lea

So true!

These are the books I read straight off the reading list - I was so desperate I bought the digital versions so I could download them to my computer Eat That Frog! -- very good, practical strategies for getting things done. I read this book a chapter a day (and the chapters are short - lol) but I made myself complete the exercises in each chapter before moving on to the next. "My Stroke of Insight" -- fascinating book about re-learning after a stroke and how you start using senses you never knew you had Unchain Your Brain -- about addiction and also has practical strategies As far as continuing with school I can only speak from my own experience which is that it's do-able -- but more important, as many have said on this site - meds take away your ability to believe that you can do anything without them. I've been off ritalin for almost a month after being on them 3 years and abusing them 1 year prior to quitting. I am able to retain what I read but do have to read some things more than once, take notes etc... I'm determined to refute the logic that amphetamines are the best line of defense against ADD!

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad... Quitting adderall is a gigantic achievement! I'm thinking it's normal for ED symptoms to get worse in the first week after quitting, and maybe the second as well. Try to focus on one thing @ a time, baby steps, like today if you overeat you will return to healthy eating immediately and not wait untill the next day... Or just for this one binge you will not purge. So much easier said than done because I know that bullimia is an addiction. I just don't want it to take you back to stinkin' adderall thinkin' (I wonder if not acting on ED symptoms can also become addictive...) I do believe that these symptoms will subside so try and notice when they do e.g. Holy shit I just got thru my last food without bingeing - or better yet without purging! Hang in there -- it will get better.

Sadly there was a lot going on for Richard in addition to adderall abuse. I am appalled by a medical/MH system that perpetuated this problem when it's common knowledge that amphetamines do nothing but worsen psychotic symptoms,not to mention anger. My heart goes out to the parents. I sincerely hope that their son's legacy will bring increased awareness to the extent of this problem. So glad to see this on the front page of NYT.

It definitely made me more sedentary -- I didn't run for almost a year while abusing...

Melody -- I was not on ADD meds during grad school, in fact I was not even diagnosed ADD until years later... I have always been one of those people who had to work twice as hard as everyone else, it took me HOURS upon hours to get thru papers and assignments. When I started abusing meds I also started learning about ADD strategies that people use who can't or don't use stimulants. See this thread for some interesting reads. I do believe that ADHD and ADD are legitimate diagnoses but also diagnoses du jour of this decade - just as other diagnoses have been in the past, and always subject to abuse both by docs and patients. I'm not going to go off on my tangent about computers, technology and everything else that severs our attention span ... but will say that in the past month since quitting ritalin I have made learning new strategies my passion and they do work. Not as instantaneous as meds do but a lot more sustainable over time. Like anything else they get easier with practice ... just like meds

That's just sick! What's wrong with people???

http://www.freesmile...aughing-001.php

I did that too for months -- I'm a compulsive charter, tracker and over-analyzer of everything. I ended up quitting cold turkey after taking from 80 - 120 mg ritalin a day, double that if pulling an all-nighter - a regular occurrence for no other reason than compulsive chasing of a high. I wish I could give you some tough-love but I'm really not qualified having been clean for barely a month. I do appreciate that - trust me! I never want to go thru quitting again but even moreso I never want revisit the hell that made me completely helpless, hopeless and out-of-control. Keep reading and you will find the strength to quit. My observation is that everyone has to come to their own point of no return.

ISTP -- I wonder if this changes during or after amphetamine addiction ...

HAM you may not appreciate at this moment how far you've come but you're 48 days closer to freedom from addiction and that's huge. If you fill your script you will certainly appreciate that 48 days, as you start that count over again from day 1. The one thing I've learned about addiction is that even if you go a long time without using whatever you're addicted to it comes back with a vengence. It's the complete opposite of conventional wisdom which says that if you go a while without using you'll get it out of your system and be able to take the drug again as prescribed, but that's not the way it happens once you've become addicted. "... On the dark side; I hardly ever got 8 hours of sleep, I stayed up all night on far too many occasions, pushed people away, I was extremely emotional, and made many horrible, stupid choices while on adderall. But I often wish I could go back to the honeymoon stage of amphetamine addiction." Every addict thinks this way but you know that the honeymoon phase is a done deal. You may feel it for the first 5 minutes and then before you know it you're out of control and it's worse! It was the the same with pain meds for me too - after a legitimate injury - I ended up going to rehab for 6 weeks! If you can just persevere you will be a great physical therapist because you've worked so hard for this! Whatever you decide to do you will always have this community to turn to for support.

Ashley you are a wonderful source of support on here with a message that is strong, honest and consistent - trust me I know because I read this site everyday. Pretend this guy is someone you met on here - someone that you can relate to because you have something in common. It may not be quitting adderall but you are both interesting and intelligent people who happen to be in the dating scene - which is awkward to everyone on some level - and full of uncertainty, but potentially very rewarding. Anything you do to connect with other people and conquer your fears is the anti-addiction, and I bet this date is a lot better than flying for the first time in 13 years!

Rhodiola is an herb that's supposed to boost mental performance. I think it was mentioned here on QA. I am forever in search of the ultimate mental performance enhancing, appetite suppressing combo. I've gained about 5 lbs so far... I will try atrophex - making list for GNC GOLD CARD WEEK!!

Yesterday I took one (5 hr energy shot) in the morning and one in the afternoon and that felt ok -- trying to stick with regular strength. I just added rhodiola to the mix so we'll see how that goes...

Miss you Falcon! This might sound really shallow but the thing that helps me get my ass out the door on cold, gray winter days is long underwear. That's right -- when I'm feeling super-low it can be a challenge just to go outside and being warm is like saying F you depression. I'm going out no matter what -even if it's just to walk around the block. I know depression is a lot more complicated than that but just want you to know you're in my thoughts. xo

In a word ... desperation. I just couldn't take it anymore. That and sheer terror after my second 3-day binge in a week... shitloads of ritalin (lost track of how much), no sleep, no food, no shower, increasingly paranoid, wired grandiose obsessions over useless "projects", jaw pain, consumed by guilt over blowing off everything in my life that matters. Being a speed freak (for me) is like being a wheel-running rat that can't stop until they die and game over. There are a lot of stories on this site that scare the shit out of me, mostly because I can relate to them so deeply. And they also give me hope and strength. Just stay tuned-in and pray for the strength to make the decision to quit and you will find it. xoxo

Reading this is incredibly motivating StartingOver. You sound really grounded and healthy. I'm @ 3 weeks and pretty much spend my days just going thru the motions. I do appreciate living stimulant free and yes there are momentary good feelings. What I look forward to the most is just to feel normal again.

Thanks quit_once -- I appreciate the perspective. And the analogy about the unpainted woodshed too.

MFA -- Do you find you can get thru the day on just one 5-hour energy? It's funny because I take wellbutrin (and prozac), yerba mate and l tyrosine in the a.m. as well.

I tried 5 -hour energy today and it was a lot smoother than redline. I poured it in my isopure (fruity protein drink) which made it last longer. Then I had another one in the afternoon in a smoothie. The first one was ok but the second not so much. It feels like I'm chasing a buzz that's just not the same no matter how you slice it. Plus it scares me - like what the hell am I doing??? This is not living life on life's terms so I might have to re-think this, unless I can stick to just one a day I can't do these things.

So I have a confession ... I had originally posted another another name (synergistic, then Lulu) @ the end of 2012, then relapsed and opened my current account a few days later (January 1st or 2nd.) I was embarrassed and humiliated after spilling my guts and getting so much love and support and then having the gall to use again the next day. But it also really brought me to my knees. That's the nature of addiction I guess. Now that I've been around the site a whopping 3 weeks (without using - woo hoo!) I GET that the love and support is unconditional and for that I am eternally grateful. So again I say thank you all from the bottom of my heart and I would like nothing more than to go on that trip to Vegas whenever it happens! xoxo

Sounds good to me!

That's funnybut seriously I thought I was too but this nasty shot proved me wrong

Glad you are here! There is no hell worse than this addiction and I can feel the desperation in your story. It's important to catalogue the darkness that you feel because reading it will help you on your journey. I know it feels hopeless when you are trapped in addiction but it really isn't. I had to hit bottom too but even after quitting, and I mean minutes after flushing the remainder of my pills I felt better. Just having taken the first step is a major improvement over the way you are feeling right now. I agree with sky that it's far from peaches and cream... what keeps me going is knowing that it will never be as bad as the misery of addiction -- and I'm still in very early recovery. Read this site and you will see that there is hope! xoxo