Heather67

Hahaha ....I love that one! !!!and Falcon and I are back together now too!!! LOL. Jesus Christ what a nightmare.

Oh my God dude we are ridiculous!!!! See sponge Bob square kite strikes again! !! I wasn't sure what the fuck was going on towards the end. Oh no !!!we're eating each other alive"!!! Lol! "! We're all good...and we were never not good falcon! !! And you know I'd Jack your ass up if I needed to. I think i can take ya with some scrappy doo manuevers!!! That's what friends are for!!! <3

Hahaha...yeah...I'm not right! Laughing does the soul good, especially after we all went way too many rounds with fuckin sponge Bob square kite. Mannnnn!!! At least you didn't yell me to calm the fuck down like falcon did.....LOL. he loves me ...why he gotta.be like that??? Muahhhh..falcon.

FALCON...DUDE DID YOU SERIOUSLY TELL ME TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN...AND RECOMMEND TEA AND SOME LAMAZE!!!!! AND HELL YEAH..CAPITALIZING IS YELLING. I TOOK" YOU PEOPLE" FROM TROUBLE MAKER(HE SAID IT TOWARDS US) IM DONE WAS IM NOT SHARING ANYMORE OF MY LIFE WITH A PERSON WHO ISNT HERE TO HELP ANYONE. I OUTTA JACK YOUR ASS UP FOR REAL....LOL! !

OMG sky...I'm so gonna do that tonite...good lord linking I have no clue on ...ima let motivation handle that for me maybe...not sure if it can be done like that ...I. technologocially retaaaarded!!! Lol!!! I find that experience is the best knowledge on some things...this kinda being on of em. O know there's science of some kind behind everything....but I got this thing about the hands on shit! Back in high school...every book report I did was NON FICTION. my fave being. A book by the mother of Nancy spungen...the girlfriend of Sid. Viscous that died at the Chelsea in NYC prior to sids o.d.ing. LOL...FABULOUS READ STILL.!! I was all over the internet a year ago finding Addie quit info ...found this and I remember clicking the.comic portraying adderall users being better than the Meth /or crackheads across the way. Never forgot that. So I knew where to go when the time was right.

You people???.I'm done with this.

Its really good. I have been very surprised this time out how decent I feel at almost 3 weeks. Way different than back in 2006...that shit took foreva!! I have an awesome best .friend that is a single broke mom like me ...I'm only temp. Single my husband is serving a 4-5 year prison sentence...and his drug use that led up to that...just leveled us...and ill never get used to this...but it was jail or death. So it happened for a reason..ya know. I came to my moms when he went with our 3 ye old son and not much more...but without adderall finally even the dark of what happened is a little.brighter. that list dawned on me today. So thanks for asking....its been a good day.

Searching....for sure my girl just live in the day! !! The weekend is a couple days off and a couple more days winning the war can be a huge asset for the weekend up again. the typical restaurant ummm nite life. LOL ...you gotta talk your ass through every moment girl!!! Just think how fuckin stoked you will be to continue to maintain control through another moment when addies nudge you...psssttt,hey,remember me??? You can say .. NO! !!! YOU REMEMBER ME MOTHER FUCKER? ???? WOOT.WOOT!!! YOU WILL FEEL QUITE GOOD IM THINKIN.LOL ...thank God profanity is cool on here...that wouldn't a worked with out it. Hahaha. Big hugs out to you!!!

Thanks guys. Ima look into it...and nice to get away from the" what's so bad about adderall "topic????? Seriously...video games are an art form??????? LOL

Wait till falcon checks this shit out...LOL

...there's another saying...shoulda left well enough alone. Throwing it out in a forum arena of people that have quit...wanna quit...are afraid to quit...are freaking out during the quit ...maybe wasn't the best idea. I'm not sure what you were thinking any of us would give you???? I'd never walk into an NA meeting and vividly describe the act of shooting dope or the sensations of when the pills kick in ....that could potentially spark something ...that's something I have no business doing. Perhaps there was a better place for your topic. Or you should have left it with Mike till you have more of a reason to take it up with the rest of us who know what you don't yet.

I did take the time to elaborate...which is more than you're getting from most. Cuz I know this was for mikes eyes only to start...but I don't know why you thought you'd get much from the rest of us...I'm sure you can handle it ..you're never gonna sell that shit on here tho. Kinda like me asking junkies to tell me why heroin is so bad ...cuz I happen to like it?????? Naaaah. I respect someones drug hell more than some I suppose. Just saying. So git er done kid!!! LOL

sure.I remember the very first day I put a tablet of adderall in my body...my girlfriends son had his dosage changed and she had a few 10 mg. IR tablets left...I had all symptoms of adhd since childhood but hadn't seen a specialist yet..so she said try em and see if it helps...on a beautiful August day in 2002 I took that pill on my front steps..within 30 minutes it was like someone had unzipped my skull and exposed my fuckin brain to things so clear and vivid and so welcoming. I cleaned the whole house called everyone I knew and was practically on the front lawn in an apron holding a pie to greet my children when they got off the bus from school ...I was beyond elated and so was my husband ...he was.impressed. I was 33 years old. It was like that for a bit..and I did see a specialist for my own script...but tolerence is a bitch my friend...and I would eventually be juggling 10 drs. ...screaming at pharmacists for not filling it for me in stores full of people with my shocked children in tow...have local police at the door on a Sunday morning while making breakfast to cuff me in my own driveway and take mommy downtown for falsifying a script...having my purse dumped all over the trunk of my carwhile police searched it as my father in law drove past bringing my kids home...missing that school bus entirely that I had so happily waited for in the beginning because coping a script was all that mattered and all consuming. Even above the lives and well being of my children. As for my happy husband ...by this time I had been removed from all financial accounts in his attempt to give me no way to cover a Co pay...I would shoplift and return shit and get busted with my kids...who I had taught to.lie very well to their father at this point.tho I was taking any $$$$ they had too. Piggy banks..birthday cards etc. He would remove the plates from my car...I'd take it anyway...putting gas in it that I had syphoned out of his riding lawn. mowers via a chunk of garden hose I had lopped off and blamed on my kids. But alas I had to surrender and give it up...I was so exhausted I didn't care if I ever woke up again...I hated everyone and everything and I couldn't even think.strait to take my own life....i was at a dose of 30-30 mgs a day. 10 strait out the gate in the morning just to function...I could get em from a walk in clinic,oR a gynocologist...I had a sick imagination that is too involved to get into the other fucked up shit I did. I went to rehab for 30 days at 39 years old for adderall...stayed clean for 3 years...but shit got tough again and I turned to that Superman you spoke of....he's still a fuckin asshole and was dragging me down the same road...I quit a 2 year run a few days before Christmas and I have 2.5 weeks...it took me to places that you have yet to go...maybe you never will...but its a chance not worth taking...so I hope that helped elaborate...and never say never. LOL

Wow!!!! Where do I start, I'm thinking that a bit of a disclaimer may be warranted stating that 1).I mean no disrespect if anything in my post comes off as harsh or rude. 2) the opinions I state are my own and not necessarily those of the "company" with that being said will try to bare in mind the post was meant for Mike,who I'm sure very much appreciated your breakdown of all the varieties of "Meth "..LOL. boy oh boy.....addies sure turned on the old charm for you kid. Like it does for many of people that don't actually need it but revel in the psuedo effects that it inspires. It knows that you will already illegally obtain it on the streets at a ridiculous cost....so pretty soon ..cuz you seem like a numbers person and all...it's gonna teach you to fake add and get it from a pharmacy so you can atleast get a price break on what can quickly become your own hell. You know the old "if its too good to be true it probably is"....when it decides you've taken the bait....its gonna take your productivity ,your 40 lbs of fat loss and all your other warm fizziest...and slam that shit right into reverse. It will turn on you,it wont let you see it coming...but it will make sure that you know when it does. Most of the time I've found that problems lie with greed,,,no one being happy with what they have in life...weather its for a more impressive job title,pussy cuz the wife at home just doesn't do it anymore...technology,which is bleeding the humanity out of this world...or drugs ..a line is never enough and neither is a 10 mg. Greed is the root of many an evil...addiction is a process. ..but who knows???? If all goes well you can start your own online community of happy stepford adderall users. Lol. Best of luck to you.

Now I need to get Wellbutrin. If there is a hard working multi tasking little pill...this seems the answer. I know a friend of mine struggled hard with addies...landed her little soccer mom ass in jail. She swears getting off them but getting on Wellbutrin was the key. I've heard they can maybe help to quit smoking,and deal with depression and anxiety. Next would be. to hope they are cheap...I don't have insurance. Gotta be a generic cheapy by now tho...then again how much was I shelling out for my other shit???? Lol.Definetly looking into this. I think im'a believer.

I'm still a weirdo...and damn it good with that! !! With that being said...its late and I'm punchy from boredom,and I told our new friend you would all be getting with her and sharing all of your cool knowledge and experiences and you didn't disapoint....but falcon dude...you are the bomb, " that therapist is no good for you and you need to get the fuck away from her"...I was literally L'ing OL !!! That was awesome. And motivation you referenced American psycho!!! No you did not!!!! Shut up!!!! I Have seen Christian bale as the Huey Lewis listening crazy fuck kill squad about 20 times. Lol. Love you guys. <3

Didn't I tell ya they'd be getin Atcha soon. Please keep it going tomorrow ...it may be easier if you didn't have any around...but that's a choice. I'm not sure if you mentioned much on that ...I did read you kept away from them today,so I'm assuming they are still around. Just because I know the beginning is very tough and your addiction will be trying to fuck with you. I posted like a freak...especially the first week cuz dealing with people in person wasn't happening aside from the must do Xmas family shit. Things are completely different already....still kinda robotic and I'm constantly thinkin how much I was into doing laundry on addies...but I'd plan and think about it in my disoriented self induced spin,for much longer than it would have taken to just do it. Sitting still to fold it wasn't happening either. When the end of your run looms near you are often literally spinning your wheels all day and accomplishing absolutely nothing. I am able to get stuff done on my own and a lot of iced coffee... I did a 12 step thing the last time....definetly not for everyone but it helps me to stay in a positive state about each day without adderall...and its socializing too...I am hoop Dee less and home with a 3 year old all day 24/7....many of my friends have remained there and will put the hand out for me....just like on here. Ima get a chip and start working it again. So go easy on yourself Chica...eat those pbj's (a fave detox snack)LOL and clean your room if ya want to even in little stages...maybe pick a pile or a drawer or whatever for the day ....this site will make you laugh and make you cry and even though its rough you feel again...and your heart knows that. Keep trudging girl you'll get there! !!

Its not horrible ..its a fact. Addiction goes much deeper than the drug. Those things you speak of thar we don't want to care about. There are indivual reasons that an addict seeks their own personal oblivion,mine was to be everything everybody else fuckin wanted me to be. Addies numbed the pain of being very resentful at myself for not having the balls to take the reigns of..well...me. they don't allow us to feel real anything. ..all psuedo girl!!! You will read things on here that'll you'll think you wrote yourself. Adderall is unique to adderall users and abusers. I knew the ins and outs of my own hustle better than anything else. I meticulously honed the fucked up skills to get the ridiculous amount I needed. This time...2'ish weeks ago..right before Christmas with a 3 year old...I went from 13-30's a day to 0!!!! Talk about sucking....but it gets better..in the big pic of life...its rather short..just feels long. Others will be chiming in for you soon, people with a lot more time than me...but ultimately it'll be up to you....don't plan on much help from your brain....adderall has infested it currently and it'll give you all the reasons to continue...to use a slogan...u kinda gotta just do it.

Normal will come my child when u stop taking addies...you don't take them as prescribed like the vast majority of us on here. It takes time,work,patience and will power to get to normal. I'm about 2.5 weeks in on the road to normal....this time. I had 3 years and chose to abuse adderall again....it doesn't change for us..we pick up where the chaos left us last time. And where it will always leave the ones addicted to it. Awesome you are recognizing that you can't take it normally ..you've admitted your problems,cool people on here will give you all the info you need to get you through....bit the road to normal is not handed to us....you have to place yourself on it and stay on it....not always easy,but take control away from adderall,it doesn't care about your life,you have to. Please keep posting and reading!!!

Well,I'm not going crazy alone anyway!!!! Just as I was typing this I caught the humming and what I'm noticing is that it happens a lot when I'm active doing somethings that's hands on. Hmmmm???? Almost making me think that its like my brain is engaged in the task....it blocks out or doesn't pick up on the lower activity(the hum). But when it shifts in the task...it picks up the tix occurring. Although have said they can control it...I kinda can't all the time. It doesn't register till I'm already doing it, the online medical community may be in my research on this tonite. I'm glad I finally got this topic up...I had been thinking about for like a week now. Thanks guys!!

Its called mumbling by my mother, a tourettes tic,...(isn't that when you yell mother fucker for no reason and swipe your nose nsync??? LOL ) talking to myself, and many other takes people have on it. I call it thinking out loud. Hahaha. I sometimes realize I'm doing it... thought I always realized it...but ill be in a store looking at stuff and another shopper will kinda just turn and look at me...ill notice they are and often catch a humm coming from myself at the same time. Its fairly subtle I think..when I would go to bed when my husband was home ...I'd sigh repeatedly before falling asleep...he thought it was cute(goddddd dude) like a sign of contentment (don't know about that) had this even when I had 3 years of adderall ....nothing prior to starting to take adderall back in like 2002. I have used adderall beyond excessively...from 2002-2005 I'd estimate 400-500 mgs a day. 2005 - late 2006 I'd reach 30- 30's a day. I'd start every day with a handful of 10-12 of them...drop 3 at a time 5-6 times thru the day. Doctors were shocked when I outed my ass that I was still alive. I have been told my heart has shown an enlargement(I have yet to.see the cardiologist ) to see just how much. I was clean from 2006 -2009. This last time I got up to 300- 400 daily. Will this mumbling ever end..is there a cure??? I'm hoping the heart stuff will be of the reversible variety...shocked that drs. I went for psych providers for pills over regular drs. To avoid the blood pressure cuff...I've had many a nurse ...laugh and go "that can't be right..ill do it again " I'm over 2 weeks into the best cure I could fuckin think of ...stopping. any experiences anyone's had I'd love to hear. Thanks

Hahaha...I love me some cheesy...but it wasn't anyway. Premature aging at 30....nice. since I'm at the geriatric age of 45..LOL and although addies were my gym and my chosen diet plan...I've been lucky that my shit hasn't all gone to hell quite yet!!! Tho staying content with changes on that fuckin scale is not coming easy for me.....WHAT??? I HAVE TO EXCERT MYSELF A. LITTLE...JESUS CHRIST!!!! So I'm trying to adjust some shit and just keep complaining about it on here. I know eventually circumstances and the mind/body connection will even out....and ill be a better me to myself and those who have to deal with me. I was so manic on that shit that I'm pretty sure I was getting close to being, ummm,yeah socially unacceptable ...you keep doing what's genuinely best for you too dude!

Yeah ...the first week as a general rule...sucks balls. The second week there seem to be a lot of variables,my bodies ability to actually function was pretty good fairly quickly this time...unlike 2006 when I went to inpatient rehab and literally slept through the first two weeks. The problem lies for me is that my mind set...state of mind ...and unfortunately highly adderall programed mind has to follow suit....the hoop Dee wont run without fuel...and my mind has not gotten to anywhere near the point the rest of me is at which is like 2 weeks now. I know that comes gradually and I just have to deal with it. A lot of the things I do....is based on counter thinking. Things I say naaaaah on...I counter by just fuckin pushing myself to do them. And if I'm like yeah skip the laundry till tonite...I just zombie my ass down the stairs thinking nooooo..just get it in now. I am not comfortable with not being all. " """"Addie stoked """about every activity I partake in,even the stupidest shit. I know this is an undertaking that requires acceptance,change,deprogramming and a good old fashioned "walk it the fuck off" mentality. But it beats chasing them 30's any fuckin day!!! Hang in there,keep posting and keep reading!!!

Aww...motivation...thanks!!! I'm pretty twisted naturally...and I was quite the little fucked up force to be reckoned with all jacked on the shit..some people could not handle it!!! Oh well...the times they are a changing....and DAMN IT...I LIKE ME ...IM GLAD YOU DO TOO!!! HUGS

Wow Leah ....I loved what you said about using the focus on useless shit....my kids have pictures in their coloring books that could be in the Louvre! !!! Yet laundry was climbing up the basement wall,and bills weren't getting paid. The big light bulb went off finally when I realized how many times my kids had been in the backyard on the swingset saying "mommy can you push me on the swing?" They got my obligatory go to reply of, "in a minute".....In 3 fuckin years...I a minute still hadn't come. It will do nothing but get worse for everyone. Be well girl!