[my very sad miserable life]

you were a mellow person between binges right? but then once you quit for good the anxiety feels like its slowing boiling over time?

the binges were like blowing steam and reseting your pressure gauge and starting over every couple weeks or so.

 

over time you will learn to cope normally.

 

also growing up may be a factor as well.  none of us are as mellow as we used to be when we were in high school and nothing seemed to really matter all that much.  college is stressful.

 

quit worrying so much!  you are doing great and you will feel even better in a few months time.

you're in college right now this is the best time of your life be glad you're not fucked up on pills any more.  life is going to be awesome trust me

[my very sad miserable life]

i had muscle twitches in my eyes which never went away until about 5 months

[my very sad miserable life]

also, now that I remember your story.  You need to accept the fact that you spent years buzzed out on adderall and YOU WILL NEVER BE THAT PERSON.  you have limits just like the rest of us.  you can't expect to be superman none of us are

[my very sad miserable life]

FKADDERALL:  Yes you will heal for the love of God lol.  You will heal faster and more fully than most just be patient. 

 

But yes you will always be an addict.  In 30 years from now, if you try to take just one pill you will end up binging just like before.

[4 months clean]

my most lingering problem is lower back pain.  I did a lot of damage from my 18-38 hour "desk" sessions

[One Word Status Update]

</3

[The Ninety Day Challenge]

awesome u guys keep it up!

[Taking Adderall 2 Weeks, already need to quit]

Just stop.  It's simple at this point.  Don't let it get bad.

Wishing you the best!

[One Word Status Update]

in Love

[From 5 mg to 2.5 mg]

Most of us quit cold turkey.  So I have no advice here.

 

But by the time you get down to 2.5mg you're probably very close to what it will feel like completely sober.

 

So yes, we all felt like crap of course, brain fog, fatigue, depression.  It's all standard.  We ALL go through that.

[my very sad miserable life]

i think stepping down works well for things that you can't step up.

[7 months]

well if its any consolation know that its over two weeks later and im still in the procss of doing what I planned to do way back when i posted that post

[The Ninety Day Challenge]

Yeah sometimes I wish life would just fuck off

[The 60 day challange "reloaded"]

So awesome to hear.  I'm glad you're feeling positive.  This post 100% mirrors how I felt and still feel.  I absolutely hear you about the junk food.  It was like.

Step 1: Not eat for 16 hours

Step 2: Come down

Step 3: Binge on pizza/perogies/potstickers/anything i could just throw in the oven.  Just crap.

[my very sad miserable life]

 

Living by the beach might make our struggling days easier to cope with..

 

Haha... amen!!  Someone take me to Hawaii please!

 

Anyways, I'm glad you're feeling better.  There will be ups and downs still for the next few months while you recalibrate still.  But they eventually calm down and stabilize.  In fact since you are so young you probabily will feel better even sooner.  It's so awesome that you quit early.

[The Stuggle goes beyond just quitting]

 

 If I can keep one person from experiencing what happened to me, it was all worth it.

 

I clung to this so tightly.  It was my precious silver lining during the period of black despair when I was waking up to the stupidity of my destructive choices.

[The Ninety Day Challenge]

mmm buffets.....

[The Ninety Day Challenge]

Wow I can't believe it's 3 months already.  You rock!  Congratulations!  I'm so happy for you.

 

Have fun in Vegas but stay safe and be smart!

[" THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!]

Never heard of it.  But congrats on 14 days!

[Scared to death now]

FKADDERALL:  hey take it easy.  you are correct about many things but remember how painful it is to be in the clutches of those demons.

 

Zara:

 

I knew as I drove to fill my script it was the worst idea but of course I did it anyway.

 

I remember feeling this way in my last half a dozen or so relapses after going between 2-8 weeks without adderall.  There was a certain path I would walk to my dealers house and it became part of my ritual.  On my way there I was torn between giddy elation (being excited to get more pills) and black despair (wondering why I was doing this to myself even though I knew it was self-destruction of myself).

 

I don't know how to explain it but it was like I was watching myself from 3rd person, thinking "This is a stupid idea.  This is a stupid idea.  Why are you doing this.  This is a stupid idea.  Don't do it.  Just go home."  But I just kept on walking as if I had no control over my actions.  Of course I did actually have control, I was just acting on impulse rather than reason.

 

It was probably through this insight that I finally accepted the fact that I was full-blown addicted and that I would never quit through sheer willpower alone.  I had to admit to others I was addicted and ask for their help.  Fortunately my dealer cut me off and ever since has refused to sell me any (even when I begged him).

 

Addiction is terrifying.  Forgiving yourself is the first step and reaching out for help is the second.  Don't ever let your pride stop you from reaching out for help.

[Scared to death now]

 

My heart stopped many times and doubled up to recover.. I just lay there thinking calmly to myself that I did this to myself and if I die tonight it's no one's fault but mine...

 

I remember this feeling so well.  I'd go from being clean for a month or so, and having my body adapted to no adderall, and then I would suddenly go on a 300mg binge.  I remember that scary feeling at the end of the "night" when your heart is beating so hard and irregularly you think you are going to die.

 

You will be amazed at how much your body can heal if you quit.  It will be hard but what you are doing now is no way to live, and it's obvious that you've already decided that.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself.  There's a reason people get addicted to this stuff.  It is vicious.

[" THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!]

OMG U ROCK!!!!

Congratulations Firefly!!!

[One Word Status Update]

bumped it off my desk and it landed on a floor which clearly did not have enough give.  I should sue!

[Need Advice on Stepping Down Over the Next Week or Two]

bah, i spilled an entire cup of coffee (not hot thankfully) on myself while typing that and didnt notice until the end

[Need Advice on Stepping Down Over the Next Week or Two]

I agree.  5 days is not enough time to step down properly.

 

I say invest in a shopping buggy full of comfort food and snacks, and threw a new set of sheets on your bed.  Then quit cold turkey and lose yourself in some TV shows for a couple of days. 

 

Home detox.

 

But on another note, congratulations on your decision to quit.  It takes a lot of courage to reach out to a rehab clinic.  I bet you will learn a lot while there and have plenty of wisdom to share.  Hope we see you around lots in the future!