Heather67

Ain't so based??/ really piece of shit Droid keypad??? Ain't so bad ....were all getting good at the translation of these "MAD LIB" LIKE POSTS!!! LOL

Hey Davemeyers ..the 2 week club ain't so based huh???? That's me too. I'm not entirely comfortable with how I feel on most any day yet tho...a lot of things are robotic and Im not used to not being" totally into" even stupid shit...like diceing up a green pepper ...on addies even that seemed an important task that I had to give 110% to.really a fuckin vegetable???? Yup,really. LOL. I'm kinda abscent of my normal sensations yet. So yeah rick I feel ya man....often just kinda ho hum...something people like us don't usually like.....I don't have a ton of want to take on much yet....but sitting and chilling on the couch with a blanket is sooooo hard. Its kind of uncomfortable really ....its gonna get better tho....so keep doing it. Be well you guys.

Hey dude....you are not a failure...you have issues with a substance. You love your family and they love you,you are a man with a consciousness about where your life is at and that its painful...so you feel...that is not a failure my new friend. Not at all. Family is worried with good reason...I say that in reference to letting you know that nothing you're dealing with because of a chemical is ever. gonna be too long,too fucked up,too strange,to. shocking , too anything. You'll be meeting some madd cool people real soon who can take through the drill based on experience. and take comfort that you're not going to be alone or feel alone while getting through whatever decisions you make about your personal Wellness. So hang tight kid.....the Calvary is coming. Be well....heather.

Yeah huh!!!!! Nonstop timeline bullshit ....heres a thought,,, engage imagination and come up with an original idea yourself that u can attach to a cool picture of a lotus flower or a chicks ass that you could never score anyways !! Face book got nothing on us!!!!! BRING IT BITCHES!!! LOL...SORRY!! HAHAHA

Nothing lame about you krax!!! We could start working on a "family" vacation to check out Bobby's crib though...so what if its not open for tours ....and the question is ,,,,who the fucks driving this partridge bus......come on, get happppy!!!

Kraaaxxxxx- LOL. I wish!!! I only went to BILL W'S house. .founder of a.a. that was my retort to who the fuck is bill w. From ummmmn, quit once!!! This is like the longest volley on the beach.. too funny. For a tweaker with crazy adhd that's left untreated....hahaha. I'm doing pretty fuckin good with who's on first. Give it up to me ya'll!!!! Ashley....I have just yet to get back in the formal saddle...trying to let it all gel a bit.like you said its early..I'm not into the chips and at a girl medals..but no doubt it was monumental first time out. .

Hmmmm,all very interesting facts and I can only base my input on the things that some of you know about my husbands penchant for H. AND what I lived with daily. The shit has about as much mercy as a category 5 storm.he partied like a rock star and it had him by the throat...he was gonna die like any junky tho...famous or not....with nothing left. If I never see a Syringe again ill be happy...though its not the needles fault..its who sticks it in the vein. The reasoning behind using is usually the same... but opiates taking you all the way to the king pin,is not for the faint of heart. They take so many that are not famous that we don't hear of...people that were loved by someone. I know a lot of the science behind it by participating I. A life ruled by it...as for productivity...In an organized setting perhaps it'll go in the favor of the junky(no disrespect) but not in heroins world....you serve only it. The score,the shooting up,thinking about shooting up again,running out, getting more,and signing your own death certificate. I think sticking to a few more. Cups of coffee is a better route to embark on cleaning out the closet. LOL

I don't currently have anything to do with either one myself....my experience at his.crib was uniquely my own and those who make a comparison in the way you referenced, well...Bill w was just an ordinary fuck up like a lot of us....ummmm Jesus Christ? ??? Not so much. Hahaha

P.S Roxbury...I came off almost 400 mg a day with only an empty bottle 2 wks ago ....that was super beat!!!

Roxbury...do you know how huge this thread has been to me...the one you started,started it for me dude. It was the first one I read and used as my day one launch pad. I would love to see you not go fill that script, and for sure no worries from me on handling your own...but you are not giving yourself enough credit!!!! And. Control. I did the cold Turkey thing cuz I had to..and cuz that's all that works for me...i have 3 different scripts back to back the start of every month like now...granted the bells would go off at the pharmacies..but only I can determine how many times I have to post day one on here. It sucks balls but 2 weeks in and physical shit is gone!!! I've resigned myself to one fact....it's over. It'll always exsist...the big pharmaceutical wheels are gonna keep spinning despite my problem...its my job to let go of pseudo comfort in all forms via adderall. So I completely respect how you need to handle all aspects of your recovery..but know that you were a very important part of mine. Thanks and be well roxbury.

Oh my God Becky!!!! Sky,This site just blew up and went RIDICULOUS!!!! ITS SO GOOD...YOU ARE ALL SO TWISTED AND HELL YEAH......I THINK IM FINALLY HOME!!! LOL! You made my day!!

It was amazing!!! And all of what you heard is true. They were nomads when it was in the experimental phase...and bill was showing up at Lois 's job all Fucked up and getin her in trouble. But she believed in his personal findings about his own addiction,she loved him unconditionally. She'd embark on alanon. A.A is like anything else...its for some not for others..you get what u put into it...and it has problems like any community of different people ya know ...I don't advocate either way ...I know what I learned from it...I'm. Cool with anyone's take on it...just like N.A or whatever. Else works for someone trying. to honestly find a better way. Glad you're on the road to well-.ville ...we don't wanna loose ya in any way, shape or form.

Hahaha ..well guess what!!,, I did so good at the store tonite ...got some promo Java for my own iced coffee to start. Then I got the few fresh veggies I eat..all kindsa craisins, salad shit, all healthy crap!"! Only a box of Brownie mix that my b.f.f. Keri requested ...I'm not rocking my I <3 TRADER JOES HOODIE quite yet .but its a start. My mom is on the weight watchers deal...so that helps keep the junk out. Cuz Jesus Christ in recovery I can't be pissing my few bucks away when I fail my baby momma challenge oh I mean...bmi ...cuz I ate those fuckin Brownies...them's jeans dollars kid!!!! Got get some To show falcon my newly acquired nice ass!!!! I love that dude!!! We always need a guys unbiased take on that...and I knew I'd get it from you babydoll!! Who the fuck is Bill W???? LOL

Seriously quit once????? Hahaha ...guessing u don't have a bill w is my home boy T-shirt, LOL. He wrote the big book of alcoholics anonymous. Started a.a with a fucked up surgeon dude Dr. Bob ...who was a drunk AND a strung out pill Popper. They called em goof balls back then...and they'd sober his ass up the night before a big operation....hahaha. maybe I woulda impressed you more if I had been to ummmm..ROBERT PLANTS HOUSE! You're funny.

Oh my God Ashley ...biggest hug to you girl while we both yell" freakin Bill W's house!!!! "How much fun would we be!!!!! It was really so intense...that room was one it woulda been nice to hang in alone for a few...his motivation, determination and insight just blew me away,and taught me that all the ideals behind recovery are based on what one puts into it!!! WHAT??? WOW TOOK 39 YEARS OF LIFE FOR JUST A COUPLE DUDES TO LAT IT OUT FOR ME...basically,I took what I needed left the other things for people that may see it differentely. Ya know. I'm so sorry your in such limbo right now...you're Putin your time in and the results we want lag a little...people like us aren't always feeling the slow process though I know you're trying so very hard. Try to keep your heart on the prize of how different things are outta your ass breaking soul searching work thus far ....we'd be going snowboardin my sista if you were here.....and goofing till they kicked us out! !! Keep smiling Ashley ....everybody sees what you feel here. <3

Those are such cool stories...I love them. When I embarked on this journey of recovery last time I was very dedicated I was involved in a 12 step program at the time...we took a trip to Bill W's home in new York state,stepping stones. I literally cried when I stood in an outer building with a massive gorgeous desk in it...where he sat and wrote the big book. One of the most genuinely soul consuming completely perfect moments in my life. The other four of those moments are named Mallory, Michael, Dylan and Christian. I have acorns and a definetively heart shaped rock that I found there....never will I part with it. Even if you are not in A A ..i believe the man is the reason addiction came more to light than it was. And he was a crazy fuck up like me...he'd help to save so many....if they really wanted to be saved. But for today. It is winter in RI ...its such a crystal clear day ...snow still around and such a blue sky..you know its 25 out though ...you can smell it. The clarity comes when the air hits you....you can't buy any of it it becomes apparent. These are gifts bestowed upon us to appreciate and covet. Thank you Ashley so much for reminding me of pure beauty.

Guess I'll be joining the Y...PO people like me can go for like 39.00 a year.

Petty perhaps......but what the fuck with not having many jeans that fit my ass anymore!!! I am broke as far as buying replacements...hit a few consignment stores for sure. Weight wise throughout this I've of course been waaaay to thin..when my husband was home and a mess..I was popping addies and running around waiting tables all day I was at the unhealthy weight of 100-105 at 5'6.....not. cool. After I lost my job,and my husband started his prison sentence back in like August I was hovering around 115 give or take a few...eating crap here and there but decent dinners.....well now.. i knew I'd be more but 127 lbs!!!! Oh my fuckin fat ass!!!! Call me whatever but I am not handling this well!!! I hate it. I've tried to be more selective in eating since the scale dropped the bomb!!! Weight is not at all a trigger to use...but I'm kinda dumb about how to deal with this due to never having to much cuz of my ummm little problem with adderall!! I'm so bad at planning and structure and routine too!!!! Ahhhh. Help,I'm fucked.

Hey krax.. I'm Heather and fow sho you have been brought to the right place!!!! We love you liked a fucked up brother already in the coolest family you could ever find!!!! Glad you've been getting some needed info from all those who have carried my ass through this crazy two weeks ....almost!!! So I look forward to exchanging some notes with you for a long time to come!!! STAY WELL!!!

Love that falcon......CUZ ITS OUR. FUCKIN DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY!!!!!!! IM LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!!! MUAAAAAH!!!!!

Sky.....as soon as I read the words redefine yourself,a huge smile emerged because that is the key...no way around it. I believe without it...you are ultimately,sometime, somehow going to fail. That is what I did the first 2 ish years of my prior 3 years clean....its got to be worked on again because obviously I kinda failed and went back to addies...so reevaluation is called for. I was a pro at letting everyone tell me what I should be...how to be a better version of it,etc Yet I had no fuckin idea of who I was. I looked deeply inward....never did I make all.the formal amends to people in person...I made them to myself about all the touchy things of the past...owned my own shit and for the first time I was honestly at peace and simplifyingy life became easy. I worried about me only. Was I comfortable about my part in anything that came up....was I honest...would I want it to be a decision I'd want my kids to make, did all those things you mentioned..morality,consciousness, etc the basis of said response to a situation. Gone were the days of decision based on how others think it should be handled. I found the process of discovery so amazing and mind blowing how it fucking finally was all making sense. I pray to God that he has it in him to do this...for even I can see patterns and behavior and his past...but it doesn't matter even 1% because him doing it via anything from me is useless. Its a kinda solitary process..that rewards those you value the nest of you. I love me some Foo fighters ....and best of you is am amazing song that I have gone to thousands of times...you may know it...I'm thinkin yeah. I smile again just thinkin of it. So precise about ones discovery process. I use things like that to reassure me that its all cool ya know. People that don't have addiction problems could use an internal/mental house cleaning...maybe the world would smile a little more too.!!!!! So keep shining on!!!!!

Hey Steve..tough it out for sure. For me there is no such word as taper. I have 12 days and I think I'm gonna be OK. I came on when I still had some in stock ...sorting stalling the quit till after the holiday,waah,waah...edited version is I ran out,got red flagged by the state, so yupppp ....CUT OFF!!!! MY hustle that I prided myself that I was so good at.DONE!!! so hello quit. So glad tho...I survived..you will too!!!!

Hey falcon...thanks for taking time to check out a little bit more of my life thru my post. I think all those little random yet relative things that we all share are so helpful to like you said...."get to know who we all.are a little more" so cool how different things can be for each of us and we can still find a common thread. Crazy on your party huh? ??? I know people.been on there "runs" since high school .....and they don't even recognize it as such. It's just partying...or another Saturday nite ya know ...some people will punch out and never know what they missed out on In life. Pretty nice waking up the next morning knowing where ya were..how ya got there. Hope you. Had some tea and said what I've said at fucked up crazy moments and that's "man I'm way too old for this shit. " hahaha. So Holla for the new scene and fuck that old one! !! Be well, Heather

EXACTLY!!!! EVERY POINT YOU MADE!!! And I knew you weren't gonna go all off the fuckin rails on us...hahaha...ya crazy perc popper!!! (No disrespect at all to anyone needing em there) but yeah...the streets vs. An appt time in a beautiful waiting room with all the most recent copies of your favorite magazines for you to read and toys for the kids......yeah,kinda different. The labeling too....the soccer mom could be on smack but probably not. And super sad is that even in NA finding a recovering heroin addict with a decent stretch of clean time....for sponsorship..or just to totally relate...is not easy. Short durations..often a younger crowd kinda...and it is tweaked by man to wipe his own people out and the ones who try to hold on to them. But for the grace of God go I ...and you,and any one else doing it just for today!!! <3 <3

Since opiates and I have a hate/hate relationship..I thought about if I.should chime in or not...when I met my husband we both had solid recovery from different drugs ...I remember him saying to me once....no grabbing me and getting an inch from my face and saying,"Heather if you ever go back out and use....promise me never opiates....they will steal your soul"....I would go on to see via his disease just what he meant. My husband is a hard core IV heroin user...when he told me the first time he went back.out for dope...I fell apart...I thought I kinda knew what we were gonna deal with....3 years later...we are at today,and let me tell you ..even I never could have imagined what it would go on to be....HOW FUCKING HORRIFIC IT WOULD GET!!! I will skip detailed gore...January -july 21 of 2012 was hell on earth..he did an armed robbery in January and was to be sentenced July 21...so when heroin gets bail and knows it has about 6 months to live....how ya think that'll go. IT BEYOND LEVELED WHAT WAS ONCE A GREAT APT,TWO GOOD JOBS, HOLIDAY DINNERS WITH FAMILY,TWO CARS,A CHILD WHO NEEDED HIS FATHER,A WIFE WHO NEEDED HER HUSBAND....AND VIOLENTLY AND VISCOUSLY TOOK IT ALL. by no means was I the victim...I could have left many times ...i had the only date that could maybe keep us all together in 5 years...July 21...sentencing. HEROIN WAS WEEKS AWAY FROM KILLING HIM...I KNOW IT WAS..I LIVED WITH IT. HE HAD TO MAKE IT TO GET TO THAT CELL...SAD AS IT WAS WHEN THEY TOOK HIM...BUT HES ALIVE The rest is up to him....he's been 100% clean since July 21 2012..his personal recovery is not mine...and mine comes first now. I say this because prior to knowing him it all started with Vicodin for him....hydrocodone and tylenol...class III. Percocet...oxycodone and tylenol...and dilaudid too .....both derivitives of morphine. Class II......AND THEN WE HAVE THE FUCKIN ALPHA ...HEROIN. CLASS I. .... please,please find an alternative ...tho you are just kinda,sorta taking them currently....THEY ARE ALL DRONES FOR THE ONE THEY ANSWER TO PLEASE STOP.