Jon

Just catching up to your post is responce to mt querry, Quit-once. Sometimes it takes leaving no stone unturned to notice repiles. I don't think I got a notification. Thank you for sharing about the supplements that help you. I'm especially happy to hear that Lions Mane Mushroom supplement works for you face recognition.

Wow! You really are and ADVANCED member, Motivation_Follows_Action. I really don't get how I have achieved the same advanced status after just 30 days sober from Adderall. Your words, your 2 cents, are from a higher plane. I am still in the complaining phase. I guess acceptance can be a slippery slope for a newbe. Thank you for the support and inspiration you provide.

I did not know Poe used stimulants. How interesting it is in light of his work. Strange and impending doom is a common thread in all his works. Thank you

Hi Catw66, Congratulations on SIX days! Your post was on the 19th, so you must have NINE days as of Monday! I’m very proud of you, covering so much ground in so little time. Keep up the hard work! Thank you for sharing your story about the lost car keys while on Adderall. This new calmness is amazing, isn’t it? Thank you for helping me accept some of the smaller, but important, blessings that have followed quitting. The heavy list of negatives can be overpowering at times. How am I feeling? That is an excellent question. I don’t notice the presence of any feelings. I think my senses are kind of dulled. It’s kind of like I’m still on the pill with dull senses although, I have noticed my smile has returned when I find something amusing and I remember laughing a few times too. That feels good! Overall though, my brain still feels soaked in chemicals. How about you? Are you able to experience feelings? Have you recovered your smile?

Hi Amelie, I right there with you in the “this totally sucks†world of Adderall withdrawal. My social life has disappeared completely and I don’t exactly feel like reaching out to anyone, even by telephone, because I don’t feel like I have anything of value to share. Who else would understand how painfully futile our days are? Thank God, we have this forum, and people in this forum, like Ashley, who offer us hope that it WILL END eventually. Everyone is different so I expect our recoveries will be unique too. I’m worried because I used Adderall daily for 12 years. 12 years!?!?!? What in the world was I thinking? Others have struggled with very high dosages for shorter periods of time. Who knows what is worse. I mean hell is hot no matter which part of it you were born unto it, do you not agree? I’ve read where others have used alcohol and weed to help with the daily crash of Adderall. I am guessing that’s what you used amitriptyline for….to help you sleep. (now that’s a name for a drug!!!, as if the brand name Elavil wasn’t suggestive enough) I use Ambien. I don’t want to come off it until I get some clean time in from Adderall. Once I have more confidence, I’ll quit the Ambien. I do not use alcohol, weed or tobacco to complicate things any more than my own personal version of “The Valley of the Dolls†of Adderal and Ambien. Oh yeah, I also use Xanax too. Wow, I must have a really good psychiatrist, huh? I’ll deal with the Xanax last. I think you threw yourself a curve when you decided to toss the amitriptyline. It’s totally your call but I would expect a car crash when trying to overcome withdrawal symptoms of two or more drugs at once. I am still putting in 12 to 14 hours of sleep and half-sleep (tossing and turning) a day. I have one move, from the bed to the couch, where I usually languish for another 2 hours. For the love of God, when will the sleep fest end? Here is what you risk by taking even one small pill: Complete relapse. That means that within hours or days you will be right back to using your highest dosages. That’s the hell of addiction. You are just one pill away from being right back at square ONE. I know I don’t want to risk that. Not that I haven’t thought about it too, but actually doing it….no way. That would mean throwing 30 hard earned days away; 23 hard earned days for you, as of this post. I’m adding the 2 days for you, because I’m sure you would have contacted someone directly before putting a Dexedrine pill in your mouth. Hear what Ashley is saying and take comfort whenever you can in her words. Her voice is the voice of experience. She has traveled this part of the path and is reaching out to pull us along. Don’t let go of her hand. I know I am holding on to her hand. I am holding your hand too, Amelie. Hold on tight.

Notes to myself: Friday July 19, 2013. Day 27 without Adderall. I was extremely tired and didn’t want to get out of bed all week again. I was barely able to keep up with eating, hygiene and working. I worked the graveyard shift without the pill this week and I was really worried about this. I’m am happy I passed this test of endurance. A situation arose yesterday in which I believe I would have freaked out if I were on the pill. My car keys (all my keys) slipped out of my hand, after parking the car, and slid into a sinkhole on the edge of a storm drain. It was 11 PM and even though the parking lot was lit, looking down into the sinkhole and storm drain was looking into pure blackness. A good piece of my life was on that keychain and losing it would be, well, very negative. Instead of immediately and anxiously trying to solve the problem, I calmly waited for the sunrise so I could see where the keys were and make a more accurate assessment. This calmly waiting was almost an otherworldly experience for me. On the pill, I think I would have been in full production mode throughout the night and most likely getting nowhere. When morning came and I could see the keys at the very bottom of the drain, I knew what I could try to do on my own. I needed to fish the keys out using something with a six foot reach. I was amazed how quickly I assembled a fine tool using four separate parts to fish out the keys in about 10 minutes. I have to believe that in Adderall world this would not have turned out so simply or as uncomplicated.

Thank you Ashley. I couldn't be doing it without the support I get from this site and people like you. I don't suffer from any cravings. I simply don't want the pill anymore. I only want recovery. I thank God for this site. The people here have taught me what I need to be successful and stay successful.

Catw66, I agree completely with Quit-once.Total abstinence is the only road to a full recovery from this awful addiction. How are you doing?

Welcome to the forum. You are in the right place if you really want to quit. I'm still new to living life without Adderall (24 days after 12 years of daily use). In my view, quitting snorting would be a good start. Take little steps to gear you up to a full quit. Preparing to quit, with a plan, knowing what to expect, are important steps. Read as much as you can of the articles written by Mike on this site. Learn what you are up against. Know the enemy. There are many voices of experience here to help you along the way. Support is here. Take a baby step today toward ending your hell.

I think you are on to the game Adderall plays, Catw66. It is tragically simple really. What goes up must come down. Only, what is not seen is the cumulative going up.

This one hits home for me quite a lot, but they all speak to me Amelie. Thank you for doing the research. Here are a few by Rumi that may speak to us in recovery: “Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure.†― Rumi “There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled. You feel it, don't you?†― Rumi Why do you stay in prison When the door is so wide open?†― Rumi “This being human is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor...Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.†― Rumi

I know, Amelie. You’re going to make it. I can tell…. and so am I.

Notes to myself: Today, July 12, 2013, I have 20 days off Adderall. I'm still putting a lot of time in bed or on the couch. It would have been quite a lot more had I not been required to work 60 hours this week. I still feel the drug in me at times, just vibrating. Quality sleep is anyone's guess on any given night. Eating is still something that I have to gear myself up for, but once started, I'm off to the races. Concentration is pretty mushy, but I'm getting by. Depression: I think we have a green light on that. Motivation takes enormous effort and will power. Overall, I feel satisfied with my current state of well being. That's weird, after listing all the negative stuff that's going on.

Thank you InRecovery and Quit-once for sharing your stories along with your experience, strength and hope. You guys are bright lights for us newcomers.

Even though the results were tramatizing for you, congratulations are still in order for completing them while going through the first and toughest phase of withdrawal and recovery. Not one drug, but two and I don't know of many people who could do that! You must feel relieved that your parents are now on your side and know your story. Your positive attitude at the end of you post is not only good to hear from you, but inspiring to all of us that share this devestating addiction. Making mistakes is our one best method of learning, so you are on the mark when you say that they will only make us stronger. Your story inspires me and I intend keep moving forward with my quit because of your presence in this forum. Thank you for sharing.

A huge part of my initial attraction to Adderall was a newfound outgoingness. I loved the way I could talk to anyone, anywhere, even in front of a group of people. True apothecary, as Shakespeare said when he drank the deadly poison. Isolation during withdrawal period sounds appropriate, with so much sleeping and rest necessary. I work rotating shiftwork, which is inherently isolating. By nature, I lean toward the introversion side of the continuum. I feel the bite of isolation acutely at this point in my quit. I do not dislike it, but I think it is, like the drug itself, unsustainable. I am making a determined effort to connect with friends this weekend.

Day 19 off Adderall and my appetite is about the same as when I was taking the pill. I have to force myself to start eating. Once started though, I could eat enough for two. My appetite should naturally be lower due to a new records of non-activity. I'm still sleeping/resting for 12 hours a day when I can get it. I've had to work a lot of overtime this week. Even though I'm plenty tired, I notice that the feeling of being totally depleted or exhausted (aka the crash) is not there. I like the absence of the daily crash.

Food for thought about education: Two excellent TED talks by Ken Robinson. Ken Robinson: How to escape education's death valley. http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_how_to_escape_education_s_death_valley.html Ken Robinson: Schools Kill Creativity. http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

Thanks Erin. I think you are incredible.

Thank you for the hugs, Cat. I truly believe that the exhaustion you feel is directly related to the Adderall. I don't know how long the exhaustion lasts. I've been down for the 18 days since I quit, but I notice an improvment in my endurance. The first 2 weeks was nothing but sleep and rest and work. The work part has been good because it forces me to DO something while feeling so unmotivated after staying in bed as long as possible. I stay down usually until I get tearing in my eyes. It's my bodies way of telling me that I've had too much sleep. Sometimes I have sleepless periods that are difficult to deal with, but deal with it I must. I can still feel the Adderall buzzing in my body at times and my appetite is still on Adderall's diet plan. It's hard to believe after 18 days of not ingesting the evil drug. Anyway, you sound stronger and I am happy to read about your improved well being. Keep us posted.

I listened and I am concerned for your well being, Catw66. Adderall is a con-artist pill. It shows you one thing and then does another. It shows you happiness and gives you fatigue and depression. Tapering from 20mg down to 10mg of Adderall is a big taper! I know from my own experience that going from 10mg to nothing is a big dip down on the roller coaster. I think you need to be in the right frame of mind to do this. When I hear the S word from your post, making the right call at this point is not to be taken lightly. It may also make the more experienced folks on this site afraid to comment. I'm a newbee with only 17 days under my belt and I want to be of service to you if I can. From what I read about ETC they keep you on your drugs and the consent form you have to sign warns you of the risks. Memory loss is a real risk. I am afraid to say more because of your fragile condition and I am certainly no doctor to hand out advice. I only want you to know that you are heard and are.... I care about you. You aren’t alone in this fight, but you have to able to step into the ring with a real heavyweight.

Lauren, Thanks for the congrats. Coffee, oh yeah! and Zip Fizz. It's like a 5 hour energy. Expresso! Licorice root extract (alcohol-free). I don't use all of these stimulants every day, but when I need to I do whatever is necessary, as long as it doesn't involve Adderall. I think our recoveries are all unique. How much, how often, continuous usage or binging, how long we used, our age. Your usage was quite high. I peaked out at 70 mg a day and that was only briefly. It was mostly 30-40 mg and I tapered down to 10-15 mg per day before quitting. All that did was allow me to get out of bed and have a non-euphoric buzz for a few hours. Then I would feel like a 90 year old man the rest of the day. In the 12 years I used I never once took a vacation day. It was never recommended by my doctor and I never did it until after finding this website. It was a suggestion in the tapering down method. I tried it on a Saturday and I survived. When I went back to the 10 mg pill on Sunday, I felt the euphoria I had been chasing all these years, but that's when it really hit me too that this pill is a crafty trap. I see how you work your deadly game, Adderall. I started my quit the following Saturday.

Quit-once, Once-quit, Also, in case you were not aware of Heather Sellers, a gifted young writer, she has a book called "You Don't Look Like Anyone I Know: A True Story of Family, Face Blindness, and Forgiveness". You can find it on Amazon.com. I haven't read the book yet, but I'll probably get around to it because I like her short stories, one of which was recently published in The Sun Magazine, my favorite literature publication. They have a website if you are interested in checking them out: thesunmagazine.org I wonder if lion’s mane mushroom supplement is still working for you as of this post. I'm happy for you that it showed promise. I saw the piece on 60 minutes too....a truly difficult cross to bare.

Published by the Wall Street Journal today, 7/9/2013, a June study looked at medication usage and educational outcomes of nearly 4,000 students in Quebec over an average of 11 years and found that boys who took ADHD drugs actually performed worse in school than those with a similar number of symptoms who didn't. Girls taking the medicine reported more emotional problems, according to a working paper published on the website of the National Bureau of Economic Reserch, a non-profit economics research firm. They state that the possibility that medication won't help them in school needs to be acknowledged and closley monitored. A link to the WSJ article and a video is listed below: I hope it works. http://online.wsj.com/public/page/news-lifestyle-arts-entertainment.html Sorry folks. It looks like the link takes you to the current WSJ (Personal Journal) of the day. The jist of the article, I think, is summerized above. I also think that it's something we are all aware of. The pill doesn't make you any smarter at all. The best it can lay claim to is it can make you into a fuel-fed engine providing endurance, as long as you keep feeding it.

Lauren, Thank you for sharing your story. I was trying to wait until retirement from my awful rotating shift work job, with lots of overtime. After 12 years of continuous use, I seized an early opportunity of being on the same shift for a whole month. I still have to work overtime, but I am plugging away at it. Before quitting, every day I was feeling like an old man, completely exhausted and I figured how much more miserable can quitting be? I found this website and with it strength and hope. I haven't used for 17 days. I think I'm starting to feel better but I've read here that recovery is a long process and is not linear thing. It may be three steps forward, two steps back. I don't know. I'm just glad I started now rather than later because as you clearly point out, there is never an easy time to quit.