Heather67

Good grief falcon, where was I at all dissin on you or motivation in anything that I said??? Hate even throwing this up here but I said I was trying it cuz I'm open to any suggestion...I love the movie anger management and just remembered a part that I thought was funny about a breathing technique. As for Bruce Lee and internal techniques, they give us gals kinda the quick edition of Mr Lees teachings...called LAMAZE. for birthing the babies and all...that I've done 4 times. So I would never bust on that,I've seen enter the dragon bout 50 times,and I respect you too much to ever try and make a social media mockery out of anything that you share and believe in. Now gimme a "that's o.k babe" and we good! !!

I'm not gonna be sad to see it go!!!! I'm not huge on official NY RESOLUTIONS...but for me I'm kinda all ready into the most important one...taking my life back and excorcising the Fucked up girl from my brain!!!! My quit came when it was meant to for me....I could have seen many ways around it,but I listened to the only people who could really understand what I was handling and knew the details to walk me thru each minute if need be. 2012 put me and my husband and our child through things I very often thought at least one or all of us could never survive....but tho we are currently not together..we did all make it. I know there's a reason that each and every event, even the most horrific,of my life has occurred, something I will one day see when I'm meant to. The answer to a complicated equation so to speak. It was my last recovery that after 39 years of life finally taught me about a simple life.....give freely without expecting gain, accept your own slubs and flaws, be unconditional for those you care about(convenience can often be more like disposable) live without expectations they breed resentments. With a lot of practice I've learned to live these things I've listed....they feel better than winning the arguement...having the best lawn on the street...or sitting back and watching my own life just pass me by. I don't want to go back to a life of chasing adderall....2012 also gave me a group of complete strangers that I feel like ive known forever...always telling it strait,never conditional and always giving freely of themselves and their own journey....keeping what they have by giving a lot of it away. So I know that 2012 has served it purpose and its time to keep going and move on. Thanks so much to all of you for so much support and love.

Awwww man I know....its so not about dealing with the public at all in the beginning! !!! For many reasons!! But your public wont be able to get enough of how much better you'll be soon enough. More importantly tho...how u feel about the new way of life you've worked your ass off to get!!!! So much LESS EXHAUSTING IN THE LO.G RUN. free of all the detailed thinking..counting and stressing. All for something you're body doesn't need . Only our addict brain tells us it does. You're regaining control of the one thing we all own...with no paperwork or Co signer,riders or clauses....SELF!!!!!! HOLLA,HOLLA...YOU ARE ON. YOUR WAY!!! STAY STRONG WHEN TELLIN 2012 TO UMMMM...SUCK IT!!! SORRY!! XO

I'm gonna!!!! Ill try anything once...yeah,maybe that didn't sound good, but ya know what I mean. Lol. And yup....kinda geeky cool I like to think. Hippy traits for sure but with a penchant for bands like Alice in chains, disturbed and velvet revolver...hahaha. that breathing thing remembers me of the movie anger management ...and the frooooz graaaamba or vice versa...funny. and as far as the man/love front....my husband is corrently serving a 4 year sentence in Massachusetts for armed robbery... I do love him and hope all survives the complications of a relationship under those conditions,but its not top on my priority list. His addiction took him there and mine left me here...so every man for themselves on the recovery front...time will tell if we will make it or not....so for now I got a man.....he's 3 and quite a. handful!!!!! So breathe,peace...breathe. repeat!!!!

9 days. And yeah...fatigue and being tired, I'm styling there. I don't even get that but ill roll with it...super cool. I make dinner...I shoveled the beat ass snow today...I make the store runs....but I'm not at all into doing it...its all so chore-y !!!!!!! But it is things that need to get done,and they are. Even if I'm not at my own party doing em I guess. I know that will improve but patience is not my strong suite. Lol

Are u all so sick of seeing my alias pop up here all the time. LOL. I'm way better than day one ....but still totally going thru the motions.....so not really "into" anything I'm doing.....like scattered anxiety ! I don't need to sleep not really tired....but my needy 3 year old is trying my last fucking nerve!!!! Up my ass constantly!!!!! I love him but God damn already. I don't look forward to much...so I don't think about it I just stand there and do it. Oh well...I'm not freaking over paying for a drug I can't afford or who I'm getin a ride from to pick up the script..yadda,yadda...so it's better. I need a new hobby!!! LOL

I hope things are well with you freetherealme...this is indeed a God send site for people like us. I have 9 days this time..over 3 years once as well.... I have an appetite for adderall that will never be satiated...therefore I am an abuser. But for me personally....the me before adderall....was also the me that became an addict of it. The me that chased its oblivion...the me that had obviously had something missing,had amends to make with things in the past left open. Resentment will become your plague. There's a whole other real you that you may have never even met yet...one that is without chemical enhancement, one that pairs that with tying up some loose ends in life thus far and looks inward...deeply inward to find happiness without expectation. You're going to find the person that you were divinely meant to be....no joke. It will be the most unreal experience ever...please stay connected here and keep everyone updated...sounds like your plan is a good one.take care.

I know of two things that can actually result in death as far as do it yourself withdrawal....alcohol and benzos!!!!! Others may feel like death...but those two, either/or can indeed result in that. Please seek medical advise, there are great clinics if you don't have insurance...but even an e.r can get you with who u need to work with...and fuck the bill....don't attempt benzos without help. You are dually addicted and that's very common in every small or big town u.s.a....get the right path mapped out and start on it slowly with a professional to guide you. You will be fine and the light will get brighter at the end of the tunnel Debra. I PROMISE!!!!

Does nicotine drive the speed train!!!!! Hysterical!!! Toot,toot...insert very fucked up visual I have of conductor mr.nicotine......wow!!! We are not right....note the we!!!! I smoke insane amounts when using and I'm so into each and every one of em. Doing much better being clean..but that has to go too And oh my God.....excercise!!!! A swear word to me in the past ....my gym had a child proof cap on it!!!! No more...and hey at 45 you don't have to let your shit all go to hell!!! So ill be looking for uggggghhh!!, work out tips.

That's one of the cool things I gravitate towards falcon...people that have taken the hard road to learn about themselves. All of it including the tough shit. I know for me originally ...I chased and used to the degree I did because i knew not a God damn honest anything about myself. And what I thought I did...I didn't like. I wore many hats...wife,mom,daughter and I tried so hard to live the ideals of each oneof those roles....just geting caught I'm the undertow of my own life....and drug addiction loves a little people pleaser. So throughout recovery the first time....I worked hard on finding a voice. Learning I was cool with me and realize I didn't need a management team in life to make all my choices. I still have a hard time being responsible...as you know from me being here again....practice,practice, practice. And the first time out I abstained from all potentially mind altering chemicals too...I went to some LOUD head bangin shows strait as an arrow...but I've never had a problem with a drink here and there...or should I say a few shots of crown ....but I know that's not for everyone...so in no way do I advocate changing ones demon...I know we both recognize our limits...in the past I had none of those. NO STOP SIGNS,SPEED LIMITS,NO BODY WAS GONNA SLOW ME DOWN...LOL. today I have some snow to shovel...ewwww..a 3 year old who wants out there....and a shit ton of coffee to drink. Be good.

I'm so happy!!!!! As fucked up as that kinda is that I'm saying that...me and my shiney 8 day chip. Back before I actually had 3 years off adderall.my clean date was 10-6-2006...I got busted for changing the date on a script, nice, and when the cop saw how much I was getting from many doctors...they thought for sure I had to be moving them. WHAT????? SELL THEM???? ARE YOU PEOPLE INSANE??? I WOULD NEVER PART WITH THESE...EVEN FOR $$$$$. I NEEEEEED THEM. so what you did for yourself by doing that is such a great step!!!!! I don't know if I'm feeling better because I did this in a big way the other time I got clean.. .I went to an in patient rehab, got heavily into 12 step stuff after..and honestly reaped the benefits of a simple life, a happy life,a genuine life without the exhausting, mind fucking life of the chase. I didn't know what pushing myself could get me that time, but I do this time. Me still being up is legit at this hour (east coast) sleep patterns take awhile to tweak...narcolepsy and its B.F.F insomnia. I don't have a lot in my life right now, my husbands addiction did monumental damage to our family...mine could weild the final blow easily. I don't want that. If it wasn't for this site and such dead on advice from people that I want to so desperately hang out with,LOL I woulda have tried to keep going, that's what addicts do ...oblivion or bust baby!!!! I'm stoked that you ummmm, just bucked the fuck up!!! Hahaha.

For me....no, I couldn't have had them and not taken them. I don't think I'm the best one to answer the "to flush or not to flush " question. But you do know what you are perpetuating is your inevitable. You have admitted what those things you possess have done to your life. The NYE Plans???? Trust me when I say facing Christmas with a 3 year old who's all about it and living under my mothers watchful eye even tho I'm 45(long story..LOL ) was not my ideal "KIX THAT SHIT" set up. I woulda rather chewed glass. But I made it through. I don't know what demands surround day to day life for you .... quitting 101 tho, go easy on yourself whenever possible. Loosen the expectations of yourself to get through the start of it. Funny...you're gonna look maybe a little fucked up to start ...ironically tho "I'm getting normal folks the fucked up has been me the last____of years" hahaha. I feel 100 times better at 8 days than day 1. So if NYE IS weighing heavy on your flush dilemma ...you may just blend in with the other revalors without even trying. LOL. But it'll be ultimately your decision either way...I know ima still be here.

Hey,hey. You have found a place that can absolutely get your ass through a day without adderall...even if its hour by hour. So many things to read, things that'll make you laugh out loud and tears you'll cry when you surrender and know that you have found a place with the coolest people who know every detail of this viscious drug and the places its taken you. You will think you have written so much of it yourself I was like you...I had about 4 drs. Working scripts. And buying from a chick in between and still not able to clear a month.set for addies. I have an insatiable appetite for them at 5'6 115 or so lbs. I've been told to make sure one of my kids knew how to dial 911... it wasn't gonna be a matter of IF,it would be a matter of WHEN. I STILL DIDNT STOP. the Friday before Xmas I did stop. Cold Turkey.....13 or so 30's a day to zero!!!! I got red flagged by actually an awesome pharmacist...doing his job!!!! For once. I admitted to him... no I cried that I had a problem. Lying to oneself is fruitless we all know it. You know its got you...it turned on you...it wont hand you an end..your kids wont, your marriage wont , even a cool pharmacist wont....YOU HAVE TO. YOU WONT KEEP UP ANYMORE. EVER. Like you heard above from those with more time....STOP. Get through day one. I woke up 8 days ago like always..not even outta bed"HOW MANY I GOT???" oh man, none. It was a hard hard day. But I'm sure its documented on here somewhere..like day 2,etc. I got thru the worst part, so did Ashley,quit once,falcon and so many others who have been honestly the reason I was able to be listed amongst them. So please dont delay day one... its always gonna be there. Another day using the way we all once did,may not.

Oh my God you guys I love reading all the responses you have!!!!! I really feel like I've known u all forever. I smile all the time reading what you all write and daaaammmn I wanna hi-five but you're not really right here!!!!!! I wish we could all just meet at the local eclectic Bohemian coffee house and chill together!!! Listening to some acoustic stylings of who the fuck ever. My name is Heather by the way and I'm an addict. And just for today I am truly grateful for people who have been where I've been, enlighten me about where I can still go or also where I can end up and tell me to Buck the fuck up already girl, you can't ever fool us,we know your hustle. I am a lucky lucky girl indeed.

Oh.. wow. Never heard of that before. Guess its better to get the Psyche to do what you need it to do in the long run anyway. Rather maybe than a pill. I know there are exceptions to every rule too...fuck, I'm no pyhsician I just play one on my own t.v. LOL so I should stop pushing buttons. You have taken the time to learn and earn a degree in "THYNE OWN SELF" and some people with or without addiction, never in a lifetime bother to do that. So cool,cool.

Hey there...I totally get the temptation thing and your changing it to free time temptation...I have 8 days this time and everything seems like free time because I'm not five steps ahead of my own brain trying to keep up. I was a run multiple scripts adderall user...but a girl I know would let me know when she got hers incase I was between scripts...well she text me like yesterday. And of course the addict in me went...."Fuck ill get just a few. Get some shit done and that'll be that" instead I text her that I was off addies entirely...any way, shape or form. I can't maintain my own habbit and not end up in a cell or a casket so don't heads up me anymore. She gets it..if she doesn't in the future, ill change my #. Some kinda temptation may exsist for the rest of my life....but I can't keep up the chase required anymore,nor do I want to. That's my situation anyway....I come on here to vent or contact a close friend that knows my deal to remind me that I can't go back. I don't ever want to do day one again!!!!! God noooo!!! So stay strong.

Hey falcon...I've heard in here and I know a mom like me who struggled for years to kick adderall,she says she takes Wellbutrin and when she started that it was like night and day. I know that it seems like your desire to stay off addies is all set but as far as just the general depression...have you tried any of those general anti depressants yet.???? I think I have a script for celexa but ill run it past a Dr. That knows my deal first, I know I have always shaken my head at those" they have to build up in your system" meds, cuz I'm all about NOW, INSTANT GRATIFICATION. that's me, but since the new me has to stop and smell the roses...and all. I was just curious.

Yay!!!! Quit once, I have an IN with someone in upper management! !!! Thank you so much. and hey, if anyone wants to call me babe on here...I'm all about it!!! I feel like I've known you guys forever because the stage and the setting may be different but the play is so the same. ..and each day the true happiness about the little things in life comes to light more and more. Makes me realize just how pissed off and miserable I had become on the drug that i would have insisted was the key to my happiness. I woulda "pro" columned thar shit all day long to a novice. ..but those days are gone. Sometimes the hardest part of holding on is letting it go, and this site and all of you have honestly been what's gotten me through this first week.

Starting over....that is beyond killer to hear you say all that you just did. I hit a week today. It has sucked like we all know.. but I managed to get my 3 year olds. Construction site together that I couldn't even start to fathom on Xmas day. It is starting to feel better .. slowly. You just reinstated by sharing...the guarantee of getting more and more each day you keep doing it.I'm so happy for you...have a great new year ...but I think your already doing that. Awesome!!

Seriously!!!!! I did not mean to post that such an obnoxious amount of times!!!! What the f happened there. LOL. You are made cool tho davemyers!!

Davemyers....yay!!!! And hi-5 ..I have a week tomorrow! !!! I feel SO not myself...but yet myself has not been me for a longtime now. So ill get comfortable with this girl Heather again..one day at a time. I had a 5 year run....then.clean for over 3 years... this time bout 2 years using...and heading on 1 week. I don't wanna be here again..but it is the bomb being specific to adderall like it is. You will think the things you are reading you could have written yourself...they are that dead on. And its free...we can all use a bargain and you wont find a better one than here dude!!!! So keep the posts coming and stay strong.

Stains????? I love my piece of shit phone that does its own dictation ....STAIND. YEP...that's what it should read.

Thanks you guys for turning me on to some tunes I hadn't heard before. Before I kicked addies last time out...greenday was everywhere...couldn't hear boulevard of broken dreams without strait cracking...it was my life..perfectly and seriously fucked and on the brink of disaster!!! Then after a stint in rehab...anything by stains....been awhile was the classic addict deal...but so much of their shit is Aaron s own struggle with drugs. We know the genius and talent that drugs have taken out to early from the music world...but it takes so many that we never hear about. Sons and daughters..moms and dads...siblings ,friends and people who are loved by someone despite the fuckups. Behind every face there is a story of a life...even if there isn't a video to go with it.

I need to move and shake on how this whole site works...I went on here like last year and read all the challenge stuff and didn't post anything. This time its been the opposite...guess I can friend people...though you all are!!!! WINK,WINK!!! and find a world of cool shit outside the QUITTING ADDERALL DAY 1 POST. HAHAHA. YAY!!! those lightbulbs just keep coming on when I least expect them!!!

I love the word SNARKY!!!! OMG!!!