Krax

Yes like that

Yes the other half is what I'm after - maybe there isn't anything beyond what's previously been discussed on other posts, I just wanted to throw it out there thx

I'm not trying to stay on the fence, that's the problem or part of it. Is that how you do it, you just tell yourself it's not an option, that's it?

How long have you taken Xanax daily for?

Can you schedule a telephone appointment with your dr?

My work has two general components; the first takes up a smaller percentage of the time however is no less important, and involves interaction with other people. I have found that living without Ritalin makes this part better (Wellbutrin helps too). The second part of my job involves paperwork, telephone calls, emails, research blah blah blah, which time wise is the larger proportion of my obligations. Though Ritalin does not help the quality of the work, like for everyone else the stimulus makes it easier to do because of course anything is interesting when you're buzzed and enthusiastic. I am having a hard time doing this very important part of my job. Once I get going on some task its not so bad, but the constant thoughts about how much Ritalin would help are annoying and right now, at 2.5 months, it just seems so insurmountable. I guess I am hoping some of you good folks who have been or are in a similar circumstance will have some strategies that I can try, if so thanks in advance.

sorry to go off topic but I wanted to ask neversaynever how the Soundgarden show was? I saw Iron Maiden last summer, for the 4th time but only the 2nd time without Ritalin and enjoyed it a lot more without the stimulant - a lot more open to the music and all.

Give it another week

Regarding organizing by making daily lists I totally agree, and have been using an app called Toodledo on my iPhone and PC at the office, it's like using excell but its already set up for that purpose.

I don't think there was anything embarrassing about the original post in fact I appreciated it, having those thoughts quite a bit myself I feel less alone in that way - it's a good reminder that we are always one pill away from relapse.

Rick do you mean the klosterman book "the visible man," I just ask because I've read most of his non-fiction stuff and was curious what you thought if that's the same book I'm referring to, if not please disregard thanks

Em good for you we will be thinking about you and I look forward to hearing from you again soon -

Em you sound like a very nice and bright young lady, but I have to agree with Sky - it's frustrating for us to read about you, sort of get to know you, when at the same time you're telling us that you are making a conscious choice to continue using. It's hard because we sort of (I know I do) start to care about each other's well-being. It's tough to read about one of us relapsing, but it's good too because we can lend support when that happens. On the other hand though it's even tougher to read about you when you let us get to know you and at the same time are describing your intentional self-destruction, it just sucks to have to read that - and I wouldn't want you not to come here for support I just don't know if you are ready for the support that is available here.

Saw it and loved it, one of the best movies about addiction I've seen. The thing that really impressed me, and I don't want to give too much away, is the it presents things with so much empathy - it makes you surprised as a viewer (at least for me) having that kind of reaction given the circumstances. Anyways, that movie had a lot to do with me seeing that in myself.

I think QuitOnce was saying that if you get the job the concern is that you will BELIEVE you got it because of the Add, not that you really did get it because of that...and as Sky said it probably had less impact (either way) then you think - if you get the job YOU got it in spite of and not because of the Addy.

MFA I know you are down on yourself but Cassie is right - and this does not undo all of the work you have done.

In recovery congrats on all you've done

ya what is it about anhedonia and television? A couple weeks ago I watched the first 4 seasons of Sons of Anarchy on netflix over a weekend.

Could not agree more, however Cody's experience with video game playing mirrors my experience with recording - I don't expect to ever pull another all-nighter for purposes of creating the greatest beat ever, but at this point I don't even want to plug my drum machine in, whereas pre-ritalin I did want to do that in reasonable amounts and for reasonable periods of time. So ya my use of Ritalin has,at this point, actually reduced my ability to experience joy at doing something I like doing.

Yes, I have the same issue with music recording.

I'm sure many people do get satisfaction from it, however you make a very good point - for most people work is still something they have to do; I mean sure I get satisfaction out of what I do, but at the end of the day (actually at the beginning of the day), if I didn't have to I wouldn't work. This is probably also why some people who win the lottery go off the deep end because I think work for the most part is good for us.

You have to watch them in order - unlike most tv shows, it doesn't start off with a bang and then settle down but rather is the inverse.The first season is sort of slow because it sets everything up, but it's well worth it, 2nd is better, and the 3rd and 4th seasons are insanely good.

big fan

okay got it thanks

damn I thought that was an app or something