JustinW

Thank you for being completely honest. If your thoughts are really as dark as this, I think that you should be working with a therapist during your quit. I'm concerned about you man.

Focus on your recovery first, that will take all of your energy. Take up the battle once you have your own house in order if you still feel passionate about it. Your success is what is important at this point.

Another day with disrupted sleep. A kitten showed up at our back door this morning at about 5am which sent our dog into a frenzy. I told my wife that she wouldn't like my solution to the problem but I was hosed at that point so not much sleep occurred. I need to disappear into the woods for a couple of days; maybe I'll figure some stuff out there. My wife's health issues continue on the decline and the doctors won't say where things are headed or what kind of time lines are involved. We are waiting for the results from her latest round of testing. Work has also been weighing heavily on me, adderall dulled my entrepreneurial spirit and allowed me to be complacent; the funny thing is that the drug is such a liar that it is trying to make me believe that it will help me come up with new business ideas. I've never seen a long term future where I'm at and it seems to be accelerating downward so I'm trying to put together an exit strategy. I'm thinking 2-3 smaller cash flow companies so my portfolio is diversified, instead of having all of my eggs in 1 basket as I have in the past and right now. Maybe the variety will help with my ADHDi a little better too. Finding 2-3 worthy avenues is the tough part. It sounds like I just need to learn more patience I guess.

Looking at the door

Soon you guys will be on to your 90 day challenge too! Awesome!!!

searching

Awesome, now there are 3 of you! There is strength in numbers. I am excited for you all.

Effexor is evil, evil, evil stuff; I went through hell when my wife was taking it and when she was taken off of it. Horrible nasty evil poison. Welcome to the forum! As far as: #1 - I would say that most of us are guilty of giving control of our tempers, emotions, and souls over to the drug and started acting like evil people. The good thing is that if we are defined by our actions, then we are in control of the definition of who we are. #2 - nope, short term memory will be crap for a while but long term memory seems to be pretty good. #3 - Unbearable, maybe, but confronting your poor behaviour and those who you injured will build character and make you a better, stronger person. #4 - Your cognitive ability should come back but it will take some time I know it's not answers to all of your questions, just the ones where I felt that I could give you an honest response.

I find that sleep is one of the biggest boosts for motivation. I try for 9.5 hours; plus that is the number that studies have shown to increase life span.

Kicking and screaming is acceptable at this point.

I feel your pain!

I am coming up on 8 months in a few days so I figured I'd add an update to my thread. It was our 12 year anniversary on Sunday and my wife and I were able to chisel out some time to have a meaningful conversation. This is a difficult thing for us because either the kids are interrupting or her health has her bed ridden. Even though she didn't realize it, she gave me a big piece of motivation when she said "you are a lot nicer and I think our relationship has gotten a lot better recently". The flip side of this is the realization that I caused a lot of damage to our relationship while I was on adderall. I'm glad that I just wrote that because I have had a stretch of 3 bad days and was contemplating going back on adderall to help me push to figure out the next step of our lives because of some really tough events that are coming down the pike. I have known that these things were coming but they seem to be taking an accelerated course. I have noticed that I have more rough days when I don't get a good night's sleep of at least 9 hours and I haven't been sleeping well lately. So there you have it, I am emotionally weak and vulnerable today but I am seeking peace and direction. I just pray that I'm not too stupid to notice my open door. Thanks for reading and thank you everyone for being a part of this wonderful community.

Tempted

Jon, you are going through a rough patch on the road to recovery. You are allowed to have bad days, we all do! If it weren't for the bad times; the good times wouldn't taste as sweet. You will get through this spot soon and things will get better.

I guess people can always rely on me for silly cliches and platitudes.

There is a difference between knowing something and believing it. True belief causes action. So many people promote charity as part of their belief system, but how many of them actually practice it? Your friend truly believes that God has a plan for his life and that belief causes the action of trusting God for direction (at least that is my assumption from what you communicated). So I say "good for your friend" as authenticity tends to be a problem in our society regardless of religious bent.

pepper - Wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?

I wish we could "favorite" posts, because I absolutely love this one!

Owning it, way to go llwilson!

Almost to the finish line Lunax! FW you are 30% their, keep going.

Yes, what if we really believed what we say we believe? I look forward to hearing about your progress on your journey quitting adderall and spiritually.

about 6 months.

Very wise words, it brought this to mind: Van Zant, Help Somebody http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHaJegv6Sjs

Sorry to hear about your dog, that's the reason we shoot them buggers any chance we get. I'm glad for your new sense of empowerment without the pills!

Better - crappy morning until I got here and started reading the amazing progress that is being forged by the wonderful members of this site!