lea

I'm more of a depressive although at times I get very impatient. The depression I'm just trying to tolerate because eventually it subsides. I have noticed some brief moments of lightness in silly things like watching the pets play and certain expressions like "brain fart" ... go figure.

Amen to that!

Big mistake - this is some strong shit. I've never tried energy shots because I didn't realize they were sugar-free (some anyway.) Today GNC was giving away free redline energy shots and even though they said not to drink the whole thing @ once - addict that I am - if one is good two is better ... I drank half the shot @ 3:30 and the other half at 4:30. I felt decent after the first half - a nice boost of energy mid-afternoon. After the second half I felt WAY too wired. Not in a good way. So beware. Tomorrow I will try 5-hour energy ... one shot at a time.

Very thoughtful and inspiring!

Well I for one am very proud of you - 39 days - so f#@kin encouraging! I will try to keep that in mind about doing the day with honesty when I'm not getting very much done - which unfortunately is like every day these days...

Hi Olivia115 -- ahhhh yes the perfectionism ... I enjoyed reading your story because so much of it is very familiar -- the nightmare of addiction, running out of pills, absence of sleep, flushing the pills ... and the struggle of finding who you are without the pills - check - all of the above. 85 days clean is about 65 more than I've got right now so I think you're doing great! In my experience recovery is a work in progress. You never know what you're going to get from day to day but regardless, it always passes after a while and it's never as bad the emotionless speeded out zombie I was on ritalin. You will get a lot of information on what it's like to be where you are right now and you will know for sure you are not alone. ((( big hugs )))

I second the gold star! Great job by you !!

I read about rhiodola rosea on Dr. Oz's website -- looks interesting. Worth a try for sure!

minute by minute ... you can do this!

Day 19 and overall so happy to have made the decision to quit. So happy overall but somewhat depressed today. I feel lonely even though I was invitd to dinner tonite and chose not to go -what up with that? I guess I feel reluctant to making the next move toward getting my life back. Quitting is awesome but I can't let the loneliness of isolation bring me down. There, I feel better after having said that.

Wow The Legatus, your post brings me to tears (OMG I feel an emotion)! That was so beautifully written and I am so glad to hear you are feeling better. Flushing the pills with your girlfriend sounds like an excellent bonding experience. Thank you so much for your super-motivating words. Hugs.

Hi ld - YAY - no more pills !! For me that was the hardest part. And you will laugh again. I felt the same way as you not knowing why I waited to the point I did ... felt nothing except desperation... I'm just shy of 3 weeks so a relative newbie @ quitting. I was up to 100+ of ritalin ... The first few days were a blur, then short fleeting moments of optimism which is very encouraging. Every day my commitment to living stimulant free is strengthened by reading this site - the posts, the articles, "your challenge" - whatever. Do whatever you can do to stay strong and little by little you will feel better.

I've been taking Source Naturals about a week -- don't notice any noticeable effect but I take it with L tyrosine, vitamin D and other supplements....

Look at it this way -- you are years ahead of the game when you look around and see other people on stims. They are always going to be there. And sure they appear to work for some, especially during the honeymoon phase ... but honestly you don't know what's goin' on behind closed doors.

You have a wonderful identity on here and you've a tremendous help to me! I'm thinking that staying clean is like being a mom - there are so many challenges and frustrations that are with you 24/7 and there are also amazing rewards. It's easy for us addicts to get bogged down with the negatives because we used to have the illusion of instant gratification - which only makes things worse. I think going to a meeting will help because it will get you out of your head -- if you know what I mean. And I like the idea of working from home - it's awesome thinking out of the box. So again I say -- you go girl! You rock and you're worth it!

Stage 6 for me - now that I can look back with some degree of clarity. Thanks for the memories!

Yes -- I can relate to most -- especially the moroseness -- chasing a high is depressing, especially in the few moments of lucidity when you can actually feel the damage. I'm @ 16 days clean and it does get better, even in this amount of time. People often quit when they feel they have hit bottom but there are varying degrees of hitting bottom. Raise your floor and quit now. I get thru the initial discomfort by focusing on how much better it feels not to be drugged 24/7 and constantly fearing an overdose. One thing's for sure once you've reached that point, now matter how far you've fallen it can still get worse. Posting here is an affirmation of your desire to quit. Go for it!

There's an app ?!?! awesome! Stats is a pretty nasty frog - been there

Hey Falcon -- Thanks for your encouraging words. It's embarrassing to admit but I have been to rehab for vicodins. I freely admitted it at the time because I knew I needed help. With ritalin you are correct, it was definitely misuse which ultimately led to massive abuse. For a period of 2 years I took them pretty responsibly, as I'm sure we all did in the beginning. I totally get where your coming from about shrinks... no problem. For me the threat of testing positive for ritalin would likely send me back to rehab which would devastate me financially and careerwise. Sad but true...

Hey girl - It's incredibly difficult to tolerate the more mundane and stressful aspects of life off stimulants and I'm right there with you -- especially as the messed up dopamine system gets back to normal. On stimulants I could always look forward to popping another pill. The anticipation was as exciting as the 5 minutes of good mood and grandiose thoughts that I was invincible, could get everything I need to do done and write the next great novel. But I didn't... It's as easy for me to get ritalin (illegally) as alcohol so hangin close to this site - for me - is like going to a meeting. Things that help me in the time being are running, being around other people and breaking down tasks to 15 minute increments - talk about baby steps... Also there's an excellent book on the reading list called "Eat That Frog" which I have found useful in dealing with ADD without stimulants. So hang in there - you can do this one minute at a time!

Total humiliation and we'd be talking rehab. I've been working with this Dr for several years and I do respect him.

It's to hold me accountable and just between him and me -- no monitoring by my profession or anything like that. I think it's a good idea b/c I do need to be held accountable. I'm an addict and now he knows I lie like a rug... neversaynever thanks for the encouragement.

holla SomedayDreamer -- 2 weeks for you too -- high five right back at ya!

Means he can give me a script to go to the lab for a pee test at random to make sure I'm being straight with him.

I just ordered DMAE from amazon and I'm also on wellbutrin -- so I'm putting myself out there as a human experiment.