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hey bro, hope you're feeling better... sounds like you did the right thing and got out of the house boat.......... it comes in waves my friend, some are little shore lappers, some are massive and crash down upon you and drag you out to sea... you are a champ if you didn't succumb to urges to drink it away if you're an alcoholic in that regard. If you did, don't beat yourself up, just keep on keepin on. the walk sounds like a great idea, especially if you live in the harbor! I'm thinking house party on your boat with all the forum members, kool aid, stale chips, sheet cake, and a plethora of random music we all bring on mix tapes... http://youtu.be/eDwOFThiNnA

Wellbutrin is totally some sort of upper... It makes you thirsty, you lose your appetite just like on adderall, especially at first. I did like it though, made me chill the f out and relax a lot of my -ism's. Also, didn't mess with my stomach, which was nice.

right!? I thought it was funny how I "rented" it right at the beginning of this (for me) and here's this moving about this kid abusing the system and pharmaceuticals... and how the "Dr" just handed out scrips. Was a surprisingly pretty good movie... Charming, Heartwarming, two pretty enthusiastic thumbs up!

okay, if you just wanna laugh and see a really funny great movie, check out That's My Boy... I rented it on Amazon instant videos... funny ass movie...... you gotta like Adam Sandler movies though, it's not for everyone, if you're not easily offended you'll dig it........

hahaha

dude, I don't know your history with it or anything, but I will tell you this- however many days ago last Saturday was was the last time I took it and fuck an A I feel good today.... Without sounding like a cliche tool I hope I can say, It Does Get Better! Hang tough thru the urges, if you get thru one you'll see they do pass.....

hahahhahaha I'm gonna get some of that tea for sure!!! thanks for the tip. Cassie nice! I'm gonna read up on him more tonight... I'll let you know what I think!!!!!!!!!!

Cassie I'm gonna check out Alan Watts, in all my years somehow I have not come across him!?!?! Checked out Wikipedia, I'll do more exploring, probably buy a book on amazon........ thanks for turning me on to him, seems right up my alley.... Falcon, yeah I write stream of consciousness sometimes, sorry if its hard to follow, makes sense to me, probably why the addy helped at first.... anyhoo, that's how it comes out and I'm not editing and going back to it, just writing... Today was my first real test and I passed-- woke up at 3frikkin45, barely slept at all (who can fall asleep at 10:30?!) worked and it felt good. Felt better than when I was high on addys, I was present, I was pleasant, I felt my groove. This definitely would have been the type of early morning gig that I'd want a handful, but I took none, and it went well. I was actually hungry! I was actually thinking about how great it would feel to be done, be back home, eat, and then get the fuck back into bed! I think I need to start going to the gym in the morning, I just can't fall asleep easily when I go in the evenings, which is always. And yeah, cardio definitely helps, eating well (I've been eating 99% vegan, just love cheese too much... So I now know it can be done, and it actually felt better, was easy, I'm tired as hell, but a nap sounds like something I won't feel any guilt about. But the nice thing was to experience life outside my house sober, and people responded positively- people I was working with were happy, appreciative, gracious, and I felt that they mirrored my more positive "vibes" or whatever I was exuding... pure raw sexuality? haha, sorry, I'm tired....

We're not reinventing the wheel here. Humility, listening more than talking, hearing what people with experience have to say as they've traveled the roads we're on.... I'm pretty sure sitting in a cesspool of our own stinking thoughts is the worst place to be. No one anywhere has ever espoused that as the solution. It may have a place in recovery, as the beginning of upward movement, but no, it shouldn't be a resting place. This is a place to come and get and give support, as we're all going thru similar trials and tribulations- they're not the same and they're not equal, but we all have traveled down a long road that we need to retread and get back to a good place again. We can't think we can do it alone, we can try, maybe we'll make it, but the idea is to be BETTER than we were before, not the same just not taking adderall. I'm gonna leave this here, its instrumental until about 6:35, then the lyrics come in. I challenge any of you to take 12 minutes and actually listen to it... this is a you tube link: http://youtu.be/UGGVy4RkUs0

hey what was the time difference between the two?

read some good positive books to get your mind on a better track!! It's so important to not wallow in our own shit, just quitting isn't the solution, that's a dry drunk, everything stays the same but the liquor.... you have to find new ways of thinking, new tools to use to check yourself so you're not spiraling down into a cesspool of self destructive thought... I just read "As A Man Thinketh" by James Allen, it's great for setting your mind straight and showing how positive thinking helps to create a better life. Also, Wallace D. Wattles series "the Science of Getting Rich, Being Well, Being Great..." is a good read. I can recommend a ton more, I find I do really well with positive literature. Also, I like Buddhism and books about Buddhism for helping me feel better.... Its not a religion, there are no gods or things to warship, its about finding it within...

It is interesting how prevalent it is... It's almost unfair that a ridiculous number of students take it while another group doesn't. Do they have an advantage if they take it? It would be interesting to see studies, on cognitive learning, retention, it would be interesting to see the same people take similar tests on and off of adderall (having studied with and without). It is also odd how easy it is to get it prescribed, but the only warnings you get are Drink lots of water, make sure to eat even if you're not hungry, etc... that was pretty much it for me I think. Nothing about long term effects, how to one day get off (is there supposed to be a one day, or is it a life time commitment?) Long term, I wonder if it actually increases performance, makes people better workers, or whether it is a facade and it just feels better in the short term...

nope. not at all. day 3 for me.

so the movie Charlie Bartlett on netflix is a good movie that has pharmaceutical abuse and a couple of nods to Harold and Maude (not in a relationship way)... it's a good flick. not exactly like Drugstore Cowboy in that I bet recovery homes don't show it, but still a movie that depicts med abuse... anyone seen it?

hey jenna, welcome to the forums........... !

it's hard to talk recover without sounding like an AA or NA newb talking program, but one thing they say is "a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step..." or something like that. You know its going to suck and be hella uncomfortable at first, for a while maybe, but slowly it gets better.... I kicked heroine when I was younger, that was no breeze, but you know, having the flu sucks too, and there's no magic cure for that that'll just make it go away... If you've hit that wall finally, all you can do is start to cross that bridge of hell, you have to in order to get to the other side- and that other side is going to be much better- not heaven, but at least you'll have real problems and not self inflicted ones caused by a weird mystery pill that is supposed to help but ends up creating more problems. I think in hindsight, our ADD and issues are much easier to deal with than the long term effects and ultimate "kicking" of the habit. I hope you seek help, not necessarily any particular type of help, but searching for tools to help you get thru it, the spirituality part is great, perhaps some natural type of meds- Sam-E is a big one but I have NO IDEA if it's legit or bs or the new St Johns Wort or what..... you found this forum, I think it's a good place (I sure as hell hope so! I like to think we can be candid and open and honest under the "anon" status, hope that's for real. I can totally see NBC or CNN wanting to do a story on adderall addiction and finding this forum and somehow uncloaking us, or is that just paranoia?) Life has to be better in a real way without so much mind altering chemicals. Its clear that for some of us they just don't work, they turn us into people we don't like, into people others don't like, into someone we're not proud to be. But we went down that long road with the crutch, and now it's time to turn back and limp back to where we were, sans crutch, and it's going to be long, it's going to hurt, but we'll all get stronger the longer we go, and soon enough we can lift our heads up and enjoy the view and the road back to reality.... keep your head up sister, it ain't easy, but it's better than the alternative...

haha nice! next is counselor level! yes the next test for me will be Thursday, I have a gig I'll have to wake up at 4:30am for and drive for an hour and a half, and then work -- normally I would pop a few just before getting in the shower, and a few more before going in to my gig, and then a few more on the job... I'd be on point and in my element, and drinking lots of water. Anyway, I am sure being on adderall affected my work, my personality at work, my interpersonal skills (lack thereof) and I'm sure I looked a bit cracked out. It'll be interesting to work without it. I'm sure you're right, I'll have days that I might feel tired mid day, might lay down for a 20 minute nap and wake up a few hours later in time to go to the gym. but today was a good day. one thing I try to remind myself on the really shitty days is that it'll pass, that's also total AA / NA program "this too shall pass". but it does, you know that for some reason everything seems dismal, hopeless, worthless, lonely, but it'll pass eventually, cuz you remember feeling good, just gotta do the things you gotta do to get back there... positive literature, being grateful and consciously thinking positively, eating healthy and exercising, not watching porn or doing things that I don't like myself for doing (ie I don't care if other people watch porn, I just don't like myself if I do). And in AA NA speak, taking my own inventory, not thinking negative about others, but trying to better myself, and letting myself make mistakes, and have bad days, and then try again. I miss the old me, who wasn't that great or super healthy, or where I want to be (probably a mistake to even want to be anywhere, goals yes, but the real goal should be being happy with where you are, which I guess I am not). But the old me that felt more, had a better personality and felt better because it's like the universe responds I think.

thank you my friend. I had a great day today without anything but a few cigarettes... I even spilled 5 adderall that I had put back into the lid of the bottle on my sink counter and I didn't care, left em right there, where as normally you know I would have been bummed they might have gotten wet, certainly gotten some facial hair shavings on them, I'll toss em tonight when I get back. Its nice to feel like you're on a road of change and see yourself doing things differently... reaching out to people you haven't spoken to in a while, running errands on a bike instead of in the car... good things good things. You keep up the good work too my brother, it just keeps getting better and better, and even when things suck and times are rough, its better to deal with it head on than thru the window of fog. Not every day is easy or great, but like you've said to others, you gotta start some time, and its going to suck at first, its going to hurt and be hard and uncomfortable, its going to be trying and taxing, and our nimble minds are going to play tricks on us and try to convince us to wait until tomorrow, or until the end of the semester, or at the end of this bottle of pills... that day never comes. Today is the day. Thanks for all your support on here. Keep up the good work.

thanks my brother for the motivation. yes I think I am catching it early, I have gone thru NA and guess I recognize my old addictive behavior. I meant I would take 15 5mg pills, not a lot, but it sure made me cracked out looking I bet (not all at once though, thruout the day). I might have ADD, but my scrip was manipulated, I lied and manipulated my doctor to get it. When my closest friend told me I'd changed today I began looking at adderall use as the culpret. I think things will definitely get better without it... its funny how it does seem so great at first, like a wonder drug, and you wonder why everyone isn't on it, and you also wonder about people who you think are probably on it, but now wonder how those people who somehow live life sans chemicals and stimulants and cigarettes and weed and alcohol do it, and do it so well..... thanks for your helpful posts.

yes thank you for your positive post.... I am just today realizing what taking adderall has done to me and my life, reading this helps...........

Can anyone tell us how long it typically takes to feel normal again? I haven't been taking it daily, but on days I don't take it, I too get sluggish, and want to take a long nap in the afternoon. Any feedback on when to expect to come out of the fog after stopping completely?

Hi, I found this forum thru googling "has adderall changed my personality?" and I'm glad to see I'm not alone... I want to quit because I feel isolated, uncreative, and just not myself... I've been abusing it for about a year and a half. I don't take it daily, but when I do I'll take up to 15 (or more?) 5mg pills thruout the day. I work in a creative field. My work has suffered. I think it's time to realize that the abuse of adderall has significantly impacted my life in a negative way...