Krax

We don't drink in our house at all, but when I went to Steely Dan at this great outdoor venue here a month ago I had my wife drop me off and pick me up so I could throw back a couple. Sure they were micro brews but the next day I remembered why I don't drink. That cleared it up for me. I just need to do that every 6 months or so and I'm good. Just so you all know, that's what you have to look forward to in your 40's!

sober

Reset thanks for posting that -

"True-Dat." as my daughter would say

Wow, great post. I couldn't have explained my current state of mind any better. In addition, I've found that when I really break it down, that the bottom line is I just miss getting high.

isn't it caused by lack of appetite?

Wow what are you taking? I want some of that.

Jon are you taking any prescriptions now? When I was on wellbutrin I had trouble tolerating coffee.

no I have not can you describe it please

that makes a lot of sense. I'd like to think it will get better, it's not like I have a choice, I actually don't really want that amp feeling it's just the void.

Coffee has a much longer half-life than amphetamines; yet it's clearly not as potent at least in the short term sense.

9 months now, not counting January 25 "slip" where I took a low dose one time - anyways, just going crazy! I have a lot of vitality, just can't focus and have no interest in anything. Don't want to be at work, don't want to be at home, just nothing. Supplement experience as follows: 5-HTP feels like my experience with SSRI's - just this loopy feeling; Lion's Mane (lifeshield mind force supp) makes me a total zombie; L-Tyrosine FEELS NOTHING AT ALL. Just have to remind myself this is temporary.

actually though he apparently wrote a number of his shorter books (like Subterraneans ) on amp, I have read On the Road was written on pea soup and coffee, seriously. Regarding people's opinion of OTR, one thing to consider is how heavily it was edited by the publishing company to remove the homosexual references. More recent bio info strongly indicates that Keroauc was predominately homosexual (or bi whatever), and the book as edited kept out a lot of stuff that would have made that apparent. I mean come on, you have to remember when it was published. Whether you like the book or not, it was a huge influence on a lot of talented people, like for instance Jim Morrison, Bob Dylan and David Bowie.

That is a really good point - if you expect to be happy then you feel worse because no one is happy all the time, that isn't how life works. I think that your experience in general is shared by everyone on this forum, in part because we all found this magic pill that defied nature and gave us instant somewhat sustained feelings of pleasure. When I think back, now 47 years, to earlier times in my life, the most rewarding times were those that involved anxiety of some sort, some discomfort and struggle, and in which I did not expect to feel happy, so I just experienced life and in the process felt a multitude of feelings, most which were neither happy or unhappy. That is life.

Cat I agree. I compare it to sleeping: If I lay there and tell myself to go to sleep, of course I can't. There are a lot of things that I can do and refrain from, however, that will increase the chances I will sleep well, like exercising, not drinking coffee at dinner, cutting back on sugar and so forth. So with happiness, there are things I can do or not do that will impact that, absolutely.

speaking for myself, trying to be happy by telling myself to be happy or why I should be happy, that's like trying to go to sleep by telling myself I have to go to sleep. I have to let myself just live, feel the feelings that come my way, and take it from there. Just my two cents

that's weird, Tyrosine - even on an empty stomach - does absolutely nothing for me. I must be in the minority on this because I read a lot of posts relating positiive effects from it. I think many times we romanticize what it was like pre-amphetamine. If things had been that great for me, I never would have taken it. We just need to get use to reality and stop expecting to feel happy all of the time.

Sebastian if emotional stability was a requirement for people getting into and staying in relationships - both healthy an unhealthy, believe me, 90% of the population would be single. You my friend know, from our past chats, that based on what I do for a living I KNOW this for fact. So don't think that feeling down or whatever will prevent finding someone, in fact you know, most other people experience similar feelings and it only helps you relate to them better. Happy to see you've got a new job.

Wellbutrin kept me sane and functional during the first four months after quitting ritalin, then at that point it was too activating and stimulating for me - once my natural energy started to return. May lay-person's understanding is that like amphetamines it prevents or inhibits the reabsorbing (reuptake?) of dopamine to the brain cells, thus letting more of it swim around in your brain at a given time, however unlike amphetamines it does not cause the artificial release of dopamine in the first place, so it's a stimulant, like coffee I guess, but not so potent and not addictive.

I don't want to minimize anything any of you have said - I certainly share your feelings of feeling like I wasted 4 years of my life, specifically for me the fact that I was high or wanting to be high all of that time and not nearly as present in the moment as I could have been with my family - so I totally relate, however in a sense in some ways I think that I learned from my abuse of ritilan, like any bad experience there is something to learn - it taught me to appreciate alot of things about myself and in my life that I took for granted before I started using and abusing - if I hadn't experienced that period of using, I would probably still be in the dark about some things and non appreciative about some things about myself and my life that I now appreciate. I had issues before using (which is probably why I started) - it wasn't all roses before then - and though it may not have been a straight linear path from there to here - it in some ways led me to where I am now in dealing with stuff. Edit: after I wrote this and thought about it I think it's incomplete. I don't want to change any of what I wrote but I think it's leaving something important out. When some of you say that your years of using stunted your growth in a sense, I do have a similar experience in that my ability to tolerate difficult feelings was weakened somewhat since the use of amphetamine disconnected me completely, making it so I did not have to continue to work on learning to deal with and be patient with my feelings. I am now having to work on that again, so ya, it did suspend my development in that sense.

there is a deeper and more ingrained problem, however, that you all are not considering: there is a large proportion of school age children that due to biological (i.e. drug affected) and environmental factors are disruptive and whose behavior impairs the educational experience of other students and the teachers. I don't know but suspect that these children are the reason ADHD medicaions (primarily amphetamines) are so largely prescribed for children. Take that away and the larger problem already existing manifests itself. Due to Constitutional issues schools can't just immediately remove children from classrooms anymore. It isn't just whether these drugs are good or bad for the individual.

Sebastian this sounds obvious, but couldn't the late afternoon coffee contribute to your difficulty sleeping, and your anxiety?

That's cool

Ashley being nosy but did you go to Texas or something?

I didn't get diagnosed as such but man, I certainly felt pscyhotic around month 3-4 after quitting, so I don't think you are alone in that respect. I absolutely think that it had to do with the avoidance I engaged in for the four years I was taking ritalin, even when I was temporarily withdrawing after buring through my supply, that in itself was numbing because my mind was focused on obtaining my next prescription. So ya, I think though maybe your experience was more extreme in outcome (though it's good you got help), that that response in general is typical.