Heather67

So it was a month ago...a Friday, that I told my story of the go figure,the cool pharmacist who red flagged me. A month since I was in full scale "this is gonna suck balls big time" mode. That day the sick and twisted addict in me said" maybe there could still be a way around this, how the fuck do you think you can let go of speed...you love it,you need it"....today that part of me is in remission...the healthier part of me says "isn't it great not to spend every hour planning a score, not to be paranoid and unable to sit still,not to be digging the damage hole any deeper...not to be up till 3 a.m like its normal." Life is far from complete but its better than it could ever be with adderall consuming my every minute,my identity,my morals and values .....my everything. Thanks to so many of you who told it strait,shared your own struggles and gave me a desire to keep going...ill. continue to ask that of you,and you'll oblige. And if you're new here or struggling...you have to want it 110% ...you can't find excuses to use....find the reasons not to. Heather

Hey girl.....you gotta have faith in you!!! The weight issues...well the extensive list of ways adderall will fuck up your life when abused is going to long exceed the weight issue. Specially if your a personal trainer you know the ins and outs of the fitness game....unlike myself ..I went cold Turkey off about 400 mgs a day..self medicating via my own order...the scale shot up and I freaked. .but I didn't use. It's coming down by eating better qualities of food. I spent that amount on pills...multiple times a week. I have no job though...so usage was exceeding the means...ya know. You may be able to taper do to the amount you take. ..I have not much knowledge about those amounts due to having exceeded them many many years ago. If adderall already contributes to unrealistic expectations its wise to cut it out of your life while you still have court advantage. Of the low dosage....so I'm glad you found the site....its awesome,stick around and hang In there girl!

The smoking has way chilled out since being off addies ....Friday it'll be a month...wow! I do it...but yeah....its not at all the same!!!! Speed and nicotine are like Siamese twins..can't have one without the other...well ya can..but yeah...the urge is kinda squelches. Tho I had to go a couple hours without cigss yesterday...thought I was gonna loose my mind!!!! talk about edgy. Jesus!!

I think I've finally calmed down somewhat. A lot of it was kinda like all the shit ill be doing to go...making sure everything for my son is all set for my mom to watch him for a more extended time than a trip to the store. ..thinking of where these pants are or this shirt that are still in boxes that are still not unpacked...and just the thought of going to an "event"...life has been fucked up and all about either my husband,or something bullshit for awhile now...I'm not all that used to living for me yet...and adderall free. I put all the to-dos in a big shit heap in my head...Vs..just taking the time to do em....it's not till fuckin Sunday. I'm programed to freak almost...but now ill just handle a bit here and a bit there over these few days and look forward to having a good time...not a paranoid one. She takes her adhd meds as prescribed and I could give 2 shits about pain meds she takes. And I have 3rd row tickets to fuckin soundgarden at the orpheum. I plan on enjoying that shit!!! LOL

Thanks... i looked under life hacker....duuuh!! LOL

Food gates are fine I guess....but worried about FLOOD GATES .....JESUS ALREADY. LOL

So...sounds pathetic but I'm going to fuckin soundgarden this Sunday in Boston ....3 rd fuckin row at a sold out show. The preperation for this...my kid being all set for like the whole day with my mom...what the fuck I'm wearing,and other girlie shit....my brain hurts. The girl I'm going with I've known since high school...crazy then crazy now. She takes adhd meds...and Asst. Pain shit...she knows my deal and all...and aside from a couple drinks and maybe some ganja...I wanna swing this show as on the up and up as possibly...but those things in that environment ...are they gonna open the food gates to a concert full of oblivion??? It should be super fun...but the stress has kicked in and its only fuckin Tuesday! !! Wtf?????

There is an app....it doesn't look like what is on the link that motivation posted tho... I went on Google play store...that one got eh/eh reviews and looks like dungeons and dragons kinda... I want the shit were I get points for calling aunt deb ...with her potty mouth and inappropriate references ....Hahaha. ...it looks perfect for me...I want parades,pinatas and prizes for getting the toilet clean and then the OK to go have ummmm,an Irish coffee!!!! Fuckin hell yeah kids!!!

Hey girlie....girl....I don't think you're bullshitting anyone. I respect how honest...brutally so,that you've been about all your issues not just adderall. And I do think when you find a person...one person who can help you resolve them along with the addiction to some of the substances that are supposed to help with some of them already....life will feel not so overwhelming. You're a lot more in tune with your faults and yourself than any 20 year old I know. Its hard....cuz you're doing what people do at 20....but you recognize that you do it differently...and that's a step in itself. So don't you dare change....just get those issues in one basket and try to work em hard. XXOO

Yeah,yeah. I think it tells me that on the package too. Good lawwwwd another vice bites the dust....eventually. I think I feel a touch of the voodoo round here. Lol.

OK fine you two! !!!! here's a Smiley head right back at ya!!! LOL

Its gone now. Lot of stress today. Thanks for being the only one to chime in before I maybe bit the weeny!!! Lol...just kidding.

Totally cool for you...and to each his own. But without a doubt I'd tell 2012 to fuck itself again...for sure. Not a good minute in it...Ive learned...well...not a ton from it...maybe just how I wont live again. No peace love and banana bread in 20 Fuckin12!!! LOL

Have a sharp pain on the left side of my chest ...right under the clavicle bone..hurts more when I move, turn my head,cough or ummm,talk. Started about an hour ago. Hmmmm.

I know I don't have a higher than average IQ...I do think I have above average common sense and wisdom tho...hahaha. I'm thinking that doesn't mean shit as far as that study goes though huh??? My self esteem has been practically knocked out its taken such a beating lately.

Yuppers ...that's what I'm doing on this really long,boring,absolutely doing nothing day. It's now sunny and like 60 here...not common for this kinda year. Muddy as fuck out there tho...and I'm trying to figure what would go good with some captain Morgans ....cocoa????LOL seems more cheery that way instead of maybe desperate! ! This is still addict thinking....and all about that feeling but substituting the addies with ummmm,anything Legal....but not healthy. God damn I got along way to go!!!! LOL

Refer to my lost that loving feeling posts recently ...I've garnered useful info on my desire to spark a hell yeah on everything I do without adderall,cuz that is my big allure with it....and missing that dopamine goes with the territory of having been a whore for it I guess! LOL. For me it's quit now,or quit in a prison cell. My addiction is very advanced, it had a monstetous appetite that can only be handled extremely illegally ....and as much as I love that feeling...I hate the above scenario that much more...ill use that to trudge another day. LOL

Yeah I know ....when my heart started to race at the mere flash of orange in my dark purse that turned out to be an apple-jax.....my suspicions were confirmed that adderall addiction will take all signs of common sense and rational thinking.

The urge to refill ....never thought I'd say thank God for the state drug powers that be cutting me off at the pharmacy knees ....yeah,that kinda eliminates the urge to refill ....I was an insane adderall addict as far as quantity...I had 4-5 doctors and those weren't even holding me a month...was gonna have to enlist a 6th. And all with no car,having to rely on my friend keris schedule to get around and pick em up...watch my kid,scrape up gas $$$,then gank and return to pay for the shit...and repeat every few days. Good fuckin God....things do happen for a reason!!!

Wow,yeah I'm carrying on about missing all that fake shit that adderall induced. I can't.stand posers, yet I really was the opitamy of one. Ewwww!!, its raining and miserable in RI today..my kid is the most still I've ever seen him due to being down with a cold...so the living room is head quarters central today...gonna be a lazy one....gossip mags,blankets and pillows, snacks and Pepsi (for me) ,gonna just try and roll with that . And give my kid the comfort he needs that I couldn't give if I was high on a feeling

I agree 100% Cody based on only my own experience ..I really try to keep an open mind on the everyone else front. If I had pills...I'd take them. Period. They are what I'm trying to remove from my life,therfore ,including them.is always. Counterproductive. And Ashley for sure it could have been any of us...I just thought it'd be my luck.that"just one more time"would be the last time. When its I'n control,we all know it'll do whatever the fuck it wants to.

Hey Kyle, so funny that you brought this up...I got a text from a # on my phone last nite it read " do you know anyone who likes instant addies?" Well yeah...me!!! I didn't text that but I sure thought it...I mistakingly thought it was a Guy that's been friends with myself and my husband for awhile..and who woulda been handing over to me for free ...oooohhhhh, the devil often uses a great deal to lure us in. My reply was "you're a Fuckin looser, you suck" turns out it was the girl ive mentioned that was my street source...nothing's free with her but if it had been....wow....especially cuz I've been Jones in to get outta that robotic mode you spoke of...and just posted about missing that feeling I did what you did and thought about backwards...going backwards....the verbal spanking I'd get on here ...cuz I thought well gee...a few might work cuz I'm not gonna chase em again ,I can't RI cut me off at the pharmacies so its like could I be forced to take as prescribed? ?? The answer is no....only the fuck up in me was thinking for about an hour last nite. I got thru it...but like you said it'll come up again and I gotta try to keep the Fuck up at bay..not always easy...but I did it and seems you did too....so hi-5 brotha Kyle for being honest and Putin it out there ...cuz it helps others as well.

Where is the like button???....I'm not a little fucked up ...I'm a lot fucked up....but I've said it before....damn it...I like myself!!! LOL

Thanks my homies!!! Ahhh,Leah I feel ya. I know I use food now to try and induce that little bit o euphoria...I can't even get into shopping.... used to love to do that....even alone,I preffered alone when I was on em....I'd make every fuckin sales associate my new b.f.f...getting.all stocked and talking jeans with the girls....a few sizes smaller jeans tho!!!! But nice dudes like krax and others remind.me that we ladies are tough on ourselves and they prefer the "baby's gotta booty like POW O POW"!!!! route...Trying to convince myself....MY BOYS JUST SCORED ...that's not even the same...waaaahhh!

Matter of factly quit I meant. F in.phone.