotating shift work was added to the list of known carcinogens in 2006, I believe. It is because it messes with the hormone melatonin. Evidently melatonin is at the top of the hormone chain and wreaks havoc down the line with the body's other hormones. Now, I rely on will power to work the shifts. I've been lucky so far. My co-workers are letting me work mostly 3 PM - 11 PM. It is part of the reason I had a chance to quit...a diet of 3-11. It allows me to sleep 10 hours a day and rest for many more. It is also known as the lazy man's shift, but right now I just don't care. It will knock the wind out of any social life too, but has served me well in my quit. Sleep well all you normal work hour folks. You don't know how good you have it.

Quit-once, I appreciate your concern, you know I do. My doctor actually suggested it first. He said "Jon, you have been on chemicals for a long time now, why don't you come off everything. Where do you want to start?" He was aware of my longstanding love/hate relationship to Adderall and the Adderall supporting meds. I don't expect any resistance from him at all, but I will keep your warning in my mind when I go. A month ago I left a detailed voice message with him telling him what I have done; quit cold turkey and don't want to be prescribed Adderall ever again. He already knows who is walking into his office on Tuesday.