Doge
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Posts posted by Doge
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yeah i found that not long after quitting video games just faded out of my life. definitely not a bad thing at all
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And about the support system
I did open up to my family and ex-boyfriend, many times. No one ever agreed that I had an anxiety disorder that needed real treatment.I mean your doctor. Tell them you're addicted and the pills are destroying you. If your doctor is worth anything as a professional at all, they will instantly cut you off. Otherwise they are a drug dealer/pusher.
I understand the reluctance to this. It's like when you hear stories about people who are continually physically abusive with their spouse who for some reason just never calls the cops on them. To everyone else the solution is obvious just call the cops put that fucker in jail and get the hell out of there. But they are so afraid of life without that person that they continually accept the abuse and do nothing.
That's what adderall did and does to us every time we take it.
Basically you have to be at such a painful place where your consciousness says "fuck this" and you feel the conviction to just do it. And when that moment hits don't hesitate for a second and call your doctor, tell them over the phone if you have to. Don't delay because the moment can fade. It's so hard, I know, and it has to be the right time for you. But it is your silver bullet against the adderall werewolf.
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The way you've described it, it sounds impossible that they are real voices. EVEN if people were talking about you like that, you'd never be able to hear them. They'd be whispering it silently.
For people to constantly be saying this about you, I would assume you'd have to look like this
which I sincerely doubt you do (sorry trying to lighten the tone with some humour). Anyways the point is that you KNOW you need to stop this madness. Don't let it take anymore away from you.You can get rid of the pills and prove everyone wrong once you get back on your feet.
But you have to do it first and foremost for yourself. Fuck everyone else and their pressure. Life is too short to be giving your precious time to the demon of adderall.
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you rock man. the energy, confidence, and focus will come back in time. just keep putting one foot in front of the other!
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It cannot be said any better than it already has. Take it from someone who beat this for 5 years. LILTEX has won the battle.
List #3 is the first to be ignored when my brain starts racing trying to give myself permission to relapse.
Please tell someone. It won't be the disaster you think it will be.
Once adderall has the hook in your brain it's virtual impossible to quit without making sure you remove the option to go back to it. Willpower alone works for a couple months only, I have found in the past.
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very happy for you. you are doing great
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congratulations! 5 years is amazing! thanks for being an inspiration to all of us
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i can't find it now either... ill try to find it
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sometimes the problem with splitting a dose is that you do not get enough
but it can't be any worse than stepping down to half as much, which is inevitably going to have to happen at some point if she is tapering
might be a good intermediate step between 10 and 5
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going from 3 to 1 was definitely a jump, though you've gone almost 3 weeks now so the worst of the adjustment is probably over.
it's up to you, but I wouldn't recommend bumping back up or you'll throw all that progress out the window. maybe open them up and split them into two? one for the morning and another for the afternoon? then you'd be taking the same amount but spreading it out a bit more?
maybe just go easy on yourself and give yourself a lot of time before stepping down further.
all of this is just ideas, please don't take it as advice. i know nothing about tapering or what it's like. only a few people on this site have tapered successfully.
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Let me chime in here with a dark thought. I'm 9 months clean, and for the most part I don't even think about adderall anymore.
Yet I swear that if I knew you in person and we were friends, and I knew that you had access to pills, I would be tempted to ask you to get them and sell them to me (even now). If you didn't know about my addictive history and I thought I could keep it a secret, then eventually I'm sure I actually would ask you.
That's how powerful that hold can be in the back of your mind. That's why, the only reason my quit was successful is because I completely cut off my sources. I know I'm repeating myself and you've said you don't want to do it, but you can solve this problem instantly by telling your doctor what happened and have him cut you off permanently.
Any access you have now is a landmine to step on in the future. Times of weakness are inevitable.
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counting the pills is a good idea, but i'd say have a talk with him and make it clear that forgetting is to lock them up NOT an option for you and the consequences could be a disaster.
he can make it a habit to keep them in the safe. like, unlocking and locking should become part of his process (like unlocking your keys before starting your car, it just happens without fail).
i dunno how hard that will be. but its a really tough situation for you to be in
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you are doing are sleepy! keep up the good work!
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I am a huge fan of these fundamental exercises that you can do at home. (though I believe the elbows look too high in the diagram below, they should be closer to your sides to avoid over stressing them)
Try to work up to 3 sets of 40 with perfect form. It's great for helping repair the back and shoulders and posture.
Also this stretch is great for regaining some flexibility (that is usually lost while sitting at a desk in horrible writing position for hours and hours and hours). I like to use a pair of jeans because it's easy to grip and everyone has a pair lying around.
And these are great for the hips (I still cant do 3 sets of 20 slowly) which is important for lower back stability - especially if you want to start jogging eventually
you can get started with these until you get your membership. I promise it will feel so good
enjoy!
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Some people say meditation, but I don't have the patience for that shit so I can't attest to its potency.
i just lold so hard here
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im so sorry, i can't help it. I'm on a roll with these
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no doubt the thrush was connected to your dry mouth. this is not an uncommon thing for adderallics to deal with. hope it went away and never comes back!
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For me I found that for the first 5 months or so I just needed to become comfortable on my own. I'm naturally an introvert, however. I spent time a lot of time procrastinating work, learning to cook new things, watching tv, reading, video games (though they just weren't as fun without adderall, and this has been pretty much phased out of my life now - not a bad thing lol).
The gym and drastically improved nutritional intake has been the only consistent and productive thing in my life since I quit and the benefits have been unfathomable to my confidence and energy levels. Going from watching your own life slowly degenerate away day by day into a progressive routine of daily self improvement is great for the self esteem and outlook on the future.
I know for a fact now that even if I fail out of school over the next year (which may happen though I hope they at least let me leave elegantly with a lesser degree than the one I'm working on) I will find joy in life still, somehow, no matter what. This is worth more to me now than all the dopamine that all the adderall in the world could ever give me.
As for the rat park, I'm still working on it. It definitely takes time and doesn't happen overnight.
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That's awesome! You must feel good after a few nights of sleeping adderall-free.
I know what you mean about the 45 days thing. For me it was about 60 days. This was a consequence of binge style use. I'm not sure how you used but I binged hard every two months or so, then recovered, quit for a while, but around the 60 day mark I just kept going back to it.
It was like my brain was a pot boiling on the stove, and every 60 days or so I went through my binge/crash/withdrawl episode just to depressurize, so to speak. I can see where the saying "blow off steam" came from. Sick as it sounds, even during the crash I felt better, like I was thinking more clearly. It's like I had to keep reminding myself every two months that I was addicted.
Finding your husband's key on the table is pretty dangerous. Do whatever you have to do to cut yourself off properly and completely, otherwise it'll just happen again like clockwork. This is what finally worked for me. If I hadn't, I would have just kept on relapsing.
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tremors (some days could barely hold a cup of coffee without spilling)
hearing this makes me even more happy that you quit.
spasms (why did iIkeep taking them still?)
my thoughts exactly. its only recently (and this is the first time I noticed it for real now that you brought it up) that my eye twitching has finally stopped.
it kept happening for the first few months sober (which I panicked about quite a bit), and then it devolved into the bridge of my nose which started to twitch isntead for a couple months.
it did eventually go away but holy crap did it ever last a long time (probably about 7 or 8 months after quitting it lasted)
If I realized how long it was going to take to go away I would have taken it more seriously when I first noticed it (deep into one of my binges)
EDIT: actually no i wouldn't. I knew I was killing myself but I didnt even care back then
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for me the answer is simple
taking it responsibly (assuming this could even happen now) was boring and took the spark or passion out of life
taking it in binge fashion (which would be inevitable anyway) was catastrophically damaging to my brain and body. my back is still damaged (permanently I am now certain) from sitting with horrible posture for days on end (literally)
and yes it is so crazy how we kept going back to it even though all of this is not new knowledge.
I remember that horrifying feeling when I realized that I was just behaving like a puppet (with a demon pulling the strings) and felt like I could only watch helplessly while I destroyed myself
Help me. I wanna die.
in General Discussion
Posted
I quit on a weekend and went back to work on day 3 of recovery. I still had withdrawal sweats when I started my day but at least I had a couple nights worth of sleep under my belt.
One of my coworkers decided to butt in and correct me on some irrelevant detail that did not detract from the purpose or point of my work at all (he was just being a smartass).
I flipped him the middle finger and told him to go fuck himself. The two other people in the room had their jaws hanging open and just stared at me in silence. Not proud of my behaviour here.
I like to think that if an actual authority figure would have been around I would have had a bit more restraint.
Detox is a bitch. But you will get through it and come out stronger for it I promise!