lea

He sounds genuine and caring and I love that. It's very encouraging that relationships can mend and grow.

Congratulations -- Your posts are very inspiring so keep 'em coming !

And the good news is... both inner and outer beauty are restored after quitting. Healthy lifestyle, vitamins, time outdoors and being around people help expedite these things but mostly, there's no substitute for feeling good naturally and changing your lifestyle -- the good ole fashioned way.

Good job Wouldn't Have Known! Both in quitting and in the steps you've taken for accountability. I relate to your story so much - especially the part about going through your script in a week (me too), withdrawal, damaged relationships, the whole nine. I am also so sorry about your father. Welcome to the forums, keep reading and keep posting. You will find a lot of support here.

I totally related to him -- probably also because I am an addict.

I believe that relapse is part of recovery. With me there were several before the actual quit - e.g. I'm 7 weeks off ritalin but prior to that I can't even remember how many times I tried to quit and made it anywhere from a few days to 2 weeks, but with no plan and no support. No support because I didn't tell anyone about my addiction and the plan was pretty much white knuckling it. At one point my attitude was just that I'd be addicted to this drug for the rest of my life and I don't care. Then when things got really out of control I would plan to quit once the current supply of pills ran out ... again planning without a plan. So for me relapse was a learning experience in that I learned you can't do this alone and you certainly can't do it without a plan. Finding this site was a real eye opener. I am taking it one day at a time.

It's a movie I saw the other day on pay per view with Denzel Washington who plays a pilot. I'm not going to give away the movie but want to recommend it. It's not addy related at all but the theme is addiction and it's done incredibly well IMO. I watched it twice because I wanted to catch ALL the subtle nuances second time around. Anyway -- just wanted to share

Congratulations blesbro -- your story really hit a nerve with me. I am 7 weeks as of yesterday and still having a hard time getting motivated so I can't give you advice on this but just wanted to let you know I'm right there with ya!

I could not make it last night but really enjoyed the first one we did. Good job of organizing MFA! We should make an open chat time Tuesday nights @ whatever time so it will be like a meeting.

Congratulations!!! This is wonderful news and I am so happy for you!!! Your story only makes me respect you more. Being on this forum for just a few months I feel like I know you and that was without knowing what type of work you do, your age and all the other stuff we get so bogged down with. It's crazy, here I am relating to people at the deepest level who I've never met. The wonders of tech... You deserve a major celebration - congratualtions again.

Ladyluck -- You're in a bad situation you desperately need to get yourself out of and I pray you find the strength to do it. On here you will find moving stories of people who no longer use adderall -- let them inspire you. This is what did it for me -- stumbling onto this site during one of many sleepless adderall binges and seeing that yes, there IS another way. It's not easy but it's do-able! Keep reading Mike's articles -- I read every one of them many times until I finally got it. You will too and you can do this if you choose to.

Leila -- You've come to the right place. I just read today in another post - "the only way out is through." You've come to the decision that you've had enough and that's a great start. You will see a lot of experiences on here of quitting cold turkey and I don't judge anyone on whatever way they choose to quit -- I honestly don't think anyone on here does because we've all been where you are. I just hear so much of my own struggle in your story, most notably the part about having it around. This drained my energy more than anything because instead of thinking about how to get through each day clean, my mind was cluttered with frenzied thoughts of how much to take today, tomorrow, planning.planning.planning and yet I had no control. It completely took over my mind. The day I decided to flush my pills I cried for the first time in over a year. It was the scariest thing I've ever done but there was also a huge weight lifted ... I can't really explain it but it was like a sense of serenity. Stay focused on your desire to be normal in all the ways you describe and keep your eyes on the prize - a healthy, normal life without adderall. G-dspeed to you!

I take 1000 mg /day. Usually in the morning and sometimes an addtional 500 mg in the afternoon -- if I remember. I take tyrosine in the morning with atro-phex which has B-vitamins in it, and don't notice a huge difference in taking 1000 mg vs 500. Maybe I should take more lol...

I LOVE this -- and so true! Glad you are feeling better Heather!

She will pay you back -- then don't lend her $$ ever again :excl: It's always a slippery slope with friends and money. Not something you need to be worrying about in early recovery that's for sure. I'd be pissed too and early recovery seems to magnify my hatred of people who take advantage of me, or who I think are taking advantage of me... sometimes they're not but it sure feels that way.

Take your 3 year old to the meeting -- people in the rooms LOVE that! It shows you are serious -- hell I think I'll go to one tonite myself!

Heather!!! I've missed your posts. HOLD ON GIRLFRIEND !!! 2 months is MAJOR. You know that there are good days and bad. I struggle every single day to do something semi-productive in my free time. Most of the time I just plunk down in front of the TV and EAT. I don't know how to break this cycle but as long as I'm not drugged I know I eventually will. It just feels harder. I know I have more power than the pills and so do you. Your posts are SPOT ON and I have learned a TON about quitting from you (lol ... do I sound like a stalker???) This will pass and it will be a phase in your recovery that you look back on, like you look back on your adderall days and say - I don't know how I got through that but I'm NEVER going there again. Post often and let us diffuse your stress. It always feels better to vent and somewhere in your brain it registers the intention to keep on going no matter what. The job situation will get better. I always want what I want when I want it -- in addiction that seems possible but it's just stinkin thinkin as they say in the rooms. In recovery you have to perservere ... delayed gratification and all that. I have to echo what everyone else has written about relapse -- your tolerance will start where you left off and you will go down fast. DON'T GO THERE!

Congratulations on getting thru 2 interviews without adderall !!! Of course you're scared. It's scary to think about taking on new responsibilities without what used to be your secret weapon. Now YOU are your secret weapon and chasing rabbits is no longer part of who you are. That chase will be replaced by more productive activities in good time. Can you imagine starting a new job and instead of having a genuine desire to do well your mind is hijacked by addiction -- same-o same-o ??? It's the addict that's telling you that you can do better on adderall. As someone reading your post I can see that loud and clear. This will be another victory that you have achieved without a drug - and these are the victories that need to be built - easier said than done but you're well on your way! Think about how good it will feel getting back your true self-esteem and a real sense of accomplishment -- internet too

Corey -- 6 months is HUGE! You are a survivor and perserverence is key. Have you thought about seeing someone about the way you've been feeling? It would, of course, have to be a doctor with knowledge of addiction and you'd have to be honest about your addicition to adderall. Word of mouth is the best recommendation for a good doc, IMO. There's also ASAM (american society of addictive medicine) where you can search their database for someone in your area. Think about your life in terms of many shades of grey, not just a murky one. You describe a lot of positives, even though to you they may not seem overwhelmingly positive... As addicts we like to live our lives in extremes, as in "black punctuated by flashes of white." You are an artist going thru the evolution of your life! I hope I'm not sounding like this is easy because I know it's a huge struggle. My wish for you is someday you will look back at this time as your "grey era" and hopefully see it as a stepping stone to where you ultimately want to be. I know there are others on here who can talk more about the stages of long-term recovery. In the mean time do whatever you can to embrace the positives in your life since quitting, the option of relapse not being one of them. Can you imagine having to go thru this all over again ?!?!

Congratulations on day 10! Official double-digits!! I too have a history of half-assed quitting attempts fueled by crazed thinking that if I went a few days without meds I could eventually go back on them again - this time it was going to be different and guess what... it never was. I finally hit 6 weeks clean and feel a lot more stable. What it really took for me to get clean was a major change in thinking -- from "maybe I can someday go back" to "forget it -- I can't go back so stop thinking about it and start thinking about how to move forward." Your creativity will come back slowly but surely. In the mean time ... don't be too hard on yourself. In the beginning you will need to get by on as little work as possible. Just remember it does get easier!

Positive strides are the best -- good for you! Recovery is such a cyclical thing I need to read upbeat positive posts like yours because I'm so caught up in frustration over not getting my life back on track fast enough. Don't get me wrong, I DO appreciate every minute of every day I'm not on ritalin, I'm just frustrated by old habits being so damn difficult to unload, disordered eating being one of them, and procrastination... I am now trying to practice what I preach, take baby steps and feel a sense of pride in getting anything done. But seriously... back to YOU! You're on a roll so GO FOR IT and make it last !!! xo

Hi everyone -- Just a brief update on where I am today, 6 weeks clean and feeling pretty good. As this is my #1 goal I let this goal override all the bad I've felt since quitting and truthfully, it hasn't been that bad. I barely remember sleeping through the first week or two but do remember vividly the freakshow of my life prior to quitting. I remember this because I wrote it down and read it over and over again. My own experience led to the quit but daily reading of this forum most definitely sustains it. All of your stories and experiences, the good the bad and the ugly have blown away the strong denial factor that someday I can return to controlled use. I know now that this will never be possible and yet in the past I could never fully accept this. My mindset has changed in that every day is one step closer to freedom. In the past I used to think that I could go another day or week or 2 until the next script .... Talking to my doctor and severing all other "connections" has been the most liberating and humbling experience of my life. What a HUGE weight this has lifted. My life today is far from perfect. I need to start exercising and would love to master procrastination, but also know that this will happen in steps and not magically overnight. The mentality that a pill will make life easier is gone but not forgotten. The hardest part is finding the motivation within myself to get through each day as a normal, non-addicted person. On the plus side I have great appreciation in knowing that this has already started and will continue with WORK, instead of that frenzied denial that drove my addiction and my life. My gratitude to this site is HUGE and to everyone reading this - thank you from the bottom my heart for another day clean!

Baby steps SearchinSoul ... try setting very small modest goals, ones that you can do in short period of time but ones that you will do. Sometimes that leads to the desire to do another one. It's hard going from great addie expectations to setting smaller goals and achieving them. It won't be forever... just for today, maybe tomorrow, but not forever. I think it's a different way of life being clean and LILTEX said somewhere today that for the first year things had to be handled much different which included an easier job... It sounds impossible, I know, but in the long-run your making an investment in a more sustainable way of living.

Just that you went from I to E is very encouraging!

I get all my vitamins from amazon or gnc. Yeah ... shopping amazon online is a lot easier than exercise